Underage porn...my boyfriend seems to like it.

[hexaemeron]

Okay, I'm going to counterpoint this. I don't think this is cheating.

 

It's certainly not ideal. It's a little skeevy. Yes. But cheating this is not. I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset that he made a promise to you and then broke it. That's totally understandable.

 

However, if you don't know for sure these girls are legal, you don't know for sure that they're not legal, you know?

 

But if I were you, I'd be more upset about the broken promise. And again, not cheating, imo.

[hexaemeron]

Okay, I'm going to counterpoint this. I don't think this is cheating.

 

It's certainly not ideal. It's a little skeevy. Yes. But cheating this is not. I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset that he made a promise to you and then broke it. That's totally understandable.

 

However, if you don't know for sure these girls are legal, you don't know for sure that they're not legal, you know?

 

But if I were you, I'd be more upset about the broken promise. And again, not cheating, imo.

[lady00]

I think he crossed a line when he started this whole talking to women while watching them thing.

 

OP...update? Did you wait for him to return to his place?

[lady00]

I think he crossed a line when he started this whole talking to women while watching them thing.

 

OP...update? Did you wait for him to return to his place?

[savignon]

Also checking in for an update.....

How did it go??

[Lonewing]

Well..you can change his behavior or move on if he refuses to change...

 

leaving him might get him to buck up. and if he doesn't, you get the opportunity to get someone who isn't so impulsive.

[InvisibleWound]

I am shaking right now...IMO, watching girls strip live, on webcam while you watch and talk with them, is definetely a form of cheating...right?

 

This issue came up with my boyfriend recently... I did not get really mad about it or anything but still.

 

I don't consider it cheating, but I think it is way over the line. These girls are LIVE not pre recorded... Most cam sites though time out if your not signed up member, at least when I went to one before to see what my boyfriend was looking at that happened.

 

I asked him why he was looking at cam sites and my boyfriend just said he was curious so we dropped it at that. I just asked him if he would not go to those websites anymore. Porn is one thing, but I think its very over the line when your SO is going to these cam websites. If your both ok with it, that is one thing, but I am not ok with it personally and know many others who are not eaither.

[Lyrisae]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. It means a lot to me.

 

He eventually came home, and I confronted him with what I had found. He claims that the webcam site was a random popup which occurred while he was looking at other porn. Plausible, true. So what do I do from here? Give him the benefit of the doubt, and just keep a close eye on his computer activities from here on out? I honestly have no clue.

 

We also discussed the underage porn, and he continued to insist that in his opinion, the girls were most definetely legal. The point is, in the past I had asked him not to get his porn videos from Youtube, since there is no age verification and anyone can put anything up there. He told me he wouldn't go there anymore. Yet, the other day, he did. So that's already two strikes in that department.

 

Gah, so confused. Yesterday was hell. We spent most of the day arguing and throwing back and forth accusations - me accusing him of having a possible porn addiction, and having underage porn on his computer...him accusing me of letting my insecurity "ruin our relationship" and of snooping in his computer's history.

 

EDIT : Would anyone mind if I posted a link to one of the videos in particular he downloaded from Youtube recently? In my opinion, the girls look uber-young, but I would appreciate another's input on the matter. Maybe I'm just looking at it through a jaded pair of lens. There's no nudity or anything (one thing Youtube doesn't allow), but it is two girls dancing around together in a stripper-esque manner.

[annie24]

i dunno - i think he's going to do whatever he wants to do. so what do you want?

[Symbolic]

You can't look at porn on youtube. He may be watching underage girls dance in their underwear but I don't think that's illegal. Just throwin' that out there.

 

As for the cam site, has be been to it a whole bunch of times? If so then maybe hes lying. Why does he need so much porn anyways, doesn't he have you to satisfy his needs? lol.

[hexaemeron]

You can't look at porn on youtube. He may be watching underage girls dance in their underwear but I don't think that's illegal. Just throwin' that out there.

 

As for the cam site, has be been to it a whole bunch of times? If so then maybe hes lying. Why does he need so much porn anyways, doesn't he have you to satisfy his needs? lol.

 

Sometimes, it's more about blowing off steam than being responsible for someone else's pleasure.

[Lyrisae]

Sigh...I just went to his profile page on Youtube and saw that he had gone there again last night. Even though we JUST had a discussion/argument about this and I asked him, once more, to go to more reputable sites. And he agreed. Ugh. Maybe by now it's just not even worth the fighting, since it doesn't seem to be getting through his head.

 

Also...I know that technically, it may not be porn (because there's no nudity). However, the girls are still dancing in very stripper-esque manners with minimal clothing on. And like I said, some of them, in my opinion, look extremely young. I don't want him masturbating over such young girls. It's just sickening to me.

[annie24]

maybe you need a new boyfriend?

[Lyrisae]

I know. Trust me. We've come closer to breaking up this week then any other time before in our past. It's been hell, and I'm so confused and upset. I just asked him if he had been on Youtube recently, and he said no. I asked him if he would pinky-promise that to me, and he did. Well, then I brought up the fact that on his profile page it says he was just on nine hours ago, around 1AM our time. He was like, "Well, it must be a fluke. I wasn't. Youtube must be messing up or something. I didn't go to the site." *eye roll*

 

I just honestly do not know what to do. We're so perfect for each other. We share a lot of the same hobbies, I get along great with his family, we have tons of fun together, the sex is amazing. Should I just let these matters drop and let sleeping dogs lie? Choose my battles better? Because I feel like our relationship is slowly fracturing underneath all this strain. And I just don't know if it's worth it or not. I don't want to lose him. But at the same time I feel like he might be lying to me lately. But I have no way of proving that for sure. Argh. So confused.

[Bella20]

My boyfriend is 21, almost 22. The same age as me.

 

I've also just found, in his history, a live webcam site where you can go to watch girls strip and such while you talk to them. This is NOT okay. I was always afraid that his like of watching pre-recorded vids of girls dancing around on webcams would eventually translate into him going onto webcam chatting sites with girls. IMO, this is cheating. I am so upset right now. I don't know what to do. =(

 

 

Ok, this is very wrong. Talk to him about it? Ok nevermind I just read that you did.

 

However, if your boyfriend is 21 and these girls are 16... I would not really consider them children. I was with a 23 yo when I was 16, and then with a 24 yo.. I don't know. I don't think the age difference is that big...

 

Also, I know you may hate me for this... but why do you keep snooping? Porn is kind of a private thing... sometimes you get off to things that you know are not morally right and you would not admit to in real life.... I don't know. Just.. stop snooping.

[Lyrisae]

I don't know. Maybe it's a vicious cycle. I've just been catching him in so many lies lately. And thus, I snoop to figure out when/if he's telling me the truth. I know I have insecurity issues. And the snooping largely comes from that. But I don't think I'm the only bad-guy in this issue. He's not been helping it lately.

[Bella20]

You're not the bad guy... but I'm just saying, it can get kind of uncomfortable to be in a relationship where all your moves are controlled..

Maybe he says that because he likes that website, and doesn't want to hurt you. It's not like he's 50 looking at 16 yo girls. He's 21... I would really just let it go.

[NightLily]

I don't know. Maybe it's a vicious cycle. I've just been catching him in so many lies lately. And thus, I snoop to figure out when/if he's telling me the truth. I know I have insecurity issues. And the snooping largely comes from that. But I don't think I'm the only bad-guy in this issue. He's not been helping it lately.

 

If you have been together for a while and you still can't trust him, there is really no point in continuing.. don't you think?

[Cognitive_Canine]

With all the other options for safe porn out there...he has to consistently go back to an unsafe method again even after you've told him how much it bothers you.