Girlfriend went out to a bar... and....

[Boughs]

My gf told me this story, so I don't know whats absolutely true or not... but she is rather truthful, but when a situation is this hairy I don't know really what to think:

 

Well... My girlfriend went out one night with two of her girlfriends. They went to a bar/restaurant. They were approached by 3 guys, who were apparently in their late 30's (we are 22/23) and they all began to talk. 1 took a liking in my gf and another took a liking to one of her girlfriends.

 

My gf and her friends decided they were going to leave, so they hailed a cab and apparently, the guys got in the cab with them (they snuck in or something? I can only imagine the girls were just as flirty to allow it). The guys told the cab driver to take them to their place. Once they got there my gf said she started to throw up and passed out in the bathroom of the place while her girlfriend hooked up with one guy. They eventually made their way back home by 6am.

 

 

 

Well I don't know what to say... is it her fault? Did she allow it? What is the truth? What should I do?

 

I have been rather upset, but haven't really said much to her. We live an hour away, so I've just been kind of short with her.

 

I really just don't know what she was feeling/thinking etc. to allow that to happen. I just can't see myself doing something like that...

 

We've been together for 1.5 years which has been very smooth and great. This is the second time she's gone out and I've gotten upset. Am I being too protective?

 

sigh...

 

-Boughs

[DN]

I don't buy her story for a moment.

[Boughs]

I don't buy her story for a moment.

 

Exactly what a friend of mine said.

[lady00]

To me this is a very bizarre story. How can strangers just take her off somewhere and she has no say in the matter and decides to go with them with no thought of the safety ramifications of going off with some strangers? I find the whole story rather fishy. I don't get how the guys could sneak into the cab and she had no choice but to go to their apartment...which is what she is trying to get you to buy.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't buy her story for a moment.

 

Nor do I.

 

A) She shouldn't be so drunk that's she throwing up and passing out at random guy strangers houses. Horrible, horrible judgement.

 

B ) No matter how drunk I've gotten, I've been able to stay out random guy's places.

 

She knowingly went there.

[lady00]

Best-case scenario, I think, is that nothing happened except that she got wasted, lost control and spent some time in a strange guy's apartment and is trying to cover up her poor judgment. And that's the best case. Not good.

[Xplode]

ok few perspectives here.

 

she may have been just being the good friend and trying to help her friend hook up.

 

i mean iv spoken to other girls whilst i was in a relationship to help a mate pick up. (doesnt mean i liked them or wanted anything, but i didnt tell my g.f at the time - so maybe she is just really honest with u?)

 

other point of view. she might be feeling guilty, and telling you half the story.

but i definitely, would be taking a week on NC to prove a point, dont be walked on. and let her think that that is ok.

[intolerable]

I don't know... sounds dodgy to me.

[HeartGoesOn]

If you believe that one...please contact me about a bridge that I have for sale...

[loulee]

She made choices that night and personally it shouldnt matter how drunk she was, she knew what she was doing, she just didnt care......there is no excuse for choosing to go these older guys house and the passing out story is a bit typical for not accounting for the next several hours..usually after throwing up you find your way home straight afterwards....I am surprised she told you at all...her story would have been better unsaid than this one!! Why did she tell you???????? all it has done is create many doubts within you....

[Day_Walker]

The story itself sounds strange, if your gf was hung over the next day. Then I would be inclinded to believe her story. The question isnt if we believe her story. You got the chance to view her actions, so you are in a better position to tell if you believe that the story is untrue.

[waveseer]

If it happened once it can happen again. If it bothers you then it's a problem whether anything sexual happened for her or not.

[lady00]

Even if her story were 100% true (although to be clear, I don't believe it is) it would still raise issues about her judgment.

[Boughs]

Can I ask something further?

 

Is it wrong to tell someone "I'd never do that?" She then follows up and says "you are always perfect you are right"

 

I mean its a cop out right? Is it wrong to say something like that? To say "i'd never do that"?

 

If I and two guys when to 2 girl's house... I'd NEVER do anything (as I feel she would NEVER do anything) but then again, I'd leave once we got there... I'd say "i'm going to head home"... I mean, who wants to be a third wheel on top of going to some RANDOM place. I mean it would make more sense to me if it was a college bar, but some random bar in a city??

 

Ugh, I'm so angry, but she says she knows she made a mistake by going...

 

what do I say? What should I be thinking?

[Boughs]

I believe her story to be true, she confronted me and told me what happened before I even asked about what happened that night.

 

that definitely says something. She is also not normally a party person. She goes out probably once every two months.

 

Should I question her even after knowing her for 1.5 years tho? is that a lack of trust on my part? This behavior is VERY odd to me.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Well, this is not about you or what you would or would not do. It is about what she would do and did do.

 

You don't get to tell her what she can or cannot do. She is an adult and she has the right to make these choices. Truthfully, isn't it true that your anger is actually fear dressed up as anger? Because you are not someone who gets to set rules for her then get mad because she broke your rules.

 

However, you do get to decide if this is behavior and judgment that you want in a mate. You do get to decide if this is how you want to live and what you might want to live with in the future. You do get to decide if you trust her or not. Those are the things you get to decide, and once you do that, you get to decide if you wish to continue the relationship.

 

Yes, it's a lack of trust on your part, but it's certainly a reasonable one.

[confusedgirly]

It could well be true, but I wouldn't trust anyone who told me 'they got into my taxi but nothing suss happened'. My partner fed me the same story once upon a time and it was a big fat lie.

[Doc Blaze]

truth or not..very poor judgment..

[ssa]

what would she think if you told her that exact same story?

[arsenal]

She was probably just trying to help her friend hook up and went to the guys house to help look after her. Is it any better for her to leave her friend alone at a strangers house?

 

If she was upfront about the story, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Your girlfriend would probably told a better story if she lied.

[Unknown1607307972]

I have been out in bars with my best friend several times, had guys want to take us back to their place while we were drunk. We always told them no, definitely not, we don't go back to stranger's places "it's nothing personal". it's bad enough that they disregard the fact that we both said we have boyfriends and repeated the fact that we have no desire to cheat on them...but to try and convince us home "just for a drink, as friends" is really rude to me.

 

Basically this girl's story doesn't add up, I can't say it's definitely not true but it is suspicious. So I do not think you are overreacting at all.

[Circe]

I honestly cannot believe you need to ask.

 

As if the taxi driver would have taken them somewhere the girls didn't wanna go.

 

Who forced them to get out of the cab and walk into the home of two strange men?

 

I'd immediately end that r'ship if I were you. She's dishonest, disloyal and thinks you are an idiot.

[riley123]

I have been out in bars with my best friend several times, had guys want to take us back to their place while we were drunk. We always told them no, definitely not, we don't go back to stranger's places "it's nothing personal". it's bad enough that they disregard the fact that we both said we have boyfriends and repeated the fact that we have no desire to cheat on them...but to try and convince us home "just for a drink, as friends" is really rude to me.

 

Basically this girl's story doesn't add up, I can't say it's definitely not true but it is suspicious. So I do not think you are overreacting at all.

 

I agree. Girls that have boyfriends don't go back to a complete strangers apartment. She and her friends should have gotten out of the cab.

 

I wouldn't tolerate this at all. How would she feel if the show was on the other foot and you pulled this type of stunt?

 

You should really evaluate the situation you are in and what you want out of a relationship...I don't think your girlfriend can give that to you.

[Boughs]

I want to thank everyone for their response. Everyone has been extremely helpful with this.

 

"I have been out in bars with my best friend several times, had guys want to take us back to their place while we were drunk. We always told them no, definitely not, we don't go back to stranger's places "it's nothing personal". it's bad enough that they disregard the fact that we both said we have boyfriends and repeated the fact that we have no desire to cheat on them...but to try and convince us home "just for a drink, as friends" is really rude to me.

 

Basically this girl's story doesn't add up, I can't say it's definitely not true but it is suspicious. So I do not think you are overreacting at all."

 

Great point. I think the same thing. I just wouldn't do it, even if I wanted to help a friend get laid. Its strange and creepy. I find it incredibly irresponsible that she didn't get out of the cab.

 

But anywho, I'm going to continue with her, she has always shown me loyalty. She has always been an honest person, she has never lied to me. I'm going to let her poor judgement go by (I talked to her already about it, and told her how it angered me and that I will not stand by that type of judgement).

 

We'll see if something else of the sort happens again. I won't allow it again.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

ps. I know most of you say "get out get out now" but I do know her. She isn't a wild person in any way, she is a good person. Even though this is an outrageous event. Its strange how we can associate one action to a totallity of what this person is like.

[DN]

I talked to her already about it, and told her how it angered me and that I will not stand by that type of judgement).

 

What did she say in response?