raejye Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 so um.... 58yrs old? im 16yrs old. amost 17yrs old. i know he is older. i know how much trouble we can get into. but i love him. and he loves me. so is it that bad? Link to comment
Socron Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 That's pretty bad. At 17 years old, you may not know what love is. I know that when you're experiencing these emotions, you're certain of it. Adolescence is a time to explore and experience different things, different emotions, different relationships, different people. Having crushes on teachers and things is very common for someone of your age, but it's possible to have feelings without the need to act on them. If I were you, I would spend more time trying to practice dating and love with people your own age. If no one makes you feel the way he does, well then you can deal with that when the time comes. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 The guy does not love you..he is a predator preying on teenagers. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yep, it's pretty bad. I'm sure someone else will explain why. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yes. You are very young and he is old. The psychological and power differences are too marked. What country are you in? Basically, he's a predator. He "loves" you because you are not experienced enought to call him on bullcrap and because you are still near to being a child. You "love" him because you are 16 and haven't experienced enough of life to realise how gross he is and are flattered by the attention of an "adult". The whole, I love you enough to risk the law, is a pretty manipulation, but still only a manipulation. Link to comment
Raistlin Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yes, it really is. He's 40 years your senior and you haven't even begun to experience life. He's been there, done it, and probably has kids older than you are. Would you really want to be sleeping with someone or dating someone who has children older than you? And think long term - he will die much sooner than you. And I haven't even mentioned the fact that he's using you for your body, and that at 17 you don't really know what you want. Trust me, your mind will change. Find someone around your age. Not someone who's raping you by state law. Link to comment
Haven Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 That's pretty bad. At 17 years old, you may not know what love is. I know that when you're experiencing these emotions, you're certain of it. Adolescence is a time to explore and experience different things, different emotions, different relationships, different people. Having crushes on teachers and things is very common for someone of your age, but it's possible to have feelings without the need to act on them. If I were you, I would spend more time trying to practice dating and love with people your own age. If no one makes you feel the way he does, well then you can deal with that when the time comes. I totally agree with this. It's probably more of adoration or obsession - not love. Link to comment
amipushy Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Ok lets say this IS serious.... This man is either a very serious predator grooming you or he is mentally retarded and doesnt know what he is doing or saying. He knows its wrong, much more than you do. Get away from him before he messes with you. And say this really IS love...By the time you are old enough to raise children, you'll be spoon feeding him and changing his nappy in a nursing home instead. If that doesnt wake you up to the reality of your future nothing will. Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 How old is your father? I would bet money this guy is older than he is. In fact, this guy is technically old enough to be your grandfather. Age gaps don't mean anything if the people involved are at the same maturity level in life. But no matter WHAT the circumstances, there is no way a 17-year-old and a 58-year-old are as mature as each other. Yes, it's too old. No matter how you look at it. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 He's just gross...... Who, at that age wants a child as a lover? Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 This is just wrong. Get out now before he scars you permanently. Link to comment
Lamour detruit Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Far too old. Not to mention you are not even legal age. This guy is definitely one creepy fellow, and I would suggest you do not do anything regardless of how you think you may feel. You will be thankful for it in the future. Link to comment
g84 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yes, that's a very serious age difference. Even between now and age 20 (just for example), you're going to undergo so many changes. You're at very different places in life, no matter what. I would suggest that you leave this situation, as the others have said. This doesn't sound healthy at all. Link to comment
ur02111222 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 This is bad. You are 17. He's old enough to be your grandfather. I don't generally have an issue with age gaps, but at 17, I wouldn't say you should be dating anyone older than...25. The older you get, the longer a gap might work out, but this is just ridiculous. He's probably a predator, like other posters said. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Oh, my. Wow. This guy is not much younger than my dad! (and I am almost 40!) I agree with a lot of what has been said here. I am not saying that age-gap relationships are "bad" -- people are often attracted to people much older or much younger, and some of these relationships do work, but 40 years is a HUGE gap, regardless of your age, at at 17, it's tremendous. What could a 17 year old girl possibly have in common with someone who is old enough to be her grandfather? It's one thing for a man his age to go for women 20 years younger, but we're talking women in their 30's here -- women who have had at least a few other serious relationships, have gotten educations and/or established their careers, have presumably had a lot more life experience than a teenage girl. I really think there is something off about a man his age who would go for someone so young; at the very least, he has some issues with wanting someone he can control; at worst, he may very well be a predator. And, OP, not to diminish your feelings, but...I don't think you're in love with this guy. I think you're infatuated, and there is a BIG difference. When I was in my early 20's, I was hugely infatuated with one of my college professors, who was around my dad's age. I never let him know, and I never would have -- it would have been totally inappropriate to do so, and I knew even at the time that I wasn't "in love" with him; I was just really, really attracted to him. Big difference. At your age, there is so much to do and so many opportunities to date men closer to your age who will share your interests and values. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Something is seriously wrong with a 58 y/o man, that has an interest in a 16 y/o girl. Are your parents aware of this? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 With an age difference that big my first question is what do you have in common with him? Does he have children? Grandchildren? Can I assume they are older than you are? Do your parents know about him? Do you go out in public together? Have you met his family, and how do they feel about this? What sort of things do you do together? Are you sleeping with him? Where did you meet? Lots of questions but it might help us help you. Link to comment
trezz Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 i just wiped out a big long sensible reply. i couldnt find any sense in this. no this can not be right. grooming -paedophile-look it up on google there can be no balance of power in this. sometimes when the power is wrong you are so busy fighting every one to prove that what you have is right that you forget to look at what you have. take away the age thing and standing up for your relationship. take away the fight for your right to have a relationship. do you have anything left? when you want to go do something how many times do you modify what you want for him. i bet you do it a lot more then you realise. please keep in touch with all at ena there are a lot of people here with an extremely wide range of views. this is the first time i have seen so many agree. you united ena. a wide range of opinions is best but please pm me any time. if you have just joined you may not know how- if you do- i'm a technophob and think everyone is as bad as me- press user name of person you want to personal message and go from there. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yup, agreed with everyone else. I'll just add my voice to the chorus. It's not that I'm against age-gap relationships in general, I do know of many that have thrived with fairly large gaps. But there are a lot of factors that go into such relationships working -- the degree of the gap combined with the ages, with the equality of psychological maturity of the parties involved. There are some things that are possible to uniquely fit together well in a given relationship, but there are some things that are universally badly misaligned. The bigger the gap, the harder it is to find common ground enough to be equals, and 42 years is so huge, that it reaches a point where it's not about being peers and equals as companions in life, but a situation where each person is needing something unhealthy and wanting it from the other. There is no circumstance where this kind of generational gap (he's two generations older than you) can be sound. However, as I said, the ages and psychological maturity of the two parties also matters, so you, still being a child and him being nearly a senior citizen, is as unhealthy as it can possibly be. If you were 40 and he was 80, that would still be quite hard to navigate, but at least you'd both be mature adults making an informed decision. That is not the case here. The experiences you haven't had yet are driving you to this, not love -- and he is taking advantage of that. That is not love. A man who is that old and knows you have your whole life ahead of you to mature into a full woman -- which you haven't done yet -- would not want you as a lover or girlfriend. If he loved you, he'd say, "You're a really sweet girl, but go out and live your life, there is so much for you to learn and understand about the world yet, and I would be taking years away from you if we were involved in such a way. You have many years left, I don't, and so we can't do this." That's what love would look like. But the fact that he won't even wait until you 18 proves he's also technically a criminal. That should matter to you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 he's old enough to be your grandpa. ew. Link to comment
unabashed Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Can you tell us why you are posting on here? Do you have mixed feelings about this? What kind of advice would be helpful? As you can see, there are lot of strong opinions about this. Some of the posters could probably tell you their own stories about how a relationship like this affected their lives in harmful ways. No one is trying to invalidate your feelings--feeling love and attraction for someone is very individual. But, a relationship like this can have some very harmful effects, and everyone just wants you to be OK. Please stay in touch. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Isn't there jail time for what the man is doing??? If she sleeps with him then he would be in prison for statuary rape...Anyways ewwwww... Looks like the world never runs out of child molestors... Link to comment
dragon lady Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 This is not necessarily illegal. It would depend where she lives. In some places the age of consent is 16 or even younger. I still think it's wrong, but it may not be in the eyes of the law. We probably shouldn't jump to that conclusion. Link to comment
rigguy Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Agreed, people don't waste time on this. Unless i am completely off ( don't want to be insensitive if there is a 17 yr old dating 60 yr old); this is totally bogus Link to comment
anbreeuh Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 How old is your father? I would bet money this guy is older than he is. In fact, this guy is technically old enough to be your grandfather. Age gaps don't mean anything if the people involved are at the same maturity level in life. But no matter WHAT the circumstances, there is no way a 17-year-old and a 58-year-old are as mature as each other. Yes, it's too old. No matter how you look at it. I agree, At 16 I dated a 27 year old, but I was very mature and he was very immature for his age. (In fact, I'm still dating him) Intellectually and on the basis of maturity--we met eye to eye. There was no gap. But I can't imagine anyone older, or even if he acted like a typical 27 year old. This screams hidden motives, and my best advice is for you to run as far and as fast as you can. Link to comment
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