Thinking of how much I've wasted

[ay0_x]

I feel like I wasted a lot of... "love energy" on two of my ex's.

 

I don't know how to describe love energy... Like...

 

Example 1:

I remember when it was my first boyfriend's and I's one-year anniversary. It was a school day. I'd bought him men's skincare, two books (with inspiring quotes from great leaders in them), and I'd made him a world-class cake. No joke, my parents had tasted the mixture for the cake and were surprised how much effort i'd put into something. It took me a whole weekend to make and decorate. Our anniversary was on Monday.

 

Our school has a uniform, you can choose to wear pants or a skirt. I usually wear pants. That day I decided to wear a skirt (-shrugs- I was in love and I wanted to impress my man), I made my hair and makeup look really good. He hadn't asked me to do any of that, I just chose to. I gave him his presents, a big kiss, and he was really appreciative (everyone was talking about how terrible it was that he hadn't gotten me anything.. I didn't really care at the time, I REALLY loved him).

 

Example 2:

Same ex. I used to always make his lunch for school. I know it's weird but I was pretty dedicated.

 

Example 3:

Another ex. Before we were dating, I really liked him. He said he couldn't date me unless his mother met me first.. I met her. I spent about 3 hours deciding what to wear, and doing my hair and makeup. I bought new clothes when I decided that none of my clothes were impressive enough.

 

Example 4:

Same ex as #3. First thing in the morning I'd send him a message saying I loved him, last thing at night I'd send him a really long message after we got off the phone, basically going on about how awesome he was.

 

--

There's more examples but typing this up is getting a little emotionally overwhelming.

 

I feel like I wasted all these things. They should have been with someone special... Someone who I lasted with. I feel like I never want to do something like that ever again. I can't even THINK of any sweet things to do that I didn't do for these two guys.

 

I've had one other boyfriend. He was in the middle of them two. I never did anything sweet for him. He was just a boyfriend.

 

Anyone have some insight?

[mgirl]

They should have been with someone special... Someone who I lasted with.

 

Maybe wait a little longer before you contribute those sorts of things to the relationship? I'm not sure how long the first 2 lasted.

 

Another thing, you should never stop being yourself. As i said before, maybe wait until you feel it is "established" before contributing any more, so you don't feel like it's wasted.

[Capricorn3]

I don't think love is ever wasted. You did all those things at the time because it felt right and you wanted to. I have no doubt that HE also did nice things for you at some stage or other.

 

Love is never a waste of time. You will probably fall in love many many more times before you finally settle down with the right man. Everyone falls in love several times during their lifetime and according to statistics, people go through up to 5 *serious* relationships before settling down with THE one.

 

It's all a learning experience and is never a waste of time. Learn from this and don't make the same mistakes in future relationships.

[ay0_x]

Maybe wait a little longer before you contribute those sorts of things to the relationship? I'm not sure how long the first 2 lasted.

 

Another thing, you should never stop being yourself. As i said before, maybe wait until you feel it is "established" before contributing any more, so you don't feel like it's wasted.

 

The first one, we'd been together for a year so that's pretty established I guess. The second wasn't so long but I feel the same way towards both.

 

The thing is, that IS myself. I never stopped being myself. I go out of my way to please people and with these guys the setting was set to 200%.

[mgirl]

The thing is, that IS myself. I never stopped being myself. I go out of my way to please people and with these guys the setting was set to 200%.

 

Meh, well then, you can't change and i don't think you should. Just do as the above person mentioned and accept that that is who you are and how you show your love

[Anberlin]

Being sweet is a great quality to have. I can understand your feeling that it was wasted effort, if that effort was not reciprocated. The same thing happened with the first guy I wanted to be with. I put a lot more into it than he did. I was so discouraged, almost afraid to do anything special for a person as I didn't want to show that I cared to that extent. That changed when I realized I'd finally found someone who appreciated me and did sweet things for me too. I think you can get it back with the right inspiration.

[Vince99]

Oh man...you should hear what I did for this girl last year. I wont' recount it here due to length, but I'll just say it was at least a hundred hours of work and at considerable expense to create a one of a kind gift for her. Only for her to forget about me and throw our friendship away for no reason.

 

Never again though. Learned that lesson.

[Lonewing]

It's not wasted - its practice - and its who you ARE!!

 

Someone will lov eyou for it, forever, someday!!

[Anberlin]

Practice is a good way to describe it.

[starlight40]

Never change who you are because someone has either taken what you did for granted or something hasnt worked out. Each person is a new person, one day youl find someone that will appreciate your worth, what you do for them and will recipricate, hey, imagine if you found someone thats more like you, they are out there believe it or not, why wouldnt they be - you are! x

[Jd1983]

Never feel as though you wasted your time! You did what you did at that moment in time because you felt it was right. There is no denying that you put your time and dedication into it, and that's perfectly alright.

 

I know exactly how you feel because I've been through this myself. With my first ex, I did whatever I could to make him happy, simple little gestures that were really time consuming. I think I literally spent 50 hours one time working on something for him, but he didn't appreciate it, in fact he actually had the audacity to give it away. Our relationship wasn't the healthiest but I don't regret making it because it was what I wanted to do at that moment in time.

 

Never feel the need to change who you are, because that's what makes you - you. Simply stated. Continue to be how you are and I'm definitely sure that someone will appreciate it in the long run.

 

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

[jenna981]

oh, you sound like me. I babied my ex too- we lived together for a year and spent a lot of time together for a couple of years before that. I cooked his dinners, washed his clothes, cleaned around the apartment, took out the trash, went out of my way and spent money on gifts that I knew he would like, had sex whenever he wanted, was there for him whenever he was in trouble or sad and I was working and going to school at the same time. Only for him to cheat and dump me in the end.

 

I'm not sure if I will ever put so much effort into a guy again. I think I will wait for the guy to put effort into me before I feel safe going so far again.

[journeynow]

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

 

I agree with that, about kindness. Also:

"Time enjoyed wasting is not wasted time."

 

ay0_x, you sound like a creative-type person, so consider what you are doing as exercising your creativity, and do it primarily for your own pleasure, and for the joy of giving. It is best not to expect anything in particular in return, because that is a set up for disappointment. People have different styles of giving and receiving, and the best giving is done freely, without strings attached.