met his friends and was TOO friendly?

[newsinglegal]

so im dating this guy for about 3 months now. i finally met some of his friends this weekend and we were having some fun and drank quite a bit. i guess at one point i was "all over" his friend and being too friendly. my date got really upset and asked why i was doing that. i dont remember touching his friends the way he was describing...and if i did i meant no harm. he said he really likes me but cant imagine himself investing in a girl like that. he said he cant believe i would do something like that. i told him it was not a big deal...esp since i did not remember even doing it! i said i was sorry and i told him for the first time that i loved him. is he overreacting....i dont want him to think of me as a crazy drunk girl like that...advice?

[guynextdoor]

hate to say this but he has every right to be mad at you and your behaviour. Its gonna take time for him to get over it. Just remember action speaks louder than words so no matter how much you apologize or how much you say you love him, your action will speak for itself.

[Catdancer]

Essentially you disrespected him right in front of him. You were all over his friends with blatant disregard for your bf. Some men may take that as a dis to their masculinity as well. Yeah, you screwed up. The only advice I have is to say you are sorry and leave him alone for a few days to cool off.

[hockeyboy]

1. You shouldnt have told him it was "no big deal"

 

2. Not a good time to throw out the L word for the first time. I doubt he took it seriously considering the timing.

 

Apologize, hope he will drop it, and don't do it again

[Qut81]

Time. Thats the only thing that will change his mind. Im VERY careful about what I do or say in front of friends when I first meet them.

[25thfloor]

you just showed him you were a drunk crazy girl. actions can (may) undo the damage.

[Qut81]

Also, I dont know how anyone else feels about this but I dont drink too much when I first meet ppl.

 

Op, we all do stupid things sometimes. Dont beat yourself up over it. Since this is the first time youve done anything like this, I doubt he is going to dump you over it.

[Sparkly Eyes]

what did you do that he says you were all over him?explain more maybe?

[DN]

i told him it was not a big deal...esp since i did not remember even doing it!

If you don't remember doing it how do you know it was no big deal?

[Sunflour]

He's not overreacting. I would be very upset if, upon meeting my friends for the first time, my significant other got so drunk he was hanging all over my friends and didn't even remember it afterwards. I'd seriously reconsider being in a relationship with that person.

 

I think about all you can do is apologize sincerely, ask his forgiveness, and try to convince him that this is not typical behavior for you.

[orangesoda]

well try to put yourself in his shoes - you've dated this guy for 3 months, you finally introduce him to your girl friends, and he gets piss drunk and has his hands all over one of them - and you wouldn't be offended by that?

[oldenoughtoknow]

I would definitely be upset by this. Is this out of the ordinary for you? Do you over drink often? Are you normally a flirtatious person?

 

The passage of time, and him showing evidence to the contrary, are the only things that will repair this one. Good luck. I hope you learned something.

[jul-els]

I had something similar happen to me once and I remember being very offended by it. Mostly because this girl was so possesively jealous towards me and then one night at a party she gets all handsy with one of our friends. I'm normally not the jealous type and would just chalk it up to one too many but this was just too much of a double standard coming from this person.

 

So, yeah, it can be seen as very offensive, especially if the person is sensitive to those sorts of things to begin with. If this is something you normally do when you drink, I would suggest staying away from alcohol altogether. It's not your friend.

[newsinglegal]

ya the thing is i remember the night i just dont remember that part where i was touching his friend. i might have casually put my hand on his shoulder as i laughed at a joke but my bf says my hand was "on his chest" and he is so sure about this. i know i was not attracted to his friends so its not like i got drunk and was flirting...i feel really embarrassed...could he have exaggerated the situation too bec he was drunk....i already said i was really sorry after the fact and i told him i meant no harm and that i dont usually do that stuff bec i never have but now im afraid he'll never take me to meet his friends or not take me seriously

[annie24]

i think that the #1 problem here is that you got so drunk that you don't remember what you did. that is a bad sign, you shouldn't drink so much that you don't know what happened. that is the sign of an alcohol abuse problem. tell your boyfriend you'll never drink that much again, and that should stop these kinds of problems from happening.

[Bartok]

She said that she didn't remember doing it. That doesn't mean she doesn't remember what happened.

[annie24]

see, this is where i am confused. does she remember the entire night and the only thing she did was put her hand on his shoulder? is he exaggerating, or is she a flirty drunk?

[HeartGoesOn]

Being drunk doesn't impress anyone.

[newsinglegal]

like i said i remember the night...i was drunk and drinking...but i dont remember this particular incident he is referring to! he swears i did it...i remember dancing with my bf having a good time and then he pulls me aside saying why were you all over him....very bizarre that i dont remember this part of the night but i remember everything else.....like i said maybe my hand touched his friend at one point and i did not remember it as it may have seemed insignificant to me...and later that night he said how could u do that!! he did not tell me immediately so i am just trying to look back and i dont remember doing that in the way he is saying i did....but he is so certain...

[servedcold]

Is it possible he was drunk too and falsely perceived that you were "all over" his friend(s)? I'd ask him to be very specific about what -exactly- you did. He could be insecure and fishing, or could have had problems with friends of his ending up getting women he was interested in. More detail needed.

[Kinetics]

I agree with the others, only on the account that your guy was absolutely sure it happened and that you don't remember it. We can continue to speculate if the guy was also drunk, but that probably won't get us anywhere.

 

I'm concerned about you: if you knew you were drinking and don't remember fragments of what happened that night, chances are you were quite drunk. There's a difference between getting buzzed and being drunk. I don't want to sound preachy but be careful with your alcohol intake, especially if it sparked an incident like this.

[newsinglegal]

ya i think he was pretty drunk as well and what could have been an insignifcant pat on the back to his friend may have looked like I was all over his friend. that night he got into detail (with a glass in his hand) saying my hand was on his friends chest. he said he really liked me but could not invest in a girl like me. i quickly sobered up and got really hurt because I know I care about him and would never deliberately do something like that. i told him i was sorry and that he could trust me and that i really did not think i was hanging all over his friend. he was not mad about it the next morning really...well he did not mention it...i am seeing him tonight...i dont know why he wants to hang out with me still if he thinks im not a girl he should "invest in" should i drop it if he does not mention it?

[remmie111]

I am so sorry but you screwed up. I can get like that too, so I have learned to drink very little on dates. It was a mistake telling him it was no big deal. If you want to try to save it, apologize vehemently and let him know that you are not like that, you don't usually drink that much, you were nervous, and it went to your head. I think you might just have to let this one be a live and learn. SO really really learn from this and admit to yourself your error. That way you will at the very least or most, gain much from this experience.

[servedcold]

I'm still not sure you did anything wrong, and that him going into detail in the moment may have been a product of his buzz. Had you really and truly had your hands all over a friend, he would likely have remembered it the next day and it would likely have been a big deal.

[DJBaby]

I don't know if I agree with the others completely...

 

I mean, the drinking part, I agree with. OP, you shouldn't drink so much that things get fuzzy. I'm not saying don't drink, just keep it mellow.

 

However, while I was reading your posts, I sort of felt that your boyfriend might have either blown it out of proportion in his drunken mind, or heard something from someone else that might have exaggerated.

 

You know, people can be friendly without being over-the-top. I'm like that. 99.99% of the time, my friendliness is just something that makes me friends and the .01% that's left is taken wrong. It doesn't sound like something you've ever been accused of, so maybe this was your .01%, OP.

 

I think you should apologize and then not bring it up again. If something like this happens again, you should try to figure out if it's because you're too flirty or he's too sensitive.