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25thfloor

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  • Birthday 03/20/1959

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  1. I can't believe i'm taking advice from a sponge. when does it all end? Ha HA...loved your posts. all of you. guess what, sandyv, it really does get easier. i saw my ex (broken up for 6 months) last friday at a Ball i attend every year. it didn't bother me that night, but for the next 5 days, i was pathetic. i mean pathetic. i wasn't enjoying my life, i wasn't happy, i was considering going back on zoloft (which i kicked months ago), i was miserable. i begged, i mean begged, my God to please send some strength and i slept a lot. now...after mourning the loss of that butthead for 5 days, i'm back to my happy independent self. you WILL get past. what's that famous quote? 'if you think you're in hell, just keep going?'.
  2. thank you again. i wrote him a long letter (that i didn't send) and it really made me feel better. and i would go to that party, except it's an all girls party, and quite frankly, i would rather spend it with both genders tonight~ i've gathered a group for drinks after work....gosh, i feel so much better! i can't believe i wasted all these day's on him....thanks again.
  3. thanks ya'll. for some reason, this is really getting to me. i'm no longer enjoying the Christmas season, i un-rsvp'd to a party tonight. i'm really depressed. i made a huge mistake by e-mailing him the other day, and said 'i'm curious, were you going to say hello to me?'...that was monday....no response...but no, i couldn't leave it at that...i sent another email and said "assume the answer was no. Alrighty, then. you're still beyond being civil...not sure why....but that is definitely your problem. I'm glad im a nice person and i had the proper manners to say hello to you. Have a Merry Christmas." what am i 12 years old? and yes, he's the one that dumped me, said i was not the one and that he wanted to date other people. i did nothing to this guy. please shoot me. argh.
  4. wow. I've been broken up with my boyfriend for 6 months (last monday...not that i'm counting ) it was a hard breakup, during the 6 months, i took myself off zoloft (doing great)...really back to being myself. very very happy. I attend this glamerous ball every year, last year i took him, and he smoked too much pot and drank too much dark liquor...my girlfriends and i avoided him all night he was such a drag....i digress....so i'm sitting at MY table, with my friends, and my back is turned....he walks in to the event, proceeds to talk to everyone at my table, except me. granted, i didn't even know he was there until he was gone. i didn't feel a thing, honest. when i got up to graze the buffet, i saw him sitting there...my friends already told me he had a date, still, no reaction from me....i tapped him on the shoulder, said 'did you have a happy birtday?' and gave him a hug, he said yes ( i think he was is shock)..i said 'good', patted him on the back and went along my merry way. ok...all is good, right? he left the party shortly (kind of strange since his friends were still there)....problem....i cried all weekend. and i don't know why. i'm hurt he didn't speak to me, i'm hurt he came to MY party...why do i feel this way? this is so stupid and immature. and i dont' want him back....geesh!
  5. Hi Guys! I'm alive! I made it! what a long strange trip it's been. There's good news on the other side....all the side effects ended! finally. it's been about 60 days now, and i'm glad i took the plunge. i think through all my therapy, vegetarian diet or whatever...i'll be off for awhile. it feels so nice over here! i don't have to remember to take anything in the morning! my sleep has never been better and my alcohol intake is less due to the fact i simply can't handle it anymore...i get really sleepy when i drink. good luck to everyone going through this crap....it really hurts. Deejay...how are you doing out there?
  6. day 22. i'm still alive...and it's getting better and better. no dark clouds, dizzy every once in a while....flu symptoms slight, but managable. i'm sort tempered a little, still dizzy when i cut my eyes to the side....this drug is pretty strong to still affect me physically. half life? so i have .00000023841 amount in my body? cripes. i'll be dead by the time the symptoms go away? i'm just glad they are getting less apparant daily. i no longer have manic thoughts/moods. i think the things that totally piss me off are things that should piss me off....i've just had them buffered. god forbid i get pissed, right? so anyway...still glad i did it. i'll keep ya'll posted.
  7. thanks juliana! things are going really well. i take 3 drammamine a day, and that's it. the electrical currents only come back when i freak....ie...i almost drop a cup of coffee, it comes back full force when i experience 'fight or flight'....i'm talking really intense moments. it has replaced the feelng of when you blood runs cold. i think that will eventually settle down. i'm really happy, not manic, i feel, but i don't 'over' feel. no more breaking out in tears, no more over sensitve moods. pms during this time certainly did not help. electrical comes back, also, when i am fatigued...instead of just getting cranky, i get the currents, and then i have this feeling that i simply can't move...i just want to lie on the bed and fall asleep with my clothes on. sleep comes fast and furious....which is good....i've been having trouble sleeping for months.
  8. oh man...i just wrote the witchiest reply to you, JULIANA! hmm...what mood swings? what symptoms? what pms? ha. you are right on all accounts. i weened a little, but not enough. and for me to bite the hand that fed me...pfizer....that's not right either. i needed it then and i might need it later. if i had followed all the directions about a proper weening period...i could have missed a lot of the suffering. very very true. and you are also right, i am screwing with my brain. not a smart thing i did. it would have been different if i lost insurance or job, but i didn't. i just got fed up with this flat line 'nice nice' person i have become and i wanted (some) of the old 25th floor ballbustin self back. i hope this helps anyone who has a choice to do it the right way or the wrong....mine was the wrong. now....lets suppose i did it the right way? i wonder how long the electrical currents and dizziness would have lasted? these are things i must know....hhmmm........feeling great today, by the way! good energy (not manic) still want to fly off the handle (this is pms i think with a little zolie effect)....excited about life....not in a 'beautiful' manic way, just excited about changing my work schedule (4 10 hour days) starting to run/walk with a group....go at you own speed type of thingy.
  9. Juliana, thank you....great into. i didn't do exactly cold turkey, i went to other drugs...st johns wort..but you are right...it has been awful....and the flu like symtoms wore me out. i think i totally crashed saturday...first day i felt like cutting off my head or hurting myself in someway....i wouldn't have, but it felt like a good solution. i think pms, starting my period was just another straw on the camels back. i bought some daytime meclizine (sp) yesterday, took that this morning, along with the st john wart, and i feel wonderful. i'm happy inside, i'm not witchy or mean...i cursed out my car this morning for hitting me in the head when i tried to get out....that all. i would not suggest this way of stopping to anyone. i always think that i'm so tough...and i am...but it was very very very painful....and still is at times. i think people my age...who have done all the drugs that i have done....(acid at 13 just for starters) believe we can handle anything. but, why should i ? i'm not sure why i did it in such an awful manner. geesh.
  10. oh...and i'm going to try some of the food suggested....
  11. thank you all. deejay, i'm going to try and read you posts today. it hurts to hold my head up. last night was the darkest deepest most depressing night of my life (well, not really...i've had worse!) i'm still hunger from the drammimine (sp)...i took st. john wart this morning along with my vertigo meds. i just love being stoned in the morning...what a freaking existince. how on earth did i smoke pot from age 13-25 is beyond me! i hate this. i've given myself the day off....i can lay around...not move my head...all day long...and i'm going to say thats ok. this is a very good warning to others....wean yourself off. i figured if i made it two weeks it would be better. NOT! my fear this will be my life forever, which will force me back on that drug for life....i'm hanging in there....let me try to read deejays post. thanks yall.
  12. oh. so sorry, the reason i have maitained 2 weeks? other drugs...drugs i take for vertigo, or dramimine or benidryl. i stopped that today too.. not sounding so promising. will the damned drug force be into the world or 'downers'? another very hard addiction to break? i'm sure phizer makes those too. sorry guys...having a really really hard day. please feel free to respond because i am at the end of the crap.
  13. not sure what i was thinking...that i could stop taking a manufactured drug without losing my mind. what the f&ck was i thinking? who am i to say 'hey, i'd like my life back with OUT the ringing, and dizziness, and electrical currents screaming through my head'! my bad, as the kids say today. my bad. what was i thinking, to begin with...that a freaking drug could help me with depression almost 15 years ago ... and that would have been MILD depression...could now drive me to the brink if chopping off my friggin head? to stop this insessant ringing and buzzing..... so i could walk up a flight of stairs with groceries, ..so i could eat a meal without throwing up??? done...i'm so done with the sh%t. i'd give a million dollars to anyone that could allow me to move my eyes without puking. this is crap. i can't imagine PHIZER (SP) knew NOT what they created when they created this monster zoloft. if i make it through this weekend, it will be a GD miracle. pray for me. i swear to God, pray for me.
  14. thank you chele! still very very dizzy today...i can cry at the drop of the hat and laugh histerically (sp) the next minute. still think it the meds, and also started my period today....geesh...that means......drum roll please....i made it through withdrawal and pms (yep...i stopped my birth control also a month ago)....in my heart...i am very happy, i'm just very sensitive to outside stimuli.. commercials, harsh works, cashiers complaining, etc. going on a paddling trip this evening to see the full moon....i'll either cry or howl. i'll keep you guys posted. thank you all for letting me tell my story here...i know it's probably not the most entertaining, but it helps... and i love reading deejays stuff on prozak/pacil (sp)....oh...and one more word. as more and more people go through this world 'flatlining' i'm totally happy to be emotional again.
  15. man oh man! great day! saw my therapist last night...she wrapped everything up in a nice little ball! that's why i pay her $100.00 an hour! she is the best....she is so good for me, and she validates what i'm working on and saying. i've been sleeping better than i have in years! i wake up happy, i go to get happy. had a little snag today, found out my bf of a year went out with a 24 year old woman! but, guess what? i laughed and moved on with my day. (ok...my elelctrical impulses went beserk for 15 seconds)...dizziness is subsiding, thoughts are clearer, things are lookin good! whoo hoo!
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