My dumper suffers!!!

[exback]

After 4 years (first love for both of us - I am 23, he is 25) I got dumped 5 months ago. Tried to get him back 5 weeks long (he ignored every attempt). NC since 4 months (broke NC once after 2 months NC and got IGNORED again). Lately several friends told me he looks really really HORRIBLE as if he didn't eat and sleep the last couple of months and he was barely talking to anyone.

It could be for a million reasons ... he told them it was because of stress at work...

 

Nevertheless I think it might be because of the break up. Even so he might feel terrible about it it doesn't mean he regrets dumping me ....maybe he is just sad.

 

I am sorry to admit that I am actually happy about that "piece of intelligence"...especially after he ignored me for weeks/months

 

[BriarRose]

I understand you being hurt and angry over being ignored (I have been there), but I think if you love and/or care about him, you shouldn't revel in this "thing" he is going through, whatever it's cause.

[exback]

Yes you are right that I shouldn't be happy about his problems...but I guess that it was just some kind of relief to know that he does suffer too

[d24]

i guess karma does work afterall!

[Qut81]

Feels good doesnt it? Oh well, let him wallow. His lost...

[SnowFox]

I think that unless the dumpee truly treated the dumper really badly, and that behavior led to the break up, most other dumpers are going to feel bad after a break-up. Especially if it was a relationship of any substantial length of time.

 

Unless you dated a sociopath, the person you were with is human too and most likely, they are going to feel pain about a relationship ending. When any of us invests our time, energy, emotions, finances, etc, into a relationship, its because we see a future there. Realizing that its not going to work is a loss for both people, regardless of who dumped who.

 

I actually think most dumpees could comfort themselves more by reminding themselves of this.

 

I recall a man I dated several years ago. I thought we would get married. It was a serious relationship that was moving in that direction. About 7 months into the relationship, he revealed some aspects to his personality that I hadn't previously seen. I spent the next 4 months trying to sort out whether or not these would be a dealbreaker for me. I loved him so much and there were so many good things about our relationship. But this one thing really would have been a problem if we stayed together long-term. I ended up breaking it off with him and it was horrible. It was such a hard decision to make. He was really torn up about it too. I was extremely sad and depressed for the next 4 months.

[ellandroader]

Excellent post and well put. Not all dumpers are heartless just like all dumpees are not innocent. I have been in that position as described above and it is not a walk in the park, there was no other person to run to and I was devastated.

[exback]

RIGHT!!! You are right.. I think he IS in that position described BUT I think for the wron reasons. He left me because he holds me responsible for his failure concerning university stuff - in his mind I am responsible that he didn't pass the last examination(s) since I was "forcing" him to spend time with him instead of respecting him and the fact that he doesn't have time for me.... That is JUST SOOOO NOT TRUE. 1. You can't force someone to spend time with you if he TRULY doesn't want to. 2. As soon as he told me he has to study I stopped calling and so on sometimes for weeks/months and waiting for him to contact me...

[doiiiieeezie]

You know, my ex is flipping out over the breakup and is super confused. He will never admit to me that it's true but his actions and words in the past 2 months have shown that he has completely gone downhill. Don't revel in it, rather understand that a dumper is hurting too. If you are approached, speak lightly and with understanding and compassion rather than the "well karma is a biotch" attitude. It may get you somewhere.

[exback]

Honestly...after some hours of being "happy"...I started feeling really bad for him hurting.. I don't want him to be sad but to live a happy life even if it means a life without me. I wish we could both be happy again. I am not angry anymore and I wish him all the best but I still wish he would have chosen to be with me. he did decide what was best for him in his opinion...I can't blame him for that!

[starlight40]

I hope my ex is hurting really bad, im the dumper but only because he treat me so badly, i shouldnt hope this but right now im just so mad

[agtc]

but he sure knows how to put on a fake happy face and forget the 7 years we shared. i think my ex forgot about me. he's happy moving along with the teenager...

[cl76]

Personally, I think that if you feel joy at your ex's misery/misfortune or if you are still trying to prove something to your ex, then you are not over them yet.

[uj2004]

Personally, I think that if you feel joy at your ex's misery/misfortune or if you are still trying to prove something to your ex, then you are not over them yet.

 

Isn't that why we are all here though? If I was over my ex, I would just not be able to come to this site and not think about her. So selfishly, I think most of us are here until we find those greener pastures we all so richly deserve.

[cl76]

Rightly so, we're here on ENA to heal. But some of us still come back even after healing. Because we know what it was like when we were needing help, and sometimes we come back to help others.

 

You will find that the more you heal, the less you'll come back to ENA. Unless you want help others and share your healing experiences.

 

Isn't that why we are all here though? If I was over my ex, I would just not be able to come to this site and not think about her. So selfishly, I think most of us are here until we find those greener pastures we all so richly deserve.