Prostitution as a solution for the overly shy male virgin

[diabolik]

You will put a lot of pressure on yourself with the prostitute, too, because you actually have never done this before. It would probably be less nerve-wracking if you actually knew the woman you were having sex with, and she could show you, rather than you having to figure it all out yourself.

You forget that the prostitute is a professional. You wouldn't have to figure anything out. She'd tell you exactly what to do. And no need to worry about finding the hole, she'll put it in herself.

[LightbulbSun]

What makes you think that your gf will already be in love with you prior to having sex? It doesn't work that way too often nowadays. She's not even guaranteed to stick around if her guy shows complete incompetence. "He's too small" "He's too inexperienced" etc. etc. etc. are all common themes. Sure, some people will be forgiving...most (at a certain age) will not care to wait around for the guy to figure out how to roll.

 

There is more pressure on you to please someone you care about than someone you don't.

 

If a girl says that I'm not good enough for her because I'm too inexperienced, honestly I wouldn't want her anyway. So she saved me the trouble of dumping her.

[pinkelephant]

Kicking all those sorts of people to the curb leaves you with an incredibly small amount of individuals to choose from.

 

Why would you put pressure on yourself to please a prostitute? That doesn't make sense.

 

Great. Better single than end up with a person I don't value/can't respect.

I'm guessing the 2nd Q isn't directed toward me.

[DunwichChild]

You will put a lot of pressure on yourself with the prostitute, too, because you actually have never done this before. It would probably be less nerve-wracking if you actually knew the woman you were having sex with, and she could show you, rather than you having to figure it all out yourself.

 

Not necessarily, if you go to a prostitute, she isn't going to care about most things beyond you having the money and using a condom, so you can reciprocate with not caring as well, it would be just an exercise, a drill if you will.

[pinkelephant]

You forget that the prostitute is a professional. You wouldn't have to figure anything out. She'd tell you exactly what to do. And no need to worry about finding the hole, she'll put it in herself.

 

Yea, but this is no ordinarily shy person. We're talking about crippling shyness with low self-esteem. People like that will try to please everyone. They will always want to be liked/minimize rejection. Even if the prostitute is just a prostitute, it's an interaction with a stranger. That is nerve racking. Hell, I know I'd be nervous.

[ProtestTheHero]

And then you feel like * * * * because you had to pay for that experience.

 

Like I said, it's a crappy way out of a situation. What shy guys (myself included) should be working on is desensitizing themselves in these situations so that they aren't shy, and can approach women. That's a better way out than paying someone for sex without love (and not even knowing if you're any closer to getting an actual relationship.)

 

Most sex happens w/o love. You can either pay a prostitute or pay for a movie and dinner...the second option is probably much cheaper, though, I will give you that. Either way, no point in feeling "bad."

[Mellie]

So if you brought your new gf home to meet your folks, and your bro turned around a couple of weeks later and said 'Y'know what? I tapped that. Your gf used to be a hooker' you'd have no issue with that? That would be fine? Hmmm.

[ProtestTheHero]

So if you brought your new gf home to meet your folks, and your bro turned around a couple of weeks later and said 'Y'know what? I tapped that. Your gf used to be a hooker' you'd have no issue with that? That would be fine? Hmmm.

 

I don't understand how this applies so you are going to have to help me a little bit here.

[diabolik]

Not that great of advice, Diabolik.

It's not advice per se, just throwing it out there for discussion. Plus, I'm a little bored. I should note that anyone going this route had better educate themselves on STD prevention, but I'd say that for anyone having sex with anyone else, prostitute or not.

 

I'd be curious to hear from guys who fit the criteria in the first post who actually hired a prostitute to lose their virginity. I wonder if they found that it improved their confidence around women, or if it did nothing for them and they subsequently regretted it.

 

I know one guy who did this. He was extremely shy, probably more than most of the self-proclaimed shy guys on ENA. While he's still awkward around women, he's not nearly as shy as he used to be. I don't know that it's 100% attributable to having had sex with multiple prostitutes, but I suspect that that is a major factor.

[DunwichChild]

So if you brought your new gf home to meet your folks, and your bro turned around a couple of weeks later and said 'Y'know what? I tapped that. Your gf used to be a hooker' you'd have no issue with that? That would be fine? Hmmm.

 

"You paid for sex? LOOOOOOOOOL"

[LightbulbSun]

Most sex happens w/o love. You can either pay a prostitute or pay for a movie and dinner...the second option is probably much cheaper, though, I will give you that. Either way, no point in feeling "bad."

 

Tell that to the couples who have been married for 25+ years. Are they in love?

 

If you pay for movie and a dinner, you're closer to making a friend and a potential spouse. If you pay a prostitute, you're closer to parting with hundreds of cash from your wallet and never seeing that person again. I think you'd gain more (and lose less) from dinner and a movie.

[Mellie]

Well, you say kicking someone to the kerb for little things, like finding out they'd slept with a hooker would rule out a huge percentage of the male population. But obviously, that means that a certain percentage of the female population must be prostitutes to keep the trade going. So a gf should forgive and forget bf's past - why not the other way around?

[ProtestTheHero]

Tell that to the couples who have been married for 25+ years. Are they in love?

 

If you pay for movie and a dinner, you're closer to making a friend and a potential spouse. If you pay a prostitute, you're closer to parting with hundreds of cash from your wallet and never seeing that person again. I think you'd gain more (and lose less) from dinner and a movie.

 

50%+ divorce rate. I am using common examples, you are using uncommon exceptions to a nasty rule.

 

This is just about getting some experience so when the real thing comes around it's not an issue.

[jul-els]

For any guy who's just desperate to lose his virginity with no other concerns there are still two major reasons that could keep him from hiring a prostitute.

 

1. STD's

 

2. Sting operations

 

And if a guy is who's a virgin is worried about having a beautiful experience with a prostitute, then that's not an option for him either. Prostitutes only conduct transactions, they don't provide romance. I would imagine you could probably pay extra for that but if you have no experience with it you're still gonna be disappointed, I would think.

[LightbulbSun]

50%+ divorce rate. I am using common examples, you are using uncommon exceptions to a nasty rule.

 

This is just about getting some experience so when the real thing comes around it's not an issue.

 

Maybe the 50% is applicable to the younger people who are going for sex without love?

 

Just a thought.

[ProtestTheHero]

Well, you say kicking someone to the kerb for little things, like finding out they'd slept with a hooker would rule out a huge percentage of the male population. But obviously, that means that a certain percentage of the female population must be prostitutes to keep the trade going. So a gf should forgive and forget bf's past - why not the other way around?

 

That's not what I said. I said if you rule out every woman who cares about your junk size and performance, you are going to be left with very few women.

 

I didn't say the rest of what you're saying.

[diabolik]

Tell that to the couples who have been married for 25+ years. Are they in love?

 

If you pay for movie and a dinner, you're closer to making a friend and a potential spouse. If you pay a prostitute, you're closer to parting with hundreds of cash from your wallet and never seeing that person again. I think you'd gain more (and lose less) from dinner and a movie.

This is a different topic, and while I don't advocate substituting prostitutes for LTRs/marriages, there is no doubt that prostitutes are cheaper in the long run, especially when you adjust for youth and variety.

[LightbulbSun]

That's not what I said. I said if you rule out every woman who cares about your junk size and performance, you are going to be left with very few women.

 

I didn't say the rest of what you're saying.

 

Do you have a percentage for what you're substantiating? I thought most women actually didn't care about junk size. Performance might be an entirely different topic, though.

[Mellie]

That's not what I said. I said if you rule out every woman who cares about your junk size and performance, you are going to be left with very few women.

 

I didn't say the rest of what you're saying.

 

Oh, I see - sorry. My mistake.

[Lowconfidence]

Wow. And he's not asexual? His friends should take up a collection and hire a woman to seduce him.

 

You should see this guy. Doesn't know how to flirt with a girl. Blushes easy. Not a great conversationalist when it comes to the opposite sex.

 

He tried to learn by reading the Mystery and SoSuave before. All it did was make him unbearbable for a few weeks. Then he went back into his little shell.

[ProtestTheHero]

I never heard of a woman falling in love with a person's 'junk.' I always thought it was the whole person that they were falling in love with?

 

There are these things called "dealbreakers." The head in the clouds love stuff that you are talking about where nothing like that matters is incredibly, incredibly rare.

[Mellie]

You should see this guy. Doesn't know how to flirt with a girl. Blushes easy. Not a great conversationalist when it comes to the opposite sex.

 

He tried to learn by reading the Mystery and SoSuave before. All it did was make him unbearbable for a few weeks. Then he went back into his little shell.

 

Can't he date online? Chat to them a bit before he actually meets them?

[diabolik]

Yea, but this is no ordinarily shy person. We're talking about crippling shyness with low self-esteem. People like that will try to please everyone. They will always want to be liked/minimize rejection. Even if the prostitute is just a prostitute, it's an interaction with a stranger. That is nerve racking. Hell, I know I'd be nervous.

See this post on page 4 of this thread.

 

The guy I refer to had shyness so severe that he could barely talk to guys, let alone girls. I went out with him and some other friends to a bar, and he walked up to the hottest girl in a group of several women. Total blew my mind. She walked away, b/c like I said, he's still awkward, but the transformation has been incredible.

[LightbulbSun]

There are these things called "dealbreakers." The head in the clouds love stuff that you are talking about where nothing like that matters is incredibly, incredibly rare.

 

Then why is it that I can go to a park and see any number of young couples with their 'heads in the clouds'?

 

I'm sorry, but I don't buy this whole 'sex and love are different' argument. I think they go together. It's possible to have one without the other, yes, but usually they both go together.

[Mellie]

There are these things called "dealbreakers." The head in the clouds love stuff that you are talking about where nothing like that matters is incredibly, incredibly rare.

 

I disagree. I've been in relationships for all bar a few months since I was 16 and the emotions came first - sex was secondary.