cat_lady Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 With the mention of what women expect and don't except out of men like flowers, gifts, etc.. this thread is reminding me of the someecard that goes - "blow jobs are like flowers for men". Link to comment
CanadianEagle Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 With the mention of what women expect and don't except out of men like flowers, gifts, etc.. this thread is reminding me of the someecard that goes - "blow jobs are like flowers for men". ^ Haha, this is true. I didn't read every single post, but I highly recommend "The 5 Love Languages." I know lots of business people that have read it, to understand people in a platonic relationship too. Essentially, people give and receive love in different ways. 5 different ways, according to Gary Chapman. So, don't read too much into the flowers thing. Look at the whole picture and then analyze. Link to comment
QuestionHeart Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 This isnt about wanting a sugar daddy or expecting a guy to do this or that. This is common sense in my opinion. I mean if a guy takes you out at all but takes you to a fast food place to get some fries--is that cause for alarm? Link to comment
hers Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Perhaps he thought you wouldn't mind less expensive stuff b/c your first date was at denny's at your suggestion. Link to comment
avman Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 This isnt about wanting a sugar daddy or expecting a guy to do this or that. This is common sense in my opinion. I mean if a guy takes you out at all but takes you to a fast food place to get some fries--is that cause for alarm? Well I guess it depends. Is it all he can afford? Does the date really love fries and he wanted to get her some? Or is he bragging about his new 65 inch plasma set he just bought and then only taking her out for fries? Context matters. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 This isnt about wanting a sugar daddy or expecting a guy to do this or that. This is common sense in my opinion. I mean if a guy takes you out at all but takes you to a fast food place to get some fries--is that cause for alarm? No it isn't. Link to comment
Circe Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 OP your question boils down to "does the amount of love a man feel correllate to the amount of money he spends on me?" Really.. you are no different to women or people who think that the bigger the diamond on a woman's engagement ring, the more her husband must love her. It's incorrect. Love doesn't correllate to $ spent. I can promise you that. ______________ Edited to say: I just read your other posts. It sounds like he's just a hard worker and a saver who is a bit exhausted from working so much and likes to chill in a more relaxed environment at times. You havent been on too many dates yet and has there really been enough time for this guy to even be buying you flowers and gifts and taking you to dinner? Your fourth date was to a restaurant, though - right? That's what you said in you "akward silences" post. So he doesnt sound to be completely adverse to taking you to dinner? I can see from your tone that you are annoyed that you had to do all the driving on your second and third dates? But he did work till late that day and presumably had work the next morning, while you said you were (are?) unemployed at the time so he probably thought it would be less inconvenient for you to do the travel. That's kind of reasonable. I don't think you've been together long enough to be worrying so much about this stuff. what about relaxing and just getting to know what kind of a person he is and just give him more of a chance. I agree that as a woman you should demand respect and if it's important for you to be shown love through gifts then perhaps its unfair for me to judge you on that. But at the very least, give him a chance. It's been three weeks, hasnt it? Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 i don't think money is a measure of love, either, but it's really circumstantial. ex bf's first job (we were like 14), he finally made money, really excited to take me out on a real date... it was super sweet and obviously means he cared about me a lot. it wasn't the money, it was the thought. Link to comment
falku951 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 he is into but he just doesnt want to look desperate buying u flowers or whatever. Because the minute he does, you will dump him or think he is clingy. Link to comment
servedcold Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 As others have said, the ILY so early on is scarier than his lack of spending. Link to comment
Zunder Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 So, you associate someone liking you by giving you gifts? You have a serious problem in that case. Here is what you should do: Red Flag any dude that buys you gifts too often, and too soon. He is a chump, and he is looking to literally buy your affection. Get rid of him. A word about your Mom, with all due respect- she is talking absolute rubbish. By the way - here is a novel thougt - how about you save up and take your boyfriend out "someplace nice"? Ever thought of that? This guy you have sounds like he has some balls, and is not willing to give in and act like every other frustated chump who thinks he can buy a woman's affection. Keep him. Link to comment
Applewhite Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 So, you associate someone liking you by giving you gifts? You have a serious problem in that case. Here is what you should do: Red Flag any dude that buys you gifts too often, and too soon. He is a chump, and he is looking to literally buy your affection. Get rid of him. A word about your Mom, with all due respect- she is talking absolute rubbish. By the way - here is a novel thougt - how about you save up and take your boyfriend out "someplace nice"? Ever thought of that? This guy you have sounds like he has some balls, and is not willing to give in and act like every other frustated chump who thinks he can buy a woman's affection. Keep him. We suggested that and she made fun of us. And I am still curious about why she thinks this is such a ridiculous idea. Link to comment
Zunder Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 We suggested that and she made fun of us. And I am still curious about why she thinks this is such a ridiculous idea. G'day hike14. Well - you are a New York girl. New York girls don't want some wimpy bloke that they hardly know layering them with gifts and paying for all the restaurant meals. Just isn't right is it? I spent three weeks in New York years ago. Loved the place, and love the women Link to comment
Applewhite Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 G'day hike14. Well - you are a New York girl. New York girls don't want some wimpy bloke that they hardly know layering them with gifts and paying for all the restaurant meals. Just isn't right is it? I spent three weeks in New York years ago. Loved the place, and love the women Well I wasn't raised in NY. But I think this situation has more to do with how you are brought up than where you were raised. Friends and family affect our decisions thoughts and values. That is not to say my values are superior to the OP's. That is why I asked her the question I did: Why does she find that suggestion so unacceptable. I am really curious, perhaps she will change my mind. Link to comment
Zunder Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Well I wasn't raised in NY. But I think this situation has more to do with how you are brought up than where you were raised. Friends and family affect our decisions thoughts and values. That is not to say my values are superior to the OP's. That is why I asked her the question I did: Why does she find that suggestion so unacceptable. I am really curious, perhaps she will change my mind. Well, I must admit, I just read her OP and thought I needed to sort this girl out with some straight truths. I did not wade through the 8 pages of other responses. Perhaps I should have. Typical lazy ass man! lol. I take it your suggestion was for her to save up and take him out on a date - just as I suggested? Is she can't relate to that at all - then I hope the guy gives her a miss. Link to comment
QuestionHeart Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Yep- I would never in a million years save up and take a guy on a nice date. Sorry. Unless maybe if i was married to him or in a super serious relationship with him that was headed that way. Link to comment
hers Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Why not? Do you expect the guy to always pay? Link to comment
goodfoot Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 1) Why DON'T you do these things for him? 2) What DO you do for him? Right from the start of this thread, I'm thinking "Well, what have YOU done for him lately?" It's easy to complain about what you're not getting, but more important to ask yourself what you are GIVING... I don't know if this is how you feel, but it really grates me to hear women talk about what their guys "should" be buying them, to "show they care". I've known women who practically expect men to worship them and "prove their love" on a daily basis. But do very little to nothing to show how they care for the guy, as if just "being"' with her is it's own reward.. So what do YOU bring to the relationship? I think we now know the answer to this. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Yep- I would never in a million years save up and take a guy on a nice date. Sorry. Wow. But yet YOU EXPECT HIM to buy YOU gifts and take you out all the time and pay for it all??? Nice. If you can't do the same for him, then you shouldn't expect him to do anything for you either. Don't be too surprised if you keep losing men in the future. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Yep- I would never in a million years save up and take a guy on a nice date. Sorry. Unless maybe if i was married to him or in a super serious relationship with him that was headed that way. Seriously? Why not? I was raised with really "old fashioned" values -- i.e. the man does the asking, the paying, etc. I grew out of that, though, as I got older. Now, I would happily pay for a guy's meal. It would be nice for him to pay sometimes too, but I would love to take a guy out for a nice dinner. Link to comment
QuestionHeart Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Can you all please actually read what I write before you start persecuting me. I said: UNLESS I WAS IN A SUPER SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP meaning I would have to have been with him for a good while and have a gut knowing that we are most likely in it for the long haul. Why you ask? Uh gee- Im just not into taking guys who arent even that into me out to nice dinners, I guess Im wild like that. Gah. Link to comment
QuestionHeart Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Wow. But yet YOU EXPECT HIM to buy YOU gifts and take you out all the time and pay for it all??? Nice. If you can't do the same for him, then you shouldn't expect him to do anything for you either. Don't be too surprised if you keep losing men in the future. Right , he's the guy. Its different. It is for him to win me over. I guess that is where we all seem to be disagreeing. So lets agree to disagree. But just outta curiosity, I would like to know....All the women (and men) on here who are totally disagreeing with me on this matter, how many of you are in a happy marriage??? Link to comment
hers Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 You're not even into him (yet you tell him you love him I'm sure) and you expect this treatment from him though! Why the hypocrisy? Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Right , he's the guy. Its different. It is for him to win me over. I guess that is where we all seem to be disagreeing. So lets agree to disagree. But just outta curiosity, I would like to know....All the women (and men) on here who are totally disagreeing with me on this matter, how many of you are in a happy marriage??? I am not married, but I don't see what that has to do with anything. Unmarried people still have knowledge and experience to back what they are saying. In my opinion, relationships are about reciprocation, compromise, sharing. I don't think it's the man's job to "win me over." I think it's each of our jobs to make the relationship happen and grow. You're right, we're definitely going to have to agree to disagree. Link to comment
QuestionHeart Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 You're not even into him (yet you tell him you love him I'm sure) and you expect this treatment from him though! Why the hypocrisy? I am into him. Do me a favor and stop teling me what I feel. Thanks. Link to comment
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