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He doesnt spend much money on me...


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Tired Of Being Broke? Lose your Pov...
Tired Of Being Broke? Lose your Poverty Programming

I know Im gonna get tomatoes thrown at me for this but nonetheless I'm up for debate. I dont neccessarily believe the following to be facts Im just up for disussion:

 

He hasn't gotten me any flowers, taken me out anywhere nice or given me any gifts. I wonder why there wasnt a chapter about this in "Hes just not that into you" because I think its worth one. The other day we went out and had some fries and some soda and then we went to a movie (We're in our late twenties not 15). Im fine with this, I really am, but i cant help but wonder if it shows he doesnt like me so much. He says that he is a guy that likes to save money and I understand that. But my mom always told me that when a guy truly loves you he will take you out someplace nice or give you flowers or a gift of some sort. So...what do you think...

 

 

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I am all about showing someone how much you care doesn't mean showing them the bottom of your wallet. That said, I also believe that when you are in a relationship there is a modicum of effort that is required on behalf of both people. If you don't feel that he is showing you a proper amount of effort, then that is something that you need to discuss with him.

 

It may be its not so much the money as it is the effort that is not going to the date? Simple dates are good, but sometimes a lady likes to know that she is appreciated. Imagination need not require a lot of cash.

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Well there is no right or wrong answer here - it all comes down to what you expect and what makes you feel wanted.

I hate getting flowers at the beginning of the relationship, or nice dinners...but it means nothing but that we are different people.

To me it seems like he has different ways of showing affection, or he is just cheap.

And cheap is something we cannot define - it's about what you find cheap.

I don't judge you for the things you want - why not - you're not asking for a car, just a flower and a dinner now and than.

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If I were woman i'd want a guy who saves money and isn't about buying week lasting flowers.

 

Whats more important? Flowers and showers of affection in form of wasted dollars or a stable savings account and a house? Last I checked you couldn't live in a tulip.

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Ouch... On a first date, I usually bring flowers. Just the way I was raised.

 

I believe it's normal in your age group. At least not that uncommon than in 20ties

My mom is of your age and he likes such attention and she finds it hard to understand why I do not appreciate it.

When I think of it, it is better for a woman to have such expectations than not.

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First of all.. remember in the movie how the kept saying that people were giving the wrong advice and it was getting carried forward... thats what your mom sort of did with you...

 

how much a guy spends on you shouldnt reflect how much he likes you...

 

i dont mind spending money on my girl.. ive spent a few thousand in a day... but its something i do after we have been dating for many months...

 

maybe he is a smart guy and saves his money... we are in a reccesion and he is looking forward to the future...

 

many guys outhere that make 40k a yr and try to live like a millionare..

 

it also dep how long you guys have been dating... if its a few dates then he is just being catious.. if its been 6 months and nothing maybe he is cheap...

 

either way theres a time for everything.. and when a guy doesnt spend money on you it doesnt mean he doesnt like you...

 

honestly its the other way around... money can come easy and be spent on a girl, giving her a false sense of being liked. when in reality she means nothing because money is a tool for the guy...

 

nice gesture in words and thoughts mean way more then things money buy...

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You're not even into him. Maybe he's picking up on that vibe and is weaning himself off of you.

 

Wha? If this is true, I think it's pretty superficial to expect the guy to drop a lot of coin on you.

 

Otherwise, the only other thing I'd add is that some guys are just cheap. One of ex's used to always complain about one of her ex's being so cheap. She said he gave her a lot of cheap trinkets from vending machines as tongue-in-cheek-yet-romantic tokens and never went anywhere but fast food joints. In short, she didn't appreciate it much. Ironically, she admitted she was never really into him from the start, either.

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Wha? If this is true, I think it's pretty superficial to expect the guy to drop a lot of coin on you.

 

Otherwise, the only other thing I'd add is that some guys are just cheap. One of ex's used to always complain about one of her ex's being so cheap. She said he gave her a lot of cheap trinkets from vending machines as tongue-in-cheek-yet-romantic tokens and never went anywhere but fast food joints. In short, she didn't appreciate it much. Ironically, she admitted she was never really into him from the start, either.

 

check her previos threads.

 

i have a hunch he may be picking up on her vibes and is either iffy to spend money on her (as he should be) or that he is putting little effort into her in order to let the relationship fizzle out...

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Must be a generational thing?

 

It's definitely a generational thing. Even in my age bracket, I wouldn't give a female flowers on a date.

 

Besides, I've always thought flowers were a very impractical gift, anyway. Also, border-line cop-out, when you can't think of anything else to get or don't want to spend a lot. I can count on one hand the number of times I've given a gf a bouquet of flowers.

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I believe it's normal in your age group. At least not that uncommon than in 20ties

My mom is of your age and he likes such attention and she finds it hard to understand why I do not appreciate it.

When I think of it, it is better for a woman to have such expectations than not.

 

I'm of his age group and don't like the whole flowers on the first date thing... it's not generational, purely personal.

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Ouch... On a first date, I usually bring flowers. Just the way I was raised.

 

i had a guy do that and felt it was cheesy...

 

I never had a guy do that and I always thought it would be sweet. But then again I am old fashioned.

 

Must be a generational thing?

 

I never thought it was, lol.

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when i first started dating a certain femme, i used to buy the usual, flowers,perfume etc, she was not really used to this (she was married for 18 years) although she loved it, she didnt want it, she was not motivated by that type of sentiment, i respected her wishes. and the relationship ended for different reasons. but i will always keep that sentiment.

 

not everyone is that motivated, get him motivated, take him by the scruff and demand dinner!!!! (on a romantic level)

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It's due to the fact that he doesn't want money to complicate the whole scenario of you guys knowing each other. Lets face it, when girls and money ties together, things get complicated.

The fact that you're prepared for a debate really says you know it is controversial and complicated.

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It's due to the fact that he doesn't want money to complicate the whole scenario of you guys knowing each other. Lets face it, when girls and money ties together, things get complicated.

The fact that you're prepared for a debate really says you know it is controversial and complicated.

 

 

This coud be why it irritates me.... I mean if you buy me flowers on the first date, are you going to buy me flowers for every date... or some other present? Is flowers the reality of the relationship?

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My ex would go out and spend money on stuff for me that I didn't even want... but he would do it just so he could say how expensive it was. Like, he bought me a pair of Air Jordan shoes. I have no desire to even wear those. They were a cheesy fad at the time and I don't follow cheesy fads. And when he gave them to me he repeated three time how much he paid for them. Stuff like this happened a lot in our relationship. It's like he didn't care at all what I liked, he just figured any expensive gift is a good gift.

 

Now, my current SO is just the oposite. When we first started dating he burned me a mix CD. The night we met we talked a lot about music. So he knew what I liked and not only did he put music on there that I liked, but he put songs on there that reminded him of me. That didn't cost anything, but a lot of though and effort went into it, so I would rather have something like that than a pair of shoes that are stupidly expensive just because they have some basketball player's name on them.

 

Bottom line is, him not spending money doesn't really mena he's not into you.

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There are plenty of guys like this. It's not that they don't like you, it's just their approach to everything is "structured" and everything is "accounted" for.

 

Now how you react to this is up to you. In the short term, it appears like they're stingy and tight - perhaps boring and not into you. But in the long term, they will be great with the finances and budget... think family, houses, investments...

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