ex is getting married .. i was over him a long time ago so why does this bring up negative feelings?

[mentee]

i just saw the engagement photos .. i really don't know what i'm feeling but whatever it is, it doesn't feel good ..

 

we were together for 2.5 years .. we're both good people but were extremely bad for each other, co-dependent, etc. ... i broke up with him in 2007 but we were still talking for the following year .. after being intimate and thinking we were going to reconcile in 2008, i went strict NC when i realized it wasn't going to happen .. he dated someone a few months later and quickly proposed .. i want him to be happy, so why do i feel bad? i'm going to sit on this for awhile ...

 

in the meantime, anyone go through something similar? when you know you'd never want to be with that person ever again .. but when they get married to someone else, it just brings up some unusual feelings that you didn't expect?

[Ms Darcy]

This is normal. Perhaps you feel a little twinge of jealousy that he's moving on, or at least appears to be, with such a step. If this is the case, do not assume it's a healthy move for him. He may be rebounding right into marriage.

 

Nevertheless, try not to look at engagement photos or any photos of him. Keep on movin' on.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It could be that him getting married means that it really really really is over between the two of you..no chance for any kind of reconciliation. Also, if you are currently unattached it could be sadness that he found someone and so far you have not. I think your feelings are perfectly normal.

[lavenderdove]

Very normal... it can still twinge years and years later because it brings up memories and hopes and dreams you had for yourself that didn't come to pass.

 

But the good news is the feeling is usually fleeting. It gives you a sense of closure and you can move on with your life knowing that is a closed chapter.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree with cad, its the final theres 'no chance of ever getting back together' blow. Keep your chin up and know you'll find someone great too.

[brando]

Well it is a sign that now you will have to go through the healing process completely. Perhaps after the year of being in contact, prior to you going NC left some hope for you to reconcile. Now that he is engaged you are feeling the effect fully for what appears to be the first time.

 

Like the others had posted, it could also be the illusion of him getting married is the seal to any possibilities of getting back together.

 

be well

 

brando

[mentee]

thanks guys for letting me know this is normal ..

 

i honestly had absolutely no hope for reconciliation after the clean break .. i sincerely (and i mean it!) wanted him to find love and be happy .. i even prayed for his happiness .. when i found out he was with someone, i was happy ... so that is why i was absolutely confused why i had such a bad reaction when i got the engagement pictures .. i felt TERRIBLE! like just sick to my stomach .. they looked amazing in the photos btw.

 

maybe it has nothing to do with him but the fact that i'm not married (although i never thought i wanted to be married!) ... i'm not surprised by how quickly he rushed into this as he fell for me quickly too and wanted to get married, but i was more level-headed .. when i think about it, it still doesn't make much sense to me (as i did not want to reconcile ever again and genuinely wished good things for this good person who i just never truly loved) .. feeling jealous about how he's getting married doesn't make sense since whatever happens to him doesn't change or affect my life whatsoever ... i also met someone else who i TRULY loved so that makes it even more weird why i'd react like this!

 

it's just odd that my feelings don't match with my thoughts .. so there are some hidden thoughts i need to let come to surface i think ..

[brando]

I am glad to see you are taking some time with this. I am sure it is realtively a normal reaction. If after you spend some time on this you still haven't found the root, I would just try to accept it and move on. No sense stopping yourself from living your life. Acceptance is crucial.

 

be well.

B

[mentee]

If after you spend some time on this you still haven't found the root, I would just try to accept it and move on.

 

be well.

B

 

thank you for this great piece of advice .. i guess i always find it frustrating when i can't explain my own feelings but i'll at least allow myself to feel it and let it pass .. i wish i could more easily tap into my subconscious though (;

[brando]

I understand how you feel, sometimes putting words to match how we feel isn't an easy task. I think you will do fine though.

 

be good,

B

[Hope75]

Sometimes it's hard to get your heart and head to see eye to eye. You may know logically that it is better that you are not together but that doesn't mean you won't feel a twinge of pain or regret, and that's OK.