pdoog Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yea sunny I agree, except I don't think she will miss me, she is with a guy who she believes is unbelievably right for her. But ya never know, and maybe just maybe some day in the future we can at least be civil and talkative, but right now I do not see that happening and I am not dwelling on that. Just would be cool, cause I know she talks to alot of her old bf's Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 hi pdoog, just give it time. thats the only thing you can do. if you give it time, it will heal it and it will make her miss you. she will then become curious. and then she will contact you when you least expect it. lastly for her to contact you, you have to keep busy and not think of her. exs always have a way of sniffing out the exact moment we are not thinking of them and then they will contact you. just give it the time it takes. believe me-these things take time, years sometimes. just keep staying busy and posting on here if you need advice or words or are just having a bad day. we will all work to keep your head up. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Yea I know and it is really awesome advice, this trip to chicago should keep me busy. I am going ot set a goal to not check my email, or any social networking sites while I am there. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 brokenheart-thanks for the encouragement, its hard to stay strong but everytime i read comments on here from other people like yourself it helps me to stay strong or get stronger especially when i have a weak moment, day, etc. how are you doing? No problem. i'm pulling for everybody on here that they hopefully get what their hearts want and need, I know that doesn't always turn out to be back together with an ex, but you're one of my favorites so I'm really pulling for you. I've been really up and down lately, yesterday up until 5:00 PM or so was absolutely atrocious. Last night i played tennis and had a late dinner with a female friend of mine, so that brought my spirits up, and we plan on hanging out more later this week. I'm so glad to have her in my life, even though we've never been an item it's nice to have an attractive female who looks forward to spending time with you. My ex finally has a set this Saturday to get her stuff out, she came by today to pack some up and she's coming back in the morning to finish that up. The ex seems more down in the dumps than me. Now she has no job, nothing lined up for the fall yet, living with her dad and stuck there until she can afford a place of her own which could be awhile. I want the best for her, but I guess we reap what me sew. You are doing awesome sunnyv!!! We should go out and be wing men sometime. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 hey they broken heart. you are doing good too. you may not know it know or not feel it but you are slowly making progress. your ex is like mine in a way but my ex lost her job but acts like life is "awesome".. ..whatever i say to myself. she has to be kidding herself. i want the best for my ex too but we do reap what we sow and what comes around goes around. that would be awesome to be wing men sometime. lol. take care and keep your head up. this weekend will probably be rough for you but just feel free to post if you need to vent, we all will be here for you. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 hey pdoog-good luck on your chicago trip if i don't talk to you before then. not checking email is a great idea and definitly stay off the social networking sites. you need a break and it will help to not think about her and you need time to refresh yourself and heal a bit. this trip should be good for you. let me know how it goes. Link to comment
becca0194 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am with you guys on coming to terms with I may never talk or see my ex again. Some moments I feel totally ok with it and then that "moment" hits. I still think about it all the time, but I think those moments may be hitting a little less often. hi pdoog- i came to that realization too. its been over 7 months. i have good days and bad days. its tough but you can make it through it. its ok, i believe if you play your cards right with the nc maybe one day she will contact you. you have to give her time to miss you, a lot of time. and if you don't hear from her, its ok, it really is. another girl will appreciate you very much. Link to comment
jayceex17 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 just reading this thread really reminds me of how things went down with my ex...sunny and pdoog..i can really relate with you guys...my story is almost identical if not the same exact as yours...the way i felt..how my ex was...it's scary..but as the days go by it gets easier and easier to let go...hang in there fellas!!! Link to comment
adamt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I got dumped a few weeks ago and with NC it does seem to be getting better. Starting going to the gym and having weekends planned has helped. Sometimes it still brings tears to my eyes when it hits me again. the sadness,lonelyness and confusion of someone only a few months ago was happy to plan for the future and cared for me now suddenly doesnt speak to me on MSN,email or call. Hard to understand that someone can walk away from a 3 year relationship so easily. Still hard to comprehend how she can go like. Just before we broke up she said she did miss me. its so bloody confusing. if you miss someone then surely you want to speak to them? Someone who you thought you knew and trusted and would be together forever suddenly becomes a stranger and walks away. So many questions unanswered which will remain unanswered. Hard not to analyze the last few months and try to pin point the time when she might have been having 2nd thought and then trying to think if it was something i could have done differently. its the gaps like when just sat relaxing or in bed that i find the worst as that is when she pops into my head and in the past i would be wondering what she is doing or what we would be doing in the next few days together. Sometimes it still feels she is suddenly going to email me or come knocking on the door. we always seemed to have a lot in common and same ideas on things then last few months she seemed to think we had a lot less in common. Link to comment
imjgh Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 well my post is in Healing after a break up, titled hit me like a ton of bricks. But really I just came to the acceptance that I possibly will never hear from my ex again and that is a tough pill to swallow right now. i'm at this place exactly myself...i will NEVER hear from her and i know it....so i let go, i gave up hope...it felt good to release her. i am now able to proceed with MY life...she is no longer the anchor holding me back from moving on to other relationships IF and WHEN I CHOOSE to.... Link to comment
becca0194 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 adamt, Sorry to hear what you are going through. Your situation sounds very similiar to mine. My ex broke up with me in an e-mail and I have never heard from him again. He will not talk to me on the phone, e-mail or MSN. I am almost 7 months into the break up. I promise you, this does get better. I spent so much time searching for answers. Replaying every conversation in my head. Reading every e-mail....the end result is I still don't know and will not know unless I ever have a conversation with him. This has been one of the toughest things I have dealt with. I know I am a stronger person now and I continue to pull anything positive out of this. I still miss him, I am still hurt and I still want answers, but I can finally see I will be OK and so will you. Are you still trying to make contact? My best advice is not to. I tried every couple of weeks for a few months and got nothing in return. If I had to do it over, I would have disappeared from day one. He chose for me to be out of his lfe and I would have been gone. Instead I continually reassured him I was there, no matter what.I would have let him feel like to really have me gone from the beginning. This forum has been a great turning point for me. Spend time reading on here. It brings great strength. The people on here are incredibly supportive and will be there for you on this journey. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Sunnyv-Im doing alright. I dont know about you all and Ive probably mentioned this, in fact i am sure I did, the mornings are the worst for me. Waking up is not fun. He is the first thing I think about when waking up and realizing that he is not around makes it hard to get out of bed. Im going on 3 and a half weeks of not hearing from him. He and I are both very stubborn so why should I be suprised if I dont hear from him but the scary thing is that I might not ever hear from him again. It is a definite possibility. He has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth as well. He hasnt even been on his myspace account and I have yet to see him on AIM. He is avoiding me as I am him. Its morning where I am and its depressing today. Thanks for asking. Hope you all are doing better than I am. Link to comment
becca0194 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 No problem. you are doing awesome sunnyv!!! We should go out and be wing men sometime. Do you guys live near each other? Link to comment
adamt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 adamt, Are you still trying to make contact? My best advice is not to. I tried every couple of weeks for a few months and got nothing in return. If I had to do it over, I would have disappeared from day one. He chose for me to be out of his lfe and I would have been gone. Instead I continually reassured him I was there, no matter what.I would have let him feel like to really have me gone from the beginning. . No, not made any contact. although she did send me a text thanking her for a gig ticket as a present(bought months ago). i just replied a few hours later saying glad you had a good time.Very tempted in a few weeks time to email her but hopefully I wont need to by then. I sometimes get feelings that i should have done things differently. i guess i just want to let her know where i think i went wrong. not sure if that is to get her back or just make me feel that i will learn from it all. Things seemed to be ticking along fine up until early feb with plans to buy a house together. Yes i' ve also been through emails and think that is when things changed. We always seems to get along but then maybe the habits i might have started to get on her nerves(not as tidy as her..etc) then other things build up. we didnt communicate enough with each other. her mom was terminally ill and she seemed to go quieter on me. Then when her mom died she probably just though she couldnot see a future with me. she said her parents were like one person. But i said everyone will go through difficult times at sometime. These days people dont want to work on relationships a much.My parents had tough moments but get through it. At the moment i keep thinking i wish i made more effort to sort myself out as i think i took her for granted. we had a break and from an email it looked like she was willing to give it a go and i had sorted out in my head what i needed to change. but then when we met up later she wanted to split. I guess her moms death probably changes her outlook on things and probably not got the emotional energy to sort us out. She said her head is all over at the minute but that is probably just lip service she said she feels so sad it is over. i just wish i could go back 6 months now and see what i need to change. My thoughts on the situation has become clearer and i think some of my habits annoyed her and then eventually she just had enough. Something must have just tipped her over the edge.(maybe her mom) but she never really talked to me about them(which she regrets) i would have been happy to change. When her mom was gettting worse i let her have all the space she needed and put no pressure on her to give me some attention. maybe that back fired a bit. probably never know Sometimes i think would it be easier to deal with if she just ran off with someone else. When i take a step back i just think she would contact me if she wanted to try to make it work if she really wanted me back. I have hope that over time she will return to normality but looking unlikely. I got comfortable, complacent and took her for granted and a case of not knowing what you had until its gone. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 AdamT- you cant completely blame yourself for this. It takes two to start a relationship, two to work on it, and two to end it. I blame myself ALL the time for the fights that i started and he hated. He did not llike fighting. Couldnt stand it. I think that our last argument was what broke the camels back but the argument was over some pics of some girl sitting all over his lap and close up pics of the two of them. I look back and he did things that drove me up the wall and he knew it. He knew it would start an argument. He knew the pics would hurt me but he did nothing about it. He made me feel very insecure about our relationship. We had the wedding all planned out and even the deposit down. Slowly he started backing out of it and tells me that he's not 100% sure. Then he pulls the deposit. He was supposed to move in w/ me when he finished law school then he backed out of that. I was very insecure because of all the backing out he had done. He said we were working on it but he did nothing to work on it. He knew that I wanted for him to actually call but i was the one who did the calling. He didnt do much to make our relationship more stable. There were things we BOTH should have worked on. I knew that I had a temper but I think he's still cluelessa bout his problems. It is not ok when someone puts his friends that he had only known for 2 years ahead of me, whom he had known for 8. thats what he did and it pissed me off. Remember, it takes TWO. Sorry so long. I just get going and i cant stop. Link to comment
adamt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 amandab, yeah i agree it is down to both for some things. She stopped wanting sex a few months before the end. she didnt seem to respond to when i cuddled up to her. examples like sleeping with her back to me happened more often. she had to have a serious ear operation which probably blurred things. plus her mom bein gill. was she stopping the sex because she wanted more affection? or was she just going off me We were both quite reserved people and she was quite shy. We both regret we didnt talk sooner about how we felt and more often. Up until january she was probably more into me than the other way round. although i was into her too. She started saying things under her breath, for example i walked out of the kitchen (not in a strop or anything just over something like, ok you can cook the food). I said i hear that and it started to happen more often then the nic picking started. we shoudl have talked then. I just thought she was stressed over her mom. Then it started to go over into what places bars to go to. i was happy to go where she wanted to go but then she was saying where do oyu want to go. we both probably just didnt want to upset the other person. I saw her rolling her eyes at me when i was talkign to someone. In the end when i asked her why she seems to be trying to put me down or catch me out on things she didnt know why. we were both quite laid back people but that seemed to have been a hinderance later down the line Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Thats sounds familiar. He denied me sex as well and that was after not seeing each other for 4 months. Who denies sex after 4 months of being apart, so it hurt me. He used to say things under his breath as well. I know now that these are things that they want you to hear but are too chicken to say it outloud. He used to barely say I Love You. It breaks my heart. I just think about the good times and i start crying, like now, at work. Shouldnt cry at work. We were so good together until he went to law school and met his independence and new friends. I think that these big life changes, law school and someone passing away throws people off course. My dad passed away when I was 18 so i know how that is as well. I was going to surprise him and take him up to utah mountain biking, his b-day is in 2 weeks and I just want to cry. Well I think i have gone off tangent here so I will stop. Just having an emotional day here. I, as well as you, wish that they would just wake up and be the people that we once knew but we dont know what will happen, they may or may not. I have no clue. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Do you guys live near each other? NO, I doubt that we do. I was just saying that because he seems like a pretty good guy and we'd probably have fun hanging out. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 hi amanda hang in there girl. it does get better. i know it does not seem like it right now at all that it will get better, especially when you start thinking about the things that you would be doing down the road. i know i did it and still think that way. it then rips my heart out when i do. as hard as it is, try not too, imagine them being real mean to you, imagine him not calling you, take this and let this fuel you. start thinking about how bad he treated you. you are starting to get there as you realize it takes two to tango. remember that. try this and see how it goes. stop putting him up on a pedestal. you deserve someone better. start to see his faults and you will incredibly feel a little bit better. good luck. Link to comment
adamt Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hi amandab, from a girls point of view if you go off your man is it overnight or is it gradual with lots of confusion and do you take into account personality?. As a bloke i always think it is an instant thing. Eg you see someone else you meet and fancy more. reading various forums i would say there is a higher proportion of men left confused when their girlfriend suddenly suddenly leaves. When a man leaves i think it is more likely they have found someone else. is this because men are more physical and women more emotional. Women they seem to leave after they have prepared their exit or thought it out for a while. Do men stay in a relationship more until they find someone else. I find it hard that she left me no one else is in the picture. Surely being with me wasnt that bad. your mind wanders and think how long has she wanted to split up. I went out tonight with a few friends and kept thinking if my ex would like it in this bar..etc. then my mind drifted to how i wish i had done things differently and i wish we could have a drunken night out and just talk and relax and be honest. i can only think of the good times tonight. finding it hard that everything i see involves the ex being around. it hard to think 3 years has gone down the drain. cant stop thinking when she reached the turning point I feel like i need a big holiday or do something crazy like a sky dive just to take my mind off things. I know i will bump into her in a couple of months, but not sure how it will be. will we by strangers and just be civil? sometimes we would have a few drinks and socialise with same friends. what happens if we have a couple of drinks? will we relax without the pressure of a couple and get on like when we first met? or will she or me feel uncomfortable and hardly speak? i'm in my late 30s and until i met her i didnt have a problem being single. i split up before but a b it easier. but things crept up on me and i thought she was the one to settle down with. now i'm feeling lost and restless. she wasnt g/f material bit wife material. I feel so many regrets. but then it takes 2 people to make it work. feels like i have missed the boat. but if deep down she wasnt on the same page then better to happen now rather than later down the line. 4 months before break up she was the one who was pushing for us to settle down(i wasnt resisting) Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 hi adam yes it is definitly harder when you are in your 30s. but...at the same time it is better than them leading us on and leaving us when are in our later stages of life or walking out on us in the middle of raising kids, etc. people are weird. my ex did the same thing, asked me to move in a few months before she broke up with me, i dind't move in cause i am a very independent person, i feel looking back at it, i should have moved in, maybe she wouldn't of broken up with me so fast. however i think she still would, she is sellfish, and the more nc i do, i really see who she is as a person, sellfish and all about herself. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Hey guys i made it safely to chicago. I am still having a hard time not thinking about my ex, she seems to be with me mentally. And even though I am in a city that in no way reminds me of her. I see and hear things that do. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 hey pdoog. thats ok, thats normal completely 100 percent. you will still probably think of her throughout the weekend, just try to stay busy. remember this is the first step in your healing, its just a step, so it does not mean you are completely healed. this is a time of growth, to smile a little bit if you can and to just distract you. enjoy your time in chicago. you will have a great time. its normal if your mind wonders to her just remember how she hasn't contacted you and how you deserve better. enjoy yourself man. have a piece of pizza for me! Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Oh I will!!!! BEST DAMN PIZZA IN THE WORLD Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 sweeettttt!!!!!!!!!!!!! enjoy my brother. i'll be here if you need me Link to comment
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