i heard from her today

[becca0194]

I wouldn't send a card or text. I know it will be hard, but he made a choice for you not to be in his life...so just be gone.

 

Can you make plans for Saturday to get out and hopefully not think about it?

[AmandaB]

Ok, its 4:30 am. Just had a dream about him. I cant help but think that a few days after the breakup I could have made one last attempt. i went nc right away, i was too hurt to talk to him. I just think that if i would have spoken to him again he would have changed his mind.

[sunnyv]

hi amanda-nothing you would have done would of changed the fact that he left you and did not want to be with you at the moment. nothing you say, do will bring a person back. they have to come back on their own. the best thing you did was let him be. keep doing this. this way when he does think of you eventually he will miss you and think of the good things. don't give him any ammunition to think otherwise. stay silent, dissappear, his human curiosity will get the best of him.

[AmandaB]

I just feel as though i did not do enough. Im very tempted to write one last letter. It is even advised by my therapist, BUT NOT TO SEND IT. I just want him back. Its horrible. I cry everyday. I miss him. He is out partying and hanging out w/ new friends. Im not even a thought anymore. He probably has slept w/ someone else by now. Its horrible. I cant seem to shake this.

[sunnyv]

hi amanda-write it but don't send it. you will feel better after you write it but don't send it. it won't do anything if you send it. i know its hard. all you do is think about him hooking up with someone else. see i did that too. all it does is make you feel awful. try not to think about it. it does no good thinking about it. if it did happen, it already happened, nothing you can do about it. it sucks i know sweetheart. just write your feelings on a piece of paper but don't send it.

[adamt]

I compiled a letter in email in draft but havent sent it and wont send it. it is useful to try to identify where things went wrong and how i can improve myself in my next relationship. i read it now and glad i never sent it but glad i wrote it for myself. if i had sent it, i would just look desperate and she will be thinking thank god i got out of that relationship. best do nothing and no damage can be done

[AmandaB]

I just want a last chance. He is so stuborn he will never make the first move. This is the worst feeling ever. Feeling as though you didnt do enough, that you didnt fight enough for them. Some people, outside of here, have told me that if I felt that he was my soulmate that I should fight for him.

[sunnyv]

yes and no. my ex i feel is my soulmate too but people have to learn to miss you to create excitement. if you keep chasing he will run. if he is truly your solemate he will be back, especially by you doing nothing he will be back

[AmandaB]

Somebody posted in here that if you really want to get them back then you should do nothing. Dont know if you saw that post. That NC is fighting for them. That fighting for them implies that they dont know how you feel but I told him that I love him right before he left. that the best way to fight for them is to let them go.

[AmandaB]

I think that he expected me to make contact, email, call, text. That is what I have done in the past. I have always pursued him. We were LD for the last 2.5 years and for the last 9 months of that I was the one who called all the time. He just distanced himself more. Now he is living in the same city as I am again and two weeks after being back he leaves me. i was the one who chased him down. And as another person said, you run when your being chased.

[sunnyv]

exactly do nothing. especially if maybe you want him back one day. do nothing. you willl have no regrets and look strong. and strength is sexy

[AmandaB]

You see, Im thinking NC for the wrong reasons. I want him back, plain and simple. I dont think im growing too much on my own front because I still cry everyday. I go hiking but thats about it. I have, in my head, the thought that if I dont talk to him that he will miss me and come back which will kill in the end.

[adamt]

you need to find some hobbies to fill your time on an evening. I ffound the week nights hard to deal with before i started goign to the gym.

[AmandaB]

I know I do. This just consumes me for the majority of the day. I dont sleep well at night, then I wake up feeling horrible. Then the day at work it horible and once I get out im dead tired. I really think that I am depressed.

[sunnyv]

amanda-you may be, what does your therapist say? just keep working with your therapist and try not to dwell on your ex so much. you can't control his behavior, the only behaviour you can control is yourself. don't ruin yourself over someone who does not care about you.

[AmandaB]

Its so hard to acept the fact that he is gone. My therapist doesnt see me until later in the day, once a week. Im usually feeling a little better by the en dothe the day. I need to see him in the mornings when I feel like crap but I have to work. It is so hard to hear that he doesnt love me anymore like that. He said he still cares for me deeply and he always will but he's just NOT IN LOVE WITH ME anymore.

[sunnyv]

can you get up and go work out early in the morning. start your day off by working out and i guarrantee it will make you feel better. even if you cry through your workout. i did for months and months and then one day the fountain of tears just turned off or started flowing less and less.

[AmandaB]

when I wake up I am not completely up. I try to go back to sleep. Its kinda, in and out of sleep. I swear my hearts drops farther down everytime I wake up in the morning. It is the worst feeling. I have to be at work kinda early so activities in the morning usually dont happen. Im so tired today. I am going on a hike tonight, tomorrow, and sunday. trying to fill my days. I just cant get over the hump of him not coming back. Have you heard that song by the Fray, Never Say Never? That song makes me cry. I mean you really cant ever say Never, thats why my grandfather used to say. You never know what will happen in the future. You know what i need to do, write encouraging things up on my walls, everywhere. Alll over the place. Im so selfish, how are you doing SunnyV? Life going alright on your end?

[Brownstone322]

Its so hard to acept the fact that he is gone ... It is so hard to hear that he doesnt love me anymore like that. He said he still cares for me deeply and he always will but he's just NOT IN LOVE WITH ME anymore.

Amanda, I just dug out your original thread, and your breakup occurred in mid-May, correct? That's no time at all, not even close to being enough time for your emotions (or his) to stabilize.

 

I know you're in a difficult stage (my first six weeks or so were miserable), but it does get better, and both his and your feelings are likely change. You're still in the early stages of the breakup -- where everything seems hopeless -- but you need to get through this period before you glean any firm conclusions about your situation.

 

Trust me on all this. Later in the summer you will feel better and be thinking more clearly and with less dispair.

[sunnyv]

hi amanda you will make it through this.

 

good post brownstone. yes it is very early for her. she is going through the normal early stages of grief and sadness. again all normal. its so hard to get out of bed stage. we have all been there and look we are all still standing. you will make it through it. keep posting and talking to us we will help you

 

i am doing pretty good. as good as i can be, right?? lol. its just how you look at life. things could be worse. sometimes i still get sad but then i think, gosh it could be worse a lot worse, i could be dieing or have an illness then my whole life would change. yes my life has changed because of my ex but what can you do? I can't let my ex take away my happiness so i live for each moment now, each day. i try not to think about the future and that helps a lot. maybe try that, just try getting through one day at a time. hope this helps.

[AmandaB]

Thanks Brownstone. Ive been tracking a few of what you are writing and whats been going on with you. I consider 6 years to be somewhat a long term relationship, although not as long as yours. It is normal my emotions to be all over the place? I cant get them under control. And I know that you dont believe in this but I need to have some faith, that if its not meant to be with him that I will find someone else. He was my first boyfriend and that happened when i was 23. ive never really had alot of guys because Im picky. I waited until the right one came along. Thanks again.

[AmandaB]

Oh yea, you guys are awsome. Never thought in a million years I would post on one of these things. My family and friends are tired of hearing it though. My mom herself is going through a bad breakup so she definently doesnt want to hear it.

[sunnyv]

no problem. i think we are all in the same boat. sometimes i do think our families are sick of hearing from us. oh well. at least we have ena. we will make it through this. just keep tryinig to stay positive and remember there is somebody out there who will appreciate you one day whether it is your ex or somebody new. it just takes time. i am in no way ready to meet someone new, however that hasn't stopped me from getting out and trying new things-tennis lessons, working out, going to see movies, even if its by myself. i feel i am growing each and every day and becoming a much more stronger person than i ever was before. i think my ex would be shocked if she could see me. oh well, her loss, right?? lol. hope you have a better day amanda.

[Brownstone322]

Amanda, you're still in the "panic stage," which is perfectly normal, and yes, six years is a very viable relationship, which puts you a leg up on most others, I would estimate.

 

I'm no genius, but this much I know for certain:

 

1. People do in fact reconsider their decisions, no matter how emphatic they may have been at the time. That means dumpers do come back, all the time, every day ... it's happening somewhere right now. However ...

 

2. They don't come back during your panic stage. You're an emotional wreck now; who wants to walk back into that?

 

So you gonna keep panicking, or are you going to let time have its effect?

[AmandaB]

thank you, you too SunnyV. I used to have no problem going to the movies by myself because, strange as it seems, I knew that I had that ring on my fingure and I had somebody who loved me, and I had no shame. Now, since he has all these new friends and I dont, I feel like a big fat loser.