melissag87 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Amanda- I am sooo sorry Despite how much he has hurt you do you think that if he were to come back you would take him? I sometimes think about what i would do if my ex came back, I think i would take him because I love him unconditionally. No matter how much he has hurt me I can't stop loving him. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I have been asked this same question. I would take him back, but there would have to be some changes because Im not doing this again. He would have to make some changes and we would have to work on it together. He would have to open up to me. He knew that it was a problem he has always had. Im sure your friends are telling you to never take him back right? Thats what i get. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 ABSOLUTELY! my friends think he's scum and so does my family. Everyone thought that we would get married, especially since we were both soooo close to eachother's families. I would spend Thanksgiving with his and he would come over for Christmas brunch with his family to my house. I feel so alone because the only people that want us to get back together is his family. I feel so alone, i wish none of this had ever happened. I keep re-playing the whole situation over and over in my head wondering what went wrong???? I'm so confused, we were happy...at least i thought we were Link to comment
adamt Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I keep re-playing the whole situation over and over in my head wondering what went wrong???? I'm so confused, we were happy...at least i thought we were when you are into someone so much you are blinded by any warning signs the other person gives out. I suspect the doubt in the other persons mind grows gradually as it chips away at their side of the relationship. then eventually gets to the point where they just dont want to spend time with you. then they go over the edge and break up Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I guess there were some warning signs...i did start to get really short fused with me towards the end. He broke up with me on a Monday and the weekend right before that we had taken a trip to Tampa to see one of our favorite Djs play at a club. Everything seemed wonderful, it was a great trip. My cousin and her b/f went with us and when she found out that we had broken up she thought I was joking! She said that everything seemed great between us ! Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 he started to get shor-fused with me* Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Same here. I saw the warning signs but i figured once he got back from school it would be different. That we would reconnect. We have always had a connection of some sort, always. He just gave up too early. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Sorry you are feeling sad today, pdoog. I sometimes think about things I did with my ex and conversations we had prior to break up and can not believe that it went from something so good to something so hurtful, in a short amount of time. Do you think they were liars or something happens with them that we are never aware of? I don't believe they are liars, but why say all those things to me if she really didnt mean it. To be honest our actual breakup was very very tame. No arguing no nothing, I actually never got a clear cut reason. So yes something does happen ot them, and in my case I think it is just a cold cut case of Grass is greener somewhere else. But in reality, my grass was very green, I treated her like a princess/queen as good as you can treat someone. She just couldn't see it because of a few minor minor problems that she refused to work out. Link to comment
adamt Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 I guess there were some warning signs...i did start to get really short fused with me towards the end. He broke up with me on a Monday and the weekend right before that we had taken a trip to Tampa to see one of our favorite Djs play at a club. Everything seemed wonderful, it was a great trip. My cousin and her b/f went with us and when she found out that we had broken up she thought I was joking! She said that everything seemed great between us ! Yeah they probably get a short snappy temper cos they feel you are invading their personal space and any little habits you have that never bothered them before starts to get their backs up. it reminds me of when my parents come to visit. for a few hours it is ok but when they come for a couple of days i get a bit more snappy with them then i am happy to have my space. i love my parents but i can only be around them for so long. losing their sense of humour and not laughing at your jokes anymore is another warning sign Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 thats a hard one because the warning signs are there but if you do anything or say anything about them-usually the dumpers get more upset and brush you off even more. basically once they get this way there is not much you can do, so please don't feel bad or blame yourself. it has more to do with them then you. they are insecure. a normal mature person would talk to you about it and work it through. unfortunately in this world most people are immature and very very insecure. Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Sunny you are correct, in my case me and the ex most definatly could of talked about it but she refused to and just kept saying "It's for the best, you will be happier". I kept saying "No I won't" So who's right? am of course. She may be happier now but I am not. She just didn't have the guts to really tell me why she wanted to break up and just let it end. And then turned it around on me the last day we were together by saying "If you really cared and loved me you would cancel your flight and shipments" Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 The signs were there but he was unwilling to do anything. His actions definently spoke louder than his words. He would say we are working on it but do nothing which does not help the situation. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 yes they did have their chance to communicate but they choose not too or one could say their communication skills are horrible. it will be their loss one day because you just don't treat people like that. they will see that one day. you know its not us because if we had bad communication skills we would not be communicating on these boards. so its definilty our exs who have the problems. one day they will see this because more than likely they will repeat their same actions with their new people they are with and that will show them it wasn't us. we all just have to keep doing what we are doing, working on ourselves and putting ourselves in a position to succeed, whether it is work, getting in shape, enjoying life, meeting new people, etc. our time will come too and one day all of us will be happy. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 pdoog that sounds like she was insecure for sure. especially since she turned it around on you like that. she let her insecurities get the best of her. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Sunny, i totally agree with you! if we had communication problems we def would not be on these boards. I have been broke up with my ex for 3 weeks with some contact. Last week we decided to give it another shot...I ran to the bookstore and bought the Dr. Phil "Relationship Rescue" book and read the whole thing in 1 day! (an accomplishment for me since i hardly ever read) then this past friday he decided to call it quits again. It's such a dissapointment to know that I tried soooo hard to save our relationship and that he just gives up after a few days Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 yeah see i think that has to do with their maturity level, insecurity level and the belief that they think relationships don't have to be worked on and should be easy. we all know that is not true. relationships are not easy. when people say they should be easy they are lieing to themselves. nothing is easy. but that is what makes it great. that is how we grow. you sound like a mature, very good person. i would keep doing what you are doing. it is your exs loss. they will see this one day. Link to comment
toni2007 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 You're right! My ex told me that things should be easy and that if they were difficult than it wasn't meant to be. I think all couples face challenges. The problem with my ex is that he wasn't willing to face the challenges, it was easier for him to quit. He also told me that people have different levels of tolerance and that his was very low! Now that I think about it, he's such a quitter, things between us were never that bad. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 toni, i totally know what you mean. After looking back at the situation with me and my ex i've come to the conclusion that he was just sooooooooo lazy. He was lazy in all aspects of his life now that i think about it: He was in thousands of dollars in debt, he lost his full scholarship to college, he is 24 and has less credits in school than my 19 year old sis, he didn't apply for a promotion at work that opened up, he still lives at home, and he smokes pot every single night (not that i think there's a problem with that, but it does become a problem when you're already lazy to begin with) It's sad to think about how people like us put so much effort and work into a relationship and how our ex's think that it should be "easy" when that's not the case at all Link to comment
pdoog Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 My ex said if there were any ever difficulties we would talk about them before they became a problem. Boy was she backwards, she would never talk about what was bothering her. And yes sunny I believe her insecurities played amajor role in our breakup Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 yes lazyness and insecurities by our exs are a big reason why they broke up with us and why they are not talking to us now. i really think this is why. they are too lazy in a way to reach out to us and want everything to be easy. that is why when we pull back, it is like a shock to their system suddenly we are no longer making it easy for them. this is why nc is so important during this stage when they are distancing themselves from us. i think everyone on hear is doing really well, even if you have bad days the fact that we can come on hear and share our stories really helps. i am glad to see everybody having a somewhat better day. lets keep this alive, even if we have a bad moment or moments lets come on hear and keep sharing. i think by each of us picking one another up we are helping not only each other but ourselves as well. keep posting! thanks toni for sharing. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 uh oh, night is here and that is my worst time. I am alright right now but man the mornings are still horrible. I wake up with my heart on the floor. Sorry that I keep mentioning it but I hate this time of day because morning is right around the corner. I just needed to say it. Link to comment
sunnyv Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 hi amanda no its ok totally. please talk about it. i was like that for the first 6 months of the breakup. just sick to my stomach when night rolled around or the mornings. thats why i started working out at 5 am cause i couldn't sleep. i thought i was going crazy. but now in month 7 i am doing a little better. i just gave up, i fully gave up on my ex and if she is sleepign with somebody else i don't care anymore. the way i see it, it is her loss. you will get there eventually. it just takes a lot of time. keep doing what you are doing. you will make it through these nights. its ok to cry too sweetheart, we have all been there. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Don't worry Amanda i'm here if you need to talk to someone. I feel the same exact way! I hate going to bed beacuse without a doubt in my mind I know that i'll have a dream that i'm back together with my ex and i'll wake up only to realize that its not true. Link to comment
emptyinside70 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I feel nauseous almost all day everyday thinking about the ex and not knowing if she is with someone else yet. Anyone ever feel like your ex wants to contact you but can't? The last time I was talking to mine her phone wasn't taking calls and I feel like she might have lost my number when she replaced it. However, I did tell her I didn't want to me just friends, and I don't feel like me calling her would accomplish anything. Link to comment
melissag87 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I feel nauseous almost all day everyday thinking about the ex and not knowing if she is with someone else yet. Anyone ever feel like your ex wants to contact you but can't? The last time I was talking to mine her phone wasn't taking calls and I feel like she might have lost my number when she replaced it. However, I did tell her I didn't want to me just friends, and I don't feel like me calling her would accomplish anything. Ugh! i know what you mean about being nauseous....I was a happy 112lbs when my ex broke up with me and now i'm down to 105lbs...i've completely lost my appetite. Sometimes i think about my ex with someone new and it just makes me completely depressed Link to comment
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