New Pregnant Girlfriend, Do I Miss the Ex?

[navseal34]

Alright, here's the scoop: I broke up with my girlfriend because I didn't feel like we'd end up going the distance. I also felt that I ran the relationship and I want an equal. It makes things more fulfilling. I didn't feel that I was very sexually attracted to her and had been only friends since we were young. Once I got out of grad school, things evolved unconventionally (sex) and eventually into a relationship. About a year+ after she moved in, I started to really feel a missing piece in the relationship that I mildly felt when we started to get together and what kept me from officially dating her for a while. Then a girl that I thought was very cool whom I had know for a few months expressed some interest and I pulled the trigger with the girlfriend. So now things get interesting. She got pregnant. Then I started to miss the ex an wondered why. I thought about it for a month or two and started to talk to her to try to figure out why we broke up. I think it was a fundamental lack of communication (shocker) that affected how and what we thought about the other. Now, I actually have what I think is an enviable situation. The ex has no problem with my having a child (after the initial shock and disappointment). The current girlfriend (of 5 months) wants to move forward now even though for a short stint I had cold feet about what I thought was everything (baby and her). I have told each girl about the other in order to be honest to all parties. They have given me the space I have asked for to settle the feelings and thoughts that are whirring through my brain.

 

What I know:

1. I had a decent relationship with the ex before and could probably have a very good one if I so chose to move forward with her.

2. The current girlfriend is a saint and is carrying my child. She's willing to work through this to get to solid ground. We could also be very good.

3. I am looking forward to this child. I had a crappy childhood and want to provide an environment that is the best for him. I worked hard through the military, college and grad school to be able to provide for a child at this point in my life without struggling.

 

What I want to know: Should I cut ties with the ex and possibly lose her forever (since I have known the ex so long I have a pretty good idea of how it would turn out if we went forward) to make a life for my son with both a mother and father with a girl I don't know as well but has tons of potential?

[Qut81]

I say try to work things out with the preg gf. You are having a child with her and although, you dont know her as well, you said she has potential. You have a choice to start a family with your current gf or leave your preg gf for your ex, consequently creating a broken home for your child.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's time to do what's best for your child. I would work things out with your current.

[DN]

Agreed with the others. This is definitely a time to think of the child and do what is right.

[annie24]

i think you should also work things out with the current gf. give things a real shot. from my point of view, if you knew your ex for all those years and always felt something was 'off' and not quite right, then listen to that gut instinct.

[redreine]

I'm going to go with the general consensus.

 

To, in a way, play devil's advocate...if it was truly meant to be with the ex, things will eventually come back around to the two of you being together. I know that sounds somewhat selfish, I suppose...but right now you should at least give your current gf a shot.

 

A warning though. The trust is going to at least be partially gone now, so prepare for that.

Also if you do get back together with the ex, there will most likely be at least some slight resentment there.

 

Good luck, with whomever you choose.

[pinkrobot]

Okay, here's my personal opinion...

 

It sounds like the only reason you're reverting back to your feelings for your ex is because your girlfriend got pregnant so soon in the relationship, and it's scary.

 

Your feelings for your ex didn't appear to come back until the current girlfriend got pregnant. And you hadn't been with her very long, so you got scared and wanted something a little more familiar and predictable (your ex).

 

I think it's really unfair to your girlfriend for you to be considering running back to your ex. You already said yourself that you never saw yourself "going the distance" and that a piece was missing with your ex. Why would you suddenly have a change of heart, especially with another woman bringing your child into the world?

 

Don't go back to your ex. Give this current girlfriend a chance, and be a good father to the baby you've made together.