She's 18 and I'm 33 divorced with two kids

[seahawk75]

Ok I got divorced last summer, I have a 12 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. My 18 year old gf graduated from the school I teach at last May. Yes she was a student of mine and no nothing happened until about three months ago after my divorce. My ex took the kids to another state and I am moving there this summer. Just wanted some opinions on this situation, she is going to stay here a year, so we are going to deal with a long distance relationship too, i figure if it works after that then it will work out. Let me know what you think.

[JustBeachy]

First off, you my friend, are a God to me. Friends and family get angry at me when I date a 20 year old! You, on the other hand, have pulled off something amazing. haha

 

Honestly though, she's 18. You're so much further in your life than she is and being 18, I'm sure she is going to want to do the typical 18 year old stuff, especially if she goes to college. I just don't see a long distance thing working. Just my .02, but I would spare her feelings and just end it. A year is a very long time to do a long distance relationship.

[steve33]

Ok I got divorced last summer, I have a 12 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. My 18 year old gf graduated from the school I teach at last May. Yes she was a student of mine and no nothing happened until about three months ago after my divorce. My ex took the kids to another state and I am moving there this summer. Just wanted some opinions on this situation, she is going to stay here a year, so we are going to deal with a long distance relationship too, i figure if it works after that then it will work out. Let me know what you think.

 

Daddy issues, I hope you're not planning on being serious with her.

[itsallgrand]

Reading this made me cringe, and what is there to say?

 

It looks like a recipe for hurt one way or the other, or both.

[rocio]

This thread looks like a prank to me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

End the relationship and let her find someone closer to her own age who doesn't have children close to her age.

[Snoopy24]

No offense, but I think you dating a former student is highly inappropriate, let alone setting a bad example for your own kids. If I was her parent I would report you in hopes they would fire you.

[JustBeachy]

No offense, but I think you dating a former student is highly inappropriate, let alone setting a bad example for your own kids. If I was her parent I would report you in hopes they would fire you.

 

whoa whoa whoa, why?!? She's a FORMER student, not a current one. Now, if they were dating and messing around while she was current, then that's an issue. The parents can report it now if they want to, but nothing can be done. He's no longer her teacher. It's just two adults having a relationship now.

[Cognitive_Canine]

What does this 18 year old have to offer you? Or you to her?

 

Let her go, is my opinion. Her brain has not even fully developed. She will change ten fold before she even reaches 25.

[Snoopy24]

whoa whoa whoa, why?!? She's a FORMER student, not a current one. Now, if they were dating and messing around while she was current, then that's an issue. The parents can report it now if they want to, but nothing can be done. He's no longer her teacher. It's just two adults having a relationship now.

 

She is barley an adult, and it is not like a student from 5-10 years ago. This is a recent student, so more likely than not, something was going on while he was her teacher, and even if it wasn't, imo a 33 year old grown man shouldn't be dating someone a couple years older than their kids..

[JustBeachy]

She is barley an adult, and it is not like a student from 5-10 years ago. This is a recent student, so more likely than not, something was going on while he was her teacher, and even if it wasn't, imo a 33 year old grown man shouldn't be dating someone a couple years older than their kids..

 

 

Barely an adult is still an adult in the eyes of the law. I agree with you on the end there, he shouldn't be dating her, but still, if they both claim that nothing was going on while she was a student, no action can be taken.

[Snoopy24]

Barely an adult is still an adult in the eyes of the law. I agree with you on the end there, he shouldn't be dating her, but still, if they both claim that nothing was going on while she was a student, no action can be taken.

 

It could still be investigated. All I said is, if I was her parent, I would report him in HOPES he'd get fired. Because they obviously met through school, so who knows what happened. And all districts have different rules as well.

[Ms Darcy]

I would suggest moving on and finding someone closer to your own age. I know you may just want to have fun right now, but I think the chances for a long term relationship are very slim. She has a lot of growing to do, and I think it would be noble for you to let her do that.

[steelcitymstro]

I am a 23 year old public school teacher who is only 5 years older than my 18 year old female students and I couldn't imagine in a million years having a relationship or fling or whatever with any of them (I wouldn't anyway because I'm married, but that's not why I raise this point). There's a huge difference between being 33 and dating an 18 year old and being 53 and dating a 38 year old. The difference is that, if you're a 33 year old teacher and you're dating an 18 year old former student, she doesn't look at you as a boyfriend, she looks at you as an authority figure, which is what a teacher is. At the very least, that kind of dynamic is extremely unhealthy, at the most you are taking advantage (perhaps not intentionally) of the fact that she looks to you in that way.

 

End your inappropriate relationship with this girl and find someone closer to your own age.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think this is why so many parents decide to homeschool.

[COtuner]

I think ending it is best. She may be infatuated with the idea of dating an "adult" but I'm not sure it's sustainable long distance. A lot of girls that age really aren't ready for adulthood - speaking from experience. I had a crush on a 28 year old when I was 19 and when we went out with his friends, I felt like a little girl and couldn't relate at all. No matter how mature I was for my age, I wasn't mature compared to a 28 year old.

[blueeyedme]

This is legally just out of pedophilia range... do you have control issues or something? Does she not have a father? I have an 18 yo daughter and trust me, you would have had a good a** whipping by now.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you should prepare yourself to be raising another child.

[JustBeachy]

For the record, I never said I approved of this. I'm just stressing the point that there's nothing legally wrong about it, even though it may look wrong. Morally wrong? yes, of course.

[seahawk75]

Her dad knows, he is not happy, so no daddy issues. I was married when she was a student of mine and nothing happened, no flirting, nothing like that at all, believe me or not. A few month ago she contacted me, she pursued me, i did not go after her. We have discussed her being a different person later in life, we have discussed all the negatives of this relationship, your input is helping also, thanks.

[Miss Firecracker]

Just for the sake of reputation in your school district, I would think you'd know better. This could likely cause you to lose your job. Of course they can't legally fire you for doing this, but they could examine you very closely for other things and before you know it...you're gone. They could also do what other schools are doing recently, cut a few heads for lack of funds. They will see you as a liability, a high risk.

[BrunetteBarbie]

Then what exactly are you asking for with this thread ? Clearly you dont see anything wrong with it and you dont plan on ending this relationship,despite to her being barely an adult, and since youve "already discussed everything", what do you need advice about ?

 

I may not be that much better, since I had a sexual affair with my teacher, but there is no way I would enter into a serious relationship with him (btw, Im 18 too), cuz I know the age gap is too big and it wouldnt work anyway.

 

 

 

you may not see it now but you and her are worlds apart, esp cause she isnt even fully grown yet,and IMO it is just a recipe for pain.. good luck with the long distance thing..You'll need it!

[steelcitymstro]

Her dad knows, he is not happy, so no daddy issues. I was married when she was a student of mine and nothing happened, no flirting, nothing like that at all, believe me or not. A few month ago she contacted me, she pursued me, i did not go after her. We have discussed her being a different person later in life, we have discussed all the negatives of this relationship, your input is helping also, thanks.

 

You're trying very hard to justify this relationship, but it's not working. You say she contacted you and pursued you and you didn't go after her. Maybe true, but just because she contacts you means you have to give in? That was your moment to say "I'm flattered but I'm your teacher and this isn't appropriate." You discussed a future with this girl? Don't you realize that she still views you as an authority figure? She trusts EVERYTHING you say.....you're taking advantage of this girl.

 

If you're so comfortable with the fact that she's 18 but she's a *former* student, why don't you ask your teacher co-workers what they think about your little fling? Or better yet, how about your principal or superintendent? I don't believe you will because deep down you know this is morally questionable and it's still questionable enough that your school might take disciplinary action against you if they knew about it.

 

You are putting your career in jeopardy my friend. I haven't been 33 yet, so I'm guessing you're getting a special thrill that someone so young and fresh is interested in you, but you ought to put that fantasy in the back of your head and move on. It's inappropriate and I think you know your colleagues at your school would tell you the same. I would suggest you seek counseling.....

[steelcitymstro]

Then what exactly are you asking for with this thread ? Clearly you dont see anything wrong with it and you dont plan on ending this relationship,despite to her being barely an adult, and since youve "already discussed everything", what do you need advice about ?

 

I may not be that much better, since I had a sexual affair with my teacher, but there is no way I would enter into a serious relationship with him (btw, Im 18 too), cuz I know the age gap is too big and it wouldnt work anyway.

 

 

 

you may not see it now but you and her are worlds apart, esp cause she isnt even fully grown yet,and IMO it is just a recipe for pain.. good luck with the long distance thing..You'll need it!

 

Barbie....since you have volunteered that you've been on the student end of a situation like this, do you have anything to offer on the whole "authority figure" issue? When you were having this affair with one of your teachers, did you really view this guy as an equal, or was there an authority element to it?

[steelcitymstro]

I thought of one more thing....If you're serious about keeping this relationship, how long do you think you're going to be able to hide it from everyone else? Even if you are together for 5 years, people will still be able to do the math and your reputation will still be ruined....Think with your brain, not with your sex drive and get out while you still can.