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steelcitymstro

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steelcitymstro last won the day on April 5 2009

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About steelcitymstro

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    Bronze Member
  • Birthday 08/26/1985
  1. It sounds to me like she is not the only one having doubts about your relationship. Your initial comment of "should I even bother trying to reconcile this mess?" and your later comment of "I'm trying to decide if she deserves me after all this immature drama" are a little bit telling of your attitude IMHO. The answer to both of those questions is "YES, of course! But only if you love her...." First of all, as a married guy, I find that it is easy to become too controlling--not because you're a control freak, but because if you genuinely have a ton of care and concern for the other person,
  2. btw annie24, I would be willing to see a counselor, but I don't think she would. And I'm afraid if I were to suggest it she'd be very hurt or insulted. Some have suggested I print out some of this thread to show her--she'd be so hurt to know I felt I had to turn to strangers for advice. I think it's a smart move myself, because I know I'm getting unbiased opinions, but I just think she would take everything the wrong way....
  3. I like the last two posts....I never looked at it like that before...that my opinion should matter whether anyone agrees with me or not. I have definitely felt like unless she thinks others would agree with me (namely her mother!) my arguments don't have much validity. We have been able to successfully compromise with bigger issues. We generally handle money well, although I admit we make decent enough money that its usually not a huge issue....we both live within our means. And we've made huge progress compromising on when we see which family for which holiday, etc. etc. crazyfor
  4. She would be severely hurt if I showed this thread to her....Obviously the whole "find five people who agree with you" thing is immature and yes, she does handle a lot of disagreements like this. I won't even engage in an argument with her if I know she's right, so a lot of our fights are me being on the defense. I think this gives her the impression that I always think I'm right--she's quick to forget the times I back down when I know she's right. We've been married for two years, so I'm guessing I'm asking folks with more marriage experience---is she always going to argue this way, or
  5. Follow up: After getting a few opinions here last night, I had some good talking points to use with my wife for the inevitable "after-fight" conversation this morning. I tried to echo some of the sentiments that some of you had shared with me and basically got blown off. She assured me that "the only person who would agree with (me) is (my) mother." I said that I didn't believe that to be true and she replied with "I challenge you to find five people who agree with you other than your family." I said "how do you know I haven't asked other people about this?" to which she replied "I don't b
  6. Dude...you are too young to be saying "I guess this is how things had to start in my adult life." No, things do NOT have to start this way! I don't want to be a hypocrite here...I got married young at 21, but I've also been in a relationship similar to what you're describing. You've made a huge investment of your time (3 years) and your hesitant to let that relationship fail because of the effort you've put into it. But you have to be honest with yourself--time together does not equal a healthy relationship, it just equals a long relationship. No offense, but your g/f sounds very immat
  7. Thanks for posting itsallgrand...it might be helpful to know that I went to college over 6 hours away from home and made a very clean break. I love my family, but I'm fairly independent and needed to get away from home. My wife was only an hour from home and went home every weekend. So, now that you have me thinking about it, I had four years of independent life in college that she didn't have.
  8. I think karma comes from your own sense of character and integrity--not from everyone else's lack-there-of. My boss is a perpetual liar--nothing big, just a bunch of little white lies....stuff that doesn't ruin your day, but definitely gets under your skin. However, I don't let him get to me because I know that, even though he is in a higher position of authority than I am, has more experience than I do and gets paid a heck of a lot more than I do, none of that means he has more character or personal integrity than I do. The more confident you are in your own integrity, the easier it is
  9. Don't be sorry--I appreciate the bluntness. We're both 23 BTW, which I know everyone will say is young and it is, but we're not the average emotions-before-intellect young couple who ran off and got married because we had nothing else better to do. We just knew we were right for each other, dated for a year, got engaged, did pre-marital counseling with our pastor, then got married. And apart from what I've posted, things are smooth between us. I agree with a lot of what you say. I can definitely be stubborn, but I'll differ with you on the selfish charge. I've given up a lot to be with
  10. I suppose the family thing is all relative. She's from a small town--her entire extended family lives within 20 minutes of each other. My situation is more similar to yours--family all over the place. From her perspective, she has a wonderful, old-fashioned close-knit family. From my perspective, they are so far into each others business, it would be unbearable to live there. We would never get ANY privacy and of that I am certain. I would be all for counseling, but I don't think she would be. She'd either be insulted or hurt if I asked, so I'm afraid to ask. I don't know if there's s
  11. I've tried my very best to make my case about where we should live. This is one major issue that we did not discuss that much before we were married. We are in jobs that pretty much dictate where we'll live....plus we have different career goals....so the issue of where we live is not so cut and dry. However, we have the same family goals and are trying to be proactive. Having kids is at least 3-5 years away if not longer, but the sooner we find jobs that we can live with for awhile, the sooner we can find a place to live and a place to raise a family in the future. Plus, I never would have
  12. Jelina--thanks for your reply. I will readily admit that I have been controlling in the past....not intentionally, but I think a marriage is so much different than a close dating relationship in terms of what kind of give and take you need. Even so, what could I have possibly done to make her think that I want to alienate her from her family? Yes, her family is nosey, but they're still her family and my family too. I love her parents...I just don't want them breathing down our necks. The moving thing is a hot button issue because neither of us are happy with the town we're living in righ
  13. Sparkie....thanks for your reply. I totally agree with you that these things are a symptom of something larger, but I don't have any idea what that something may be. If she has doubts about me, I can't get her to fess up to them. Your point about her not getting her way may have some truth to it as well--she definitely grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. She's a wonderful person, but a wonderful person who was probably spoiled as a child and greatly out of touch with how average people live. I've often thought it was a miracle she turned out as well as she has based on the way her f
  14. I created a profile on this site just to post, because after reading through several online help forums, this one seems to have the most constructive, straight-forward advice....I just wrapped up another fight with my wife--we've been together for three years and married for two. Most of the time our relationship is very good, but when we fight, we *really* fight and it's usually over pretty trivial stuff. However trivial the subject matter may be, for me it always comes back to one point--her viewpoints in the arguments reveal how she really sees me as a person...and what she sees is not wh
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