THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[hrb23]

In addition to my last post:

 

I have been talking to her throughout the morning. I explained exactly how I feel and we both exchanged I love you's reminisced over special moments and the reasons these cannot happen again.

 

I told her I need time and space to heal. I feel much better than I did yesterday. I think I jumped into this challenge before I had any sort of amicable closure which I now have.

 

I'm ready to leave this chapter of my life behind as it was toxic from the start. Do I love her? Of course. Will I love someone more? Of course, but only if I get this episode out of the way.

 

I'm ready. I'll be here tomorrow. And the next day..

[lolita]

Day 53

 

Layla21 keep talking with the guy you have met online trust me it really helps. I don't know how long ago was your break up but mine was in November (last time I saw him 3 days after thanksgiving) but only started doing NC bc he had stringed me along for a while until he pulled the plug early January from where I ve decided to go no contact.

 

While he was all confused not knowing if he could be in a relationship while on drug recovery, I was talking to this guy just to keep myself busy and guess what we talk more and more and started to call each other often and he is the one I m going to finally meet. I had also went on one date with another guy and the date was horrible but at least, I was trying to force myself to go out and meet new people!

 

It might lead nowhere or it could get you in a better place. I don't take this guy as a rebound but more as a new potential for a relationship and screw my ex who didn't see it in me. I will never know if that recovery is even real. All I know, is that I should have listen to the red flags, that a guy with no job, living with his mom and do nothing all day long are surely not ready for any commitment! Like you I want to reach indifference, because I know one day we are going to bump into each other and I don't want to be weak. Keep it up guys and really try to focus on being a better version of yourself! I have quit smoking now for 21 days, I follow daily a squat challenge, I have beautiful new hair color! I m like a new person which was never related to the ex....

[TiredOfDating]

I don't take this guy as a rebound but more as a new potential for a relationship and screw my ex who didn't see it in me.

 

This is where I'm at with the guy I've been talking to. I was on Tinder and POF probably the same night as the dinner with the ex in which I finally ended the limbo for myself. A few I'd like or swipe right but no real interest. there was one other guy I talked to but wasn't really into it. He could have been fun, but I wasn't ready yet. and that was like 2 weeks ago.

 

I really think breaking NC last friday actually helped me get to a moving on point. I've been talking to this new guy just since last Saturday and we have a date set up for this Sunday. At first I was a bit hesitant, but the more days go buy, the better I feel about it. He seems excited. And I deserve someone who's excited to see me.

 

I've already decided I'm no longer going to track how many days of NC.

[luisannalui]

Day #29

[hrb23]

Day #29

 

This post gives me more hope in my situation than any I have seen all day.

[coffinqt]

Day 4:

 

I realize I am alone in wanting to hope for my relationship to be more, but I can't help but wonder if the right person for me is all the way across the pond.

 

I've stopped crying about this for the most part, so that's good. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he will after all of this. I don't know.

[layla21]

Day 53

 

It might lead nowhere or it could get you in a better place. I don't take this guy as a rebound but more as a new potential for a relationship and screw my ex who didn't see it in me. I will never know if that recovery is even real.

 

Keep it up guys and really try to focus on being a better version of yourself! I have quit smoking now for 21 days, I follow daily a squat challenge, I have beautiful new hair color! I m like a new person which was never related to the ex....

 

Day 51

 

Aww lolita! That made my day, thanks.

My BU was actuallly right before Christmas (worst timing ever), so it's been almost 3 months. It's crazy how times flies and what I've learnt during this time apart from him. It was so tough and I've literally been through almost all stages of grief in any combination possible but somehow I stayed consistent with the NC. Thinking back on how pathetically I crawled back to him a week after just makes me clear how normal everything is and everyone is going through it only to stand up again.

 

You are right, even though I am not ready for anything serious yet, I am trying. It is fun to just get to know someone know. If there's any potential, I will know later (probably not at this stage because I still miss my ex too much).

 

Anyway, I am so glad for your positivity and congrats on being a non-smoker, you can def manage and show him what he's missing. I'm also thinking about some more drastic hair styling, we'll see

[coffinqt]

Day 5:

 

Hasn't been long, but I feel like I've made a lot of progress. This is the point where I start to think "hey I feel better, I can add him again!" That was the mistake I made nearly 5 months ago with cutting NC off early.

 

I must say, it really helps that I blocked him from FB, where he shows the most activity, because that's another mistake I made during last NC; while I wasn't speaking to him, I kept checking his social media, and it made me so paranoid. I think that's what made me cut it off so early.

 

Today was one of the better days.

[Coconutcandell]

day 25, i dont know why but yesterday and today are really painfull... i miss him so much

[hrb23]

Day 1 (second attempt)

 

Started this yesterday but this will be the first full day (fingers crossed)

 

Last night was GREAT. I hung out, had some beers with a close friend, and discussed stuff in detail. Ended up making me feel much better to the point where I slept like a baby which I haven't done in MONTHS.

 

This morning was terrible. One thought triggered a whole range of emotions that I have struggled with throughout the morning. This was the last message I sent my ex of whom I love very deeply before NC was initiated. (Note she is 'dating' a new guy):

 

So youre gone. In this moment i just want to tell you how happy i am to have known you. You are a beautiful, kind, thoughtful, independent and classy woman who made my life better from the second you entered it. I will always be thankful to know you. When i think about life and how we only get ONE go around it I am saddened to think I only got 1 year out of it with you. I would have taken many many more. I am your hrb23. And i thank you for the year you gave me. Youre a very special person who I am privileged to have known and had the chance to date. I wish you and your family all the best in the future. I love you all.

 

It's nice to know I left everything positively and I'm very content to move on knowing she knows exactly what she did for me.

 

Day 1/30

[lolita]

Layla21 you should totally go for the hair changes. I was hesitant from being blond going to a dark brown but I got so many compliments that I feel like I made the right choice and thanks so much about the non smoking! Yeah your break up happened around the same time as mine! I feel you! Xmas is the worst time to be dumped!

 

But TiredofDating and you Layla21 should keep going on dates! TiredofDating, I hope your date will go well on Sunday ! Keep us posted ! It makes us feel desirable again and boost our self confidence! Lately I have requests from everywhere but I focus on one person at the time.

 

So I finally saw the new guy last night he really treated me like a princess ! It felt so good! We really have something btw us. He gave me a goodbye kiss that makes you crave for some more.

 

Now I was on my way back home with butterflies in my stomach when I don't know why I scrolled on my Fb and looked for my ex!

 

He removed himself from Fb! I m so worried ! I want to text him and ask if he is ok! He is probably struggling with his drug issues i m sad

I don't know what I should do? I don't have anymore an agenda bc I want to try with the new guy but I care so much for my ex that I m scared that if I text him he might think I want something and what if he comes back? I m lost ! What should I do? I feel so much pain knowing he is battling this thing alone !

Why would he removed his FB? He kept his IG but never updates it.

 

Please guys I ll be glad if you can tell me if I should or not break no contact ! Thanks

[TiredOfDating]

Layla21 you should totally go for the hair changes. I was hesitant from being blond going to a dark brown but I got so many compliments that I feel like I made the right choice and thanks so much about the non smoking! Yeah your break up happened around the same time as mine! I feel you! Xmas is the worst time to be dumped!

 

But TiredofDating and you Layla21 should keep going on dates! TiredofDating, I hope your date will go well on Sunday ! Keep us posted ! It makes us feel desirable again and boost our self confidence! Lately I have requests from everywhere but I focus on one person at the time.

 

So I finally saw the new guy last night he really treated me like a princess ! It felt so good! We really have something btw us. He gave me a goodbye kiss that makes you crave for some more.

 

Now I was on my way back home with butterflies in my stomach when I don't know why I scrolled on my Fb and looked for my ex!

 

He removed himself from Fb! I m so worried ! I want to text him and ask if he is ok! He is probably struggling with his drug issues i m sad

I don't know what I should do? I don't have anymore an agenda bc I want to try with the new guy but I care so much for my ex that I m scared that if I text him he might think I want something and what if he comes back? I m lost ! What should I do? I feel so much pain knowing he is battling this thing alone !

Why would he removed his FB? He kept his IG but never updates it.

 

Please guys I ll be glad if you can tell me if I should or not break no contact ! Thanks

 

 

Is there someone you can ask about him and his well being?

[coffinqt]

Day 6:

 

Got some things done that I needed to get done, so now I can enjoy my Spring break. I'm proud of myself.

 

Today was another better day, as in a "not sad or crying" day, but I did get frustrated and angry thinking of him. I hate how he still wants to be friends when he has shown that he does not care for me, at least because he's "exhausted the limits" of being able to, being long distance and all. I think this was brought on by just casually thinking of what I'll do after NC. Honestly, I don't know at this point, but it's still early; I don't have to think about it right now.

[layla21]

 

So I finally saw the new guy last night he really treated me like a princess ! It felt so good! We really have something btw us. He gave me a goodbye kiss that makes you crave for some more.

 

Now I was on my way back home with butterflies in my stomach when I don't know why I scrolled on my Fb and looked for my ex!

 

He removed himself from Fb! I m so worried ! I want to text him and ask if he is ok! He is probably struggling with his drug issues i m sad

I don't know what I should do? I don't have anymore an agenda bc I want to try with the new guy but I care so much for my ex that I m scared that if I text him he might think I want something and what if he comes back? I m lost ! What should I do? I feel so much pain knowing he is battling this thing alone !

Why would he removed his FB? He kept his IG but never updates it.

 

Please guys I ll be glad if you can tell me if I should or not break no contact ! Thanks

 

Day 53...

 

Lolita, I would advise you not to contact him. If there is anything I have learnt from all threats it is to completely keep distance from an ex.

 

Think about it - you do NOT know if him deactivating FB has any relation to his drug issues (I even deactivated mine for a timebeing bc it was distracting and I couldnt bear seeing my ex on pictures or so). Also, there can be any other possible reasons for doing that.

I am aware you are concerned and still care about him but he dumped you, wanted you out of his life and this is exactly what you should give him. It sounds harsh but if he needs help or anything, he would man up and contact you himself(responding him is another issue).

 

Please dont ruin your progress because of some interpretations. I had these moments even in other circumstances as well but it is merely not our business anymore to take care of them. It is tough but now, be selfish bc he did the same when he dumped you. They just dont care about us anymore.

 

Also, things are going well with the new guy and I can sense there might be more in the future but you need to detach yourself from your ex.

Dont give in and up, lolita. Think about yourself!

[bbogdanov]

Day 20 - I BROKE NC messaging my ex-gf I love her i cried and felt so depressed, I am complete mess...

[dakun]

Day 1

 

After 3 weeks always broke the NC once a week.. I want to challenge my self.. so last friday was the day I finally release the anger, asked forgiveness (though I'm the one most hurt by our canceled engagement) and forgive him.. I feel peace this 2 days but still sometimes miss him and think of the what if..

 

The last 3 weeks never been he contacted me first and rarely respond to my communication efforts, so I really need to go NC.. wish me luck guys..

[TiredOfDating]

Day 20 - I BROKE NC messaging my ex-gf I love her i cried and felt so depressed, I am complete mess...

 

Did she reply? It was around the 20 day or so mark that I broke as well. I think we all are guilty of it. Don't be hard on yourself. Just start all over. Every day is a new day.

[bbogdanov]

Not at all, she've "seen" it but did not reply anything. I poured my heart over her, but... Honestly, I don't expect anything, I know she doesn't love me and I don't expect something different. I just needed to tell her I love her (for the millionth time in the past 3 months )

[lolita]

Day 53...

 

Lolita, I would advise you not to contact him. If there is anything I have learnt from all threats it is to completely keep distance from an ex.

 

Think about it - you do NOT know if him deactivating FB has any relation to his drug issues (I even deactivated mine for a timebeing bc it was distracting and I couldnt bear seeing my ex on pictures or so). Also, there can be any other possible reasons for doing that.

I am aware you are concerned and still care about him but he dumped you, wanted you out of his life and this is exactly what you should give him. It sounds harsh but if he needs help or anything, he would man up and contact you himself(responding him is another issue).

 

Please dont ruin your progress because of some interpretations. I had these moments even in other circumstances as well but it is merely not our business anymore to take care of them. It is tough but now, be selfish bc he did the same when he dumped you. They just dont care about us anymore.

 

Also, things are going well with the new guy and I can sense there might be more in the future but you need to detach yourself from your ex.

Dont give in and up, lolita. Think about yourself!

 

Thanks Layla21

 

I wish I had seen your message before ...

I broke no contact last night ... we exchanged a few messages he is still working on himself . And not seeing anyone as I could understand .

I feel like I completely messed up. I even sent him a pix of my new hair. He told me I looked pretty and asked if I was sending that pic to every guys... why would he say that ?

 

He told me he had removed his social media without me asking for it. I asked why he never came around and he said " mixed emotions" what is that supposed to mean?

 

I feel horrible today. I shouldn't have contacted him. I almost ruined everything with the new guy bc both were texting at the same time and told him cos I was overwhelmed with emotions.

I drunk a lot too cos I have been pushing myself for 56 days and after speaking to him I cried so much I felt all these efforts were done for nothing.

And felt like I betrayed the new guy too .

I feel just awful . You guys were right when they say they felt terrible after contacting the ex. Now I know why.

I m back at NC.

[Tombo7891]

Four months we've been split up, today is 6 days no contact and its close to the longest that we've gone. She is on a trip for a week so I know that there will be no contact for another week. Its what I want, but knowing 100% that I'm not going to talk to her this week is getting me down. I have friends, been on a handful of dates in the last couple of months but I'm lonely, so lonely. I don't know if its her or not having someone who loves me. I miss it!! I know this is a life lesson that is making me grow and helping me int he long run, but god damn do I feel low right now.

[TiredOfDating]

 

But TiredofDating and you Layla21 should keep going on dates! TiredofDating, I hope your date will go well on Sunday ! Keep us posted ! It makes us feel desirable again and boost our self confidence! Lately I have requests from everywhere but I focus on one person at the time.

 

Date didn't go well. Not attracted to him. He wasn't much of a conversationalist. Very awkward.

 

But I got that first date after break up out of the way!

[WombatShadow]

I'm late to the party, but this is Day 6 of No Contact for me. 15 days since the breakup, and one week precisely since the post-breakup explosion.

 

It's been rough, gang. With my decision not to be friends for the timebeing, I have fractured our group. We all had plans to hang out yesterday, and of course I couldn't go. One friend couldn't make it at the last minute, so my third friend and my ex were alone. I know all of this because my friend who did hang out with him told me about it this morning. No specifics, but he did let me know that he was okay (we're convinced he's depressed in a clinical sense, and he has been shutting himself off from friends for a while; I asked our friends to keep an eye on him and keep in touch with him regularly so he doesn't do anything drastic, because I was previously his main contact). While I'm relieved that he's okay, it killed me not to join them last night. I wanted to bombard my friend with specific questions, but for now I'm just glad my ex is okay. He's been taking this breakup really hard, and so have I of course, but as he's the one who did it...well, I just worry for him. I forgot to eat yesterday, I was so wrapped up in worry and dating/breakup/reconciliation articles.

 

My mom came into town today, and we went mattress shopping. When she asked what I'd had for dinner and I realized that I hadn't eaten since Friday evening, she whisked me off for a burger and chastisement for not caring for myself. She's moved on from hating my ex's guts and seems to think that there's a chance for us to get back together. She and he were quite close, with the same brand of sarcastic wit that seems to be instilled to all good teachers during college. We talked about sex and the lack thereof in our relationship, and she put forth that it's performance anxiety combined with stress from work. She also mentioned that she'd seen him watch me throughout our relationship when I wasn't looking, and that the look in his eyes hadn't changed in the 3+ years we'd been dating/almost dating, so she thinks that if he was attracted to me in the first place that he was still attracted to me, at least back at Christmas. That was good to know, in a bittersweet way.

 

We also went to my brother's place, which was both cathartic and a struggle. My brother and I talked in his garage for a while, and he told me that as much as this sucks now, I need to put myself back in first place. I take after my father in that aspect: I put my own importance behind others. He doesn't think my ex and I had a good relationship, but he's of the mind that everyone needs to experience heartbreak before they could have true love (going off his own life experience, of course) and he thinks that long-distance rarely works out. He kept affirming his previous statements that I won't be alone forever, and I finally broke down and told him of my previous online dating experiences (either jerks wanting sexual favors or even bigger jerks telling me I'm ugly/fat and need to kill myself). I'm so scared that I'll have to put myself back out there, because it was so horrible last time. I cried a lot more than I'd like to admit, but at least his baby girl seemed to sense that I wasn't doing well because she kept tottering to me (she's just learning to walk) and cuddling me a lot more than she normally does. That was helpful.

 

And now I'm here, typing anonymously on forums instead of talking to my ex. God, I miss him. I want to ask how his mom is (though his sister is keeping me well-informed), I want to ask how his class is, I want to joke about his ridiculous reading group that he's only in so the school would pay for the book and give him a post-Masters credit...I want to burrow my face into his neck and breathe in that scent that could never be completely covered up by cologne, I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to kiss him goodbye with all the fervor that we used to kiss with.

 

This whole breakup thing sucks.

[lolita]

Date didn't go well. Not attracted to him. He wasn't much of a conversationalist. Very awkward.

 

But I got that first date after break up out of the way!

 

It's ok my first date after break up was a total disaster and not a conversationalist either. But I can laugh about it now! He came 4h late, FaceTime his cousin and then parents ... credit cards got declined and had to pay ... so don't give up. You ll meet a better one. I feel a little better now from the anxiety of breaking no contact last night .

Feel stupid tho cos you would think that initiating will make them want to talk to you again and text again but nop ... I don't exists for him .

 

At least as you said you got that first date post BU out of the way! So you are on your way to recovery and be able to make your life without him !

Let's keep hoping for better but as for me he can shut down all his social media or something I won't care anymore and promise myself to keep no contact forever unless he reaches out .

[coffinqt]

Day 7:

 

Things are still going well. It's nice pretending he was never in my life to begin with. Still, I wonder what he's doing and if he thinks of me.

[Glashalfulguy]

Day 22:

 

Miss her like crazy!

 

So after feeling well for sumtime and accepting what has happened this past few months i sumtimes still have these break downs from thinking of her. Mainly the fact that I believe that she doesnt feel the same way and how can she so easily cope with this when she was basically obssessed with me to begin with. How did I become so weak for someone i just loved. (well inlove with) This is my second time in no contact and im so afraid of making contact with her again but terrified of losing her forever. (now ive heard success stories of couples reuniting after years apart which keeps me going)

 

The thing that bothers me the most is that within these past 22 days she contacted me about 3 times (via facebook and got my number from sumwhere for watsapp which was funny pics about stuff we used to laugh about) but i keep asking why still contact me? (she literally said that shes done and wants to be single and just friends but i dont want to see her move on or be there for her when the new guy breaks her heart) Ive been there before and it literaly breaks you in half. point is she has alot of admirers on her side and i dont want to hear this again everytime she talks.

 

sumtimes i feel like i cant wait to meet someone new and start all over but at this stage im still comparing every girl to her( still need time i guess) but how long does it take to get over someone if your not even seeing a picture of them.(except for this morning i forgot that i have her parents on facebook and a pic of her just popped up and i freaked at how beautiful she was) Then i keep wondering how it is so easy for her to just move on like this after all weve been through.How can i give my all to someone ever again.

 

Havent broken NC at all.did read the message she sent me and deleted her number again. Havent heard from her since.