THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[misunderstd19]

Day 2: of starting NC AGAIN! (or very LC as we are on friendly terms, but its NC from my side so far!)

 

Signed up to some emails from some ex back site by Kevin Thompson, got these qs from him today which I am going to answer honestly.

 

-Are you still trying to get back with him?

 

Kind of YES. I don't want the all of the old relationship back, I know it may not be possible. I don't want to jump into it if given the opportunity, I just need to EXPLORE this again. To see if from both sides if we feel something strong. Like attraction with a potential future. And if he has also matured in this time or still going to behave the same... then I probably would have to resist the temptation to settle for him only to be dissatisfied.

 

-Did you start dating other people in the meantime? Yes, I met up with 2 guys. One was a friend, another randomer. Both date were fruitless and I felt nothing.

 

 

-Are you going to the gym (or some other physical activity) and taking up new hobbies? I am trying, but nothing revolutionary. Although the one month I joined the gym I felt great about myself and body and I will be joining again in due time. I'm glad Im making some positive changes because it would be a turn off for both myself to stay the same old person and for him too. I don't know. I have to do this for myself.

 

 

-Would you say you are still obsessing over your ex? Yes.. which is why I had to resort to NC again

 

-Did you apply the no contact rule? Yes.. but I broke it! So im starting again

 

-If you are still obsessed with your ex, do you feel this is a good way to continue living or you should try to change it? Its terrible but I know it is partly due to the fact I am on summer vacation now, as soon as I start working again next week I will be busy with my life so I think it will be easier to forget him and I will have less time to obsess over him.

 

-Have you made any effort in moving on? I have tried and failed. Hence came back to square one, obsessing.. and applying NC again.

 

-Did you accept the fact that you might never get back with him and embrace the fact that there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love?

 

As hard as I thought it would be, knowing HE is happy without me and also said we are not the right people for each other shows HE has hope we will be fine. SO I too have hope that there is truth in his words. I don't know when or if anytime soon but in the future I do see myself happy without him and maybe someone else. I can accept I will be happy but I would prefer to know I could be happy and we could be in love (me & him) but I will see what God brings us and what our fate/destiny is.

 

-Would you consider yourself a happy person? Yes, Im pretty positive most of the time in many walks and aspects on life. But I can have really low points and down days where I am extremely cold and bitter. I really need to work on myself and set myself free from this misery I am choosing to endure. I hope its worthwhile.

 

The thing is I know I am capable of moving on, I am just worried that when comes back or realises it might be too late and I will be so over him that my doors will have closed. I wanted to leave things open ended so its possible to reconcile but I realise that is stupid. because it should be a new thing, I should have my defences up and my judgement unbiased and at its clearest so I don't make stupid mistakes in selecting who I decide to share myself with in a relationship.

 

SO here are the Qs! Copy paste answer and comment! looking forward to hearing you updates you lovely folks! xoxoxo

 

 

-Are you still trying to get back with him?

-Did you start dating other people in the meantime?

-Are you going to the gym (or some other pysical activity) and taking up new hobbies?

-Would you say you are still obsessing over your ex?

-Did you apply the no contact rule?

-If you are still obsessed with your ex, do you feel this is a good way to continue living or you should try to change it?

-Have you made any effort in moving on?

-Did you accept the fact that you might never get back with him and embrace the fact that there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love?

-Would you consider yourself a happy person?

[Guymandude97]

It's about day 23 or 24.... I'm starting to lose count. I'm starting to realise things..... such as there was way too much drinking in our relationship. Lots of sex, right from the get go... but again tied into the drinking. We may have a friendship that can be saved, and renew and rebuild our relationship through commitment to quitting drinking and bringing God into our partnership.... at the end of 60 days we'll know

[coldmoon]

Day 3

 

Feeling terrible today, also my money got stolen when i was on a trip today

[rlhuk]

Day 28:

 

Still feeling good. Wondering why people put a prescribed number of days on their NC? Surely it should just be indefinite? Personally I think even if I started talking to him another 85 days down the line it would put me back to square one.

[hopelessincan]

Four weeks tomorrow. 28 days. I know my part in the break up and I know his. And its going to be ok. Havent been pining for him, but if and most likely when he contacts me it will bring me back. Whether I acknowledge it or not. Anyways..I am proud of myself. I've been able to put my emotions on a shelf. Thank goodness I have been busy...I know it has helped.

[hopelessincan]

Maybe this doesn't belong here, but I think its an interesting quiz..

 

Are you still trying to get back with him? Trying to, no..wanting to, yes

-Did you start dating other people in the meantime? not really. Going out and meeting people yes, but not at all interested or ready in dating.

-Are you going to the gym (or some other pysical activity) and taking up new hobbies? yes. Forcing myself, but at least Im doing it.

-Would you say you are still obsessing over your ex? Maybe. He's still in my head for sure

-Did you apply the no contact rule? eventually.

-If you are still obsessed with your ex, do you feel this is a good way to continue living or you should try to change it? its all good. Im doing what I have to do.

-Have you made any effort in moving on? yes.

-Did you accept the fact that you might never get back with him and embrace the fact that there are endless opportunities out there to find happiness and love? accept the fact - yes. Embrace it - not a chance

-Would you consider yourself a happy person? I used to be. Trying to find that person again. She was so much more fun.

[brokensobad]

It's 28 days NC to me. I'm feeling better , sometimes I think about my ex but not like before. Also went to couple of dates but I'm taking it slow.

[Lyn0029]

Im on my 4 months of NC. It really helps me a lot, but still i miss him so bad, and im still hoping he will contact me,

[beanpot]

Day 32: It gets easier to the point where I am not crying on a daily basis anymore. But I still have moments that hit so hard it hurts like a freight train. I still hope... and pray... that she will return and allow me to give her my best, my all, my everything. Holding onto this hope helps me get through the days with less pain... but it also means I continue to have pain... Talk about a catch-22. God help me. Sometimes I just can't sleep... so I get out of bed, and start typing into my private journal, and start typing into this forum... just to let me fingers fly and my mind diffuse.

[brokensobad]

Today I'm 30 days no contact! OMG, It didn't even feel like 30 days! the first 2 weeks was terible. I just realized it's been 30 days when I check my alarm and yeah 2 months post break up!

[Guymandude97]

Nearly at 30 days..... just feeling really empty, and sad. Not pining so much, but trying to see the bigger picture and how everything could happen like it did. Listening to a lot of sad songs. I love her, but the love I'm feeling is now a caring, unselfish love.... I really want her to be ok and to be happy, with or without me. And of course I want the same for me. I hope I'll be able to talk to her.

 

One thing I've noticed on this forum, is that there are some people who offer encouragement and understanding. Then there are some who just bluntly say "there's no point in contacting her, or trying to reach out. It's over. Get over it" ... whether that's true or not, that advice isnt helpful. I have enough friends around me who will tell me that kind of thing

[beanpot]

Nearly at 30 days..... just feeling really empty, and sad. Not pining so much, but trying to see the bigger picture and how everything could happen like it did. Listening to a lot of sad songs. I love her, but the love I'm feeling is now a caring, unselfish love.... I really want her to be ok and to be happy, with or without me. And of course I want the same for me. I hope I'll be able to talk to her.

 

One thing I've noticed on this forum, is that there are some people who offer encouragement and understanding. Then there are some who just bluntly say "there's no point in contacting her, or trying to reach out. It's over. Get over it" ... whether that's true or not, that advice isnt helpful. I have enough friends around me who will tell me that kind of thing

 

I know what you mean haha... That's actually exactly why I don't post my situation... Because I know ultimately people will tell me that I just need to move on...

 

I also feel exactly what you are feeling... over the desperate phase of pining and needing to back together. But still so much sorrow and emptiness inside.

 

Stay strong brother.

[beanpot]

Day 33: My work continues to be a refuge from spiraling thoughts about the relationship. I have a wonderful group of friends who have been there for me, supportive, keeping me company, occupied... But it's been months and months since we parted ways. Almost everybody now expects that I am better and good to go... But the reality is that I am not. Not even close. I'm not good to go. I'm still in pain... pain that just does not let go. And I know that to tell them I am not better will only disappoint them. They've done their part and gotten me through the acute phase... This is literally the hardest thing that I have ever gone through in my life.

[rlhuk]

Day 33:

 

Still going strong. It's my friend's birthday at the weekend but I'm not going because he will be there and it is wayyyyyy too soon.

[justsomequesti]

Day 24. Still see her in everything I do, songs, funny reminders, and the worst part is the dreams of her. Constantly wondering if she thinks about me at all.

 

I don't go to anything that has her name or face. We will see how this goes. How could she forget about me already.

[saluk]

The cruise has helped. I recommend it to anyone who is struggling with no contact. It may be expensive, but it is another great tool to have that is worth a shot. For one thing, because the cruise was also a conference of fellow writers, I was forced to interact with a bunch of strangers and meet people and focus on learning and the social experience. My time was so scheduled for the week that there was barely enough time in there to think about my writing projects, let alone think about some old girlfriend or other! And for another thing, while on the ship you are very cut off from the outside world. No phone calls. No internet. The ship and the ports of call are your new world, and for a brief window of time your old world ceases to have any meaning.

 

Coming back though is hard. I miss all of the activity. That may help force me to get out a little more and do things. Of course, last night, the first full night of sleep I got since the cruise ended, I had a dream where I walked into the room and saw the ex and her boyfriend and all the old feelings came back. Dream feelings, but still. When I woke up, they were still kind of there.

 

How is this fair? Having that feeling led me to, of course, check up and see if they've broken up yet, in the week I've been gone. Hahaha! Of course not, there was a lovely post advertising what a wonderful time they had together the night before. It didn't totally knock me down. I realize that most of those feelings are memories and not things I actually feel now. The mind, amazing as it is, is able to recall it and bring it back. Knowing that these feelings aren't real helps rob them of their power.

 

Still, I think it's time for another cruise lol.

[beanpot]

Haha welcome back I also went on a cruise myself to Alaska though I have to say I had the completely opposite experience. Everywhere I turned I saw couples walking about. Oy that was a tough thing.

[saluk]

Well it helped that it was a cruise AND a conference. The conference was super packed full of events and forced socialization. There was no time to be distracted by thoughts of the past. Or sleep We all had plenty to talk about (what books we are working on, the lecture we had just been a part of, or the ports that the ship was visiting) without going into topics that might bring stuff up.

[KidInTheHall]

Hello all.

 

I stopped contact on 9/27/15 at 10pm EST. No contact with my ex-girlfriend since. The longest we've gone without speaking is 4 days. Tomorrow will be 5. Kinda dreading it.

[saluk]

Just another day my friend. Keep at it. It can be a lonely road, but it's really the only way to go if you want to get to a new place. Somewhere with less unnecessary drama hopefully!

[beanpot]

Day 36: This weekend is the wedding we were supposed to go to together. I was anxious about this before... But nothing can be worse than not hearing from her on my birthday. So this is just a small bump by comparison.

[Guymandude97]

Day 31: starting to feel like I might actually be interested in someone else one day lol. Still a long way off dating. There's so much else in my life that's in a state of change and in disarray right now that adds to this turbulent time

[KidInTheHall]

This is my 5th day of no contact, so far the longest we've ever gone without talking. I'm feeling a bit weak and wanting to contact her and make an effort to reconcile. It's really hard.

[saluk]

KidInTheHall, I know the fire is bright and pretty, but if you put your hand in there it will burn you! Don't go into the light man.

 

For me... post cruise depression is starting to hit. I knew it probably would come I'm feeling OK right now. Last night and this morning I was a little weepy. I still have some resentment that she didn't have to do anything to get the next boyfriend, and I've done so much work and come so far with nothing (yet) to show for it. I'm almost positive that if she had moved on sooner, like 2 or 3 years ago, that it would have been easier to take. At the same time, I really am hoping that things work out for them. I'm really aware at the moment, more than ever, that she is not a good match for me. I just don't know where my match is or what she looks like. I still am emotionally caged when I date or interact with women. I chat people up and then drop it before it can go anywhere. And every time that happens, I look back at what I had before. It was so easy, so innocent. I'm not sure I will be able to give love a chance if it comes knocking.

[KidInTheHall]

I'm okay, thank you. I looked up some information reminding me that no contact is best right now, in both ways of either trying to get her back or just getting over her. Thank you Saluk! Stay strong, believe me I know, I was yelling at myself in my car earlier to stop being such a mess today and I'm wanting to cry so bad. We got this.