THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[happyxfaith]

Day 23

 

it might sound a little ridiculous, but I have a crush that's bringing in some giddy feelings. I've been doing really well on my own these days, keeping up with the running, and seeing people I love. AND not STALKING anyone. I think it's interesting that I only think about him every once in awhile during the day now. And I don't talk about him anymore to my friends. Haha I think this was the difference in recovery between my first relationship and now!

 

I feel like a little girl Is that okay?

[Beduldac]

Good reminder... I have been BU 5 months, almost 3 months NC, but he broke NC last few days, it really stirred up my emotion in some level, I am not sure what he wants, I don’t like what he tries to enter my life when he want something… I thought I am almost over him and start seen new person, and then he come to you out of nowhere…

 

What if he wants to reconcile? Are you seeing someone new?

[3Tears]

Day 1

 

It should be really day 2 because I've had no contact 2 days now, but heck its whatever.

 

I really didn't do anything today because there isn't anything to do, I need to get my room cleaned up though haha... its a mess, I started listening to the Loveline Archive online at night, something I did back when I was single to get through the lonely nights and it helped greatly yesterday night. I bought some new gym clothes for when I get back in the gym... I haven't talked to her since sunday morning but I have stalked her online... I need to stop starting today. I'm on a rollercoaster these days... somedays I hate her, others I love her, others I miss her, others I lust for her, has been a while since I last dreamt with her though, so I guess thats a good sign, its been more than 2 months since BU but it still feels so fresh... whatever, lets see what tomorrow brings.

[js0905]

Wish I could get it right with the men I allow in my life, My goal is to stay single for 1 year and work on my own inner demons. I know it will be hard and I am going to cry a lot. I cant keep going back and expecting different results. It always ends up the same.

 

I empathize with you and wish you the best of luck....

Never had the strength to do that but that but I know it would be helpful if I could ever do it.

 

That is actually the definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

Keep us up to date on how it goes for you =)

[js0905]

Good reminder... I have been BU 5 months, almost 3 months NC, but he broke NC last few days, it really stirred up my emotion in some level, I am not sure what he wants, I don’t like what he tries to enter my life when he want something… I thought I am almost over him and start seen new person, and then he come to you out of nowhere…

 

There is a reason why you went NC and it's something you really need to think about.

Today is actually day 107 for me, I make it a point to keep track of the days.

 

Don't miss him that much anymore but it has been tough for me.

Others have come and gone but for some reason this one guy really did a number on me....

I know if he was to contact me now I would also feel the way you do.

 

His B-Day was last Friday 05/02 and I really contemplated wishing him a Happy Birthday

but that would just have set me back.

He texted last on 02/12 (89 days ago) but never texted again.

Not for Valentine's, Easter or Mother's Day so whatever, he is obviously over me.

 

Now you gave me some good advise once and I appreciate it.

So hang in there and be strong. You have almost totally moved on. Things very rarely get better when you get back with an Ex.

They usually get worst and in addition you are not really sure what it is that he wants anyway.

 

Best of luck to you and let me know what you decide.

[the dude91]

Day 21

 

I had been slacking on my workouts lately and really need to get back on the ball. I did a little workout today but not much because I think I threw my back out so it's been hurting an awful lot for the past week. The lady friend came over again, she gives me mixed signals and feelings so maybe that's why I was finding her so annoying, I'm not used to the whole dating and flirting anymore. But today when she came over it was a really good and relaxing visit, I'm not sure what happened but man it just felt so comfortable and right and not so tense and awkward like it kind of had been. Still, I'm going to take my time with this and keep making progress on myself before I make any moves. It seems like I think about the ex less and less everyday, I do have my moments of weakness but they usually don't last long and I remind myself I'm moving on for me. She's never going to change and will always act like a child because she has never struggled through life like I had. She's going to be a good match for somebody, but at this moment that somebody is not me. Three weeks down and still a lifetime to go.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 14

 

Feeling great! I do think about her from time to time during the day, but not in a way that makes me sad or miss her, our relationship, etc. I am learning to love being single and trying to have as much fun discovering what this world has to offer. Feels good

[littlebird]

Day 9. Yesterday was very tough, but feeling better today. The truth is, this relationship was never going to work out, the guy has a serious problem with his priorities. He would say things, but his actions were not supporting them. He is full of issues. I frequently felt let down. Perhaps I really dodged the bullet here.

 

Going to see a counsellor today, haven't been since March. Hopefully this will help.

[trying2bestrng]

I took that leap and ended it a few days ago.

 

It was bitter sweet. Loneliness set in emmidiatly but also relief. I started picturing my life years ago when I was single for 4 years. I was lonely but did what ever I wanted to do. Worked out everyday after work, watched movies, hangout with my kids, visited my sisters, and dated on occasion. I didn't have to answer to anyone. The only time I felt I wanted a relationship was when I got together with friends and family for parties or holidays. Even then the need would leave me afterwards.

 

Im worried about this guy. He is showing many signs of anger and saying he wont let me go that easy. He has a angry side to him and has shown it many times in the last couple months. We have got in physical fights. Usually when I try to diffuse the situation and leave he will try and stop me but then I just get more determined to go. Then the nasty name calling starts. . It turns into a struggle. Drinking is involved EVERY TIME.

 

He cries and pleads after I finally leave and I start to feel bad cause I dont want him to hurt. I know these are signs of abuse. I've never been in this kind of relationship before so the red flags were not obvious....at first.

 

We spoke yesterday and he wants to try one more time but this time he will stop drinking. If it happens again, he will agree to call the relationship over. I agreed. He started sending me messages saying how much he misses me and wishes we could snuggle in bed. I am not feeling that way. He has guilted me back and I am too weak to say no and a little scared he might go crazy on me if I decline.

 

I know this isn't NC at the moment but I feel telling these details will be relevant when the time comes when I do go NC. It sounds like I am making reservations for the inevitable break up instead of thinking positive about a better outcome. My gut tells me that its not going to work...

 

I want to be strong. Strong like I once was and tell these D-bags to kick rocks when I felt no future with them. What has happened to me??

[Monkey ai]

What if he wants to reconcile? Are you seeing someone new?

 

He just texted me and wants talk about "US" , I am not sure if I want him back, one side he is someone has very similar life style and likes as mine, I do felt somewhat falling in love, but sametime he is not good relationship material( he have been sabotage a potential good relationship all the way), I am not sure he is able to handle a healthy relationship, and I have doubts long term. I have met someone I like, but just few weeks… but he is most sweetest guy I have not met a longtime… but I wish

I know I will talk with my ex, but I am not sure what I am going to do, but I know I will take my time, it is about me,

[Monkey ai]

Thanks for the encouragement and I do believe NC will help you see thing with distance and clarity.

[3Tears]

Day 2

 

I got up and did more cleaning around my room and house... It got really messing during these 2 months, still no word from her since sunday morning and I don't expect it either. I tried to use her Hulu account since she gave me her password on sunday and it was a bad baddd idea, she has her facebook account synced with it and I saw her new profile picture and she looks so beautiful and happy now... It just destroyed me because she finally found happiness without me I guess, so I know she won't come back... My friend came by to help him sell something on ebay, trying to get anything to get myself busy and get her out of my mind... more Loveline tonight...

[the dude91]

Day 22

 

Today has been a really awesome and interesting day. It started off interesting when I went to see my counselor in the afternoon. She suggested that I get into contact with my ex to see if she'd be willing to sit down and talk things over with me because I guess she had seen the same signs that I had seen. My ex wanted me to chase after her and I chose not to do it, I couldn't understand why I should chase after her? But in the end the breakup was my fault, I did say some things out of anger that I should not have said granted there was no name calling or anything like that because I'm not that type of guy. So I may and may not try to get in touch with her soon, I have plenty of time to think it over.

 

But otherwise I got some great news from work, met up with some other owners of Pit Bulls and got some really good advice for raising and training my puppy and got a replacement charge cord for my iPhone for free. It's going to be a busy weekend for me and I'm looking forward to it.

[the dude91]

Well, time to give some wise advice to people. If you're seeing a counselor and they suggest you get into contact with your ex, DO NOT DO IT. I should have just continued doing what I was doing with NC. I contacted the ex last night to see if she wanted to go get some coffee today and talk things out, she said okay but there's nothing to talk about. So then I just said I really needed some closure so she agreed to meet with me this morning. It turned out to be worse than I had originally imagined it would. She came and it was like I was looking at a totally different person, she even got a new tongue ring. And when we talked she was just downright cold and it hurt so much to see her this way... The person I fell in love with was no longer there anymore, now she was just this cold woman who looked like she had started drinking quite a bit, or maybe I was just telling myself that who knows. So now I just feel downright awful, no energy and just not sure what to do with myself. But now I know for a fact that I'll never hear from her again, but it doesn't make this reopened wound feel any better at all, I just don't understand how someone can change and move on so fast in a month after a 5 1/2 year relationship? Well, day one starts again tomorrow and I now know I don't have to worry about her contacting me within this time and I won't be contacting her again for sure this time no matter what anybody says. I should've just listened to my gut instinct, I was much better off not knowing anything...

[3Tears]

I knew it was a bad idea for you to do that but I didn't want to reply... I kinda went through the same early in my BU. She had dyed her hair into a WHOLE new style that I've never seen before, she had completely changed her looks and the last time we talked she was talking with all these new words that I would have never imagined her saying...

[the dude91]

I knew it was a bad idea for you to do that but I didn't want to reply... I kinda went through the same early in my BU. She had dyed her hair into a WHOLE new style that I've never seen before, she had completely changed her looks and the last time we talked she was talking with all these new words that I would have never imagined her saying...

 

And you know what hurts even more is that she said that if I had tried contacting her weeks ago things could have been different and I had that gut feeling those weeks ago that she wanted me to chase her but I didn't... But yeah she was also saying words that I had never heard her say before, it was a complete 180 of the person she was and I really want to check on her parents to see how they were doing but I'm that's also a very bad idea.

[Beduldac]

He just texted me and wants talk about "US" , I am not sure if I want him back, one side he is someone has very similar life style and likes as mine, I do felt somewhat falling in love, but sametime he is not good relationship material( he have been sabotage a potential good relationship all the way), I am not sure he is able to handle a healthy relationship, and I have doubts long term. I have met someone I like, but just few weeks… but he is most sweetest guy I have not met a longtime… but I wish

I know I will talk with my ex, but I am not sure what I am going to do, but I know I will take my time, it is about me,

 

How long were you in no contact? Would you ever take him back? Do not break up with someone new because you were dumped by him. I am sure of that much.

[3Tears]

And you know what hurts even more is that she said that if I had tried contacting her weeks ago things could have been different and I had that gut feeling those weeks ago that she wanted me to chase her but I didn't... But yeah she was also saying words that I had never heard her say before, it was a complete 180 of the person she was and I really want to check on her parents to see how they were doing but I'm that's also a very bad idea.

 

Yeah, shes just trying to make you feel disappointed in yourself cus you didn't chase her during this time of NC.

[3Tears]

Day 3, forgot to post it yesterday

 

Didn't do absolutely anything... it was a bad boring day and obviously didn't hear from her, I bet shes too busy with her new bf and going out drinking and doing all these crazy things. Lets see what today brings.

[Beduldac]

She left me for another guy who was a temp at her work. She only went out with him once on 7 March 2014. We broke up on 8 March. We were together 11 months. Last contact was 20 March. Within a week, he got her a dozen roses and asked her to be his girlfriend. She gained an instant boyfriend, that is one reason why I think it is a rebound. She was acting like she was not taking it seriously. In Spanish only on his Facebook on 16 March, he was already talking about love and marriage. I would not be surprised if he proposed, but she should be since I do not believe she knows Spanish. I really doubt she would marry him so impetuously and expect they would break up.

 

I have no idea if she will try to come back, nor do I know if I would take her back. I feel better than I did 8 weeks ago. I am focused on me.

[the dude91]

Day 1

 

I should have never followed my therapists advice and contacted her so soon, but according to the ex had I contacted her weeks ago things would have been totally different. That was a huge mistake, person I met for coffee wasn't the person I fell in love with at all. I do not know who she was and it so much, last night I cried for the first time since the breakup and now I just feel dead inside. But at least now I know I'll never have to worry about her ever contacting me, she made extra effort to make that perfectly clear to me. Jeez you'd swear I beat her and or gave her some serious emotional abuse. It's funny because every other lady friend I have have said that I'm the nicest guy they've ever met and that she's stupid to just give me up, even my therapist says I'm a great guy. I mean, how many guys would drive accross state and leave an important meeting early to come home because his lady had a bad day at work? Or would wake up in the middle of the night to take her for a drive knowing you have work in 4 hours just to calm her down, I bent over backwards for this woman. But I guess it's just as they say, you never know what you have until it's gone, I know what I had but didn't know the poison building up inside of her or maybe she just took me for granted. Nice guys finish last right? Bah I'm sorry I'm venting... But man I would've taken a bullet for this woman and was planning on giving her my last name, now it seems the only time I'm feeling fine is when my lady friend T comes to visit me. She and I had feelings for each other once before but I chose my ex over her but T had still always stuck by my side through thick or thin. Maybe she's the diamond in the rough? I think I'll be investigating in this but will be taking it very slowly.

[3Tears]

Day 4

 

So there was this girl who caught my attention, I got to talk to her but shes moving away! Damn... but I got to realize something, when I was trying to talk to her and all the time I was talking to her I never thought of my ex once and I felt good and for once in a long time I had self confidence and the sadness and all the bad went away! Feeling a bit better, way better than how I was feeling yesterday, I still think about her and I miss her but not as much as yesterday, I feel like I'm in a roller-coaster though, I'm afraid I'll be feeling like crap tomorrow though... we'll see what tomorrow brings.

[Monkey ai]

5.5 Months BU

 

After almost 3 months NC(Dated 9 Months, we both in 40s), he contact me and mentioned that he want talk about us, I thought I am almost over him, it stirred some my emotion, but I know what I want...

He ask me if I am over us, or we still have chance... he admitted that he treat me deadly sometime, and he knowledge he have intimacy issues, I told him that I don't know(I am not sure why I said that), as I am not sure I can trust him, and he still have that controlling issues...

 

At this moment, I felt most likely we are not able to work out, but something about him that i still want??? I have some mix feeling and not sure just let him know it is over... or give chance... he is someone I felt most compatible in likes wise, but his issues (not sure he is BPD/NPD, or intimacy issue), he seems not relationship material...

 

He is on his vacation from this weekend, so I will think over, maybe write him a email… not sure!

[Beduldac]

5.5 Months BU

 

After almost 3 months NC(Dated 9 Months, we both in 40s), he contact me and mentioned that he want talk about us, I thought I am almost over him, it stirred some my emotion, but I know what I want...

He ask me if I am over us, or we still have chance

 

It is confirmed again NC really is the best way to encourage an Ex to reconnect. It should not be an expectation. If and when they make contact, that is when the real questions start. Should you take them back? Will things be better?

[the dude91]

Day 2

 

I had a much better day today and stayed quite busy on my day off. I did get a call from the ex today and didn't realize it was her since I deleted her number so I did pick up and once I realized it was her I rushed off the phone with her. I feel like that really released some negative energy I had been having. That along with my lady friend T staying the night with me, we didn't do anything of course we just watched a show on Netflix until neither of us could stay awake any longer. Then while cleaning up my old room at my parents house today I stumbled upon a hand written letter from her from years ago, she talked about how sorry she was that she kept hurting me, all of the things she loved about me etc and strangely enough the emotion I got out of it was laughter and thought wow we used to really be in love. Strange right? Anyways it's another day winding down and I'm feeling just fine and exhausted, keep your heads up everybody.