THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[alr85]

Its funny-- I actually felt hopeful last night after our conversation because that was more than he's been willing to say since we split and he actually talked about himself but now everyone that I've talked to is telling me he was patronizing me or trying to keep me from being confrontational. I didnt read it that way at all. I suck at this I suppose.

[muskrats21]

Day 6 Tuesday April 1

 

Feeling about the same... misery. Decided to drown my sorrows last night. Just woke up. Late for work cant focus on anything. To add fuel to the fire I got a text from her this morning that was the most painful thing not to respond to. Sucks! Feeling worse than yesterday.

[SSJlee28]

Day 7... Everyday gets a bit better. Even if it's a tiiinnyyyy bit.

 

Trying not to step backwards. Just making as many plans with other people as I can, to keep my mind off. Trying to meet new girls. As of yesterday morning, ex still had one photo of my face on her instagram, and bunch of photos of things I did for her. Facebook still had few more photos us together. Me checking up on her stops today. I'm done. As much as I want to get back together with her, I'm scared to even text her. I need to get over this if I ever want a chance of getting back together again.

[windingwings]

It is still Day 3 midday, I caved and checked his Instagram and Twitter. He's following "Love Quotes" and is staying in a hotel or a house with this guy. I kind of feel like they were probably talking for awhile before because he seems to be in love, so quickly would be dumb but he seems happy as ever. I won't check anymore then, I think I know enough. Sometimes I wish I could see whats going on inside his head. This no contact thing is easy though because I know not to bother him, I just wish that he'd say "Hi" or something, just to know that he's thinking about me. Four years is too long to forget, and we talked every day. All I can think about is him, but then I think about the lies for the past four weeks and the hurt I went through and he slowly fades away.

[Kaytie]

You really, really need to stop checking his social media. I know it's hard - I know - but you are only hurting yourself. As painful as it is, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. You need to heal and focus on yourself now. Once you stop looking at things he posts it starts to get easier not to do so. And don't think he isn't hurting just because he's hanging out with another guy either - that could easily be him covering up pain with a distraction.

 

The constant 24/7 thoughts of him will decrease over time. Keep telling yourself that the pain is temporary and the obsessive thoughts are temporary. Busy yourself with other things when you feel the urge to check up on him. It's only going to prolong your pain. Trust me.

[windingwings]

You really, really need to stop checking his social media. I know it's hard - I know - but you are only hurting yourself. As painful as it is, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. You need to heal and focus on yourself now. Once you stop looking at things he posts it starts to get easier not to do so. And don't think he isn't hurting just because he's hanging out with another guy either - that could easily be him covering up pain with a distraction.

 

The constant 24/7 thoughts of him will decrease over time. Keep telling yourself that the pain is temporary and the obsessive thoughts are temporary. Busy yourself with other things when you feel the urge to check up on him. It's only going to prolong your pain. Trust me.

Thank you, I actually went and applied at our local college today, it got my mind off of him for awhile then I caved. I think I'll work out tonight maybe it will get my mind off of things..

I hate the internet sometimes lol.

[Kaytie]

Thank you, I actually went and applied at our local college today, it got my mind off of him for awhile then I caved. I think I'll work out tonight maybe it will get my mind off of things..

I hate the internet sometimes lol.

 

I understand! Yes, hit the gym. It does wonders

[littlebird]

Exactly 3 months since the BU, 12 days of NC.

 

On a holiday, flying back home today. Yesterday posted a cool pic of myself on the beach with a cocktail etc. Got loads of positive comments from friends, nothing from the recent ex. However guess what, another ex bf who broke my heart 8 years ago sent me a text within an hour of me posting the pic, telling me what a great photo and how stunning I look. Not that I care now but quite funny, got some ex action, just the wrong ex!!

 

This ex who texted actually did come back, back in the day, after about 5 months, but it didn't work out. One thing is, he came back when I improved my looks, made new friends and started dating someone else. Funny how these things work. Focusing on yourself and living life to the full is the only way. If they don't come back you will move on in the end!

 

*Off to get a mojito*

[windingwings]

Day 4

 

I feel a little better today, thinking back on the whole situation after the break up, on how he moved on so quickly and now he's looking up love quotes on Instagram. (Note, this was from the last time I checked the other day, haven't checked them since then so I'm doing good.) All I can do is kind of laugh at the whole thing.

I feel much stronger today and I think I will feel greater knowing that I'm the one who's single and didn't have to fall into someone else's arms right after break-up. I'm already thinking about my trip coming up in a few weeks and I can't help but smile and get even more excited, I may be going by myself but I need the time and the relaxation.

Still NC from him either way.

[alr85]

Wow... my ex is a douche lol. I can't believe the extremes in feelings I can go through in a week. Its like an unruly yoyo-- hate him and then love him. Right now after the conversation I had with a guy friend who a friend is trying to set me up with, I realize how lacking my ex is. My conversation with this man tonight was fluid and shared. It wasn't me talking and then dead air space. How can I possibly have moments where I think my ex is actually good for me?? Wish I felt this way always but it'll pass the longer we go NC. Messy. That's all it is messy... and sad.

[windingwings]

alr85 - I feel ya, although I'm not seeing anyone at the moment I sometimes wonder why I'm doing this. I hear my ex is doing fine and him and this guy are going strong right now. He's acting like a teenager and enjoying his freedom and I'm just like, laughing now. This kid is going to drain him dry and pretty soon he's going to get hurt. He's going all out by buying him concert tickets to staying in a hotel, watching his favourite shows with him. Now this kid is following all this car stuff on Twitter, my ex loves cars so it's like, they're both trying to accommodate each other. It's going onto the 5th day of NC soon and I'm starting to think he doesn't care he's having too much fun, maybe this what he wanted all along. How long were you and your ex together if I may ask?

[alr85]

Just shy of 2 years. He moved in with me and my daughter a year ago and it was a nightmare basically from that day forward. Biggest mistake of my life.

 

Your ex is in a relationship high right now. It will definitely fade. It may be three months from now but no high lasts forever.. I guess that's how we all ended up here lol

[windingwings]

Just shy of 2 years. He moved in with me and my daughter a year ago and it was a nightmare basically from that day forward. Biggest mistake of my life.

 

Your ex is in a relationship high right now. It will definitely fade. It may be three months from now but no high lasts forever.. I guess that's how we all ended up here lol

I guess once a couple lives together things change. Glad to see you're coming to a realization now though!

We've been together for four years, engaged. Three months is such a long time though, we were seriously addicted to each other then I don't know. It's hard for me right now to push on. I'm hoping after this trip I'll feel better. Kind of wish he'd text me just to show he's thinking of me or something. Has your ex bothered you?

[windingwings]

I had a good couple days actually, until tonight when I started thinking about him. It's sad to see how happy he is with this guy, everyone tells me it's just a façade but when I see him now he seems so different compared to how he was before I broke up with him (biggest mistake ever) this new guy seems to be all about him from what I can see, I just remember him telling me a few weeks ago that he just needed space for himself and that he doubts he'll find someone, and how he couldn't block me off of anything because he still cared. It was all a lie I guess, just to let me down easy. I sit here at work thinking of all the things we've been through in our LDR, all the trips and the plans we had for this year once his contract with his work ended. I remember that Saturday a couple weeks ago when he told me it was real, that he was seeing this guy after I found out the hard way through their twitters (the guy didn't do a good job of being discreet, then again he is still in high school) I got mad and didn't talk to him that day until Sunday he messaged me and asked if I was okay. That's when I went downhill again for the entire week.

So here I am wondering if this is all going to work, if I'm going to truly get over him and maybe one day he'll message me. It's been four years and we were all about each other, he'd always ask where I was and to come on the laptop on Skype, when he got back to South Africa he said he could hardly sleep cause he missed me, (couple months ago) now this.

I feel like maybe he wanted this in the end, to be free to see other guys.

It's hard not to wonder if he's thinking about me, it's hard to get excited about my big trip in a couple weeks. I just wish that feeling of independence would take me over and just push him out of my head, but I can't right now.

He never came off as someone who was like this, to be sleeping with another guy so fresh after we were over. It's hard to even type that because that wasn't who he was.

I read a lot of the posts on here and I wish we were all connected somehow lol, I hate to bother my friends about all this stuff because I fear they're getting tired of it. Does anyone here have an iPhone or iMessage? BBM? I need to keep myself sane somehow and distract myself, hard to do on my own. Whenever I do one little thing it somehow had something to do with him, like; cooking, watching movies, playing video games etc. We did too much of the same things together for me to really enjoy this stuff.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 4.

 

Its crazy how he can cry and say he wants to marry me one day and then doesn't contact me the next.

 

We went to lunch last Sunday and talked for hours.

 

He asked me a lot of questions about M. Everytime he asked me an absurd personal question about him I would laugh. He thought it was me being giddy over him but it was more of a " why would you want the answers to these extremely personal questions?"

 

We ended the day with a kiss. I kissed him very passionately on purpose. Just so he could remember what it was like. But the passion was forced on my part. I expected him to smell good (like he always did) . I was disappointed. I dont think he even bothered to shower or make an effort to clean himself up before I seen him.

 

I felt guilty for the kiss and found myself just feeling sorry for him. He is different...worse then ever. He stayed semi sober that day but he is just sad on the inside.

 

I called M After I got home and he came over. He seemed different. He said he had a bad gut feeling that I was hiding something. We got in a argument and he left.

 

My ex is not worth this. Did I really need to go this far to realize it? Why do I sabotage everything good in my life for the satisfaction of him wanting me when in my heart I dont want him.. I feel like I cheated and I am ashamed. Okay the fact is I did cheat and I lied to a great guy. I dont deserve M.

 

Im relieved the ex hasn't contacted me. Im just a little surprised is all. But definitely relieved.

[trying2bestrng]

I dont know if I will continue to countdown. No contact worked me. If you read my thread you will know I went from desperate and sad to now totally pathetic. My ex (like most) was not worth getting back but I wanted what we had years ago. I know we will not get to that point again. I just needed to see that for myself.

[trying2bestrng]

By the way... he had a girlfriend as well...

[Hi Its Me]

Day 1

 

Well almost.. We officially wished each other well/ goodbye early this morning via text and phone calls, exactly a week after she left me. She is the dumper.

 

I pray that this 30 day challenge will help me find myself, become a better person and stronger. I feel like I have done nothing wrong to deserve her leaving me. Removed Facebook completely last night to avoid any temptation/ hurtful posts such as actually seeing her enjoy life without me. At the back of my mind, I hope that NC will also make her realize her true feelings for me and come back but I physically cannot handle false hope anymore, so must assume I will never be with her again

 

Our story:

 

Good luck to all in this!

[DreamySkies]

alr85 - I'm sorry. That's where my own confusion sets in when I think of my ex. Once I started having interactions with different people and seeing how they wanted to talk to me and be with me, I questioned why I was so desperate for my ex to want me/contact me. Perhaps it truly is part of the "rejection" and wanting to change that, prove rejecting us was their mistake?

 

trying - Holy moly.... I'm not sure where to begin. I wan to tell you that you know what you need to do, and what your gut is telling you. Yet at the same time, I understand the turmoil you are going through. From an outsider looking in, the ex is the biggest mistake you can be making right now. His drinking habits alone lead me to this conclusion. It's not healthy for your kids, but more importantly it's not stable. What I mean is you don't know if you're getting the intoxicated ex or the guilty sober ex and then everything in between. Even if you two were to get back together now, it's not going to work. He hasn't changed anything nor tried to work on himself. Him and is girlfriend will probably be over with sooner than not, and he'll refocus all of his intention on you. Sabotaging your life once again. Honestly, you've already crossed a line. You've cheated on M. You've already been emotionally in limbo and I applaud M for being so understanding of this.. but you physically cheated on M now too. Even though you think you were showing your ex what he gave up, he was actually getting exactly what he wanted. He now knows he can take you from M, if he wants, therefore why does he need to change anything about himself? You're taking him as he stands, sloppy drunk and all. I'm really sorry, but this is how I see it. I think it's further proof as why we need not to get into a serious relationship with anyone until we are truly over our exes.

 

If you truly care about M, you wouldn't have kissed your ex, let alone gone on a "date" with him. I think you should let M go before he gets further hurt. Don't keep him around as your plan B. It appears he's been super supportive and cares greatly about you, but you can't give him the same right now. This doesn't make you a horrible person, but it would be better for both of you if you let him go. I still don't think you should be with your ex, but if you're determined to struggle and hope that he comes around then it's better to do it without M on the sidelines. Sadly, I am so afraid the minute you get rid of M, ex will back off too. I'm sorry, i know this has to be so difficult for you.

 

Hi Its Me - Welcome. I commend you on the strength to already block her on FB. Sounds so simple, yet it remained one of the most difficult things for me to accomplish myself. I hope these next 30 days and the months moving forward remain to be one of growth and success.

 

Wing - I agree with alr85 - this new "toy" isn't going to be around for long. They're in the honeymoon phase. Plus your ex cheated on you to be with this tool one way or another, so he's bound to cheat again. I think you're seeing things a lot clearer now, and that's what NC is suppose to do. Help us heal and see things without the rose colored glasses. Hang in there... it will get easier.

 

As for myself, I hadn't heard or spoke to my ex since last Saturday. I was doing fine until yesterday afternoon, when I caved and texted him asking him to meet up. He responded nearly immediately with a very enthusiastic response. How shocking it was, as even while texting him I had prepared for an apology and excuse as to why he could not. We're going to meet up again this Saturday at 3. Currently I am a mixed bag of emotions. I am afraid I screwed up by messaging him, not allowing him to come to me. I'm also afraid I am starting to feel this is so much more than it really is and I'm setting myself up for some insane pain when it crumbles. Yet there is also part of me that is starting to feel hopeful.

 

I could tell at my last counseling session that my psychologist was not happy/concerned with my decision to meet up with him last weekend. She told me outright to not contact him again and to not trust his intentions. She normally doesn't give me advice, more like guides me to a decision. Now that I've already made contact and plans, her advice is haunting me.

[Hi Its Me]

Thank you DreamySkies. It wasn't easy and I find myself thinking about her constantly, as well as thinking about checking out FB. I won't but it is so hard to not be involved in each other's lives, at least for me. No idea if you had a look at my thread (its long) but at this point, any feedback at all from anyone would help

[windingwings]

So I caved, he said it was just waiting to happen and things were bad, and I didn't talk to him for a whole month so stuff was bound to happen and this whole new bf thing happened so he made his decision to stay over there. He said he still wants me in his life because we have history and he wants to know whats going on. I'm so confused and depressed, I don't know why I decided to message him, I feel like I overwhelmed him.

[Kaytie]

So I caved, he said it was just waiting to happen and things were bad, and I didn't talk to him for a whole month so stuff was bound to happen and this whole new bf thing happened so he made his decision to stay over there. He said he still wants me in his life because we have history and he wants to know whats going on. I'm so confused and depressed, I don't know why I decided to message him, I feel like I overwhelmed him.

 

I'm sorry. Please don't message him anymore. He has moved on, and you need to as well. He can't have you in his life at his convenience. That's not fair to you and you will not heal that way either.

[trying2bestrng]

Windingwings,

Dont beat yourself up. Its easy to cave in the beginning. Now you know you're not doing yourself any favors by contacting him. Its a learning process. You have barely gave him or you any time to absorb the break up. He hasn't had enough time to experience life without you. If you're trying to get him back or have him eventually contact you, then its imperative to stick to nc... if you want this to do you any good that is.

 

Dreamy,

Believe me. Ive lost sleep because of last Sunday. M and I are taking a break.. I need to refocus and get myself on track. No way I will take my ex back. Ive seen a truck load of proof regarding that. It didn't have to go this far. When I am back to normal and M is still wanting to be with me, then great. If not then i have learned a valuable lesson. I have already learned many lessons the hard way.

 

I would love to talk to you about your situation but I just dont think my thoughts are relevant at the moment given how badly I have proceeded with my ex after no contact. Wish I could turn back time and do it differently.

 

Good luck on Saturday

[windingwings]

Thanks Tryingtobestrng, I'll try this again. Day 1..

[Beduldac]

It has been two weeks today since I went to No Contact. Feeling better every day.