THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[El3216]

Day 20.. Crazy we lived together broken up and had to see each other and say hi and bye so I know that shouldn't count but its been 20 days or real hard vote nc since she left and its very strange.

[rockette]

Day 4

 

Another day of silence, id had hope after his brothers message last night that he might of contacted me today but today has brought nothing, regretting deleting his number now, i could drive to his place if i wanted to but i just feel that will put me into crazy stalker territory, why is this so hard?? Isnt he missing me at all?? Im scared that the longer we dont talk the less likely it is that we ever will again

 

FAILED He messaged me this afternoon and i replied, been a very strange afternoon and evening and i am back in limbo land, stepping out of the nc challenge for the minute cause some serious cr@p is going down here and i am going to have to be in contact for the moment..pretty sure i will be back tho... -_-

[marshmallito]

Day 8

Still expecting him to call... but he hasn't. I freaked out because he didn't post on Facebook for a long period of time for him. I thought he must have blocked me... but I can see he has commented today. Not sure how to cut the Facebook tie. I don't want to unfriend him, I don't want to show weakness...

I am going out and meeting new people the next few nights.

[Aloneathome]

Day 3- NC

5 months since I seen her out

7 months since we split up

 

Its been very hard the last few weeks months with all this, I still love my gf and would marry her if she wanted me, but she walked away because she said I lied to her, in fact it as her who met a new man on holiday who lives in a other country. she is going back to ee him next month, she keeps texting me all the time and 2 weeks ago asked me to meet up for tea I did say No. When will all this end

[stargirl1993]

Day One. I haven't spoken to my ex since May 5th and I miss him like crazy. This is the longest we haven't spoken in 4 years. FOUR YEARS. I know he doesn't miss me, or well he's keeping busy. I just want him back.

[LAMBS4LIONS]

1.5 years of NC. She contacted me a few weeks ago which I didn't pick up. I still wonder what she wanted and I feel like I may crumble soon to find out what she wanted.

[einsteins_girl]

1.5 years of NC. She contacted me a few weeks ago which I didn't pick up. I still wonder what she wanted and I feel like I may crumble soon to find out what she wanted.

 

Whoa! I'm impressed you've made it a few weeks!!

[Nightm4re]

First of all, I would like to say that I really this forum, it softens the pain, because I feel like I'm not alone in this.

 

Day 1

 

After 10 days of no contact, I broke yesterday (wasn't aware of this forum).

She finished our relationship by text and wouldn't answer my calls or see me in person (still havn't seen her in person).

This makes me so angry and I feel like she did not care about me at all nor respects my feelings.

I think that my ego is taking over there tho..

I only slept for like 2 hours yesterday, because I couldn't stop thinking of her.

Dealing with all those questions in my head.

I started with a mind-fullness course today and it's already paying off - it relaxes me and helps me to accept

the fact that I won't be together with her again.

I also promised myself to never look on her fb again and already deleted her number.

 

I'll be strong and think of the good thigs that happen around me; that I have parents and a sister who love me.

Friends who will always support me, getting my drivers license and starting my own company.

 

I'll keep you updated and try to not count the days..

[james31]

Ive lost count of the days but it well into the 2 month area (after 3-4 months of LC)... i started seeing someone, taking it real slow and now happily have a new girlfriend, everything is honest and its great.

 

The only advice i have is to let things happen naturally, stay strong to yourself and put yourself out there, go out, have fun and enjoy yourself and you dont know who you might end up meeting and that person may just make your ex seem so incredibly small and not important you will be in a state of shock.

 

Stay strong peoples... it gets better

[pandorasbox1]

Day 14

 

Two weeks to the day since I last contacted him. I missed him today, but not as much as I have in the past. I hate that I always was the one to contact him, even though he broke my heart.

 

I hate that I gave him the satisfaction of walking away, because I know how he thinks. He wont look back with any regret because ultimately I was the one who walked away from our "friendship" or whatever it was.

 

I dunno, whatever really. Im just focusing on me. Focusing on getting into shape and my future. Im learning how to be single again. Im learning how to be comfortable being me again. Im nowhere near interested in other men yet, after more than 2 months... But I think that will come.

 

I honestly feel that I wouldnt mind being single for a couple of years. I know that the next guy who finds me, is going to be well worth the wait.

 

For now though, its all about me. Im working on my degree. Going to apply for honours and eventually move out of home and begin my life as an adult woman. Even though Im young, I dont want to waste any more time with the wrong man. I want my lifelong partner. Im tired of heartache.

[marshmallito]

Day 10

I weakened a lot, but resisted making the call. Very busy fortunately.

[Nightm4re]

@marshmallito

 

Be positive and stay strong!

[diesel85]

Day 19

 

Today is her birthday. It's also the day I find out whether I passed the bar exam. I still woke up thinking about her, but thankfully I am a bit more clearheaded today and have no desire to wish her a happy birthday. I know it wouldn't do me any good. She told me that last year her ex showed up at her door on her birthday, tried to get her back and tell her he changed, argued with her , and really spoiled the night for her. She always referred to him as crazy, a stalker, etc. The last thing I want to do is come off like that guy. Best to stay quiet, out of sight.

[figmentations]

49 Days or 7 weeks

 

Well, today would have been our 1 year anniversary. Today hasn't been so hard. I went to work in the morning, later class and now I'm at home. I think I'll work out a bit and distract myself with other things until night when I'm gonna go see some friends for dinner. I can't say I'm 100% feeling good, I'm actually sad and dying a bit inside that she's never contacted me in these 49 days. I wonder if she thinks or even remembers today was our anniversary. I wish I had never met her sometimes.

[Aloneathome]

Day 4-

 

I had a dream about her last night it was nice, woke up and could not get her out my head all day, I was just thinking of the things we did and what she has done too, It was also my birthday and I really did think I was going to get a text of her saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" But nothing, I do now know how much I meant to her if she can not do that, If she wanted to be with me she would be with me, and I do think she is now seeing someone else/.

[marshmallito]

Day 11

I met some men... a couple were very interested in me... One weirdo tried to convince me (I was waiting for the punchline) that I could be a model, still freaked out by that. None seemed right for me.

I know myself. Once I am dating and it starts to lead somewhere, this NC angst will be gone. In the past I have wallow for months, but I never really move on (from having to resist the urge to call an ex) until I have someone new.

My time to create a family is running out too, so I can't afford to wait for the grieving/denial to end.

[kitkat77]

I've just decided that until the thought of seeing him in person doesn't nearly cause an anxiety attack, I'm not dating anyone. I handled the no reply to my text yesterday pretty well, but there's no way that I'm ready to run in to him. Not by a long shot.

 

Hang in there, you can do it!

[pandorasbox1]

Day 16

 

Yesterday was hard. I missed him a lot. Today was hard too. It's the first time in all these past weeks that I have felt that strong urge to call him or something. Weekends are always the worst. I always think about what we would be doing if he were here with me. I miss cuddling. I miss the way he used to look at me or how he would just randomly come up behind me and shower me with love.

 

We have been broken up over 2 months now though, and I can honestly say that he hasn't been that same man for a long time. I just miss his quirks. I hate that we loved so many of the same things. I hate that in my mind he was the man of my dreams. I hate that I wasn't the woman of his.

 

I feel sad that he hasn't reached out. I know he has a lot of self control... But I'm starting to feel like this nc thing is so easy on him, a breeze.

In my heart I think he is having as hard a time as I am. But I honestly can't know for sure. I just think that if he loved/s me as much as he said that he is also in a lot of pain everyday. I don't know. Wish I could read his mind.

 

I wish I could meet someone to take my mind off him. But I know that won't work for long. I don't want to hurt anyone else either.

 

This rollercoaster sucks and I wish I could get off this god forsaken ride. I've never felt this way about anyone before post breakup

[princeslondon]

DAY 6.

 

Oh Raine, your post really echoed how I'm feeling. I'm on day 6....I've had such a bad week. Missed him terribly, been so so tempted to text saying 'miss you' or 'love you' or 'thinking of you baby' but I haven't. I would NEVER call because he has trained himself not to answer my calls, such willpower, if he called me...I'd pick up in a heartbeat....why is that? Because he knows its over and he knows talking me to won't achieve anything or change the situation. I know he hasnt had it easy, he has told me more than once (in person) that he misses me and writes down everything he wants to say to me (good and bad) in a book. Those arnt the actions of someone who is 'fine'. I went out 2 nights this week for drinks....missed him immensly both nights....alcohol is not my friend. This week will be easier as I know he's away with work and I know he won't be home if I wanted to go and see him or something (not that I think I would). Eugh. This sucks. I need a hug and bedtime cuddles and good morning kisses. Boohooo xx

[pandorasbox1]

Dont worry, it will pass. I know that its still going to be hard for a long while and you may find this too... But there are days where things generally do start to look up.

 

Yes, definitely stay away from alcohol. I find it affects me badly too and makes me feel things so much stronger.

 

Weekdays are generally good for me... But weekends really suck.

 

Be strong, keep nc until he contacts you and his contact actually warrants a response. Else, try to move on, as hard as it is. Just think of all the pain you have had to endure the past 6 days. I doubt you would want to start all over again. I know I wouldnt. I also know that nothing would come out of contacting him. I certainly dont want to find out that he is seeing someone new either (though I doubt he is).

 

We are in this together. Know that you are not alone

[Art Vandelay]

My gf broke up with me last weekend, just a few days short of 3 years. Was in complete shock and I still don't know how to feel. She just said she didn't feel the same as she used to, and wouldn't/hasn't told me why. I love her more than life itself, which sounds stupid, but she is the most beautiful thing in this world, and the most important thing to me. She kept me going in tough times and always gave me something to look forward to; seeing her beautiful face at night.

 

 

I've been through this once before, but I didn't love my other ex as much as I love this one. That took me a long time to get over, but I learned from that; I chased her to no end and it drove her away. I wouldn't change that though, because despite the pain I met this new girl, and was so happy. I know you will say I will meet someone else and change how I feel, but this is different, I will always love her more and it will always hurt. We've done so much together.

 

We didn't speak for a few days, and she contacted me to see if I was ok, but said I didn't need to reply. I ended up asking to call (because I hate messaging and waiting for replies). We spoke for 2 hours just about how we felt, but I didn't beg her to take me back or anything, although she said she prob won't change her mind. Pretty painful to hear. She is quite upset as well, but for different reasons to me obviously, mainly because she's hurt me. She's very much a closed book, always has been, so it is and is going to be really hard to know how she feels/what she wants. Any suggestions here?

 

She had been distant for a few weeks, but whenever I tried to talk about it she said it was nothing, or she was just tired from work or had a headache. I should have made more of an effort to understand. But as I said, she is very closed book, so she wasn't acting THAT different, but in hindsight there were a few signs. In a way I just thought I was being paranoid.

 

The funny thing is that we spoke for a fair chunk of the convo like we did when we first started seeing each other. We used to speak for hours on end on the phone, sometimes like 7 or 8 hours. Just about nothing at all. She also said I can call her some nights to talk, but I don't think that is a great idea.

 

It's been 4 days now with no contact, and it's extremely hard; the longest we had gone without speaking before was a few hours. Almost broke before and called her, but somehow I controlled it. I'm not doing this to get her back, because if she doesn't love me anymore then I feel there is little hope. Anyone agree? I know not to get my hopes up because it will more than likely end in tears. Just feel so helpless, and with a lack of control. It's a difficult thing to comprehend because she was the perfect girl for me. She lit up my life, which has been difficult at times, but she's got me through it.

 

We will see each other in a few months, and we will prob see each other once a week from that, due to social circumstances. The main thing I am scared of is that I know she will meet someone else (whether soon or years from now) and it will be the most painful thing I could imagine. I cannot think of anything worse than that, and from there I will still see her regularly.

 

Anyway, this made me feel a bit better. Thanks for listening/reading. Any thoughts or advice would be great.

[marshmallito]

Art, is there any way you can change your plans so you don't "have" to see her?

 

Day 13

Getting close to the my previous NC record. I made a lot of plans with people for the weekend... had to cancel everything when I became sick. So I am feeling sorry for myself, and wish I could call my ex for a cuddle. I know he probably would... but I couldn't enjoy it knowing he doesn't want a future with me.

[diesel85]

Day 1

 

Well, I failed right around day 20....in many ways. see: - Yet another lesson learned the hard way. I need to give myself a few months at the very least.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 18

 

Been feeling okay these past two days. But I have been thinking about him a lot. I'm not sure there is contact or even friendship on the horizon.

 

I saw my therapist today and she gave me a lot to think about. I have a lot I need to work on. I don't want this type of behavior of mine to occur in the next relationship I have with someone. I don't want to have this unhealthy co dependency. I don't want to lose myself again. This pattern of behavior has hurt all my relationships. I need to get a handle on it before I can consider dating again.

I'm excited about my future. I'm excited to move out, start my life... Have a place of my own.

 

It's time I make my own rules and stop playing by his. It's my time to be in control. I still love him bit its time to move forward.

[Art Vandelay]

Well I ****ed that up. Ended up calling, didn't go well. I guess I needed it in a way though, was holding on to some stupid false hope that we'd catch up this weekend and patch it up, and that not talking to her for two weeks will magically make her change her mind. She may change it one day, but I now know I cannot do anything, and if she does I don't think I could trust her again after the pain. I need to realise it's over and it won't happen, that I need to move on forever, and not just pretend to move on in an attempt to get her back.

 

I don't really know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to now do no contact indefinitely, and not for us or her but for me. We have close mutual friends, and not a lot of friends outside of that, so I really don't know how that will work. She has/will withdraw from them for a while, not because I asked, but it can't last forever or probably not even months.

 

3 great years and she's thrown it away without an effort to work on it. I don't think we can ever be friends.