THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lalalollipops]

Day 5

 

Meh. NC day 14 here I come! Again. -_-

[ultimateguy8]

It's been 47 days since the break up. I went 33 days no contact then tried to call her but realized my number was blocked. I then sent her a simple facebook message which she responded to. She hasn't even looked at the response I sent her even though it's really nothing. I haven't talked to her since and since the break up she has made no effort to contact me. She did unblock me on skype yesterday which strikes me as odd.

 

Everyday it gets a little easier but some days are harder than others for no particular reason. There hasn't been a day I haven't thought about her.

[Pengy]

Ohhkay... Day 1 of NC-round 2

I wasn't happy with how things ended when we talked the other night so I caved and texted him. He wrote back. The quick convo was light and positive and now I feel better. Now I'm ready to take this NC thing with no qualms.

Now that the air is clear, I can use this time of NC to find my own happiness again and respect his need for space. I realized last night he's not in a place where he can give me the relationship I need at the moment. It's unfair of me to place those expectations on him. He needs to find his own happiness right now, and since he made the decision to do that on his own I have to let him go. If he comes back.. wonderful. If he doesn't I'll be ready for that too. But the choice is no longer mine. The only choice I have now is how I choose to handle myself in the meantime. I wonder, will I think about him less as more time goes on??

He's coming home this weekend. I've decided to go visit some friends out of town... Avoid the situation all together.

[ghost1ee]

Day 9

 

The last day actually went pretty great for me. There was a few bad parts, but most of it was relieving. I kept on reading the book I'm reading, and like the usual, she keeps popping up in my mind while I read. I took a nap for an hour before lunch, and my hunger woke me up. I ate pretty well for lunch, with a great appetite. Later that afternoon, I helped clean the house because visitors were coming. Also realized a couple days ago that a family friend went to the ER for some type of heart failure. I asked my friend to recommend me some break up songs, although he insisted that it will only make me more sad. Later on last night, I went to my friend's house (the one that I confided my break up with last few days ago) and another friend was there. We talked about music and how it can make people happy, sad, angry, etc. We talked about coping with a loss of a loved one, and I told the other friend about my break up as well. They told me how to cope with it, and that everything will be fine. It made me relieved, and we also watched funny vids on youtube. We went to another friend's house and had a meeting for what to do for the month of December. I told them I'm leaving for school in January out of state, so maybe we'll plan something before I leave.

 

Me and my friend came back to my house and talked more about my break up. We ate dinner there, while the visitors was still there. I showed him my ex's location on the map that's on my wall in my room, and where her relatives are. It was a pretty great convo. I felt better, and felt like a massive weight have been lifted from my shoulders. When I woke up this morning, the thoughts of her was still there, but this time it was the bad aspects of her. The reasons we broke up. Woke up around 5:30 am, and kind of snoozed for one more hour. I also realized I usually dwell on thoughts of her when I'm driving my car. I need to stop doing that. Music plays on the radio while I drive, so that might be making it worse. But either way, I just need to focus on something else while driving. I noticed it always happens when I'm driving. My goal is to change that. Maybe focus on the cars on the road or something.

[PumkinPeter]

Holding no contact is the single most difficult challenge during a break-up. It is as if there is someone inside you, that is ready at any moment, to talk to them. It is a fight to keep them quiet. With that said, it is also the most valuable lesson learned, if you want to get over them. Or eventually back together once the ocean has calmed. Good luck to you.

[rachellsa]

Day 19 - Wow! Its weird because it doesn't actually feel like day 19 of no contact because he's contacted me...i haven't actually responded once...why does it feel like I have..so weird. The last day I "contacted" him (though I technically didn't, just saw him in his car whilst dropping stuff off) was so miserable for me. I haven't actually said a word to him in much longer...Its all gone so quickly. Which is worrying me slightly because of this date I have tomorrow but at the same time I feel like if i've gotten this far without any sort of break down then I must be doing pretty good.

[rachellsa]

Thinking I might start a count of how long its been since he contacted me as well....something like BU - 6.5 weeks, NC - 19 Days, NC from him - 2 days! Hehe

[twodegrees]

Day 5 of NC

 

Today has been the best day so far. When I am a work during the midday, I start obsessing about her as usual. Those are definitely the hardest times. I started texting this other girl today. So far its going well. I am actually engaged in our communication and not thinking about my ex. I am starting to see a glimmer of how I will be in the future. You see, according to her best friend she left me because she is looking for "Mr. Wonderful." If she came back to me, I would have a hard time believing I was not a fall back plan. I don't know what I want to do with that right now. I got time to figure it out

[Kirstya59]

Day 10. Im currently staying at my friends away from home. She has just gone to university and I am waiting to go out with lunch for her. She has my ex on facebook and i was an idiot and looked on his profile. There was nothing of interest anyway, but seeing the pictures of him still hurt me and made me miss him more wishing that I could be with him. I was so close to caving in and texting him just to tell him how much i really do love him and miss him. Wish I knew how he felt about me and the exact reason why he ended it. Our christmas work do is a day closer, so im a more stressed. I do not know whether he will be there but i dewfinately know i will bump into him at work and Im scared I may become upset as the feelings are raw and it will be the first time i see him, if he does not attend the christmas party, since NC started =( I keep tlling myself that he will not want to see me as much as i dont want to see him. hopefully he will realise how much of an idiot he is. And I will have to make sure I look super hot ha. If anyone reads this and has any advice it would be much appreciated if you would like to pm me. Thanks, feel a bit better already by posting this. Keep it up guys x

[zep]

Well, I broke NC. I figured I had to put my ex out of his misery. This was our email exchange:

 

Him Hi M, are you all right? You are not responding. I just want to know that you are ok. you dont have to respond to my other texts. I am just worried sick. Please just tell me that you are all right. I cant stop caring.

 

Me I'm fine, don't worry about me, I'm pretty good at bouncing back after breakups.

 

Him: I guess you are better at that than me. I guess you were over ben really fast too. so why would it be differnt this time. Dont you want to talk to sort a couple of things out at least?

 

Me: nope

 

 

 

The end! hahaha f that guy.

[zep]

Ugh. Not the end. I think this now REALLY counts as breaking NC. I wish I had just kept my cool. Conversation follows...

 

Him (the maniuplative sociopath) At least now I know that you weren’t that into me. I guess that not caring side of you is stronger and colder than I thought. I had doubts that our breakup was the wrong. But I guess my intuition was right. I still love you and it makes me sad to hear that you don’t care about me anymore. I guess this break up hurts me longer than it hurt you. I cant believe how sad this is...

 

Me (And I regret sending all this, I should have just ignored him) Uh, YOU CHEATED ON ME. Remember that? Remember how you told me it was because you didn't care if we broke up or not? Remember how I gave you a second chance after you told me you wanted to get back together and you loved me and you knew that you would never leave me, etc etc.... and then you said you never meant any of it and you just felt guilty because I'm so pathetic and dependent on you and YOU BROKE UP WITH ME? So now you're saying you love me again and I'm suppose to believe it this time?

 

No. Sorry. I'm keeping my heart and my feelings for someone who is honest and loyal. You're a ****ty person and you never deserved my love. So our breakup was 100% the right thing because I deserve so much more and better than you.

 

And just so you know, the reason I was able to get over you so quickly is because you were such a terrible boyfriend the last 6 months it was basically like we were already broken up. Think about it, you spent all your time playing computer games or basketball so we barely interacted, you acted like talking to me was the biggest inconvience in the world, you forgot my birthday, you did nothing but make my life difficult whenever you could. And when you did talk to me, it was usually to critize me. Who would miss that??

[Pengy]

Ughh Zep.. that's tough. He kept prodding until you finally bit back. He sounds like a complete narcissistic jerk. You are strong and respect yourself enough to see that you deserve someone who with work with you and for you in a healthy, strong and loving relationship. Don't beat yourself up. You've come such a long way. I don't even know you and I'm proud

 

Anyway.. Day 2 of NC.

Yesterday I felt awesome. I felt like it was a fresh start-So positive. I had a clear head for the first time in the past 2 months. Right now, in his depression, he can't give me the relationship I need. Also, he can't get the help he needs while being wrought with guilt trying to be there for me. This is good. I'm positive, hopeful and clear-headed. "If you love something, let it go.." right?

Today, I miss him. I have the urge to send him something funny to get him to smile today. I want him to be happy and I also want him to know how much I want to make him happy. I can't fix him though. I have to stay strong and respect his need for time and space right now. He talks to his therapist again tonight. I think they're changing up his medication. I'm going to keep busy today. Resist the urge. Stay strong for him and for myself.

If only he could get out of my head--he's taking over my dreams now too. I had vivid dreams about him last night.

One day at a time--this is for the best, even if it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

[ghost1ee]

Day 10

 

I feel like I'm close to the turning point of my misery. Yesterday was a great day. Most of the day, I was browsing through these forums and learned so much. Giving people advice and reading others' advice, I got so much out of it. I was also reading my book, and as I was reading, I noticed the thoughts of my ex does not appear as often anymore. When I was driving yesterday and this morning, the thought of my ex was less than the previous days. I focused more on other things. She's not completely out of my thoughts, but she's slowly fading away. I watched basketball on TV again, and Kobe reached 30k points. He's the 5th person to reach 30k points in the NBA. That's pretty nice. I also noticed I was a bit grumpy yesterday for some reason. When my dad asked me random questions, my reply would be in an annoyed way. I slept around 11pm, and had a great sleep actually.

 

I woke up feeling guilty. I took a shower, and contemplated on my past relationship. The fact that she called me abusive right before she left really got to me. I looked back at the relationship we had, and I have to admit, I raged from time to time. I really felt bad about what I've done, because I know those hurt her. I feel bad on how she views me now as an abusive ex. My question is why didn't she tell me this earlier to help me fix my wrongs? She decided to say this now because there is a new guy she can safely jump ships to, which she did. But then, thinking more about it, what would make me rage? It was her insecurity, needy, clingy, and anxious personality that always kept me on edge. The fact that she was always complaining about the distance, how she keeps saying she's ugly, does not welcome my compliments to her beauty, and just having low self-esteem about herself, made me realize it wasn't all my fault. I wouldn't just rage out of nowhere. I've always endured here PMS. Every time she's on her period, I'd take in all her anger and just hug her. She even thanked me every time I endured every single one of them. I could have called her abusive too since those also messed up my emotions, but I didn't. I told her to become more confident, and I hope she does now.

 

All in all, I just think that her personality was just making me go insane. I couldn't keep all of those emotions I'm feeling in me forever, so like a volcano, it erupts after a while. I mean my actions when I rage maybe over the top, but it happens rarely, and when it happens, there's really something wrong going on in the relationship. I wouldn't just rage every day or every week. When it happens, which is rarely, it's because something really big happened that I couldn't keep it all in me. But the fact that she called me abusive really made me feel like a really bad guy. I know I am a good person, and the fact that she said this to me, made me realize how messed up it is. We could have fixed these things, but instead, she decided to jump ships. I can't do anything about it anymore, and I hope as this following day pass, I'll cope with these guilty feelings. I am both feeling guilty and angry currently. Guilty because she told me I was abusive, and looking back, I guess it's somewhat true. But I never abused her in my opinion. I never did. From time to time, people get angry. It was not like I lash out at her every day, or every week, or every month. Looking back at it, I only lashed out at her a few times during the last 4 years. And every time, there's a good reason I did. I am also angry because of what she did to me. I felt like I got back-stabbed. But I know from now on, I need to control my anger. It's a great lesson learned. I just think that I never was abusive, and she's just making me feel guilty now that she called me I was.

[zep]

Ughh Zep.. that's tough. He kept prodding until you finally bit back. He sounds like a complete narcissistic jerk. You are strong and respect yourself enough to see that you deserve someone who with work with you and for you in a healthy, strong and loving relationship. Don't beat yourself up. You've come such a long way. I don't even know you and I'm proud

 

 

Thanks Pengy!! He just really knows how to push my buttons. Ugh I am SO HAPPY he is out of my life. I guess it's good to have at least one terrible boyfriend because now I am going to appreciate the next good one. I hope this whole episode doesn't set me back, because I have a date on Tues with a guy who is just perfect for me on paper and I'm really excited about it. We'll see if the spark is there.... I hope it is! (And I hope he isn't a deranged super-jerk like my ex!)

 

Good luck with your NC! It really does work. I think it's good that you are dreaming about him because it is your subconcious working out your issues. Every nightmare is one night closer to being over it. I had dreams like that too, until one night while I was in Egypt I dreamed I was single and dancing and flirting with lots of hot guys. The next night I dreamed I was sooo in love with someone new. I felt wonderful and safe and loved with this new guy. When I woke up I felt great. Like I was totally over the ex. And I've really felt that way since, just optomistic about the future and happy that the ex is out of the picture. Maybe the same thing will happen to you!!

[rippedinsides]

DAY 3

 

No contact. Feeling extremely miserable. Will I ever get over him? It's been just three days of NC, but it feels like forever. I so badly want to hear his voice, hear him tell me he loves me.... But I know I have to do this for myself or I will never move on. An old song of Jim Reeves is playing in my head. There is a line in it which says "Pardon me if I'm sentimental when you say 'goodbye'.... Now and then there's a fool such as I".

[mellie1219]

please stay strong, rippedinsides.... You CAN do this!!! U are not alone... I suffer by your side

[mellie1219]

wow zep....all I have to say is BRA-%$#@!-ING-VO!!!

[lalalollipops]

Zep, I loled hard. Your ex sounds so much like my cheating ex from ages ago. All the 'fake' concern and 'poor little me' attitude. My ex was borderline and narcissistic, it was quite sad. Good riddance to trash I say.

 

Day 6

 

I feel ok, the first thing i thought about today when I woke up was not him! I had a hair appointment in the morning and I woke up thinking I missed it.

New year, new hair, new colour, new life.

[zep]

haha yea... It's crazy how he needs me to still be hung up on him. He is pissed I won't be his security blanket to ease his way into his next relationship. Nope! Not me. I just hope this isn't going to be a setback for my moving on. It will be very important for me to keep NC for the next few days because I was really doing so well in my healing and I want my heart to be totally open for whoever new comes along.

 

TOTALLY on-board with your "New year, new hair, new colour, new life" attitude. That's the right way to look at it!!

[rachellsa]

In a way, forgetting all this Christmas BS, we're quite lucky about this time of year, we get to start again come January and use it to move on.

 

As for me, bu nearly 7 weeks ago, NC 20 days, haven't heard from him in 3 days. Went on a date tonight with a friend of a friend. Was sooooooo nervous but it went well and he wants to see me again. I didn't really think of my ex in a negative way tonight, it was just hard actually talking about life in general without mentioning the dreaded ex! How do you explain you now live back with your mother because your ex kicked you out 6 weeks ago?? However, managed to skirt over it and not mention him.

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 35.

 

5 weeks! Wow...

 

It's been a difficult journey but I can honestly say that this week, for the first time in this period of NC, he hasn't been the main thing on my mind. In the first few weeks I admit I'd look at my phone and wonder if I'd have a text from him but tonight and other nights this week I've looked at my phone and not even thought about him or hoped to see a text from him. I'm so happy I've reached this point because it's obvious he doesn't care about me. I know this isn't over yet as 5 weeks isn't a very long time. I'm far from being over him so there will probably be more rough days, but I've gone through the worst part. It can only get better from now, right? ^_^

[NCForeverGirl]

Oh and congrats zep. Proud of you!

 

rachellsa, I agree about the New Year thing. We've got no excuses for breaking NC or being hung up on these guys once the New Year starts. We all need to make it our New Years Resolution to close that door and never look back.

[twodegrees]

Day 6 NC

 

Best day so far from the standpoint of not thinking of her as much. However, my father got put in the emergency room (he is ok) at the same hospital my ex works at. I went up there to see him and I saw her car. There was a spot next to it but I passed it up. While in the ER, all I could do is think of her. I just wanted to go upstairs so bad and see her but I didn't. I got a date this Sat night with a girl that is smokin hot. Hotter than my ex...looking forward to it. I still miss and love my ex thought. Baby if you are going to come back me, I think you have a 2-3 month window. After that, the door will prob be closed

[Mistykitty]

Day 6

...why is this so easy?

I'm nervous something's suddenly gonna hit me

[zep]

Day 6

...why is this so easy?

I'm nervous something's suddenly gonna hit me

 

Maybe your body is getting rid of those attachment hormones, and since your mind already knows he's not right for you, you really are moving on. First step, Gut/instinct knows he's not right for you, Second step: Your brain knows he's not right for you, Third Step: Your heart/body knows he's not right.

 

Maybe you are on step 3?