THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Nvme]

Failed. Day 0. Trying to play WOW even though I don't play to make time go by. This weekend is tough. I need to focus on studying for the GMAT

[beatlesfan123]

Day 38 or something... I forget.

 

Missing her so much. Hope she's making the positive changes in her life like I'm doing. Cause even if we never speak again I'd be happy knowing that for the first time in her life she won't be coming out of a relationship more hurt and damaged than she was before.

[vberriault]

Day 4

But something happened.. after our last conversation we both agreed we needed space to heal.. I've been seeing help and it's been very good.. I went to the gym yesterday and chatted with a new very interesting woman last night. felt awesome.

Anyways on the interesting part. I arrived at work today got off my motorcycle... not even 3 steps and my ex was in a car behind me waving me down.... she had the 2 little girls we used to babysit often on weekends..

I acted very polite and non-awkward.. I opened the back door and chatted with the girls for a minute.. told them that i had to go to work and i hope they had a good day! looked at my ex and wished her a good day as well and said goodbye.

 

She was the dumper....she was clear in her not wanting to see or talk to me anymore unless absolutely necessary... She could have avoided the area she knows i park in the mall.. she know what time i arrive at work...it really looks like a intentional run into... kinda pisses me off actually

 

anyways..my question is. does this encounter set me back... or did i handle the contact properly and get to keep my days..

[leftme]

Day - Lost count.

 

Easy Peasy.

[Tom1990]

Alrighty! After losing my job, one last attempt to reach out (which she handled gracefully), then a few days of pining and longing, I woke up this morning with no interest in seeing or hearing from her again.

 

Let's do this, NC.

 

DAY ONE STARTS NOW! I have a party to go to tonight, with theatre friends. Not a coworker among them, no mutual friends of the ex. A totally different world. I'm looking forward to it.

[zep]

Day - Lost count.

 

Easy Peasy.

 

Can't wait until I am here!

[lalalollipops]

Day 14

 

YES!! We used to talk 3 times a day on the ph ( so like a total of around 2 hours) and send average of 120 texts everyday too. So going from seeing him and talking all the time to nothing has been damn hard, but I haven't cracked so far, I can't wait to get to day 30.

 

It's weird how my ex from first half of last year is texting all the time now. I hung out with him twice a few days ago, nothing happened obv, and I even told him there's no way I'd get with him bc I was in love with my ex and 'completely emotionally unavailable.' Sigh, I wish my ex would just call. I miss him so much and I don't really feel better, every night's a struggle.

[lalalollipops]

Day - Lost count.

 

Easy Peasy.

 

I remember with my first love, I did 106 or so days of NC and then cracked and called. You're lucky you're finding it easy, it took me at least 9+ months to get to that point.

[Mistykitty]

Yeah idk I'm only on day two and it seems really easy?

Granted I was at work all day, and I know the night will be hard...but -sigh- holding out for Monday

[JohnGalt]

Journal of No Contact Day 4:

 

Day 3 was tough. I had planned to propose to my ex fiance, but she dumped me three weeks before I was to pop the question. We've been broken up for 3 full weeks today. I am focused on the things that I have that do not involve my ex. I have a great job, a great education, a great family. Unfortunately, I just moved back to this city a couple of months ago to be with my ex so I don't have a strong group of friends yet. But that will come with time. I am also working on my body and mind. I need to get to the point where I'm not thinking about her so much.

 

I cried briefly today for the first time since the breakup. I admitted to myself that I loved my ex and that I am not quite sure where things went wrong. My ex is living her life though - she is strong, independent and doing what she needs to do to move on. I am following her lead. A part of my hopes that she will come back, but I know in the back of my head there's no going back. I feel like I wasted a ton of time, emotion, and energy fighting for this relationship. I am exhausted. I also realize that if she did come back, she would not be happy because I no longer trust her with my heart. I could never give to her the way I gave before. I would always need to protect myself.

 

I just hope that I find someone as beautiful, smart, and compatible as we were. I do not want a replica, but I do want similar quality.

 

Day 4 is today. As of 11am, I have not contacted her for 4 full days. Five days is the longest I've gone so far. I must go longer.

 

I'm confident that she will ultimately come back, but I am clearly not ready for her to come back right now. I know that this time is good for me. I will embrace the pain and come out on the other side better.

[superdupa]

Day 3

 

I barely thought about her today and it was awesome but then I talked to my mom and she brought her up (my family loved her) but it didn't really bother me.

I was gonna propose to her tomorrow.

BRING IT.

[zep]

Today was Day 6, and it wasn't that hard. I don't know why I'm not struggling this time with the NC... I think it might be because I have really said, done and tried everything to make the relationship work, to no avail. There's nothing else to say. Also, my ex neglected me so severely the last 3 months of our relationship (6 months really...) that being here by myself isn't actually very different than before loneliness wise. Also, it was just an unhappy relationship. It's not like my dream man up and left me one day... it was not a good relationship, even if it did last for 3 years and I was heavily invested in making in work.

 

I just hope my next relationship is better, that I choose a better person to fall in love with, that it works next time. I am 29 and I want to get married and have kids and have a LIFE partner. I don't want to have to worry that after 3 years they are going to say, "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore." I don't want to have to worry about being left for a younger woman after 15 years of marriage... I just want something stable and happy.

[zep]

It's Sunday, the most difficult day for me. But I guess now this is the 7th Sunday, and they have just gotten easier every week. I know in my heart this this ex was not the man for me. This was not my true love. Something real and right and better is out there. There is nothing more to say or do with this relationship. (Well, there are apartment logistics, but that I will worry about later, I think I will just move out when I find something and mail the keys to his office.)

 

I'm really excited/happy about how well this NC is working and how much better I feel. Part of me is worried about next week, the second week is harder isn't it, but this week or real no contact has been so significantly different and better than any other week since the breakup, I really think I am through the tough part. Day 7 isn't over yet though! I might be back here in a few hours eating my words

[lalalollipops]

Day 15

 

Just finished crying. Hopefully I'll be able to get to sleep soon.

[JohnGalt]

Back to day 1.

 

I have two email accounts. One i don't check very often. Went on. She was on gchat with the status "too much on my mind." like an idiot I reached out and invited her to brunch. She declined saying she had too much work that day. I asked if I should not invite her places, if it was too soon. She said it isn't that...it's just law school doesn't give her a lot of time. I then asked if she loved or missed me. She said she wasn't having that conversation and signed off.

[Amandacast57]

Back to day 1.

 

I have two email accounts. One i don't check very often. Went on. She was on gchat with the status "too much on my mind." like an idiot I reached out and invited her to brunch. She declined saying she had too much work that day. I asked if I should not invite her places, if it was too soon. She said it isn't that...it's just law school doesn't give her a lot of time. I then asked if she loved or missed me. She said she wasn't having that conversation and signed off.

 

Try really hard to not have conversations with her like that. I know you want to seem caring but right now, she clearly has a lot of stuff going on. If you keep pressuring her to see you when she needs to focus on school, she is going to resent you for trying to come in between that.

[zep]

End of day 7, end of the first week. I was feeling down until I went climbing tonight with friends. I met some new people, and had SO much fun. I've always really enjoyed climbing the few times I've done it and I've always noticed and had people comment on that I was a natural. I did really well tonight and love love loved it!!

 

I think this a great new hobby to help me build up my self-esteem and just feel like i'm creating my life for me. Also, it will be a great way to meet men. I have to admit that was something I was really worried about, how will I ever meet anyone else in this country. But now I know I will have plenty of opportunities to meet great guys.

 

So, no contact, I'm fine with that, definitely my best Sunday so far Lucky #7

[superdupa]

Day 4

 

I woke up pissed off this morning.

I understand that we're young and it's human nature to want to explore but it just sucks.

I know what I want, why can't she?

I suppose I do have more experience than her though.

I hate thinking about the underlying reasons.

I'm hoping the day that I don't care anymore comes soon.

[Kieren956]

Sorry, I just felt compelled to correct you, it's not for all intensive purposes, it's for all intents and purposes

[chamachama]

Ouch John....brutal. Well, now you know...

 

And do NOT fool yourself into thinking she is really too busy to give you any time at all. She is busy sure, but that is not why she doesn't want to talk about hanging out with you.

 

John move on....the sooner you accept that she doesn't want to be with the person you are right now, the sooner you will start to feel better.

 

"The best way out is through" -Robert Frost

[JohnGalt]

She came back on later and said she still loves me. She says that there's hope for us in the future and wants to get through her first semester. Said she isn't opposed to hanging out, but her schedule is brutal right now. I'm going to leave her alone. I'll see what's good in January if she's still single.

[lalalollipops]

She's now putting you on the back burner as the fallback guy. I would just move on without being hopeful.

[JohnGalt]

That's not true. I'm not the fall back guy. She would definitely tell me if she never wanted to get back together. She's one of these girls that doesn't need a fall back. She's genuinely confused. But I agree with you and everyone else, my contact just makes it worse. It isn't helping and it isn't healthy. I know that.

[zep]

That's not true. I'm not the fall back guy. She would definitely tell me if she never wanted to get back together. She's one of these girls that doesn't need a fall back. She's genuinely confused. But I agree with you and everyone else, my contact just makes it worse. It isn't helping and it isn't healthy. I know that.

 

My ex is saying the same stuff, he loves me, he's confused, he doesn't want to "lose me forever". If I contact him right now I can 100% guarantee these are the things that he would say. The last thing he said to me was that he was looking at pictures of us with tears in his eyes and he doesn't know how to turn the love off. Thats when I started NC last week.

 

Because none of that stopped him from sleeping with other girls. None of that stopped him from moving out (well, I kicked him out but he didn't beg to come home). He left me, he doesn't want to be with me. He may still have love for me but that's not enough. Both partners have to WANT to be in a relationship with each other. Personally I just cannot handle this situation. It hurts too much, and I need to feel secure in my relationship. If I wanted to get back together with my ex, I probably could. Could I keep him? I don't know. And it would be pure torture.

 

I really think its less painful to just leave this broken relationship behind, and focus only on the future. You've said so yourself many times you could never trust your heart with her again after she left you like this, are you are RIGHT. Law school is a big deal, but its not the most stressful/busy time that will happen for either of you. Babies, deaths in the family, sickness... The whole point of a relationship is to be your strength during the hard times. If you can't count on your partner to stick around during the tough times the relationship is worthless.

 

In any case I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself, doing NC until the new year, and dating other girls. You sound like a real catch, the full package PLUS you're loyal, so I think once you let go of the ghost of this relationship, your life will be amazing. NC is the only way!!!

[lalalollipops]

DAY 16

 

I've made up my mind that I will be deleting, erasing, packing up and putting away everything he gave me by NC day 30. Looking at things he made me and having those things on my other dressing table is just setting me back from getting over things. Although the pain of the BU isn't sharp anymore, it's this numbing void that I can't get away from. I miss him. Nothing to do with missing being in a relationship, or bc I miss the attention. I just miss HIM. I miss the banter, the conversations and the knowledge that somebody always had my back. He made me want to be better. He pushed me and I never felt so accepted in my life. He was my sanctuary, he was home.

I'll really miss that. I still love him dearly.