THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[klin]

Today is 1 month nc. Almost 11 weeks since the breakup. Do I feel a lot better than day 1? I'm not sure. Probably. Some days have been so hard to stop myself from contacting him. Yesterday I cried for a while and vented to a couple friends because I missed him so much and had to find a way to stop myself from contacting him. I don't know if 1 month is just supposed to give you a goal as a head start, but I made it. Probably the hardest thing I've had to do. It hasn't really made me feel a ton better, but I know I've stopped myself from begging/whining and getting humiliated, so that's a plus. Who knows. I still feel a bit mopey today because I miss him and I'm sad he doesn't want me anymore.

[IAmFCA]

Day 6

Its getting SO much better.

 

Slept in

Resisted some FB urges

Stories of ex were top of mind while making large Xmas purchase, because my purchase overlaps with an area of his expertise.

Lunch with a former fling. who told me stories of one a friend with same name as B.

Reminded myself that I have no idea when B intends to have his "SOTU" convo with FWB/GF. I hadnt really considered the fact that he might not do anything about his situ. Whatevs. If he is to come to me, it has to be on his timeline. If I am to take him, it has to be on mine.

 

Lessons on what I have learned from knowing B float to the surface. Was viewing city today through the eyes of one who has lost much. Appreciation is a good lesson. My thought pattern indicates that B is moving from gut to the safe calculus of my brain.

 

Still, I think next week will be harder. He will return home (or maybe he will stay the week with A and wait out the weather. ****.) Post-weekend will feel different to him, like a new phase. I am not prepared for hearing from him; I doubt I will but need to be prepared to alleviate the anxiety.

 

All in all, though, a very good departure from last week's cloud.

[IAmFCA]

End of Day 6

 

Successful dates today, had fun, felt attraction, then I went to the grocer and back home. More than 2 hours in a bar would have felt out of balance.

 

I am glad I felt attraction. That had been gone for awhile.

 

New discovery: knowing my sib and niece are running marathon tomorrow makes his Ironman less important to me. Having women compete in a remarkable athletic event makes me need him less. Like, I yearn for THE extraordinary among my sibs/friends. Interesting.

 

Starting to forgive myself, I think.

[IAmFCA]

Today is 1 month nc. Almost 11 weeks since the breakup. Do I feel a lot better than day 1? I'm not sure. Probably. Some days have been so hard to stop myself from contacting him. Yesterday I cried for a while and vented to a couple friends because I missed him so much and had to find a way to stop myself from contacting him. I don't know if 1 month is just supposed to give you a goal as a head start, but I made it. Probably the hardest thing I've had to do. It hasn't really made me feel a ton better, but I know I've stopped myself from begging/whining and getting humiliated, so that's a plus. Who knows. I still feel a bit mopey today because I miss him and I'm sad he doesn't want me anymore.

 

Klin, good work!

 

You didnt ask for feedback in this thread, so I may be intruding. Please forgive me.

 

Over on a different thread , ideal87 describes holding a funeral for the relationship. Maybe 30 days marks an opportunity for you to hold you own ritual?

[IAmFCA]

Day 7

 

I googled his race results for the swim split. Must get away from this computer.

 

There were no pictures, so I am not starting over. I hope I am not breaking the rules. I mean no disrespect to my fellow NCers.

 

How did the google make me feel? Like he is where I expect him to be. Like I am wasting my time with him in my brain.

 

Ugh. So much else to do. Must get out of house.

[IAmFCA]

Day 7

 

Yesterday was fleeting. Today I basically have stayed in and obsessed. Looked up his race scores. Bad for my self esteem!

[omdhafeio]

Delete this post

[IAmFCA]

OK, I closed the Ironman site. I have confirmed that he finished. Now, I assume his plan was to fly home tomorrow, which I doubt he will be able to do. So the race is over, she cheers him on and now they go home together. Sick. And he stays on with her a few more days. Argh. I need to get my head out of his life. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

[lalalollipops]

Day 1 again, I think I was better at NC last time I really needed to reinforce it. It's actually easier staying away from sb you love who's extremely screwed up and unstable, a liar, manipulator, cheater with drug, felony, school issues than sb who was a great guy.

URGH, nothing to tell myself except 'keep strong.'

[ideal87]

Back to square one...just got off the phone with the ex. Should have never answered it..so here's to day #1...

[levie]

Didn't contact him for 4 days after he sent me break up letter a long one with what he felt, I think he requested NC...I wrote him a reply I 4 days later...I didn't want him to go on with having poisonous thoughts or without telling my side...I mostly tried to clear up some misconceptions and said will work on my issues...Was it wrong..??

So Ill remain doing NC the rest of the time.

[rocko123]

Day 14

 

Had a very good day yesterday. Today it's back into the office and the source of pain. But I'm managing well today and keeping in mind all of the reasons I'm doing this. I know I'll make 60 days NC at this rate. The question then is what next? I don't ever want to feel as bad as I did in the past few months. So if I feel better then, I think I stay NC and just accept that what once was will never be again. She is not the person I knew and the bridge between us is irrevocably gone.

[IAmFCA]

Day 8

 

I admit to pulling up his FB page last night. For 30 seconds. No changes, all locked down as usual. No change in profile pic. I was grateful to see no changes.

 

I don't want to start my count over again.

 

Have been questioning myself: why is this so hard? I am strong, capable, accomplished, and highly intuitive. I know what I need to do. So why am I hanging on to my desire for a man who hasn't earned it, and who in fact has earned my contempt?

 

My dating history is, in a nut shell, divorce, best friend/romantic partner who succumbed to cancer, now this guy. Inconsequential dates in between, etc. I am feeling a void I don't ever remember feeling in the past. The void made it harder to walk away from current ex, whose company was incredibly compelling. I am wondering where did this void come from? Is it the loss of the man who passed? I am going to go back to THAT loss. There is something about this void that needs to be fixed.

 

Off to learn from others on recovering from loss threads....

[klin]

Klin, good work!

 

You didnt ask for feedback in this thread, so I may be intruding. Please forgive me.

 

Over on a different thread , ideal87 describes holding a funeral for the relationship. Maybe 30 days marks an opportunity for you to hold you own ritual?

 

Thank you! I don't think I would like to do a funeral...I've left all of my/our memories/keepsakes in a box in my parents' house (I moved out a couple weeks after the breakup...unrelated to the breakup), and I know I'm not ready to look at them yet. The first week after the breakup I took a couple of my favourite notes/letters out and read them and that was a big mistake. He said a lot of beautiful things when we were together and I know I wouldn't be able to process them as dead memories....I think I do best when I surround myself with things that aren't him...the only way I see this getting better is the less he is in my life, the less I "need" him in my life, and the more I become complacent with how things are/become. Nothing magically gets beter. I know I'm not happier without him..I will be eventually, sure, but right now I am sad and making my way through my days and trying to embrace the happy parts, so the grief doesn't upset me too much. Sigh.

That sounds so depressing...I woke up with an immense desire to tell him that I missed him and ask him for coffee, but I didn't because I knew it would make me look silly and desperate...that's honestly my main motive right now. It's sick.

[rocko123]

Day 16

 

Had a funky dream about her last night but it didn't impact me the way they have in the past. I just realize it for what it is; remnants of feelings that are dying off. That person in the dream was definitely not her; way to playful. So now I'm starting to think about those good things I want from someone but I know in my gut I'm not ready for another relationship anytime soon. Not until I've become good at being alone again.

[IAmFCA]

Day 9

 

The void is closing.

 

I still want you.

 

I would never accept your crap now, the way I did.

 

I'm going to be okay.

 

I know i broke it off verbally, but you killed it first, with your actions. You should never have let me go.

[JohnGalt]

Day 4

 

Tough. This is the absolute longest we've ever gone without talking to each other since knowing each other. This sucks.

[ammp]

DAY 3,

it's been three days since ive contacted my ex.. and i litterly begged him to take me back.. pathetic i know & very out of character for me because our whole breakup was me trying to have the upper hand and being stubborn when he tried to talk. tables have turned and now i am a mess without him..

(oh yeah, did i mention i lost my job last week... ) times are tough so i need to focus on myself and focus on getting my life back together..

 

from now forward i will not check his facebook & if i find myself wanting to, ill write on here about it,, goodluck everyone!!

[IAmFCA]

I have been reading your posts. I am cheering for you.

[IAmFCA]

Day 9

 

The void is closing.

 

I still want you.

 

I would never accept your crap now, the way I did.

 

I'm going to be okay.

 

I know i broke it off verbally, but you killed it first, with your actions. You should never have let me go.

 

Must re-read this. I loved what we had, it was more fun than ever.

[Mdashin]

5 weeks broken up and 1 week Nc And to you tell you the truth I honestly feel 100x better this week! We tried being friends but I don't think that's for us.. I just feel a sense of relief I guess not feeling so sad! I'm not sure if I'm just having a good week or if I'm "moving on" either way its a good week for me and to everyone out there NC is hard believe me I know but time does heal all wounds and keeping busy helps as well. But I honestly don't think I would be doing this well if it wasn't for Enotalone! Thanks for the advice!

[IAmFCA]

Day 9 started okay, but it ended with me in an absolute funk, feeling alone in the world, feeling incredibly isolated. I let myself, made a conscious choice, to look at his FB page. Still no changes. I dont know what I was looking for. Some piece of information perhaps? I just dont know. I need to move on.

 

I need a support network. Life feels hard, and I know I have gobs of things to appreciate. It isnt that i am ungrateful. It is that I am tired and utterly lacking in positive affirmation.

 

And here I am, wasting my time on introspection.

 

Need to go away.

 

Day 9. You stunk, Day 9, but I still did it. I am past 1 week and on my way to 2 weeks. I know it will get better. I know it will.

[ammp]

Day 4 of NC & feeling much better than yesterday.. I'm eating again, & talking to my friends again. Even talking to guys..... I'll be fine without you. your sure as not sulking around the house crying over me, im not gonna waste any more tears on you.. This whole breakup i blamed myself for everything that happened.. well i know i deserve better then to feel like that, and i know i deserve better then to be emotionaly abused and played with

[IAmFCA]

Day 10

 

Day 10! YAY!

 

I know it is lifting. The content of my whining (yes, it is) is shifting in some way.

 

I am through the very concrete example of him being with her for the race, a beautiful moment in their relationship as they got to spend about 2 weeks out of four together. It still makes my fingers tingle when I write about him with her. Now, the time will come that he is home, that I do not hear from him, that I will see how it is with this whole episode having passed by me.

 

I am beginning to see that if he writes, I will be happy to hear from him. I also will be able to draw on these writings as a source of strength. Thank you ENotAlone!

 

The demonstration of life going on in an uneventful fashion will be very helpful. Am reminded of Sheryl Crow's lyric: It's not having what you want /

It's wanting what you've got. Okay, will work on that.

[rocko123]

Day 17

 

Started to focus on things other than her for a while. Picked up a book called "If the Buddha Dated" that focuses on how to establish a relationship w/ yourself in order to better serve any future relationships you'll have w/ other people. Feel like I'm getting stronger and stronger every day.