THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[megabloxman]

Starting today. Lost what I feel is the love of my life. Dumped her by my own stupidity, there was no real reason. Chased her harder than ever, tried everything I could imagine, apologized, spoke from the heart but nothing got through. I can only hope that this will help me find happiness.

[lonelyheart2]

Well I just received a birthday message from him at 3am!!! Sent me a facebook inbox message :

 

'how the hell is it your birthday!?!? swear your birthday last year does NOT seem like a year ago, nonetheless, hope you have a lovely day miss hopefully see you some time too - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

I wish I could actually see that he wanted me back from this message but all I see is a 'friend' being nice. *sigh* at least he doesn't know how much I still wish I could be with him...actually that's a lie...he probably does, it just doesn't affect him Do I reply to his?

[lovebre]

Day 26

Not much to say really. Haven't heard from/seen the ex in weeks. I'll be spending time with family tomorrow so hopefully my mind will be off of him.

[Reilly2856]

Well I just received a birthday message from him at 3am!!! Sent me a facebook inbox message :

 

'how the hell is it your birthday!?!? swear your birthday last year does NOT seem like a year ago, nonetheless, hope you have a lovely day miss hopefully see you some time too - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

I wish I could actually see that he wanted me back from this message but all I see is a 'friend' being nice. *sigh* at least he doesn't know how much I still wish I could be with him...actually that's a lie...he probably does, it just doesn't affect him Do I reply to his?

 

Maybe a polite "Thank you would be enough. No matter how things ended, he did wish you. Just keep your reply short...enough to show that you appreciate that he remembered yet not one that is overly eager as to give away that you still haven't forgotten him.

[markie6]

Day 42 in the big brother house.... half of the contestants have vanished. Only me left

 

I will be in the diary room later.

 

Happy Birthday Lonelyheart

[chrisbuilder]

Lost track, stopped counting after I broke NC 11 days ago sending a skype message. So I guess this is NC 11? Well, have been broken up for 2,5 months now, and haven't heard from her since the 2nd of March. She hasn't initiated any form of contact since my birthday on the 22nd of February. She's even keeping off of Skype or staying invisible most days, although I know she's got skype on her phone and it's switched on automatically as she's got 3G. So what can I say, she seems even more adamant to maintain NC than me. I contacted her twice since I last saw her on the 15th of February, from her absolutely nothing except for my birthday. What does this tell me? The obvious answer is she doesn't want anything to do with me, or maybe she has already forgotten and replaced me with a shinier model.

 

These last days are extremely tough on me, I can't sleep and I find it very, very difficult to be without her. I even keep on having dreams about her. Yesterday's was really intense, and it was so weird that I remembered it and got somebody to analyse the meaning. Well, as this is an anonymous forum, what the heck, I'll post it here, and maybe it will strike a chord with some of you. It's definitely my subconscious trying to tell me something:

 

Hello,

 

I'd like some help on the interpretation of the following dream:

 

 

I dreamt that my ex girlfriend had died. She is lying in bed on her back under white blankets, in the way deceased are laid after they have just died at their homes. She looks like she is sleeping, but I know she is dead. For some reason I can't think of her name anymore, and I'm trying to find it on google but can't. I have forgotten her name.

 

While searching for her name, I see in the reflection of the screen that she has woken up, so I go back to bed and cuddle up to her. We kiss. I feel a profound happiness, as though she must have been dead for quite some time, because I tell her that I've missed her. She tells me she missed me too.

 

At which point I wake up.

 

 

I don't want to burden you with real life details, but what can you tell me about this dream? My ex is obviously not dead (at least I hope!). We broke up two months ago.

 

Thanks a lot in advance!

 

Best wishes,

 

C

 

Answer:

 

Hi, C. Thank you for trusting your dream to me.

 

First, I want to be certain you understand that the dream reflects your

own emotions. Nothing in the dream comes from your ex-girlfriend or is

influenced by anything she is thinking, feeling or doing. Unfortunately,

the old superstition about one person's thoughts and feelings

influencing another person's dreams is widely believed. But it has no

validity.

 

The image of your ex laid out as a dead body is an illustration of the

"death" of your relationship with her. What you shared with each other

is dead and gone; Warm feelings have turned cold as a corpse is cold. It

is a powerful, effective metaphor.

 

Not being able to remember her name is a second metaphor, suggesting a

letting go not only of connections but also of information. The dream

shows that you have lost the sense of who she is/was. Ordinarily this

would be a healthy indication that you are moving beyond the loss and

ready to find a new relationship.

 

However, the third metaphor shows something very different. Instead of

letting go of the dead relationship, the dream shows the relationship

coming back to life AFTER you have forgotten everything you knew. In

other words, the dream is showing that the only way the relationship

could be restored would be by your forgetting everything you learned

about her - not only the good things that you miss about her but also

the problems and conflicts. That would be very unfortunate, leading only

to a repetition of old mistakes.

 

This is a good dream, C, with a lot of wisdom. Very well

done.

 

Bright blessings as you move forward,

Zia Lucia

 

I needed to clear up what she exactly meant by the last metaphor, so:

 

Dear Zia,

 

Thank you so much for your insightful analysis of my dream!

 

I'd like to understand better what you mean with your analysis of the third metaphor, the relationship coming back to life AFTER I have forgotten everything I knew about my ex. Should this be read as a cautionary, a warning that I shouldn't forget what led to this break up lest I try to get together and end up making the same mistakes? Or could it be read that I can only attempt to start a new relationship with my ex if all past memories, both good and bad, have been processed, forgotten in a way - if such a thing is at all possible - so that with lessons learned a new start can be made?

 

Thanks again for your analysis, it will be something I cherish.

 

Best wishes!

 

Yours,

 

C

 

Answer:

 

Hi again,

 

Very briefly... your first thought is correct, that the dream should be

taken as a warning. The person you thought you loved is "dead." You

loved your IDEA of her, not the real person she is. Only forgetting who

the real person actually is and substituting a fantasy would revive the

"relationship" - which is only a fantasy.

 

Let it go, C. You deserve someone who is real, and who will

really love you.

 

All Blessings,

Zia Lucia

 

So, I guess I already knew in my heart what to do...easier said than done! I cannot believe my own memories: my eyes lied to me, my ears betrayed me, her touch wasn't real, her eyes didn't speak the truth, her tongue told me sweet lies...how ever can I trust anyone again if my senses fail me so completely?

[and123]

Well.. I remember a dream when we got back together with my ex. It was on my moms birthday. Well.. the day has passed allready. I wonder what that means.. Not that I ever believed in these things but maybe its true.

[transmit]

Hi all, first time posting. Ex dumped me 3 weeks ago, been NC for 15 days. I'd been dealing pretty well while lurking here on the forums a bit, but my feelings are so cyclical -- the last few days have been harder than ever. maybe posting in the thread will help.

[Tallman]

I have been NC 2 days. The longest I have gone is about two weeks before. I need to move on. Hopefully this challenge will help me do that. I talked to her on Friday and told her that I had to stop calling her and that she should only call me if she wanted to discuss getting back together. She told me time and again that she still loves me but getting back together is out of the question. I've tried everything to no avail. I just need to move on without her.

[Love1336]

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Angry with myself.

Angry because I miss you still.

Angry because I change my number.

Angry because I deleted my e-mails.

Angry because I deleted your number.

Angry because I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU.

 

I HAVE NOTHING IN MY ROOM. MY LIFE. TO REMIND ME OF YOU.

YET YOU ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS CROSS MY MIND. WHY? WHY? WHY?

 

LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY.

Why when I woke up, YOU'RE FIRST PERSON I THINK OF?

During work, I think of you.

Driving home, i think of you.

Hanging with friends, I THINK OF YOU.

You're always on my mind.

I don't know how to stop you from entering my mind.

HOW?

 

GO AWAAYYYYYYY! AND NEVER COME BACK. EVER. PLEASE?

[lovebre]

Day 27

Due to unrelated circumstances, my mind hasn't been on my ex that much. Good, I haven't been stressing over him, but over something else...

[frkalex]

Day 25

Wow, it's been nearly a month now since our last contact. I feel like so much has happened in those 25 days. I'm a lot happier now and full of optimism, although I still miss my ex. I know that he has recently heard back from a summer internship, which he didn't get, and it's a small stab in the heart that he hasn't called me as he said he would once he heard. But it also helps in many ways since I no longer use him as my emotional support.

[flatplane]

Dream stuff

 

The subconscious is a weird old beast to be honest. A few nights ago I had a dream that I with my ex, but then she'd started smoking roll ups (She didn't smoke, I've no idea about now, although I'd be surprised if she did) and dressing really differently. Strange.

 

NC/NIC Day 24.

[Rose Melody]

Broke 25th day of NC to wish him happy Easter afer he liked my photo on Facebook... He responded with a little joke and in a good tone... But what does it mean if he's now with her? I hope it isn't true... My heart would totaly break if it's so. Either way, I'm gonna find it out on wednesday. I'm dreading that day, at least to say.

[Lisabroken]

Day 4 NC, I don't have the urge to contact you. I don't want you to contact me. I miss you but its surrounded with a haze of confusion. I'm not sure if i want you back if you do come back. I imagine you don't miss me at all.

[transmit]

16 days NC. The urge to contact has subsided, and I go for long periods of time without thinking about him. But when I do, I'm angry and frustrated and start to recount the circumstances of the breakup to myself. Not to mention the weather's getting nice and I'm thinking about all the things we could be doing together. I'm trying so hard and it helps keeping busy with work, but the impulse to think of him hasn't gone away.

[Love1336]

Three weeks, and almost broke NC.

But i held myself together.

I am going out now.

Can't be home, for sure i'll break nc if i stay.

[rhythm09]

Probably didn't get my text that day, so I suppose it doesn't count since he didn't respond.

 

It would be 27 days since I haven't spoken to him. Jesus... This is the longest I have ever been without communication. Though, I don't feel myself wanting to call or reach out. I was kinda hoping he was going to... Maybe he is keeping his "promise" when I said give me time.

 

UGH. This is seriously unbearable.

[flatplane]

Probably didn't get my text that day, so I suppose it doesn't count since he didn't respond.

 

It would be 27 days since I haven't spoken to him. Jesus... This is the longest I have ever been without communication. Though, I don't feel myself wanting to call or reach out. I was kinda hoping he was going to... Maybe he is keeping his "promise" when I said give me time.

 

UGH. This is seriously unbearable.

 

You asked for time and expect him to contact? If you've asked for time it's up to you to make contact....that's how it would appear to me anyway.

[lonelyheart2]

Ok so..I replied to the birthday message sorry guys but he seemed like he was being genuinely nice The good thing is I feel sure in myself that I won't break nc again...I guess time will tell if he was actually honest about 'hopefully seeing me soon' I'm sure it was just put out there to be friendly but you never know! In the mean time I'm so encouraged with my own progress! I feel I'm well on my way to healing myself, I know I can be without him it's no big deal...maybe having him be 'friendly' to me has helped?

[lovebre]

Day 28

It's getting kinda hard again. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him sometimes. Probably not since he left me for someone else Haven't seen him in weeks. Sad to say, I miss him right now..

[frkalex]

Day 26

Today is a good day. I feel happy (but stressed about school work) and I genuinely don't want to get back together with my ex, even though I miss him. A good day!

[Lisabroken]

My heart is heavy today, i feel low. I am trying to stay motivated. I'm trying to not be selfish and give him the space he needs and see how space might also be good for me. Right now, i am struggling to be without right now as you make me feel happy but i know my presence right now is not good for you. I have been selfish in the relationship, so it is time for me to do something unselfish.

[Lisabroken]

Forgot to add, i am only at 5th day of NC

[Lightning87]

Argh, balls. You text and broke NC then decided to call me twice and text me again asking when it was ok to call. I caved in and spoke to him. Wish I hadn't now as it was a realisation that it's all over. You text again last night with your new number but I haven't replied. Not going to.