THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[lonelyheart2]

Day 26- I stupidly asked Heidi (a friend of his) in our email contact (which she initiated) how my ex was after she asked how I am after the whole thing and she hasn't replied to that message. I don't think she will as it has been about five days now I think not entirely sure. not even sure I got the nc number right! I feel a bit miffed but not terrible. I don't count that as breaking nc as I have not spoken to him and I did ask her not to tell him.....I was just being honest...argh I know it was the wrong thing to do I just don't want to count days of nc from 1 again! Will be coming back from the deep dark depths of wales soon and am really hoping my Granny won't be too upset by it

[RitaTrue]

Thanks, Rita.

 

Beat myself up is something I do regardless of circumstance anyway. It's not a good trait - it manifests even worse come the end of relationships.

 

Onwards and upwards, eh ?

 

Yes. Onwards and upwards

[minimini]

I want so badly to send him a message wishing him a Happy New Year. HE is my cyber/ emotional affair and I want to leave him where he is... in the past and NC. At the same time, I also want to tell him that I am always thinking of him. I know I shouldn't and I know it would probably drive me crazy in hindsight. But my real life isn't so hot right now, and I keep finding myself reverting back. We met in January (after 20 years), fell HARD for each other, and ended everything... all in 2011. Just keep feeling like I want to write to him and end the year right........... once and for all.................. MUST. STOP. THINKING. THIS. WAY.

[Dibbs]

Back to day 1

 

Christmas screwed up everything (2 weeks of NC) but I'm determined more than ever right now to keep NC even if she calls or text.

I told her to contact me ONLY and I mean ONLY when she's ready to come back to me.

That way I won't get any stupid ideas and my hopes up whenever she contacts me.

2011 was a disaster for me but I'm full of hopes entering this new year today.

I wish everyone here a much better year.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 27 - Really have BIG cravings to wish him a happy new year. Feeling really sad that he hasn't acknowledged me once during this festive period. Why can't I be normal and happy like everyone else! This is getting ridiculous. If only there was some magic happy pill that didn't have freaky side effects *sigh* Although I do also want to wish everyone on here a happy new year Lets try and make 2012 a good one

[Vastaux]

Back to day 1

 

Christmas screwed up everything (2 weeks of NC) but I'm determined more than ever right now to keep NC even if she calls or text.

I told her to contact me ONLY and I mean ONLY when she's ready to come back to me.

That way I won't get any stupid ideas and my hopes up whenever she contacts me.

2011 was a disaster for me but I'm full of hopes entering this new year today.

I wish everyone here a much better year.

 

I hear ya friend! screwed up 2 weeks NC on christmas eve due to sending a card, then e-mailing boxing day... Christmas and new years broke me... luckily now thats all out of the way!

 

Day 1 for me here, thought i'd tie it in neatly with new years... it kind of hit me last night and today that she didnt think of me enough to send any sort of happy new year message or christmas greetings for that fact... and i feel my card to her was mocked by her and her family... I have a different feeling than previous attempts, this time i want to do it for me, previously its been about seeing if she would miss me, or calming down tention to try and reconcile again but i think i have realised after beign on here alot the past couple of weeks that i am whats most important! Here's hoping i stick to it from here on out... i keep wondering to myself what i will feel like 31/12/2012, where i'll be in life, who i'll be with, will i be happy... i cant say, but i think any chance of happiness now does not involve her, its a hard fact to realise but whoever said this break-up malarky was easy... Day 1 out of the way almost, roll on day 2

[AC Slater]

Been about a month since text from her, which was the first piece of interaction we'd had in ~5 months. I felt bad about being so short in my reply, especially since she told some of my friends about it. Sent her a happy new year text, got nothing in return. I've been in NC so long now these small, short scattered messages don't phase me. I've kept the door for communication open but as far as she knows i've got 6 new girlfriends. I'm not initiating anything now the ball's back in her court, and i'm confident knowing i'm completely in control of my actions and could go honestly go another 9 months NC, or in this case NIC.

[Bronxtigeraso]

So I texted my ex this new years with my new number. Breaking NC for over 4 months..She told me whos this? I said my name. Never got a response..I then * * * * ed up by calling her now..no response.

I'm feeling like * * * * again and wanting to break down. I havent felt this way in so long..its so hard. I'm now stalking her FB page just hurting myself more

[Scuza]

So I texted my ex this new years with my new number. Breaking NC for over 4 months..She told me whos this? I said my name. Never got a response..I then * * * * ed up by calling her now..no response.

I'm feeling like * * * * again and wanting to break down. I havent felt this way in so long..its so hard. I'm now stalking her FB page just hurting myself more

 

You gotta delete her and block her from Facebook, man. I've been where you are. Checking their profile is always too tempting.

Removing that temptation from yourself is such an enormous weight off your shoulders, trust me.

[Animelover6764]

Day 1

 

She lead me on like a fool and i'm not having it, I blocked her so i'm in it for the long haul.

 

We can do it guys

[xcrunner]

Day 1- going to start with a goal of 30 days. Take a little at a time.

 

Sent my very short, abbreviated personal closure letter to her yesterday after 2 weeks NC (broke up mid-December). Glad that I got that out of my system and now it's time to start my healing process, focusing entirely on me. No more focus on the ex.

 

It's late here, but I was inspired by "friendnorfoe" and the progress he made in this thread a year or two ago. His daily posts were genuine and inspiring.

[Vigilant]

Day 20

 

This is the second time I've been in NC. We broke up in late September, got together once a week after to talk about the break up and what we should both do at length (very positive conversation), then gave her space. Immediately began working on myself. She would initiate contact and then not reply, so I learned quickly to be careful what I reply to. Was doing fine until Dec 6 and 8th; ran into her on 6th. She was very emotional. Was reservedly cool and polite on the 8th. Asked me another question shortly afterward, began feeling slightly used (I don't think she does it maliciously or even intentionally) and like I was relapsing in my healing period losing all my progress. I requested we not speak, stating I was not ready yet to be back on speaking terms and I would need more time.

 

I did leave her a card at her place a few days after as an impersonal way to wish her merry christmas and happy 21st birthday. Keep it short and friendly, figuring it would be impersonal enough to where she didn't feel compelled to respond and I would be indifferent if she responded or not. Then I dropped off the grid. Haven't spoken to her since.

[AnnaN]

Day 4

 

On New Year's Day (how original) I broke a NC of 7 weeks, almost 50 days!

I texted a happy new year and how's your holiday message, I got a thank you, have a happy new year too.

 

It's 9 weeks after BU now, after the 7-week NC, I don't see any point of breaking it again. He would never break it so it is going to last for ever!

[JLKLEE]

Today is Day 5 for me

 

The last time we spoke he told me that we couldn't see each other right now because it is too hard. But that eventually we would begin to hang out, that we just needed time to ourselves. He also said we would absolutely stay in contact. Well that contact will not be by my doing.

 

Every day that goes by, I feel more and more hurt.

[xcrunner]

Day 2

 

Have been writing and listening to music a lot. There is a comfort in just sitting down and playing with absolutely no one else around. Been working out pretty much everyday as well. Been talking to family and reading posts (SuperDave, friendnorfoe, winniethepooh, orangesoda, mrsoandso, to name a few) on here as well to keep my focus when feeling down. I'm trying to take that first step forward by focusing my thoughts on me, slowly but surely. I'm finding the nighttime hours to be the hardest, so I'm occupying that time by being around family or doing something for myself.

[Vigilant]

Day 21

 

Always helps to write and acknowledge when she lingers on my mind. Been doing well today, keeping myself busy and occupied. Very up and positive towards my life. Been wondering if the few times she reached out and was emotional post break-up she was hinting at getting back together. It brought me down a bit, began wondering if I blew it.

 

Now that I'm writing it down, I may as well reflect. She wasn't very forthcoming if she was hinting at getting back together, she definitely didn't say anything like "I miss you" or "I think I made a mistake (Well, she did during the first post breakup talk)" or "I'm sorry" or "I've been doing some thinking"... she just went on about how she's rebounding and wants a warm place to sleep.

 

Regardless if that's the case or not, however, I don't feel she's ready and I know I wasn't/am not. I'm not impressed by her behavior, besides seeing a therapist, it seems she is taking zero steps to change her life, which she is far from content with. Of all the stress in her life that contributed to the emotional breakdown that led to her breaking up with me, of all the things she could have changed in her life, she chose to cut me out of it. She needs to figure out what she wants in life and start doing things for her benefit as opposed to pleasing others or clinging to what's safe and comfortable, and I think she needs to come to that realization for us to have a shot.

[jevpintor]

Day 3

 

can't get anyone to help me out with the questions in my head..still thinks about her and what we usually do..

 

makes me want to think, "If i am thinking about her and it pains me to remember the good memories we shared that is gone..is she still thinking about me too?"

 

will never know..

[AC Slater]

I think it's important to reiterate the importance of NC every few pages or so in this thread, just to give everyone strength. For me, the best way of sticking to it has just been telling myself that contacting her will literally achieve nothing. In the early stages of the BU we convince ourselves if we allow X amount of time to pass then perhaps their feelings may have changed and we can reach out. This isn't the case. I'm at 10 months, and i still have hope but i'm now letting that hope dwindle away, and i'm doing nothing to keep it alive. A decent way i've given myself strength is to just put everything in perspective and to see it for what it is - she dumped me, she doesn't want me in her life. She is making no notable effort to reach out to me or contact me, therefore she is completely done, she has no feelings or interest, this chapter in my life is done and she means nothing anymore. She is no different to any other girl on the street, and it is completely ridiculous to allow a stranger to influence your emotions and thoughts. This attitude has helped me over the past months and allowed me to realize that at the end of the day, we're over and it's not happening. It's taken me this long to get here but i'm here. One of my main new years' resolutions is to be able to look back on last year in fondness and with an open mind, and to laugh about it. I sort of wish she would get a new boyfriend, as a final nail in the coffin and to really send it home that she isn't the one. I honestly think seeing her fall in love with someone else would be the best way to turn me completely off her and allow myself to finally be completely content with everything and let go for good, as weird as that sounds ..

[ashblaize]

I initiated NC on Tuesday. This is going to be a tough one since we work together, but I have switched around my schedule to not have to see him very often. I have found myself going to his Facebook page to see what's going on with him and there are no new posts, so either he has hidden all of his posts from me, or he's staying away from Facebook for a while. Either way, I need to stop that.

 

Every day should be getting easier, but it's not. I'm trying to realize all of the bad things in our relationship and how detrimental they are to my sanity and well-being. We are both alcoholics and that played a major part in our rough patches. Since the break up, I have stopped drinking altogether and have joined an amazing AA group and they are helping me through this tough time so much. I saw a therapist for the first time on Tuesday and I'm hoping that will help as well. I'm trying to realize that since I know he is still drinking (I honestly don't think he sees the problems that it brings), I can't be with him. And even after all of this NC, if he comes back around, I can't be with him if he is still drinking as much as he was. The problem that I'm having is that I love him so much and I care about him and his safety and happiness, but there is nothing I can do to help him. We drunks are pretty stubborn. I think the main reason that he was so upset with me at the end of the relationship is because I had started to realize that our lifestyle was killing us and brought it up to him. He agreed, or so he said. Two days later, he showed up at my place, wasted. When I said something to him, he held onto that and brought it up as one of the main reasons for our breakup. I'm trying to hold on and seek power in the truth of our situation, but I'm having a really hard time because I don't want him to be suffering and putting himself in danger. I know that there is nothing that I can do about it, it just hurts me so much. I hope that maybe one day he will come around and maybe he will have worked on some of these things. Even if he contacted me now, I know that we can't be together; neither one of us has changed.

 

I'm hoping this will get easier as the days pass. We broke up in November and after 2 weeks of LC and my being sober, he started to come to me for advice and to talk about his worries about Christmas with his family (they are a newly broken family from divorce. it happened about 4 years ago, but I know that he, his mother, nor his father have really faced the issues and worked through it.) After a night of relapse and a lot of misunderstanding, he completely cut himself away from me and has even been talking to a guy that he used to know back home (like 24 hours after our falling out). I miss him terribly and I still believe all of the times that he said that he loves me and that he wants us to work (most of the time he said these things, he was sober). I'm trying to not hold on to hope, but I wish things could work with us. I have never felt this way about anyone.... We both made mistakes in our relationship and I know that the drinking and drugs definitely poisoned what we had. I hope this will get easier... I just miss him so much.

[Melting]

Day 8 NC BU 1st Sept.... working together.

 

This is the longest I have ever gone and I am finally reaching the place, where I can control not contacting him. It is extremely hard as we work together.

 

Be strong you know you can do this, he isn't worth it.

[Vigilant]

Day 22

 

Woke up missing her in the morning. Got busy, hung out with my roomies and then later went to a friends' place and lived it up a bit. She was off my mind the rest of the day.

 

Day 23

 

Good day, hung out with people, kept busy all day- had a lot of fun. Then, as I was heading home, I started missing her really badly, and wondering how she was doing. Tried to remind myself that she broke up with me, she made me an option, all the things that's supposed to make you buckle down and get the emotions under control. It didn't work very well.

 

Day 24

Mood from last night carried over to today.

I never did anything glaringly wrong during the relationship- never cheated, or hurt her, or belittled her. I got a bit clingy and lost a lot of confidence, and i relied on her to meet my emotional fulfillment more than she could handle. As she put it, I became putty in her hands. So I guess that the fact she broke up with me means she's probably not going to come back. A lot of these mistakes I made were because it was my first serious relationship and I just had some over romanticized misconceptions about love and relationships. I know what I did wrong and I'm working on it now. I'll make sure I don't make that mistake again, but it woulda been nice to have learned that before I met her. ...and now I have to stop thinking about the past that way. Time for me to get busy.

[xcrunner]

Day 5

 

Day 3 was a setback. Had to work with ex. Said nothing to her; barely looked at her. Have to see her four more times before I leave this job to start my new one. I need to find the strength to make my way through these shifts, without feeling the way I did the other day.

 

Had a family outing last night, which helped keep my mind in check. I went out for a run today and I'm going to work out later on.

 

I am trying my best to work through this process. I find myself dwelling in it at times, but I need to realize that things will get better little by little as the days pass. I just have to make sure that I'm keeping busy with things that make me happy and ease the emotional stress.

[JLKLEE]

Day 2

 

i keep thinking about him. But I'm going to get dinner with a guy I used to hang out with back in the day. I'm not interested in him but he's fun and will take my mind off things. I'd be lying too if I said a part of me wants my ex to see me out, since he thinks I'm just sitting around sulking over him.

[JLKLEE]

Day 3

 

I went out last night and got dinner with one guy then met up with a guy I've known for a while and we have kissed before and ended up staying with him. I had a good time (we didn't have sex) but I've been very emotional today. I feel like this confirmed that I need to just hang out with my girlfriends and work on myself. I'm not ready by any means to kiss someone else, let alone date them. It especially is not fair when I keep hoping he will come back to me. I hate feeling like this is isn't it but also feeling like it could be. I decided to take this month challenge for myself. It is going to be SO hard. I'm going to make a calendar and put it on my wall and every morning I wake up, I'll scratch off a day.

[xcrunner]

I think you're making the right decision by spending time with girlfriends for awhile, or just by yourself. Break out your old hobbies, interests, and things you didn't have time to do while in a relationship.

 

Put each day to good use. Accept the emotions that come as normal and keep moving forward. Unless they're out to reconcile, nothing they say or do will make you feel any better- trust in that.