THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JLKLEE]

DAY 1

 

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks and a day ago. Since then, we have spoken 3 times by text, hooked up once and grabbed dinner once. All initiated by me. Last night I found myself practically begging in the car to give "us" sometime and see where things went. He told me that things have been hard for him but that he has a lot of things going on in his life and needed to do "him". Right now, in my heart, I feel like the ONLY way to potentially have a fresh start and pretty much a new relationship is to go NC and get myself together. The relationship we had was not healthy but I feel like if we both take time for ourselves we could potentially have a great relationship. We were fighting too much in the end and it hurt to have him tell me last night that he found himself attracted to other people and he knew that was not the way to feel in a relationship. It is just hard to wonder if he lost interest in me now, could he ever find interest in me again.

 

I've started seeing a therapist and I've been trying very hard to focus on things other than him. It is hard and I miss him. But I'm giving up the hope that we could work again because the "we" that there is right now, wouldn't work. NC is going to be VERY hard but who knows what could happen. It could lead us back together or it could lead me into something completely different. And right now, the crappy feeling of constantly anxiety, crying, not eating, etc. is not worth the hope of us getting back together.

[Mariana123]

Day 0

 

He just called me. "how are you?" "I'm okay" from both sides and he said that he had been sick so he stayed at home this past weekends. I asked him why was he calling me and he said that he wanted to talk to me, we haven't spoken for a month (our BU talk). He knows that I had a job opportunity and he asked how that went, and I just said that I had to give a final answer till January but was thinking more about going out of the country, which was always something that I wanted to do but I didn't because of him. So, he said something like "so, you're really moving on..." and wanted to know exactly when was I going. He then asked me to go to the movies this weekend which I said okay. We said goodbye.

 

I'm really happy how this talk turned out. I didn't say anything about us, in fact I talked about moving to another country. If he wants to be single for a while so he can have girls and sex and then go back to me, he just understood that he will lose me that way. He took me for granted and that was his biggest mistake.

 

If we really go out this weekend I'll make sure he knows what he's missing.

[HoliPoli]

15 Days

 

I feel calmer today. I'm sure my issue yesterday was his birthday. I think about him daily, but I'm really trying to reach my goal of one complete month of NC. He knows this is what I'm doing and wished me good luck. He wont contact me because he knows I'm trying to heal and move on etc. I hate this, but at least I'm not crying constantly. 3 Weeks to go.

[minimini]

Hi. I'm back. Quick background.... He is the emotional affair I had. We are both married. Realized our wrong-doing and ended everything. I thought I could handle a casual f/b friendship 4 months later... no real contact, just access to each other's profiles. He had still been writing messages to me off and on about how much he loves me, blah, blah. Then, about a week ago came the friend request along with a similar message. I had ended the NC Challenge when I accepted the request.

 

Yesterday, his wife put a on his wall, and he responded with an "I love you!!!!". This just a week after he just professed his love for me!!! OMG, it broke my heart. Not because he said it to her, but because I feel like nothing he ever said to me was true. I should have stuck with the challenge. I'd be on like Day 15 by now.

[HoliPoli]

Aw sorry to hear that Mini. =(

 

It's funny that I decided to stop here tonight and check the forum before bed. The married man whom I had the emotional affair with 3 years ago contacted me tonight. He tried all my messengers then asked my friends then called me then sent a text! I don't know what the deal was, but I have no intention of finding out. I'm sorry your hurting. I've been there also and they pretty much always choose their wives. It's not worth the heartache.

[HoliPoli]

Now my dilemma if you will. Ex drama tonight as not one, but three exes contacted me. What is up with this? NC must have worked wonders or God is playing a little "haha" on me.

 

I found out (and NOT by asking around) that my recent ex is miserable. As he should be I might add, but he just can't admit he's miserable w/o me. Yes ladies and gents I'm back to day 1 NC. So much for my one month NC. I don't mind though. We talked and I'm calm- oddly calm and I think it will be ok. I felt nothing- no yearning or longing. We had some laughs and he understands that hooking up over 2 weeks ago wasn't the best idea - which means he THOUGHT about it. He has been hanging out with his (previously before me) ex and assured me they aren't hooking up. Which is his business, but she's crazy - literally. He claimed he had a miserable birthday (and i still didn't tell him Happy Birthday BTW). We talked about things as they came up and he slipped up and called me "Baby" once. I just got quiet because it threw me unexpectedly and I'm not sure if he noticed he said it it or not. He claimed that the one thing he regrets is not being able to be there for my son. Idk, he was either serious or feeding me a line of BS. But his one regret? I was THAT horrible? I think not!

 

I think NC does make a person miss/appreciate you more especially when you can control the NC. I'm getting better but 15 days is a long time. I wont be clingy so here's to another few weeks.

 

I ended the convo with a light hearted "I'll talk to you when I talk to you."

[intotheself]

Why is this thread in GBT forum? I know that I should move on, but it is not easy. It is 43 days since NC. It is hard... but the period helped me to accept that he left me.

[Swift]

Day 24

 

Can't wait to get to a month. Coming on here is a like a smoking patch. I think many of us on here, even the non-religious ones, will be aware that the festive period is upon us which, whether we like it or not, heightens feelings of hurt and of being without that person.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 10 - a high probability I may get fired today....about to try and get the manager to let me only work 3 days a week. I signed up for a contract that lets you work 6 hours minimum and she has me coming in 5 days a week for fairly long hours. I have my university degree to think about which is incredibly time consuming which I have told her but she just doesn't seem to acknowledge this. My university degree is more important for the next 5 months so I'm focussing on that......I stayed up all of last night reading for some work and now I have a very long day...can guarantee thoughts of my ex will come up and make this day worse....eugh it's not even ABOUT HIM!

hahah swift it definitely is like a smoking patch! As for christmas....I'm tryyyyying to pretend it's not happening....on the upside I think I have finally decided I'm going to spend it with my mum and sister even if it does mean travelling there and back from bath on the same day....the idea of being alone on christmas is more than I can handle even though I do think it's just another day..

[HoliPoli]

Coming on here is a like a smoking patch.

 

It's like all of us are sitting around in a circle during a group therapy session taking our turns to talk it out. I never would have imagined how many others are going through the same things that I am or even worse. We definitely aren't alone here. I feel safe to talk in this thread because so far I haven't seen any self-righteous people haters like there are in the other threads.

[JLKLEE]

Day 17 since break up

Day 2 of NC

 

Night time seems a lot easier than morning. Last night I spent time with my mom and although I was sad, I didn't talk to her about him like I have been. But I keep hanging on to EVERYTHING he told me - "We can't get back together right now" "I need time to work on myself" "You are telling me everything I want to hear but I don't know if things can change" "This is very hard for me" "I can't see or talk to you right now" "I found myself being attracted to other people at the end of the relationship and that is not right" "I felt like I was a different person when I was with you" and watching him tear up and cry while he was around me.

 

I saw my therapist for the second time this morning. I told her there were things about myself that I wanted to change, especially my need to control. I asked her if it was stupid for me to even hope that things would work out between me and the ex. She said "Sometimes it is just better not to know right now" and I felt oddly at peace with that.

 

That doesn't change the fact that I feel like if I never contact him, he will never miss me. It is hard to think that someone you spent 2 1/2 years with and made so many memories with, can just go on without contacting you. But I know it is hard for him as well.

 

I really want to get out of this mindset that everything I did was wrong. And I'm tired of reliving every good moment of our relationship. It makes it so much harder.

[HoliPoli]

That doesn't change the fact that I feel like if I never contact him, he will never miss me. It is hard to think that someone you spent 2 1/2 years with and made so many memories with, can just go on without contacting you. But I know it is hard for him as well.

 

I really want to get out of this mindset that everything I did was wrong. And I'm tired of reliving every good moment of our relationship. It makes it so much harder.

 

I can assure you that if you don't talk to him he WILL miss you. He will start to wonder what you're doing and why you've gotten so quiet. You have to remember that men are not usually emotional creatures. They just don't think like we do. And yes, the memories are there for them too and they think of them alot. He needs time alone to process everything. And you gotta heal also.

 

Stop thinking of the good times. Yes I'm sure they we're good, but the bad times happened also and led to the breakup. When you deal with them you heal and have a better chance of accomplishing whatever goal you have for yourself. Ignoring him for a bit helps him forget the bad times - not being constantly pestered.

 

NC is not a guarantee that he will ever come back. It help us get into a better mindset so that if he does come knocking you can decide what's best for you.

 

I think i would have done NC better if someone was coaching me on to NOT DO IT. Give it time.

[somethngwrng]

Do ex's have ESP or something? First 20 days with no contact and she sends me a voicemail immediately after I get home from a date with a beautiful, smart, funny woman. 3 days later (with no contact), I'm on a date with the same woman... I get home and there are FIVE text messages from my ex begging me to call her. I'm so over her.

[HoliPoli]

Do ex's have ESP or something? First 20 days with no contact and she sends me a voicemail immediately after I get home from a date with a beautiful, smart, funny woman. 3 days later (with no contact), I'm on a date with the same woman... I get home and there are FIVE text messages from my ex begging me to call her. I'm so over her.

 

Is it possible she or someone who knows you is seeing you out? Five text messages are alot.

[somethngwrng]

Is it possible she or someone who knows you is seeing you out? Five text messages are alot.

I don't think so, I haven't even told anyone other than family that I am dating. I could tell just from her texts she was drunk. But from what I've heard, she drinks almost every night since we broke up.

[JLKLEE]

It seems like everyone thinks that their specific ex won't miss them, for whatever reason, while a lot of other people's ex miss them. My ex was not an emotional person. I saw him cry 4 times in the 2 1/2 years we were together. Two of those times were when we broke up and when he saw me after we broke up. After we broke up, I did the whole begging and pleading and telling him things would change. He thought real hard about it but he said we just couldn't get back together right now.

 

NC is SO hard. Although I'm sure he thinks about me every day, it is hard to know that he won't contact me, at least not soon. Previously, I had been looking at his Facebook page, but I can't bring myself to do it anymore, on the chance that I may see something. I don't even want to think about that.

 

We had our share of problems. I personally feel he needs to get himself together without me and I need to work on myself. Some issues I am working on with my therapist is that, when my parents divorced when I was 5, that I had to take on a lot of adult responsibilities, which is not good for a child. So I have now become a very overly responsible and critical person, especially towards myself. She said that I would concentrate on the ONE thing I did wrong/didn't get around to doing rather than the FIVE things I did accomplish.

 

If my ex and I ever get back together, I want to be a different person in the way I handle things and less co-dependent because I know we would have to let the past go and we would have to start from new.

[Delliem]

BU: Novermber 16th

NC: Day 1

 

I slipped on NC. I ended up opening Firefox on my computer, which I haven't done in some time. And it was logged into her e-mail account from months and months ago. I got curious, I snooped a little, and it dug up all those feelings of loss and abandonment again. She still has all our chats and e-mails saved, which instantly made me get that feeling of.. maybe she hasn't completely let go. Then I went into the feeling of it being over, and then thought about how she's with him now. So it was like taking the last few weeks of feelings and cycling them all within an hour.

 

Needless to say, I logged out of it, and am now back at Day 1 of NC again.

[dobbin]

2.5 weeks

cannot keep track of days anymore. thats a good sign.

off to bed to pray.

[JLKLEE]

Day 18 since BU

Day 3 of no contact

 

My anxiety this morning was probably the best it has been since the break up. Although, I get worried every day that I have no contact with him, the more he will forget about me. It is hard to see that not contacting someone will get them to miss you. He asked for space and I am giving it to him. I wonder if our 2 1/2 years of fond memories will be enough. I hate feeling like there is more to "us" but we could possibly not have the chance to show it.

[HoliPoli]

Day 2 NC. 6 weeks and 4 days since BU.

 

I think alot.

[brandnewday47]

Day 9/10.

 

Will probably be resetting the counter this weekend/early next week. Nothing crazy, but with the work situation someone will need to be the adult.. and I trust myself more than anyone else.

[AnnaN]

7 Weeks since BU

1 Month NC

 

I can't believe it's been a month... and almost two months after BU. I've been thinking a lot these last days. I feel better but I'm thinking, something I was not doing at the beginning...

[lonelyheart2]

Day 11 nc - was incredibly busy at work today I didn't think about him as much at all. On the way back home I only remembered half way 'oh my god I haven't thought of him at all!' Which is a big improvement because usually I always think about him on the way home. I was thinking about my career plans and life so much so that I almost walked past my house! Something which NEVER happens!!! I feel things must be getting better then!

[Mariana123]

I haven't seen him since before the BU, because we broke up over the phone. We're going to the movies tomorrow, 6 weeks after our BU. I'm excited but also afraid. I don't feel that pain inside like I felt the first weeks after the BU. I love him but I'm not sure we will have that connection we once had.

I'm starting to feel like this BU was for the best, but I'll see tomorrow. One thing I know for sure, I'm improving myself and changing and I will only try this again if he wants and does something to change. I won't go back to the same relationship. He may think he's perfect and I'm the only one that has to adapt but he's wrong. We both need to change.

[JLKLEE]

I haven't seen him since before the BU, because we broke up over the phone. We're going to the movies tomorrow, 6 weeks after our BU. I'm excited but also afraid. I don't feel that pain inside like I felt the first weeks after the BU. I love him but I'm not sure we will have that connection we once had.

I'm starting to feel like this BU was for the best, but I'll see tomorrow. One thing I know for sure, I'm improving myself and changing and I will only try this again if he wants and does something to change. I won't go back to the same relationship. He may think he's perfect and I'm the only one that has to adapt but he's wrong. We both need to change.

 

How long were yall together? Who initiated the movies meet up?