THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[jeepman41]

Indeed we will, cmswifty. I thank God I found this forum, and you lovely people... it's helped me more than you can possibly imagine. I feel like a new woman already!

 

Day 25

 

Wow. Can't believe I've come this far. 5 more days till the first hurdle. Then I'm going for 60, then 90... onward and upward!

 

 

I know how you feel. Every little step is actually a milestone. You WILL feel better in the long run. NC is your friend and will help you to get there. Today is the day of July and this marks week 9 of NC with my ex. I really don't think about her like I used to and I never thought that I would feel this way. NC is a powerful breakup tool.

[jeepman41]

Day 1

 

7 Years of relationship...

He doesnt want to get married...

I have not much time left... Parents are pressurising me and i cant say "No" to them and cant say "Yes" either... May be 3 months is all i got...

He loves me but says he loves his freedom more and it will be dreadful for him being a married man... He asked me to move on..

Tried 10 days of NC but lost it when he messaged me 2 days back asking me "How i was feeling", but he is still strong with his decision.. He definitely has an upper hand.. Lets see if it works for me...

 

7 years is lot of time to emotionally invest in a relationship. But if your parents are pressuring you to get married, they should back off . They should show their unconditional love for you by accepting you as you are whether married or not. That is not the reason to get married and you truly don't want to be married to this man if he's told you he will be miserable because he will probably end of cheating on you. Do you really want that? I don't know what you are implying by the three months but don't make a rash decision that will effect the rest of your life.

 

I will admit than NC is hard to implement and maintain but you must be strong and do this for yourself. Don't feel guilty for breaking it as I've done it and so have others. You will just have to go back to square one and start over again. This time when you feel at a low point, try to reach out to the members here. We will support you. We understand the breakups and resulting feelings. Every situation is different and nobody really knows the extent of your pain but we are all hurting and trying to get better.

[Silverbirch]

NC for now Sweetiepie

[jeepman41]

Wow...I can tell you are really hurting. Before you will get to a better place you must grieve this loss so that you can move. At this time the pain is almost unbearable and you just can't seem to muster the will to go on. It is normal to wonder if they feel the same way you do. If is was true love then some part of them must be aching too.

 

I see you are on day 6 of NC. Almost a week. You are riding an emotional roller coaster but you must stay strong. Welcome to the group. I see you just joined. Everybody here understands what you are going through. You WILL get through this. Think and focus on yourself. You are the most important person in your life.

[bebop]

Day 3, ermmm feeling good! Previously done a 7 then 4 days now onto day 3 since I told her I'm moving on!

 

Morning was hard things just reminded me of her! Afternoon was great, had a great day at work suns out, good tunes on radio. Its also the WEEEEEKEND

[destiny0791]

I know how you feel. Every little step is actually a milestone. You WILL feel better in the long run. NC is your friend and will help you to get there. Today is the day of July and this marks week 9 of NC with my ex. I really don't think about her like I used to and I never thought that I would feel this way. NC is a powerful breakup tool.

 

I'm astounded by the power of NC. When I first made up my mind to turn my back on him indefinitely, for the first couple of weeks I was a wreck; at one point I even contemplated asking my GP to sign me sick off work, I was struggling that badly. The guilt I felt at turning my back on him was immense (ridiculous, I know) and I spent all my time going over and over in my mind the things I did, and said, that I wish I hadn't. These people don't just creep into your heart, they creep into your soul, to the point where you feel you can't contemplate life without them. Only when you've found that inner strength to experience life on your own for a while do you realise that no one is indispensable after all.

 

I still think of him constantly; but where once there was that gut-wrenching ache at his loss, now there's only fleeting moments of sadness. The pain's still there, but it's much more bearable. I don't feel guilt any more (a very destructive emotion I was extremely relieved to see the back of), and I still miss him very much but it's nothing I can't handle now. As time goes on I know it will only get easier, and easier. It's also incredibly therapeutic to share your feelings with others who are experiencing the same pain you are.

 

To my fellow NC'ers: keep going! The benefits truly are astonishing.

[jeepman41]

Isn't it amazing the power of cutting off all forms of communication with someone. It is a struggle in the beginning but if you stay strong and keep at it you WILL feel a lot better. All the emotions you experienced at the breakup of your relationship will slowly dissipate. I never knew I could feel this way again. I know I'm getting over her.

 

Like you, I still think of my EX every day. But there is not the burning desire to see or speak to this person. I still care for her but I can do that from afar. No use to give them any information to feed their ego. This is a milestone for me, 9 complete weeks of NC and still going strong!!! To those here who just started NC, trust me, it does get better. I am living proof.

[hpinky]

Day 5

 

He came back from his vacation today and so I had to see him at work. He pulled me into the office to talk about my behavior at work. I just sat and listened. All of the sudden he started talking about us, he spoke of how well fix things but it seems like it's not happening fast enough for me. When he said this I thought I'd be happy or hopeful but I just didn't care anymore. I just didn't care. I think I'm slowly feeling better. Slowly, but surely.

[ceezane]

Day 7 - No Contact

 

It's only been 7 days, but i feel much better. i couldnt even go more than 5 days without looking at her profile or texting her. im not gunna lie, i looked at her profile this morning bcz my idiot friend made fun of me for acting like a * * * * * the past couple weeks, but if he didnt bring it up i wouldnt have went on. im just going to pretend that i didnt go on, but i feel terrible. i was doing fine until i cheated today. i obviously saw things i didnt like, like how she uploaded pictures of her and another guy. but, the truth is, i dont care bcz i know it doesnt matter what guy is in her life...there's no one who will develop a connection with her that fast. im slowly developing a mentality that i dont care, even if she posts a pic of her kissing another guy, i dont care. in fact, i hope she does find another guy bcz i will feel happier for her knowing that she has finally moved on! but at the same time it will hurt me, but to look like the better person i have to show that it doesnt bother me.

i am a prize, and i feel that people that have me in their life should feel privileged.

[Rosesiren]

Day 2:

 

Feeling Horrible...

Prayed to God to give me some strength and to change his mind (I really wish that he understands my problem).

I'm pretty much sure he'll text me in a couple of days when he starts missing me. But I should not reply this time. I made my decision.

[dolorosa]

I did not see this post until today, you are so right, but if he was obviously attaracted to her, he was missing something from what we had. I am in a much better place now, I do not think he will ever let her go, he seems to think is because she is bipolar (actually a concept I dont believe) he won't leave her because he likes the chaos she brigs, he wont leave her because she did everything he wanted to. It hurst to think that he was not mine and never will be, but hey everyone deserves uncondionally love and I will have it.

Sexual attraction can happen in an instant but love usually takes a lot longer to manifest itself especially true unconditional love. You can be sexually attracted to more than one person at a time. A relationship cannot survive on sexual attraction or just love itself. There has to be more to it, especially for communication.

[jeepman41]

I did not see this post until today, you are so right, but if he was obviously attaracted to her, he was missing something from what we had. I am in a much better place now, I do not think he will ever let her go, he seems to think is because she is bipolar (actually a concept I dont believe) he won't leave her because he likes the chaos she brigs, he wont leave her because she did everything he wanted to. It hurst to think that he was not mine and never will be, but hey everyone deserves uncondionally love and I will have it.

 

 

 

Most of the time when someone breaks up with you to be with somebody else that have already moved themselves emotionally from the relationship sometimes weeks in advance. From what I read if she does everything he wants she is quite gullible and some people just live to have some type of drama in their life. It's like a drug addiction, they need the chaos to get high.

[destiny0791]

Day 26

 

I just want him OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD.

[jeepman41]

Day 26

 

I just want him OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD.

 

 

 

It will take lots of time and then you may never get him completely out of your head.

[hpinky]

Day 6

 

At work I stay to myself without talking to him unless it's work related. I don't feel the need to call him or talk to him but I do feel lonely at times. There's still a part of me that wants him back but I'm a bit ok. I don't miss him as much. I'll think about him at times though. Not so easy this no contact thing. The hope of wanting him to think about me and miss me is still there.

[destiny0791]

Not so easy this no contact thing. The hope of wanting him to think about me and miss me is still there.

 

I would say the odds are pretty good that he does think about you and he does miss you, hpinky; and the odds are even greater that he's thinking the same about you.

 

I knew going into this that mine would miss me terribly; I've attempted NC many times before and he was always very happy to welcome me back when I weakened and broke it. He always forgave me, no matter what I said or did, and I've said some horrible things to him out of anger and hurt. He once said, "I'd rather hear from you telling me to f*ck off, than not hear from you at all", because it didn't matter whether the content of the message was negative or positive, I was still giving him my attention. We used to spend every evening together in yahoo and he loved being with me, that never changed, even despite the presence of his new gf. I could contact him now and I know he would be ecstatic to hear from me. But I will no longer give him that satisfaction.

 

They might miss us, but not enough to change what forced us to implement NC in the first place; so for me, NC it is and will remain, indefinitely.

 

Can I ask, does your ex have a new gf now?

[bebop]

Day 5! Had a GREAT day yesterday!! Actually didn't think about her. But today is the complete opposite she's all I think about, does she miss me? Is she really that happy?

[jeepman41]

Day 5! Had a GREAT day yesterday!! Actually didn't think about her. But today is the complete opposite she's all I think about, does she miss me? Is she really that happy?

 

 

It is a roller coaster of emotions. Real highs and lows. It's like that in the beginning but if your resolve is strong then NC will get you through to a point where you will start feeling a lot better.

[hpinky]

Hi destiny. To answer your question, he doesn't have a new gf. Not that I know of. I saw his dad yesterday at work, he came by to visit. Apparently he hasnt mentioned outlr break up to his parents at all, he doesn't talk to them much about those issues but he usually tells them if he's dating someone else.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Hi destiny. To answer your question, he doesn't have a new gf. Not that I know of. I saw his dad yesterday at work, he came by to visit. Apparently he hasnt mentioned outlr break up to his parents at all, he doesn't talk to them much about those issues but he usually tells them if he's dating someone else.

Did you tell him the two of you were finished?

Imagine you were sort of close to your EX's parents. Would be hard.

 

Have run into people that knew me and my EX but hadn't heard we were through.

Would say something like, "Yes, I liked her too and wished it didn't end, but it wasn't my choice...."

[destiny0791]

Day 27

 

Was thinking about you a lot today (not at all unusual), and feeling a little down. Weekends are hard, but Sundays are hardest.

 

You are gone from my life. I know you looked for me today in our 'chatroom', but you didn't find me, and won't. You dumped me, so I dumped you right back (albeit belatedly). I wonder if that hurt you half as much as this hurt me. If it did, then I almost feel sorry for you. Almost.

[destiny0791]

Hi destiny. To answer your question, he doesn't have a new gf. Not that I know of. I saw his dad yesterday at work, he came by to visit. Apparently he hasnt mentioned outlr break up to his parents at all, he doesn't talk to them much about those issues but he usually tells them if he's dating someone else.

 

Doesn't mean he's not thinking of you, hpinky. Obviously I don't know your ex but some guys are more tight-lipped and outwardly stoic than others... they don't wear their heart on their sleeve, so to speak.

 

If you're hoping for reconciliation it is more encouraging that there's no other woman in the picture. On the other hand, knowing that there is (in my case) makes it easier to stick to NC, and move on. Frankly, I don't know which situation is worse... harbouring false hope, or being replaced.

[bebop]

I want to speak to her!!! Can't take my mind off it!!

[jeepman41]

I want to speak to her!!! Can't take my mind off it!!

 

 

Delay that urge!!! you need to call a friend and get your mind off of her. I've been there and I know it it hard to fight that temptation. But you got to do this for you.

[jeepman41]

Doesn't mean he's not thinking of you, hpinky. Obviously I don't know your ex but some guys are more tight-lipped and outwardly stoic than others... they don't wear their heart on their sleeve, so to speak.

 

If you're hoping for reconciliation it is more encouraging that there's no other woman in the picture. On the other hand, knowing that there is (in my case) makes it easier to stick to NC, and move on. Frankly, I don't know which situation is worse... harbouring false hope, or being replaced.

 

Not much of a choice is it destiny, False hope or being replaced. They both are negative. I've never thought of it as being replaced. We are unique individuals. They might find someone else but they can never replace us. That's how you need to view this situation.