THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Mrs Popsicle]

It felt safe for me because I was invading his world, his space.. and felt very welcome there ( maybe too much?) But to be honest : if he would invade my world that fast.. I would not feel comfortable with it at all.. I would also back away and ask for space. That's why a long distance relationship felt good for me.. I didn't have to let him become close to my world.

When I read this back I realise it's not normal, it's not the most standard desire someone has but I guess I'm not the most simple person out there to have a relationship with

 

Hey Moonchill Whats 'normal' anyways?! I don't think you should beat yourself up about falling hard for him-all his actions pointed towards him feeling exactly the same, how were you to know?

The way you describe your early time with him was exactly the way I spent the first few months with someone I fell hard for-and I married him! It's funny because the level of contact we had (we were inseparable) I don't think I could handle nowadays, but at that time, it was right for both of us, and I don't think there was ever a time that either of us felt smothered-though later on in our marriage we did start to carve out a little more personal space, but the passion for each other was still there.

[homebody]

Day 3, I think. ugh so angry tonight. I want to text a bunch crazy accusations and insults straight from my hurting heart. But I won't I, will maintain radio silence. I know for a brief moment I will be relieved then wake up the next day and feel awful. I know is possible my next relationship will be rebound crap and I am not looking forward to that. I am lonely. I feel cheated and wasted on. I am ashamed for being weak, I should have walked last month when I wanted to. I can try to be strong now...it's just so hard.

[piruru]

Day 1 of NC (again)

 

He never replied to my Facebook message, yet I am guessing that he must have checked his email yesterday. This is okay. I will give him a week or so, in case he doesn't check his email, then I will give him a call.

 

I fully intend to apologise and clear the air between us once and for all... to make things right. I don't think I should try to get back together with him anymore though... I was horrible person! I did some pretty awful things that if I was on the receiving end, I would never have put up with. It sounds ridiculous to admit, but he probably was too good to deserve that kind of awful treatment from me. It's so easy to point the finger and say he was a jerk all along, but the truth is he wasn't a jerk. I just made him out to be. I was the jerk who kept painting him out to be a jerk, so that they themselves wouldn't look like a jerk.

 

I finally understand what I did to mess things up in our relationship and why I was dumped. No one ever tells you how much of a relief it is when you can pinpoint a reason why you were dumped. If you know where you went wrong, then you won't let the same mistake happen in your future relationships, right? It feels like a just rolled a giant boulder off my chest. I can breathe easy now! Finally, I think I can let go.

 

I just want a chance to see him again so I can fully convey my emotions. How sorry I am, how rude and disrespectful I was towards him.

 

Is it wrong to want forgiveness after all of this? Maybe I'm being selfish again. Possibly the best thing I could do for him is to leave him alone.

 

I feel so sorry. I don't regret it because at the time, I didn't know it was wrong so I couldn't possibly have done otherwise but now? I just want to say sorry. I don't think he'll ever be able to understand how sorry I am though.

 

Sometimes it's like that. You make a mistake and you ruin a relationship for life.

 

C'est la vie.

 

I can let go now.

[ClarenceRutherford]

piruru,

I don't think you needed to contact him again. You've likely said enough to him already.

 

A woman on another board PM'd me wanting to know if she should send this letter to a guy that dumped her. She was in tears over the whole thing. He was ignoring her phone calls, emails, IMs, etc.

She apologized in the letter and said some other things.

I told her it made her look needy and weak and that it was best to remain in NC.

 

How many days were you in NC before you sent that message?

Now you're back to square one.

[piruru]

piruru,

I don't think you needed to contact him again. You've likely said enough to him already.

 

A woman on another board PM'd me wanting to know if she should send this letter to a guy that dumped her. She was in tears over the whole thing. He was ignoring her phone calls, emails, IMs, etc.

She apologized in the letter and said some other things.

I told her it made her look needy and weak and that it was best to remain in NC.

 

How many days were you in NC before you sent that message?

Now you're back to square one.

 

I was in NC for 50 something days. I lost count already. I don't really consider it back to square one though... I am a lot better now than I was when I first began NC around Christmas. Despite my crappy feelings over the past month, my life is heading in the direction that I want it to.

 

I guess NC isn't really a big deal for me now... it's just that I feel quite horrible to him and it's not sitting well with me. I don't want to get back together anymore. I can see now that it is impossible, and probably isn't even what I really want.

 

I want to see him in person one last time to settle things since our breakup was quite horrible. Just to be on good terms with him. I can't really explain it.

 

Is this bad?

[toofaced12]

This is my first post on here, but I started No Contact 18 days ago, I liked the idea of this thread so decided i'm going to post. We've been broken up for about a month and a half now. No Contact has been hard, but I've managed not to give in to my urges to text him. Today though, he texted me with a really unnecessary text, guess he was just trying to be nice but nonetheless he really didn't need to send me it. We had lived together, and he had just gone over to our apartment for the last time today and I guess I had forgot something there, so he texted me to let me know. Anyways, I didn't respond to him. I am proud i've gotten this far! We were together 3 years, and this is my first breakup. I've been reading this book "its called a break up because its broken" and they recommend you take the challenge no contact for 60 days (they call it a he-tox lol) so that is my goal, to not contact him for that long...well long term goal is to not contact him pretty much ever again! but baby steps...

[kleinserenity]

I'm here with you ...toofaced12.

 

I've broken up with him for 1 month....

 

and I've started NC for 2 weeks now.....after repeated begging, & pleading..

 

He said we've no chance.........I donno....he said it in a very angry mood...(I think I've pushed to much)

 

Feeling much better =)

 

I know it's the way to go.....even not for him to "come back", but for ourselves to cool down & put together our own "self".

 

Yup...60 days, that means 2 months....is also good

 

I think men need more time to "cool down" and ....we should use "months" to count, rather than weeks =) haha...

[Love1336]

I have my ups and downs.

o.O But with these classes, and work. it seem i never have time to think about you. lol.

Only when i go on this forum which is about five mins then i'm off to do home work.

 

I

[Janeiac]

Day 29

I miss him. I missed him even before we officially broke up-- he was pulling away, and it killed me. I don't torture myself wondering what I did wrong-- I can't make someone love me no matter what I try to do, but it still sucks. And even if he said he wanted to come back, how could I let him after the way he treated me? Why would I want him? He's having a fabulous time without me. He likes his life without me. He's not my guy, he doesn't make me happy, and he does not want to. Whatever happiness I thought I felt with him was really all in my head. He's handsome, smart, and charming and I wish he was mine, but he's not. I'll be fine without him, but I sure do wish I cold be fine *with* him.

I hate this conflict of having the love in place and then suddenly turned around. I have to rememember that he doesn't love me. His actions say that, and his words to the contrary are nonsense.

NC is certainly for the best, but I can't say counting down 30 days has been good. It made me think about him more.

Tomorrow will be my last post about this, and another day closer to my future, but I can't say I won't always feel sad about him. It becomes less signifigant day-to-day as it recedes into the past.

[crabman]

so im quitting for a month, quitting facebook and going to try to forget about him and work out until i lose 20 pounds.

 

good on you Nat!..

[deff808]

Short and sweet - im 26 she 24, 1 year dating, she just moved recently. LDR 2 months. Why, distance, job, future, not the right time, less stress... This was our 3rd break up, same reason. Finally dead end. I finally had to let her go and agree with the break up. This was on Saturday, two days before valentines.

 

I'm on NC day 3, i been keeping myself busy with work and my hobbies.

 

No fight, no argue. I just walked to the plane, saying by.

 

What if you end it on good terms? What do you do? Friends? LC? NC?

[Janeiac]

def808, how you handle it from this point is totally up to you and how you feel. NC is to heal and move on. Maybe you should try the 30 days no contact, try not to focus on your ex, and then see how you feel later on.

 

Good luck, I know it sucks.

[Moonchill]

Day 31

Making art to distract myself from you, it helps me focuss and think about things in a calm way.

Nonetheless I miss you a bit and am not as social active as I used to be.

My toothpain is gone so that makes me a bit happier but still.. this day actually kind of sucks.

Even though the sky is blue and the birds sing, in my head it doesn't feel like spring

[deff808]

def808, how you handle it from this point is totally up to you and how you feel. NC is to heal and move on. Maybe you should try the 30 days no contact, try not to focus on your ex, and then see how you feel later on.

 

Good luck, I know it sucks.

 

 

Thanks! She called me on Tuesday, from work. I ignored it, she just left a message, about work and her friends will be in town in the area, seeing if i could take them around.

I didn't call her back about it.

[Janeiac]

Day 30

Yesterday I took the last of X's things and left them on the (safely enclosed) porch when he was not home. I did not communicate with him. I want this to be behind me.

a few hours later he called. I did not pick up. He left an angry, ranting voicemail about my having left the things without notifying him. He claimed he'd been calling me but I won't answer. He wants me to call him. WHY??? What on earth could he possibly be thinking?

He has NOT been calling. He called once on my birthday almost 3 weeks ago. In the 6 weeks we broke up, we had one huge fight (by phone) and then one voice mail to him from me (in which I aplogolized for the fight), and one from him to me responding to the apology and saying, "we can be friendly, you can call me."

That's hardly him having "been calling!" I was so upset I was afraid to respond for fear of another blowout.

I did my 30 days. I don't think that was enough. I need more time to get his behind me. But I still feel like I need to respond to his message, if for no other reason than to clear the air.

[simplyme01]

I don't like weekends!

[Moonchill]

Aw simplyme01, don't you have any fun plans made for the weekend?

[Janeiac]

We can do this!

Find something to do. Read a book, go for a walk, do chores to spruce up your home.

I'm going for a nice walk with my dog. Fun and calming for the dog, excercise for me. Win-win!

And I'mNOT going to call X. Too bad for him if he wants me to-- as Mick Jagger sang, You can't always get what you want!

[simplyme01]

Aw simplyme01, don't you have any fun plans made for the weekend?

 

Moonchill, I do actually have plans for the weekend, just not what I want. My family & friends are keeping me busy. I still have to kick myself in the butt to get out. I know that's the best for me. Trying to find a balance between spending time alone, yet not withdrawing. I miss my ex & seeing that we've spent every Wednesday - Sunday together for the past year and a half, week ends are the toughest.

[Moonchill]

simplyme01, it's a really good thing you make plans for the weekend even though you'd rather stay alone. I've also got plans for this weekend and need to kick myself in the ass for following through

[homebody]

Day 5, I guess he will start to feel relieved soon that I am gone. I'm pretty sure he does not know what he has done...but I do. One day these thoughts will stop. I am holding my head up still and hoping it gets easier. I still feel empty. Going out to my fav restaurant where we used to go, but this time with friends. This is good for me though I feel so bad., but its something I must do, like the many more things I will do without him.

[iwannarun]

It's been 27 days since I've spoken to him. It would be at like 60 days if it hadn't been for the week that him & me were talking to each other. UGH I hate myself for that week. I got my hopes up that we could be friends for real this time. But anyway...continuing on! I miss him. A lot.

[Love1336]

You changed your number

Block from from facebook.

At work you never look my way.

I completely never existed in your life.

Hmmm. This hurts, but this will heal me faster because no way i can break NC at all.

[Ely]

Day 1

 

You called twice but I didn't answer.

[deff808]

I broke nc. She text me and ask for permission to call me.

 

She promise me before she was gonna help me with my tax return on trubo tax and my investments on my 401k.

 

She even fwd a email last night, that she promise before she was gonna purchase a gift for me. " Look out in the Mail "

A receipt of what she has ordered.

 

Since i helped her on my last LDR trip, last weekend. I did several favors for her, of what needed to be done. Car, help her moving etc... I didn't buy her anything!

 

Its been about 6 days prior to our break up, maybe 3 out of those days NC.

 

When she helped me out, was online and on the phone for short while. I never brought up any of the relationship, she just help me threw the paper work. Thats it.

 

But i still can't believe she is still spoiling me with gifts...

 

You have any idea?