THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[peternaizeh]

Day 1 with NC...

[Starrgrl]

Two months NC in a few days time.

 

 

It's easy this time round.

[Love1336]

I can't lie I am dying to go on his facebook, and read his stauses about how he likes other females, how there are just soo much better than me. How i am simply never on his mind. I wanna read all the sh!t his friends are saying about me.

 

I don't know why i like to be sad, because going on his facebook is what makes me seriously sad. But NO MORE.

I was so use going like EVERY single DAY checking on his facebook to see, but ehh seriouslyyy i can't do that. I just re-open wounds over and over again.

I bet he doesnt check on my facebook. Why should I for him?

I haven't work with him this whole week. Sucks because when i see him i feel little pinch in my heart.

[Manon]

Thanks Floridaman and Janeiac...I have removed the news feed and will block him soon...Janeiac, your mail made me laugh...which is a good thing...I guess there are ups and down moments...just sucks ass! but that is life...one day, one hour, one minute at a time...

[apple89]

Simpleme, the way I see it and how I try to see it is at his not part of my life so its ALL ABOUT ME so therefore I focus on just want I want what I need to go and how I need to do it.. Trust me I miss my x like crazyyy but everytime I'm sad or weak I just focus on myself. .. It takes time but over time you see changes.. I started NC three weeks ago when first broke up.., though broke NC a week and a half after (biggest mistake) but regardles of how much I miss him the pain is decreasing bc I focus on ME ME ME and not think in if his with someone else or if his missing me or what is he doing.. Really be strong and just focus on urself slowly

[iwannarun]

It's been...what, almost 3 weeks since I've talked to him. It's easier this time around than it was last time. I still miss him dearly though.

[gez2705]

Today has been my day off work and its been a really really good day the first in months I actually got a lie in this morning actually slept and not just laid there thinking about C.

I could not go out today had to wait in for a engineer for my car hands free kit its been broke for a fortnite so had to sit in and wait for him he turned up at 3.30 they never at the time they tell you

But instead of moping around got caught up with all the things in the house I've been neglecting even moped all the floors all the way through the house dusted and changed all the beds and did a s**t load of washing.

All this would have been a non starter a week or so ago

How quickly things change and may I say for the better in myself and in my outlook on life

Been on the laptop today and booked four days in Krakow in March going on my own you can't do that in a relationship LOL

I'm really looking forward to it.

 

Also my knee is much better so have started back lite training and feel better for it

I have also been asked out to a surprise 40th birthday party tomorrow nite and have decided to go it will be my first time out since the break up and actually I'm really looking forward to it if fact am going out four times in the next fortnite if I'm not careful will end up a party animal maybe not yet Ha Ha

 

So all in all the last two days have been excellent the first time in a long time I can actually see the light at the end of this tunnel and be happy about myself and have actually felt comfortable being on my own looks life is on the up and up.

 

Still miss C but can now see a future either with her, but also without her either way I'm going to be fine

[MizzNatalie]

omg day 2 and i don't know if i can do it. the last two weeks i've looked him up on fb, have met him for 2 minutes to get my stuff and sent him maybe 20 txt messages tops... didn't realize NC was none of that til yesterday so yea today is day 2. just got off work and my friend gets off in an hr... trying to keep myself preoccupied for an hr and then hopefully be around her the rest of the night. bah.

[jonesyjakk]

a little over 2 months since we split....we haven't had many days of nc but i am trying hard to keep it l.c. as poss as we have a son. yesterday was n.c. day and i am hoping today will be the same but we will see. she has contacted me first every day since monday and yesterday was the first day we hadn't spoken.

 

I have identified that work makes me sad, i work in a food shop and that's where we used to do our shopping together. i walk up and down the aisles and remember we argued over indian or chinese there, tomato ketchup or mayonase there, white bread or brown there, and so on.

 

Having identified that in work i am at my lowest, and at home i am at my strongest i can focus on that and turn my work issues into positive thoughts.

 

I don't know how i will do it but i will, yesterday i found myself twice crying in the toilets and then thinking is she crying in work to? after 2 months of breaking up with me? i doubt it. so get a grip kid, get a damn grip, dry your eyes have a good long look at yourself and think hey, why are you letting her still have an impact on your life?

 

why does she get to do this? she isn't privaliged anymore to be able to impact on me. she lost that right the moment she said it's over i don't love you. I have no impact on hers, so why does she get to upset me? I have to think this is part of the natural grieving process for my loss of her, but she isn't dead, she walked out on me. so therefore she lost the right to make me laugh, make me cry, make me happy or make me sad. she lost the right to have me think about her in any capacity.

 

Why is it that i think about her all the time when she is getting on with her life? she doesn't deserve my thoughts, i should be thinking about me, and my next love. she walked out on me, not the other way around, she should feel sad for losing a great guy, a romantic loving caring guy and a guy who would never ever ever do this to her.

 

her loss, she should be crying for what she has done to me, not me crying for what she has done to me, i should be remembering it is her choice to leave, that's fine, but my choice to cut her out of my life forever as much as I can.

 

We are not friends, we are all or nothing, we are not enemies, we are all or nothing, we are soul mates, linked at the heart forever, or we are strangers who share a child. that is my outlook, that is my thoughts, you did this to me, you crushed me in one blow and now it is my turn to have some power.

 

It is my turn to say no, you said we're over, now i say get out of my life you don't deserve my friendship. you don't deserve a single thing from me. That is what got me through yesterday, and this is what will get me through the rest of my heart ache.

 

Remember, we only borrow our lovers, sometimes we borrow eachother until we die, sometimes we borrow them and then they go back, and we borrow someone else, then they go back and so on and so on. So remember, you borrowed a video, a dvd, a cd, a book, that book has ended, now it's time for me, to think about borrowing another, I won't go looking for my next love, next story, i will let it find me, and whilst if nothing ever does....then I am happy writing my own story, being a good guy, helping others go through what i am going through, making friends, doing my college work, focusing on getting on my feet and rebuilding my life.

 

It's my life, we are here for a good time, not a long time, remember when you're on your death bed, how you feel right now, don't you think you would give anything to have this time over again, do you think you would spend it longing for a lover who doesn't want anything to do with you, or would you get out there and have an absolute blast, making sure the first thing you did in the morning was smile, and the last thing you did at night was laugh...shed no more tears, spread smiles, even when you are at your lowest, your feelings rub off on others, think positive and positive people will find you, think sad and sad people will keep you in a lull.

 

My life has changed to a degree i cannot fathem, but slowly I am making changes that will make me a better person, a stronger person and a happier person than what i was when i was with my girl, maybe we will get together one day, maybe we are done for good, I will leave that decision to her, I will always be open to her as she is the mother of my child, but I WILL NOT, WILL NOT WILL NOT allow her to keep me sad, keep me down, she lost that right the moment she left me....she is nothing to me, yes I love her, yes i am in love with her, yes i want her back every damn second of the day, yes i want to break nc and nag and nag and beg and convince her i have changed and i am a better fiance now than ever before, but why do I have to beg? why should i reduce myself to that?

 

Everyone, this is sad times, this is hard, this is the deepest darkest parts of hell from which there are no maps, no wise men on the side to point to the road home, the road home is there infront of you, it is YOUR choice to start walking it, or keep getting further into the darkest pits of hell and suffering in your heart. Nobody is forcing you to stay, start the journey, tell yourslef right now, I will not stay here in hell, I will not let that person keep me down, I know the road home, I know what I must do, I know the journey is long, but I got here, to this point in my life, and I am on my knees, but I will not stay here anymore, there is a better place I can spend my time, I will take the road home, the road to happiness, it is there infront me, ready for me to walk.

 

Only when you turn your back on the pain will the pain realise it can't hurt you anymore...it is behind you now, you cannot see it, you cannot feel it, the moment you take the first step out of hell you instantly feel a huge weight of your shoulders. It is a hard road, a long road, but how long is up to you.

 

Take your first step out of hell, turn your back on the pain, make your choice to stay happy or sad because it is you, not you ex who is hurting you, they are not proding you with a stick, envison a treasure chest, take all your memories and hatred, your love, your hurt and your pain, put them in the box, lock it with a padlock, and leave it in hell.

 

Start walking away from it knowing that you will never ever return to it, toss the key into a burning ball of furious fire that melts it instantly. Smile because at the end of the road home, a beautiful new life awaits you, a beautiful new friend, a new partner, there is someone there ready to hold you, to love you, to cherish you. You have left that chest to melt in hell and it doesn't even exist anymore.

 

You have a choice, to let that chest keep you in hell, or take the road home to a new life. Close the chapter, start walking, start smiling, refuse to let them hurt you anymore. Enjoy your life for one day it will be gone. I have never felt heartache like this before in my life, but my heart is healing, with the help of all of you and all your stories I am getting stronger every day.

 

I feel like I have woken from an 8 year coma, and I have to learn everything all over again, but learn them I will, for taking my own life to end the pain means she has won, hurting myself to end the pain means she has won, staying hell and feeling the pain means she has won.

 

Taking the road home means I no longer let her hurt me, and for the first time I feel what she feels, nobody has won, but we are even. she no longer loves me, and I no longer feel the pain.

 

Up to you, you can read this and think what a load of sh£t but this is how I feel, this how I am getting through my hurt, and it is now after 2 months my choice to say enough, you will not keep me in pain, you cannot hurt me any longer, I am too strong for that, go live your life and be happy, I will live mine and be happy to and if we ever become friends, great, if we ever get back together even better, if not, as long as I know I did my best I can sleep at night.

 

Make your choice guys, we are not the first to feel hurt, we are not the last, but I have found over the last 2 months it is up to YOU to stop the hurt, your ex's can't take the pain away, only you. That's it, I am on the road home, yes I am stil in pain, but today I have taken my first steps out of this hellish nighmere, and I urge you all to follow me home to happiness where a better life waits.

 

To new love, to new lives, to happines and long lasting friends on ENA.....TO THE JOURNEY HOME.....I thank you all for your help getting me here to this point. Thank you.

 

Jonesy.

[Manon]

Beautiful Jonesy!! That helped alot...and I can feel both pain and hope in your message...

Day 3 NC...

[Janeiac]

hugs, Jonsey. It's gonna be all right.

[Janeiac]

Day 10.

I feel foolish logging this. I'm getting over X because breaking up made me realize how insubstantial the whole thing was. I wasn't satisfied with him, and I'm better off without him.

My heart goes out to those who have lost much more.

[Janeiac]

Day 10.

Don't know what started it, had a bit of a crying jag this morning. It's because I'm lonely. X is no help there, so I didn't have a wish to contact him, but sometimes I get a crazy idea that he'll turn himself around and regret what has happenned. I'm not counting on it though; as I posted on another thread that's like expecting to win the lottery.

Hang on tight everyone, this is just one of those hard times. We'll all get through it just fine.

[peternaizeh]

Day 2 with NC.

 

Were not friends in FB, No Skype and MySpace account. Texting is the problem... I used to text him and He used to call me everyday when we are together. Now, I miss him so much... keep thinking of him. Wish to hear his voice. But I need to be strong. Move on. Continue to NC.

[iamanne]

Day 5 NC

 

Exbf is in the rig, he texted me before he left for work telling me he does love me and he never betrayed or cheated on me. I didn't reply coz it's obviously a crazy sms coming from a pathetic liar.. Though I still check his emails from time to time, I am happy that I can now keep myself from emailing him. AT&T suspended his account because of his huge phone bill for the last 2 months, he left for work and have not paid for it yet, thankful for AT&T at least he wont have any other way to contact me coz the wifi in the rig has been disconnected as well. I guess that will make him think of what he has done. Either way, my days are a lot better when I don't hear from him. I just want to put an end to that vicious cycle of betrayal. I miss him but it makes no sense being with him knowing that he's been keeping so many secrets from me and the lamest alibi "I know you'll get mad if you find out" is something I cannot accept because I am almost always brutally honest with him coz I know it's better to hurt people with the truth than hurt them even more with lies... After what he did, I realized, he's a hopeless case and we'll never be okay as long as we're apart. I will never ever trust him again as long as I don't see him everyday and I cannot live my life being away and snooping and doubting every single day, it's stressful and for sure it's gonna kill me in no time..

[iamanne]

Day 10.

Don't know what started it, had a bit of a crying jag this morning. It's because I'm lonely. X is no help there, so I didn't have a wish to contact him, but sometimes I get a crazy idea that he'll turn himself around and regret what has happenned. I'm not counting on it though; as I posted on another thread that's like expecting to win the lottery.

Hang on tight everyone, this is just one of those hard times. We'll all get through it just fine.

 

Hang on girl, I still have episodes like that as well.. I still cry and what I usually do is ask myself "Do I want to be in this same situation again if ever I try to contact him again and make him feel that I'm just here waiting?" I usually answer with a NO. Forgetting and trying to be incommunicado is hard but this is the only way we can let them know what we can go on with our lives without them. Just think about this, being in contact with them again is like giving them another chance to hurt us once more. I know they always say, give him another chance, etc... I'm sure you've given him lots of chances too, so am I... but still, thay failed us, they hurt us.. so there's no point in giving another chance...

 

if you wish to talk things out, just email me.

[Janeiac]

Thanks for your kind words, iamanne. I really haven't had any urges to contact him. He hurt me a lot, and I'm not looking to give him a chance to do it some more. I'm just lonely. I can't even begin to think about meeting someone else. The idea seems so tiresome, and that brings me back to feeling lonely. I'll get over it, I know, but it's still trying sometimes.

[iamanne]

You're welcome Janeiac..you are right it's very tough but we will get over it in time...

[Janeiac]

Day 11

I realized this morning that some fraction of my emotional state is caused only by hormones-- you know, that time of the month when you cry at TV commercials and everything gets to you? I feel better understanding why I suddennly felt more tender after feeling so good for a couple of weeks.

Ladies, check your calendars! Some of what is going on with us is not attibutable to our exes-- this helps us realize they are not completely driving us, they aren't the most improtant. WE are the most important!

So go ahead and sing the blues, but don't give him the credit for your song.

[Moonchill]

NC day 15

 

Hi there,

I'm new here and I decided to stay in NC also. I've read along for a while and I think this topic is a very good one.

Here's my "short" story..

 

I was in a long distance relationship with a very handsome musician. He was actually a very good friend of my ex ( but my ex was ok with it, we checked). Even though my financial situation is not that great I spend a lot of money traveling to him.

He is a very sweet and nice person. It lasted only a couple of months in which he was very distant to me the last couple of weeks. I've been there before with other men so it took me a couple of days to recognise what was going on. We called .. he said he needed space.. somehow I already knew he wanted to break up but didn't want to hurt me. I said to him that I'd prefer the truth instead of cliché lines like " it's not you, it's me". But he asked for space and I said "when you know what you want, contact me" and I gave him space ( I did not contact him) .

 

After a couple of days he broke things up right before christmas ( even though he knew christmas was a difficult time for me ) via a short email. He used all the cliché lines ... "let's stay friends" "it's not you it's me" "I have commitment fear" ( I think a lot of men use that line as an excuse while the truth is they lost their feelings or are just not that into you) I reacted véry emotional and said a lot of things I wish I didn't say..

I said I couldn't stay friends with him because I had feelings for him and I knew it would only make things worse for me so I suggested to leave eachother alone for a while. Strangly he responded with "but I don't want to break up with you , I just told you how I feel". He said he felt smothered which does not make sense to me at all because he was the one that acted só inlove and said he missed me all the time! That made me mad because I wanted clarity from him and this made me very confused. Then I decided he probably couldn't make up his mind and that I should make up my own mind before I got too confused about it. I said if you don't know what you want from me we should just break it off.. I needed distance from it all because I knew I was too emotional and didn't see things clear.

 

So here I am.. having a hard time keeping NC. I send him an email and text message about picking up my stuff.. In the email I said I would like to pick up my stuff whenever I was available . In the text message I said " Never mind, just keep my stuff and figure out for yourself what you want to do with it" He didn't bother to respond to it. I am a hypocrite because I asked him to leave me alone and not contact me. But now I am bothered he doesn't contact me at all.

I just want to know if he misses me and regrets it. But his silence speaks for itself.

When I was so emotional about it I said to him I wanted him out of my head and get over him as soon as possible. I don't regret my actions ( NC comes from the head not from the heart and I know it is a wise decision) But I do regret my words.. I don't hate him.. I don't wish I never met him... I wish I could just have an adult conversation with him about it.

But everytime I think that I remind myself he hád the chance to have that adult conversation.. he had the chance to explain his feelings .. But instead he emailed me. He could have phoned but he was a coward. He screwed it up.. I screwed it up..

 

Now I'm going to stay NC for as long as I can

[Janeiac]

You can do this, Moonchill. You deserve better than a guy who keeps you guessing and won't even plainly state a desire to be with you. Hang tight, better times are ahead. Put him out of your mind as best you can for right now.

[Moonchill]

Thanks Janeiac..

Yesterday I found something back on which he sprayed his perfume.

You know scent is something that brings back so many memories! Bút just to quote John Mayer :

 

" My pride will keep me company"

[Moonchill]

I decided I am going to buy a box, put all the stuff in it that remind me of him (including an usb stick with all the photo's and songs from him ) and call the box "the ex files" Put some ducktape around it and done! I bet it will be therapeutic!

I already blocked and deleted him from msn, deleted him as a friend from facebook ( he can't see my profile because of privacy settings) and I deleted his mobile number ( although I still remember his number ). I even put him on the blocking list so he can't email me. But now I put him off that list because I want him to be able to contact me if there is something really bad going on. Who knows some day soon I will be able to be totally not available to him. I think I'm on the good way to becoming that. And I think you guys are too!

[Janeiac]

Good plan, Moonchill. Get rid of stuff that may tug at your heartstrings and make you forget that this guy hurt you. You can do this.

You too, peternaizah and MizzNatalie and everyone else!

[MizzNatalie]

So nice to be able to vent here. Day 4 of no contact. He asked me for space aka dumped me via text 2 weekss ago. Had a dream with him last night. I was holding his hand and he let me lean on him then he pushed me away to his room mate and I was leaning on his room mate. Bizarre. I miss him so much and need to find strength in never responding to my impulses. If he ever contacts me I need to not respond. Been watching movies all day at my friend's. Too bummed out to go outside lol