THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[gez2705]

Still going strong on the NC and will not contact her LOL

Last couple of days have had mild panic attacks for want of a better explaination something about C jumps into my head you all know the ones "its been 16 days and she has not contacted me BLA BLA BLA I could be dead and she could not care less BLA BLA BLA or she's forgotten about me " Ha Ha

So all I can do is take deep breaths and work through the feelings but I always get there luckily

I still know I am doing this for myself but its the hardest thing I've ever done would love to talk to C but at the moment am scared of the rejection I would proberbly get from her

Its no good for me and its not good to put C in that position and would only push her even further away maybe one day we will see

But the longer we don't speak the more I know she's slipping away from me forever

We will see

[twitchyfingers]

Day 13 of no contact

Day 02 of no online snooping

 

Yesterday, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Soooooo crazy-feeling. Today, much better. Got a job, finally. Felt twinges about the ex, but am now flirting (slightly) with two new suitors via email. Too soon to get romantically involved, but baby steps. It's nice to feel a little happy "zing" when I see email from either of the guys. I'm using a different account than the one I used with the ex -- too many ghosts in that one.

 

My job will last four weeks, so I'm going to focus on that, and getting in shape. At the end of the gig, it will have been 30 days of full no contact, 43 of no email/IM/Phone. Can't wait to see how I feel at that point. Good to have structure in my life once again. The new job will force me to think about stuff other than the ex.

[d24]

Day 1 (yesterday)

She text me at 6am saying she was worried I didn't have my glasses and left them outside for me, so I had the horrible task of going back to the house again to colledct them. Thankfully I didn't have to see her though. I then drove a 250 miles round-trip for a work meeting so unfortunately had a lot of time for thinking. After a while my mind turned to mush and I forced myself to play the music as loud as I could and sing along. I actually felt a lot better for it!

 

At night I was weak and called her because I was freaking out. My housemates asked me why I was no longer married on facebook. Turns out when you remove someone from friends and block them, you can't be married to them on facebook and it shows up on the news feed. I quickly called my wife to ask her to delete her 'X is now single' post before anyone noticed. She thanked me, and ended by telling me a story about something we always did, and how she had done it last night and it made her think of me. It was nice, but I couldn't handle it and said something like "that's really sweet but it doesn't mean anything" which I regret... because those are now my last words to her never mind, I need to keep going.

 

Her Mum called me and invited me for dinner on saturday night and I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope she doesn't turn up while I'm there.

[Janeiac]

Day 2. X called me. I didn't pick up but I did listen to the message. I don't think that counts. He was replying to the sincere apaoplogy I'd left him that day before after a huge fight we had. I was totally not wrong, his mother really did a mean, underhanded and manipulative thing, to make herself be on his side she claomed the opposite of what she and I talked about. But I don't even care any more. None of his family is any concern of mine. I don't need any of them or their nonsense in my life. I have no desire to make contact.

[gez2705]

I deleted C's contacts on my phone on the 2nd Jan so i knew there would be no way to contact her.(my friend has her number which I gave him and has strict orders not to give me it until day 30 or after and only if I ask)

I have just gone through my work emails and C's deleted phone number was there,

in my deleted files

It took me quite by surprise I had my phone out and was writing her a txt before I knew it.

I had to stop myself (take a deep breath )

Really think about what I was doing (would I regret sending it? )

How would I feel if she did not replay (like S**t)

I've done well up to now (don't want to start again from day one)

 

So the number is now deleted from my work account as well

Why has NC so many ups and downs Ha Ha

 

I AM NOT GOING TO BREAK NO CONTACT

[Irish Jax]

I have not been on here in a long time. My breakup was on Christmas. He broke up with me and it was 2 weeks after that of arguing, fighting and him trying to make it my fault. I dated a narcissist and drug addict for a year and half. I paid for it with my time and emotions.

 

He sent me an email on Day 9, but I did not respond. I feel better not talking to him or responding and I have to keep going. Probably passed Day 30. Contacting your ex will only bring you back to square one. I know this from past experience and it only hurts you more when you do contact them.

 

I

Keep going with the days! Hope you are all doing well.

[ClarenceRutherford]

occasionally will look at his FB page. I look to remind myself that I did not lose something great. He posts stupid * * * * on his FB and its a reminder to myself that I am better off.

Isn't FB great?

There wasn't an internet in the late 80s when I was in my late 20s and finally got serious about dating and thus got dumped a couple of times.

 

Glad I didn't have a FB to view her pics, as I'm sure I would have found myself drawn to.

Only natural to see what the one you love(d) is up to...

I still look up some of these women today.

 

Back then, looking up ex's would have been a reminder of what I lost.:sad:

[simplyme01]

Day 1

 

This is my real day one! I had a great day today, for the 1st time since our break up 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I sent him a couple of very short, not mean text messages. He responded with something that wasn't very nice. I didn't respond back. I think this helps me, because I don't feel the rejection that I've been feeling. It actually felt really good to not respond & to have no desire today to contact him at all. I almost felt at peace today. Both physically & emotionally. I'm not sure why & only hope I have more days like this than not. I did miss him tons at times. I'm trying to practice getting rid of those thoughts as soon as I start, or I know I will be in a place I don't want to be. It's not easy. I started feeling really anxious when I left work today. Friday night & I'm home alone. When every Friday night for the past year & a half we've been together. It's times like these I have to work through & get use to him not being around. I am allowing myself to feel what I feel & cry, talk to myself, lol or even yell at him when I feel the need & then I feel better. I just realized too, that today is the 1st time I didn't cry in 2 weeks. What a wonderful feeling. I really do believe if I were to contact him, it would just be rejection in one way or another & that would without a doubt hurt more than just missing him & working through this. I pray I feel this way tomorrow & the next day & next & next

[Auscheer]

Day 5Well S did not contact me again. I had absolutely no time to think about him as I had a bad reaction to my meds and was in bed sick all night/day, had a terrible time trying to go to work. Will probably be bad again today as I will be working with computers and I'm getting really bad tremors, so my typing is very shonky. But yes, definitely had other things to deal with, even if they weren't positive ones! I really hope he does try and contact me again ... it seems like he's not particularly happy right now, but I'm not sure who he's directing these FB statuses, etc, to - me or the new girl he wants to get together with? Normally I would ask him if he was okay and try and be there for him ... Either way I am still doing the right thing, he asked me repeatedly for space, and we might have been back together by now if I had of given it to him, to me.

[cboy90]

Day 82 NC - Ahhhhhhh, feeling great! Just got a job offer and I'm already being sent out of town on a 2 week business trip/meeting. Being put in a Hotel and having everything paid for. Already met the president of the company and he loves me! Life couldn't be better!

[jonesyjakk]

Day 1, 22/1/11 i have a kid with my ex and we have been in constant contact since we split 7 weeks ago, her choice, now we have gradually stopped texting and only see eachother once a week, but, my challenge from today is simply this....I will not contact her unless a, there is a problem with my son, and b, she contacts me. great challenege, here we go. Rich

[Janeiac]

Day 3.

Looking at my past, I can see that no contact is the best thing. When I've done it I've been better off, and when I haven't done it, I had agonizing months of twisting like a moth on a pin. It hurts a lot and I miss him, but what I miss is the way it was, not the way it became. I don't want the latter part back, that sucked. The early days are gone. I'm going forward.

[simplyme01]

Day 2

 

Saturday morning...damn this is hard. Just had a real good cry, not sure I'm done. Maybe if I get it all out now I can conquer the day. I go back & forth with this...what hurts more, not being together, or the rejection, thinking that he is just ok with this?? * * * ? Just doesn't seem fair. Here on day, gone the next. Happy & relaxed one day, world turned upside down the next. What really gets me, is i KNOW this is the best thing for me. We had so much good in our relationship. I'd go as far as saying 80/20...80 being good. The bad was bad & we couldn't get past it. All I know is I miss him.

 

Janeiac...looks like we're in this together gf!! WE CAN DO THIS!!

[Auscheer]

Day 6

 

I was busy feeling incredibly ill again today, and was productive working from home. Not sure if its because how out of it I have been on these meds (have had to stop taking them already, not good) but I have hardly thought of S and when I have it hasn't stirred up negative emotions. More just like, meh. Though I still constantly checked if he was online, what he was posting, etc. Probably not healthy to keep doing that. Probably the first day since we broke up over two months ago that I haven't cried over it - cried because I was ill - but not because of this. Progress!

[Ryankeith]

Day 3

 

It has been difficult without talking to her these last few days. I've already broke and texted her this morning. Thankfully she is stronger than I. Ironically, I've always secretly admired the strength she has. She knows that it will be hard for her too, but must do it because its whats best.

 

She said that we have been thinking short term a lot lately and she wants to do whats best in the long run. She wants to always keep me in her life because we are 'best friends' and we need a few months to get over our romantic emotions for one another so that they do not interfere with our friendship that has the possibility of lasting a lifetime.

 

I have mixed emotions of this. Although there is some relief in knowing that she does care about me enough to STILL want me in her life, it hurts because she doesn't want me to be the one to most intimately share it with her. I don't know if I will be able to handle somewhere down the road when she finds someone else and is dating that person, but its ok because her and I are close 'friends'. I also brought up the point of her future BF's having issues with us being friends after we dated for 4 years, lost our virginity to one another, was each others first loves, etc. I don't want to go through hell to remain in her life only to be dropped later when it's not cool with someone else. She swore up and down that it wasn't the case and she would never let another person dictate who she can and cannot be friends with.

 

IDK. I know that I am rambling but it feels good to atleast be able to release some frustration and vent on here. There is a strange comfort in knowing that I am not the only person in the world that is experiencing such terrible pain, that others have trudged through the shadows and made it back into the light. Thanks to everyone who has read anything I've posted and offered any support. I sincerely appreciate it!

[apple89]

piruru,

 

hey, i been reading all ur posts from day one, i feel like i really connect with what you are going through...

here is my story

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?232164-Hardest-part-about-breaking-up-with-a-Narcissist-is.../page9 (add the www bc it wont let me post urls)

 

for me the hard thing is to not contacthim bc he hurt me so much my pride doesnt allow me too .. i sent him a text wednesday apologizing for saying crazy stupid thinhgs i told him once last week when i was drunk (bc im a lady and although his a psycho narsisitic guy, im a lady and im certainley not crazy regardles of what he says).. also when we talked a week ago that he said all those horrible things about how we were never serious i certainly told him everything i described about him i there, and thast how he responded with "we were never serious".. the hardest thing is to see how somone can change so much, how someone can be so amazing and cearing and then the next day hurt you the way he did and not care about what i was feeling..

 

today it proved more to me that hes narcissistic, when i saw how this psycho girl that was chasing him up and down and how he described her as been such a * * * * * and how he would never be friends with her again.. he adds her on facebook.. i just proves tome how desperate hes in need of any tpe of atention to boost his narcisisit self being..

 

i jsut wish i could forget about such horrible human being i hate still having to think about someone who CLEARLY is crazy and who clearly lacks any sort of normal human emotions.. i understand u so well bc i feel the same pain about how someone jsut dumps you without ay consideration of what you two had and how all those words and actions mean NOTHING.. but yet again you keep them so close to your heart lke an idiot...im a week since we talked 3 days since that message apologizing.. but contacting is not the hard part like i said, the hard part is to really see who this people are, and really see who they become now and just let go of those stupid nice words and actions they said, bc if they did mean it, they would of never done what they did..

 

congrats on keeping this NC for so long girl i admire u!

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

You're not the only one whose done that.

Originally Posted by piruru

Hehe your post made me feel so much better about driving to the ex's house for no reason lol. I felt so pathetic doing it but glad to know that I'm not the only one hehe. I don't know why we bother lol, so pointless. What do we expect?!

Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Nothing to be accomplished by revisiting such a place.

Exactly. There really is nothing gained from revisiting those places. It just makes you feel worse.

I don't think you can ever remove the places you and your loved one visit. Seems like there's no escaping it.

 

For instance, I'm married now but have been trying to reignite our marriage. I've taken my bride to some of the places like restaurants and attractions we visited when we dated. Like looking at older pics of us as a couple while we were dating, it does something for you and helps stir some emotions.

 

Good to hear my post helped bring you some needed peace.

 

My heart goes out to all of you trying to get over ex's who've left you in the lurch.

I know how you feel and you have my sympathy.

[iamanne]

First day of NC.

 

please take time to read my story here

 

 

I will appreciate all your replies.

[piruru]

I don't think you can ever remove the places you and your loved one visit. Seems like there's no escaping it.

 

Sigh. I don't think you can ever really let go or reclaim all the places either. I've managed to reclaim a few of them but couldn't do all of them. The memories still linger, we just need to file them away somewhere in the back of our mind.

 

piruru,

 

hey, i been reading all ur posts from day one, i feel like i really connect with what you are going through...

here is my story

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?232164-Hardest-part-about-breaking-up-with-a-Narcissist-is.../page9 (add the www bc it wont let me post urls)

 

for me the hard thing is to not contacthim bc he hurt me so much my pride doesnt allow me too .. i sent him a text wednesday apologizing for saying crazy stupid thinhgs i told him once last week when i was drunk (bc im a lady and although his a psycho narsisitic guy, im a lady and im certainley not crazy regardles of what he says).. also when we talked a week ago that he said all those horrible things about how we were never serious i certainly told him everything i described about him i there, and thast how he responded with "we were never serious".. the hardest thing is to see how somone can change so much, how someone can be so amazing and cearing and then the next day hurt you the way he did and not care about what i was feeling..

 

today it proved more to me that hes narcissistic, when i saw how this psycho girl that was chasing him up and down and how he described her as been such a * * * * * and how he would never be friends with her again.. he adds her on facebook.. i just proves tome how desperate hes in need of any tpe of atention to boost his narcisisit self being..

 

i jsut wish i could forget about such horrible human being i hate still having to think about someone who CLEARLY is crazy and who clearly lacks any sort of normal human emotions.. i understand u so well bc i feel the same pain about how someone jsut dumps you without ay consideration of what you two had and how all those words and actions mean NOTHING.. but yet again you keep them so close to your heart lke an idiot...im a week since we talked 3 days since that message apologizing.. but contacting is not the hard part like i said, the hard part is to really see who this people are, and really see who they become now and just let go of those stupid nice words and actions they said, bc if they did mean it, they would of never done what they did..

 

congrats on keeping this NC for so long girl i admire u!

 

Oh man, I can't believe someone has been reading my posts lol. I'm both embarrassed and flattered. Thanks for coming out and giving me that extra bit of support that I need

 

I read your post on the other thread -- I do agree that our exes have some similarities. What stuck out to me first is that he called you crazy too! LOL. It's so ridiculous. I was so downtrodden at the time that I even ACCEPTED that I thought I was crazy too. And a girl was chasing him up and down too! That sounds a lot like my ex's ex-girlfriend. She was overseas but she called him on a daily basis and posted all over his social networking sites. Unbelievable. He seemed to enjoy it too. I told him that he enjoyed it and he was "What makes you think that? No, I don't enjoy it." He played it cool but it seemed like he was really taken aback that I had called him out on it. Man, come to think of it, he had SO MANY GIRLS after him and he kept bragging about it to me too. Whaaaat. Giant red flag, right?!

 

You're also right that the hard part isn't NC, but seeing and accepting who these people really are. I'm at almost 30 days NC and I STILL don't think I have that part down. I still think he's some kind of god. It's great that you have realised this sooner so that you can start working on it.

 

I strongly advise strict NC though... for your own sake. It gives you time and opportunity to get yourself back together. To become the confident, self-assured attractive young woman that attracted him in the first place before he knocked it all out of you. You can do it! All the best.

 

Day 27, 28 and 29

 

I've forgotten the days now. Everyday NC isn't a challenge anymore, but I find myself still longing for him.

 

It has gotten worse since the day I found out about the psychic's predictions. She said he was going to call me and that if I answered, we would get back together somehow. She also said that his current girlfriend is just a fling and that the girl is more into him than he is into her. Regarding our breakup, she mentioned that it was because of his jealousy... I did something bad (I've never actually mentioned it in my journals lol) and I don't think he ever forgave me for it. It was like a thorn in his side the whole time. He feels for me... he really did, but I broke his heart when I went away that one time. Thinking of it like that, I can totally understand his mind. Maybe I'm overdramaticising things, but it makes sense to me. But the psychic said he will come back, so I'm hoping and praying again. Pathetic, I know. My hope is so strong that I can't crush it any longer. A small part of me knows that it's all a lie, it's not going to come true, he won't contact me. The other half is desperately clinging onto the hope that he will. I'm not sure what to do with that useless hope. It's holding me back a bit.

 

My dreams are once again occupied with thoughts of him and he is the last thing that I think of every night. I think I would love him and appreciate him more this time around. I won't take him for granted again. I think I'm ignoring the negatives again. Sigh. I'm dreaming too much.

 

I've been dating the guy I mentioned before on and off. I don't think I *really* like him for who he is, but I'm just using him somewhat to ease the loneliness. He definitely wants more than just "friendship." and I'm not prepared for anything more than that at this point. It is bad for both of us to keep this going, but whenever he asks me to go out, I can't seem to say no. I think I will just keep a distance and be aware of what is going on. I'm definitely not going to allow myself to get into a relationship with this guy... I'm not ready AND I still obsess about the ex. He's also leaving interstate in a week or so, so keeping a distance shouldn't be that hard.

 

I don't know how to stop hoping to get back together with the ex at this point. I keep thinking that he's going to call me in a couple of weeks. I denied that I wanted him back in my life for the longest time but now I accept it. I want him back. It's not because I don't have self-respect or self-worth... but because I really like him. This time in NC has given me some time to reflect and I've realised that I have made some big mistakes that are really unforgivable. If I were in his position, I doubt I could have done what he did for me. He is not as bad a person as I made myself believe when I was angry and struggling to get over him.

 

I know I'm okay without him in my life, but I'd still like him there. I guess if we were to reconcile, this would be the best time.

 

We'll see what happens.

 

One more day of the challenge and then I'll keep going with NC and journaling for one more month.

[simplyme01]

Day 3

 

Sunday morning, 2 weeks since I've seen him, 3 days NC. Please tell me this gets easier. I went to bed last night early. I had the most restless night. I thought about him & had dreams about him all night. It felt as if he was in bed next to me. I very seldom dream at all & these were so real & so vivid. I miss him so much & wonder if he misses me I was wide awake from 1 am - 3 am & online, what else was there to do? Finally at 3 am, I turned off my light & laptop & tried to sleep. I couldn't. There are times when I feel like I just can't do this anymore. I want so bad to talk to him. There is a song that started going through my mind during my nights restlessness. I know the song, put can't pin point it enough to even google it. It's driving me crazy, I'm wondering it it has some significance for my healing. I feel so scared, helpless & weak this morning.

[piruru]

Day 29 continued...

 

My friend saw the ex with his new girlfriend. Apparently she looks old, unattractive, unfashionable and I am WAYYYYY better than her. My friend said I am prettier, younger, have a better body and am smarter. Feel good about that.

 

They weren't particularly couple-y or anything, but after being asked who she was, the ex said that she was his girlfriend (very softly).

 

My friend thinks they're not going to last very long (she guesses around two months max) because this girl is probably looking to settle and the ex is far from it. Not to mention, the girl needs to leave the country soon.

 

Eep. I feel oddly pleased about this news.

 

Now I'm torn between wanting to accidentally bump into them with a guy or with a girlfriend just to see what the girl I got dumped for looks like. Hehehe. I have a feeling it might set me back a couple of weeks of healing though... but I've only got one chance. What to do? Hmm.

[Auscheer]

Day 7

 

GOD DAMN. I made it to a week. Almost. Was feeling pretty low and lonely today, but otherwise okay. Starting just hoping and hoping S would talk to me, just make some contact. Then he's listed as 'in an open relationship' on FB. We're both online on chat. He doesn't say anything. I didn't know what to do because he promised that if he was going to do anything with this new girl or anyone else he would forewarn me so I wouldn't have to see it like that. But I didn't want to seem like I cared... anyway I said, 'you said you'd talk to me if you were going to do anything, so can you talk to me?' and anyway it was a joke with one of his friends apparently and he was waiting on him to confirm it and he just did it on a whim. He apologised for 'freaking me out' and it made me feel so bad. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be freaked out I want him to be jealous and sad and come back to me. So damn.

 

I don't want to start over again. I got to a week with only one necessary message initated by me. And only two other communications. I know three in a week seems a lot compared to all you strong people, but ... we were those people that never left each other's side. He would tell me he loved me if he was leaving the room, when we woke up, went to bed ... sometimes twenty times a day. It doesn't seem right to only speak three times a week. I guess I have to start again ... but knowing I failed and I could have been at a month a whole week sooner makes this actually seem more impossible than it did at the start.

 

Not much enthusiasm for it this time. I don't want to do this. I just want my boyfriend back.

[Janeiac]

Day 4.

I feel peaceful. I've been doing soul-searching and looking within myself to find my part of the break-up. I understand it. I own it. I know I deserved better than him, and I did initiate the official breakup, I stuck up for myself and I'm going to keep doing that. I don't need to beg him to come back and hurt me some more. It's not hard to avoid contacting him when I keep that in mind.

Simplyme, Piruru, Auscheer, everyone else: we are all in this together! You can do it!

Don't torture yourselves with the Facebook/myspace/MSN/Yahoo stuff. DELETE your exes and don't look back, look forward. Stop thinking about the ex, think about yourself. If the X realises the breakup was a mistake, and he or she really does love you, he or she wll find a way to let you know. You can re-add them later if it comes to pass. NO CONTACT!

[apple89]

piruru;

i know NC is the best, yesterday i decided to definetely block him form fb that way i wont see hs stupid pics bc alhtouh were not friends i still can see his pictures and he doestn really update them, but still kinda made me sad seeing them... i understand you about having that hope, having that one hope that he will phone call asking us to talk about the relationship asking to forgive them, but that having that hope stops you from moving on, and you can only think about taking them back once you moved on bc you will think with your head and not with your heart like we are thinking right now, relationships work better if we put our reason before our emotions, and as soon as we start thinking with our heart, its when relationships begin to fail.. and when you read all those articles about wanting our ex back, they all emphasize the importance of moving on.. which is why when i first borke up with him i thouhgt if i want him and want to havea a future together its going to be for the better, not for the bad, and that can only happen once im not emotional, so i need to move on.. and the contradiction about this moving on is that i can reassure you thats the only way they will come back.

 

day 4..

i dont know what i feel .. its soo confusing... i hate weekends bc i have too much free time=too much time to think about him... he hurt me so much im not sure what i feel.. i dont miss him bc i have time to meet peopel in my new school. but i think about him alot, i think about his last horrible words.. i think about the pain his causing me and then i hate myself bc he doesnt deserve one tear, he deserves nothing, but hurts to feel how someone who said he cared can treat you like this, when i would never ever do this to someone who i cared for once at some point of my life... i dont even know im so confused, i dont know if i i love him or hate him.. i knwo i dont want to be with someone like him, but i still in my heart i want him for some reason.. awwww its soo confusingggggg!!!.. i jsut want to be happy, i cant change him i know i cant, but why would i want that for me, why do i still have some sort of stupid hope, knowing how horrible he is???

[gez2705]

A whole 3 weeks never thought I would have gone as long as this Miss C so much.

 

Even though I miss C and think about her constantly I know I would feel even worse if I had still been in contact with her and kept getting rejected.

I have had my mum and dad round for dinner today I enjoy cooking and it took my mind off things for a while.

I generally go round to a friends on Sat nite but he's in florida at the moment for a fortnight so stayed in was strange but came on here for a hour and that helped.

I picked up a knee injury a week ago so have not been training am starting back tomorrow just on the lite stuff have missed training feel so much better when I'm training.

 

So back to how I feel I feel much stronger than I did 3 weeks ago I still miss C but I'm coping well I'm keeping myself busy nearly txt her earlier in the week but resisted the temptation god its hard sometimes I have my next session with the counceller tomorrow and am really really positive about it have a good vibe about it I think it will really help me with my problems and address them

I know I am doing it for me and know I will get through it and come out of it a much better person