THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[justpeachy]

Day 1

If I can make it to sleep without calling or texting him, I've succeeded in the first day. Even though I got a text from him asking if I was okay (due to a health scare last night - long story) I didn't respond. If he was actually concerned and didn't just feel obligated he would have tried contacting me again, and not just send a half-assed text message. Part of me wants to talk to him, but part of me wants to yell a big f you to him for not caring anymore. I ended up going out dancing tonight, even though I was really hesitant to go I got talked into it, and I'm glad I went. It seems so silly, but just to affirm the fact that I can go out dancing and other guys will want to dance and have fun with me helped I guess. I think tomorrow is going to be even harder. It's usually around the second or third day that I start to really, really want to talk to him. I wish I could break myself of the mindset that NC is the only way to win him back. I wish I could view NC as what's best for me; as what I need to move forward with my life and become a stronger person, instead of placing so much focus on him and wanting to find a way to win him back. Maybe that will come with time...I sure hope so. I just have to find the strength to not call him tonight. I might have to reach down into my reserves, but I can do this. I know I can.

[kennyc90]

Day 41

 

Today, I decided to activate my old facebook account to see what's up. I looked through my old messages and saw a few from my ex. I clicked on her profile and I was completely devastated when I saw her display pic. That guy she left me for was on her display pic. The last thing I heard, they were both complicated but whatever. I'm not going to "assume" that they are together or what not. I learned that I can't think negative thoughts like that. Maybe it's just a picture of them just being friends? I will never know... but yeah I will definitely try my hardest to steer clear of negative thoughts between them.

 

I was doing so damn well too with controlling my emotions! Now this had to happen... sucks lol. I will stay strong. This is how I feel and I will accept it. All I can do right now is to allow myself to be distracted by other things to keep my mind off of her. After the holidays, it should be a lot easier for me.

 

To ex: I miss you so much. I wonder if you ever think about me because I think about you every single day.

[kennyc90]

I'm going to begin writing inside a journal about each day. I will start that tomorrow and do the best I can to keep it updated. It's just a journal for myself only.

[nessa7139]

Day 8

 

 

The ex is coming round to pick our daughter up today!!!! I've decided not to look him in the eye, be polite but no eye contact.....

I'm crapping myself. So nervous....

[Calblee]

Day 12 since i have imposed NC on myself.

 

broke up for over 42 days. broke up 3 days after i took her to bali for her birthday and exactly 10 days before my 27th birthday.

 

6 years relationship down the drain. was going to propose in april 2011. worked my ass through 4 successful jobs (all self businesses) and an additional 1 year part time study to upgrade my skills set so that i can provide the best that i can and make her the princess that i THOUGHT she deserve.

 

found out from her email account (was logged in on my computer) which i had since erased that her colleage is invovled before she decided to pull the trigger. continue to have an affair with a good friend of mine even after i found out and forgave her.

 

you may be pretty and hot and smart and the ONE but i will make myself more successful than ever before and an even better partner to the next lucky girl. simply, i deserved a lot better.

 

well, * * * * you for leading me on even though you have emotionally checked out long ago. * * * * you for not showing me some decent respect even in breaking up with me.

 

it hurts as hell in my heart but i made my mind up to move on and never to take you back when you come calling.

[Starrgrl]

Day 7 today.

 

It's 4:06 am. I'm feeling down.

[beancounter999]

Day 12 Missiing ex a lot. The pain isn't as bad and I didn't cry myself to sleep the last two nights. Just feeling sad now. I think it's finally settling in that it's over. I still think about him constantly but with sadness, not anger. Progress? I hope so. I can't wait for the day when I don't care about how he feels/thinks.

[piruru]

Hey Piruru good luck. You will feel better, day 1 is hard. It's good that your helping your mum move and keeping yourself busy. I'm glad I found this place too.

 

 

Thanks for wishing me luck!! Good luck to you too and keep up the good work, stay strong!!

 

Day 2

 

Woke up sad. Had a dream about getting back together with the ex and remembered what it felt like to be in a relationship with him. I felt like completely a different person. Or that some parts of me were suppressed to accommodate this other person in my life. Yet somehow I was quite happy feeling like half a person in the dream. I ended up sleeping some more in hopes that I could continue the dream

 

Keeping busy with my study and cleaning house for today. Only felt the urge to call ex once, but I thought of him or our relationship more times than I could count. Also ended up asking advice from family members about what happened. Verdict? Continue NC.

[nessa7139]

Still DAY 8

 

 

Well he didn't turn up.... I had one very sad 2 year old on my hands so we went macdonalds as a treat, and then to nanny and grandads.... needless to say she got spoilt!!!!!

 

 

How I feel.... Angry, hateful, resentful, and extremely pissed off....

 

Hurt me but not my kids.....

 

Dear Chris

Go throw yourself under a train

[beancounter999]

Well he didn't turn up.... I had one very sad 2 year old on my hands so we went macdonalds as a treat, and then to nanny and grandads.... needless to say she got spoilt!!!!!

 

What a scumbag! You're better off without him. Sad for her though

[The_Seeker]

Congratulations to me!

 

5th Month Anniversary of Strict NC!

[Starrgrl]

SEEKER

 

OMFG congrats. I was two days off 4 months NC. You're so strong, I wish I had stuck to NC till now would have been NC 5 months end of this month.

[kennyc90]

Day 42

 

Darn this weekend is almost over and tomorrow I have to stay on the ship. Oh well.. I'm looking forward to getting paid this week.

 

I went to the mall and did a lil' bit of Christmas shopping. I spent a lot of money lol but that's okay because I feel good when I give gifts out. I didn't really do it last year so I have to redeem myself this year. I still have to know what I'm gonna buy my step sister. I'll think about that tomorrow.

 

I won't lie, I'm still struggling to not think about my ex being with someone else. It's so deng hard. I have this book I read a lot and it makes me feel a lot better so every time I feel like crap, I read the book and pretty much saves myself from doing something stupid lol.

 

I was gonna cook myself some food today, but I decided to just eat out. I consider today my "cheat day" anyways. If you didn't know, cheat day is the one day of the week where you can eat whatever you want, and the rest of the week you have to eat clean. I need to find a way to exercise tomorrow lol because during the holiday season, it's really hard to squeeze in some free time to exercise. Oh well, I'll find a way.

[kennyc90]

Congratulations to me!

 

5th Month Anniversary of Strict NC!

 

Wow that's such a long time of NC. Congrats!

[thekid55]

Wow that's such a long time of NC. Congrats!

 

Kenny, you are doing excellent my friend. You have really gotten your act together! From the work on the ship, to the abs (you have six more than I do), to just a great, positive attitude.

 

Keep wearing that uniform out in public and watch the ladies start to claw you my friend.

 

Everyday is step further from the pain of the past.

[perio]

About 3 months

 

I have been dating a wonderful woman and a friend of over two years. Well, she told me last night that she is in love with me. I dis not return the sentiment but I did say she is becoming increasingly important to me and that I care for her greatly. She took that very well. She has known me for some time. We have only been friends until recently. She is very secure and is not the needy type. I really don't want to get back with my ex but um really not ready to open my heart completely at this point. I'm very happy with her and have no desire to date anyone else. This could have had really negative consequences but she is understanding of my current position. This kinda just fell into place. I want looking to dive into a serious relationship at this point. I'm trying to keep it as healthy as possible. I guess what I am trying to say that a lot can happen in 3 months. Life goes on. I am still dealing with questions about the breakup and wondering how her sister is doing. It's simply a concern about someone that has been an important pertain to me. It's not a yearning at thus stage. It's easy to push those thoughts out of my mind at this point. I dis not run into the arms of another to get Iver my ex. I have been honest and as thoughtful as I could. I look forward to spending more time with her. It feels very good.

So I guess I would say, be careful, people have their own time lines. Healing does happen if you just put your mind elsewhere.

[Ryankeith]

Day Two

 

Two days ago our evening together ended by her yelling at me saying she never wanted to see me or speak to again right as she was leaving. In less than 24 hours she texted me goodnight and something about trying to keep warm because it was very cold outside. I desperately wanted to talk her. I wanted to hear her say she was sorry and that she didn't mean it and that she still loves me. Once I began thinking about her and her new guy spending the night together (she claims they're only 'studying') I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I wish, if only for a second, that she could be in my shoes only to understand the misery that I am in. I think somewhere inside her she stills has feelings for me but right now she is showing that she doesn't really care at all.

 

This has truly been the most horrific experience of my life. I didn't know it was possible to hurt so badly. Every fiber of me aches from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep. What hurts the most is that even through all of the terrible things she is putting me through, I am still irrevocably and deeply in love with her. I honestly do not know what to do with myself. Any support would be more than welcome.

[brandon5359]

The ex who broke up with me facebook imed me last night about my team getting beat. We sent two messages and that was it. I didn't ask her how she was doing or anything like that. I am proud that I waited this long without contacting her. It has been 20 days since she has contacted me and 16 days since I contacted her. I wonder why she messaged me and what her intentions are.

[Starrgrl]

Day 8

 

Doing good. It's alot easier this time round. I remember when I would go crazy after like two days of no contact. LOL like insane, like wake up feeling like some addict needing her fix lol.

[kennyc90]

Kenny, you are doing excellent my friend. You have really gotten your act together! From the work on the ship, to the abs (you have six more than I do), to just a great, positive attitude.

 

Keep wearing that uniform out in public and watch the ladies start to claw you my friend.

 

Everyday is step further from the pain of the past.

 

thanks bro. I'm doing my best to get through this... I really am.

[kennyc90]

Day 43

 

I just woke up about an hour ago to show up to work. During my duty days when I have to stay on the ship all day, I usually don't get a lot of sleep. I got 5 hours of sleep and that definitely isn't enough lol. I slept here on the ship anyways and work is walking distance from my rack. I'm getting off at work around 3pm.

 

I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately. I don't mean to either. I keep on getting flashbacks of all the things we did last Christmas and always think about what she's doing now. It's so hard to just keep my mind away from it. I'm really struggling with this. If I was my old self again, I would've already done something stupid like add her as a friend on facebook because of my neediness. I'm not that guy anymore. I wonder if she ever thinks about me...

 

After work today, I'm suppose to go running with this girl that likes to run all the time. We both decided to run on the beach. Lately it's been around 80 degrees here in San Diego so I'm hoping it stays that way for a while.

[kennyc90]

I just wanted to note that having funny and outgoing people with you really help you get through your struggles. Those kinds of people keep your mind off of the bad stuff for a bit. It's like you share their energy..

[piruru]

kennyc90, I agree with you. Funny and outgoing people really do help during these times. Also, you are amazing for managing to keep 43 days of NC.

 

Day Two

This has truly been the most horrific experience of my life. I didn't know it was possible to hurt so badly. Every fiber of me aches from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep. What hurts the most is that even through all of the terrible things she is putting me through, I am still irrevocably and deeply in love with her. I honestly do not know what to do with myself. Any support would be more than welcome.

 

Ryankeith, I know it hurts, but hang in there and keep busy by looking after yourself the best you can. At two days post BU, it is still very raw so you're doing well. Keep up the good work and stay strong. You will make it eventually. Good luck! ^^

 

Day Three

 

I've realised that the more time I spend on ENA, the more hung up on the ex I become so I've tried to stay away as much as I can. I spent the whole day keeping myself busy and surrounded by people so as not to feel lonely. I'm losing weight because of my depression and poor appetite but I can't help it. I also slept a lot.

 

I had a couple of hours where I had the chance to think about the ex. At one point, it got really bad and it started to hurt again instead of just the dull ache that is usually is. I allowed myself to feel all the emotions fully and was surprised to find that as much as I wanted to cry, I was out of tears. I ended up listening to a whole bunch of break up/heartbroken songs to express my unhappiness instead. It helped somewhat to know that it was a natural part of being in a relationship -- either you go on forever or it ends up like this.

 

I've stopped expecting or hanging onto the hope that the ex will be friends with me. Either he will or he won't, and neither result is up to me. I'm also starting to stop blaming myself for the way things turned out. Sure, I didn't do everything right, but I didn't choose for it to end -- this was HIS choice. He was the one who gave up on us. And a relationship will cease to be if one person stops wanting to be a part of it. And that's okay. Additionally, I can see how I was attractive outside of the relationship but had become completely unattractive within the relationship. I had suppressed, ignored and lost myself so completely when I was with him that I forgot who I was. I can see now that that is a big mistake. Will need to change that next time I am in a relationship.

 

I drove past the ex's house twice today. It wasn't intentional; I just had some errands to run near there. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the urge to check if his car was in the drive. Both times that I drove past it, I didn't even check at all and didn't even realise I had passed it until afterwards. Major win for me. He is slowly but surely escaping my mind.

 

I think I am beginning to forget him. I mean, I remember him but the little details about him are fading slowly. It feels like it was a lifetime ago. I am coming to terms with the fact that the person I loved and missed and the person he actually is are not one and the same.

 

I'm starting to feel whole again. I'm only just starting to patch up the hole in my chest and now the patch is only superficial at best, but it's a start.

 

Lastly, I met a guy. I don't really like him nor am I ready for a relationship at this point, but just talking with him and making jokes with him is making things more bearable. He is helping me feel sexy and attractive again.

 

Good luck to everyone else who is doing the NC challenge! Keep it up!! We can make it through this!!!

[iwannarun]

I'm trying to remember what day it is...and I've forgotten. Not that it's been very long at all since he spoke to me (I saw him Saturday afternoon, he spoke to my friend & me for less than a minute), but at least I'm not fixated on it and obsessing. I'm proud of myself. Two months after the breakup, and I can finally say "Yes I miss him, yes I love him, but I won't make a fool of myself anymore". This is Day 3 of not talking to him, and even though I would love to talk to him, I don't have the urge to text him. I dont know how long this will last, but thank goodness for it

[Ryankeith]

Day 3

 

She texted me goodnight again lastnight. It even more difficult to not respond. Even though I knew I should not have, I'm scared she will stop trying to talk to me at all. It does feel a little better to know that she is at least some what thinking of me. I sat for a couple hours this morning watching old videos of us together. She IS simply stunning. No words can describe what I feel inside towards her. I think that is what is making things so difficult for me.

 

"I am coming to terms with the fact that the person I loved and missed and the person he actually is are not one and the same."

 

Piruru, I know exactly what you mean. I want to tell there that I am in love and miss the person she was so badly. I hardly know who she has now become and don't really want that person in my life. Moving on can be so hard, no?