THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Baurman]

Day 2 for me NC... I went shopping for groceries for my house for the first time in 2 years. Wow felt different to just go shopping by myself but feels free. Then I went to the beach and got some sun so I can get a tan to improve my physical appearance. I'm finally able to eat again. Appetite is slowly coming back.

 

I was just pondering, how can somebody be with someone they loved for 2 years and then decide they want space and never miss them? I mean damn I miss seeing my EX GF a little bit but I know she doesn't miss me which is actually helping me move on. Accepting it. I'm just confused..... she must've been that sad and want out so badly that even after a week of not seeing each other at all and only talking to each other on 1 day, she doesn't even miss me or have an urge to want to see me. Just boggles my mind. After all the things she's done to upset me and make me hate what she does, I still miss her as a person. However, the longer she goes without contacting me, the more I will be able to move on and accept she's not worthy of a life long partner.

[brazilgirl21]

Wow, so many people day 2 today.

 

I can't wait for it to be Sunday so I can say "1 week" of NC.

 

I am SO sticking to it this time.

[DeenasRhino]

Day 3,

 

Had another great day with my friends. Kept my mind off of her thankfully. It was a bit hard in the morning for me so I'm glad I stayed out late instead of having to be at home.

[Igelchen]

No idea what day. Not having a problem not contacting her any more, but still missing her like hell... trying to join in with other people * * * * * ing about their exes just isn't that cathartic. Most of the day i'm now fine, but when I wake in the morning, and most nights, and at about four every afternoon, I go on a downer regular as clockwork, and have to go talk to the chickens or embarrassingly ask my mum for a hug. She has to stand on tiptoe. Occasionally a tear or two on her shoulder, but not often. The memories are still so impossibly vivid after, what, three months?

 

All my friends at uni went to the end of year ball last night. I wouldn't have gone even had I not been forbidden. I feel like a usurper in college now, a trespasser amongst everyone who didn't have a breakdown, didn't get sent home, managed to actually sit their exams. Yesterday would have been the perfect day for her to have dumped me, had she not been a b*tch, had she waited. Exams over; summer here; friends all round and available to comfort me instead of hiding in their rooms revising while I went crazy; a night of hedonism ahead in which to drink myself into oblivion, drown my sorrows.

 

I would never have done the same to her - dumped her on the eve of important exams. Even had I fallen out of love with her as she did me. It's just a terrible thing to do, unnecessary. She defiantly revelled in her self-confessed selfishness. You'd think I'd done something to deserve such bad treatment... evidently she didn't care a jot for my feelings. Heartless. She never apologised even once, never showed any sympathy. She was just a b*tch. So why do i miss her so badly? Why can't I move on? Hope the prozac finally kicks in soon.

[MalibuOne]

Day 11. Low on motivation to do stuff that needs doing. I want my energy and laughter back.

[Animelover6764]

day 11 I think

LOL

[Baurman]

What if the ex girlfriend is following me on Twitter? Does NC include not updating my status on Facebook and Twitter to show that I am doing better? Or does that need to completely disappear?

[DeenasRhino]

Day 4:

I was at home all day and was fine.

You were still in my head every 10 minutes but I was able to do other things and keep myself busy. I got some of my appetite back today. I ate so many cheeze doodles. I'm such a fatass. I wanted ice cream but we didn't have any so yeah. I guess I'm doing alright. Slowly reality is sinking in that you're gone and you probably don't deserve me cause of what you did to me. I probably won't ever be hearing from you again so I need to move on.

[MalibuOne]

What if the ex girlfriend is following me on Twitter? Does NC include not updating my status on Facebook and Twitter to show that I am doing better? Or does that need to completely disappear?

 

I think you should do whatever you would normally do if you hadn't ever dated. I still update my FB, but it's not to show my ex anything. I unfriended him.

[brazilgirl21]

Day 4. Easy Peasy today. I am in a good mood.

 

The first 3 days I was way more moody. Can't wait for the weekend. I do way better on the weekends.

[DeenasRhino]

Day 5:

Had a good fun day. One of my close friends came back from vacation today and we hung out. Watched my Celtics lose to Kobe

Stupid Lakers. I hate them.

[Baurman]

Day 4 No Contact.

 

Man it's soo hard. She's all I'm thinking about at work. Everything just reminded me about her. I want to just make things better with us but I know calling her won't do that. If she isn't calling me, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Last time I talked to her I broke NC after a week, and I asked to meet up to talk and she even told me "Too Soon", so I know it's just false hope when she says she just wants time alone, more like she wants time alone to get OVER me. I keep trying to convince myself and thinking about all the bad things and how I wanted out so bad - we were unhappy, but I don't know why I'm still missing her like crazy. I'm just thinking towards the future and it'll be such a shame if she contacts me after like a month of NC and wants to work things out but then ill be over her. thats what i dont want it to come too. It's like, if I wanted to get ahold of her, I Can. She isn't ignoring me. I'm just trying to give her what she wants - which is Space to miss me. But it's hard! I guess because I've never been in the situation where I needed space, so I don't know what it feels like to need space away from someone. Being home alone sucks. Knowing that she used to come over at night and cuddle in bed, just makes the nights harder and harder.

[MalibuOne]

2 am and I can't sleep again. Must be day 13 now. Nights are the worst. And Sundays. And Saturdays. And every day in between.

[FootofGod]

I don't remember the last time I had an urge to contact you. I haven't even been writing in my journal! I guess I've just accepted there's nothing to do but see what comes and take it as it does.

[Igelchen]

Day 14, I counted.

 

She was my best friend... my lover... I was more comfortable with her than I've ever been with anyone else my entire life. How can it be over?

[yogi]

I don't remember the last time I had an urge to contact you. I haven't even been writing in my journal! I guess I've just accepted there's nothing to do but see what comes and take it as it does.

 

You rule the Land of Moving On and Self-Improvement, FootofGod. I'll try journal writing. Today is day 10 for me. Thankfully, my phone broke a week ago and none of my missed texts transferred over. So even if he tried to text me, I didn't get it. The mornings and late nights are the worse. Trying not to obsessive over whether I'll pick up if he calls to check on me after my hospital stuff in a couple of weeks. He said he wanted to. And he might not. Trying not to obsess. Focus on work! Focus on work before I get canned and things are worse.

[yogi]

Day 14, I counted.

 

She was my best friend... my lover... I was more comfortable with her than I've ever been with anyone else my entire life. How can it be over?

 

That was probably a rhetorical ... but... Sadly, anytime someone wants to leave, it's over. You can keep loving her and hoping for the best for her but you have to do it from afar. Otherwise, you're stalking and making things worse. I'm trying not to be a weirdo.

 

Hang in there Igelchen. Deep breaths. I've been reading a book called "Yoga for Depression" and it's helping. Trying different yoga moves releases emotion and kinda cleanses your system and brings peace. Give it a shot.

[hater13]

Don't know the exact day. It's been months. Almost 3 months of nice in 3 weeks time.

 

Wonder how you're doing? I stopped checking your fb btw.. Kinda thought it was pointless since you don't think about me. For all you know I could be dead and it wouldn't matter to you.

 

Anyway hope you're enjoying your summer I'll probably see you in September until then take care of yourself. I wonder if you look any different

[MalibuOne]

Day 14! It feels like so much longer. 4 weeks since the break up and I haven't seen him once except from a distance. It's beautiful here today. I'm going to get out and enjoy it.

[DeenasRhino]

Day 6

 

I had a fun night last night. Went out and saw Toy Story 3. My first movie in 2 years without my ex being next to me. The movie was great and I had a great time.

 

I was a bit sad during the movie because I missed being able to lean over and rest my head on her shoulder, and randomly kissing her from time to time.

 

Other than that, last night was a blast.

[OneBrightStar]

I'm only on Day 2 ... it doesn't feel as painful as last time. Maybe because hearing you say "This is it" really sealed it for me? I'm not sure.

 

Either way, I still don't believe that what he have is completely gone. Yes, we tried a 2nd time and it failed. But the optimist in me says it isn't over, not with what we have. The realist is telling me to move on, which I will do.

 

Just wish you were moving on with me.

[musicmancanada]

Day 2

 

She's been hurting and non commital for over a year already.. and after spending that much time with someone giving heart and soul, there has to be some sort of 'result' or at least a 'feeling' to provide ME with security. She just doesn't want to say there is. So I said goodbye for now, no friends, no nothing.

 

So, since she thinks it's time to "see what's out there" and wants to remain friends, and insists I not "wait" and that she doesn't hold me back.. well that worked until month 6 of our flingy thing happening, when she decided to sabotage MY first date with someone else, by coming out of her box with real feelings. Didn't wanna lose me. Then she rescinds her feelings and has been blaming me for pushing her ever since.

 

I went N/c yesterday.. and she tried to talk me out of it.. really wanted to remain friends.

So this would be kinda day 1/ 1 and a half.

 

I feel kinda like I'm making a mistake, and blaming myself for using this as the 'ultimate' motivator. I just don't want to get shoved into a box and remain a source of emotional stability while she goes through the peril of dating life all over again. It's hell on my own dating life being in love with someone who takes you for granted.

 

While I think I'm making a mistake, I also know that she already misses me. Nothing was going wrong when I left, except that she wouldn't commit to a relationship.. and she needs the time anyways. So a dual purpose in this.. give her time to get her stuff sorted out and date if she wants to. I don't want to know or be there to see it, I'm mortified at the thought of her having sex with somebody else, or having a relationship with someone else, but the fact is, what is the point of staying a friend standing on the shoreline, while she tests the water? I'm just going to have to spend this time looking after me, and diverting my attention to whatever "seeing out there" means for her.

 

What's the point of hanging around dreading the resentment, jealousy, and heartache that I know I will feel when she side steps "too important to date friend" me, to date someone else?

 

At least I've put myself in a position of not becoming an emotional crutch to be taken for granted throughout HER hangups. Shoring up her emotions while she's comparison dating, is not what my place is to be in her life, and i have no intention of being zoned into that "friend" gap that I fill.

 

Ironic that the other thing I saw and reason for initiating no contact, is because if she ends up categorizing me as that safe friend guy, she may never want to risk losing me by attempting to have a relationship.

 

I'm in love with her, but I do not feel appreciated for the amount of time and emotional support I have invested in her and her life. She will realize it more now than ever. Now I have refused even a friendly visit for a while.

 

Summation: I feel guilty, I do question whether I'm making a mistake. But I know on a "what's right" basis (as opposed to how I feel, what is right is often different), What is right here, is to withdraw and let her really feel the full effects of what leaving has taken away, what she has taken for granted, and to expand on what I may bring back to her life by improving myself in the interim.

 

We have an incredible connection I don't doubt that. But either the romance is imminent, or it's not possible in which case, I gotta get the hell outta the situation.

[JoshHimself]

Ok, well it would be day 6 for me(I just found this site)

 

I feel miserable, days 1,2,4 where pretty decent, it was easier. Im just being typical on my bad days thinking the worst, I mean my ex is a recovering addict. And all of her friends seem, somewhat on the trashy side. So its been kind of rough for me, I cant get her off my mind. Cant sleep having trouble eating. The usual

 

On a good note I've been exercising more, well I started that when we broke up because I didnt know what to do to pass the time that I used to focus on her.

[coldheart]

Day 14 of going into "friend mode", day 2 of complete NC. This wasn't totally by choice I must confess. She blocked me on FB, texted me on Thursday to not text her phone because her "husband had taken it and she did not want him to get psycho on her". I Poked her on FB Friday morning, and by evening I was blocked. So this is the first time I have no real option except NC cause I cannot reach out either. Weird situation and very painful.

[paradiselost]

Last Saturday we made up - Sunday we broke up again! This marks an entire week except for Friday where I bumped into him and we spoke.

 

Keep waiting to hear the news that he is back with his ex and feel the final and ultimate betrayal.....however he will regret this that I know, maybe not know but in the future definitely he will.... and hopefully he will just be a very distant memory for me as I will be with a lovely man and my own family.