THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Rotxsen]

All I gotta says Dayyuummmmmm!! TS Is much props bro but interesting being playful and all she sees what you doing keep up the good work and keep that mentality she's not on the top of your altar but who knows seems like she will eventually crack but not anytime soon I can tell

[TSandullo]

All I gotta says Dayyuummmmmm!! TS Is much props bro but interesting being playful and all she sees what you doing keep up the good work and keep that mentality she's not on the top of your altar but who knows seems like she will eventually crack but not anytime soon I can tell

 

Lol Rotx, I guess whatever you said there must have been a compliment.

I have to admit, I am having a difficult time decoding what you have just said

But I did get the jist of it.

 

Hope you are well my friend.

 

TS

[Rotxsen]

Day (Two more weeks I'll make 90!)

 

Excuse me my most deepest apologies on the way I typed what I tried to say just keep it up seems like she has seconds thoughts who knows you might get back with her but that's up to you, I admire your mentality and keep it up.

 

Now... weird I was thinking about it today on how in two weeks it be 90 days since I started NC (but it was for like less then a min) well I was having a blast last night with a few friends on karaoke singing and all not even thinking about her but when I went to sleep I had a dream about her breaking calling me on my mind I'm like damn it I just broke NC she was talking on how I was doing she tried to bring her bf on the conversation but I changed subjects somehow she was being like always I think she send me a picture of her I'm not sure the dream was really like twisted but I was on outside the train station with my mother and after 18 mins into the conversation my mother was like cut it.. I was like well It was nice talking to you see you later and then I got into the train and woke up but in the morning I was thinking about it.

 

What does it all mean? I can't put the pieces together I told my mother she's like you haven't forgive her for what she did I'm like I don't think so cause I have I feel like I have it doesn't hurt me when I think about her and her bf together at all nor jealousy I just go eh ok next thing well my mom was like see you thought of her that was your downfall it doesn't matter if it's 90 to 120 days you haven't talked to her it matters the fact you shouldn't that day when it reaches 90 should be just like a regular without no concern but I still don't get it why a dream of her breaking NC what does it all man I know I shouldn't think about this but It's kinda hard not to I hate having dreams about my ex and this probably be the third one that I saw her clearly I hated it.

[snoopydog]

6 weeks nc tomorrow. I'm glad I have accomplished things during that period with my career and working out in the gym. The one area I need to improve is my social life, I still spend too many evenings alone now she's gone.

 

Looking forward to the 8 week landmark. That will be where I decide whether to reach out or to continue going forward without her.

 

Day (Two more weeks I'll make 90!)

but when I went to sleep I had a dream about her breaking calling me on my mind I'm like damn it I just broke NC she was talking on how I was doing she tried to bring her bf on the conversation but I changed subjects somehow she was being like always I think she send me a picture of her I'm not sure the dream was really like twisted but I was on outside the train station with my mother and after 18 mins into the conversation my mother was like cut it.. I was like well It was nice talking to you see you later and then I got into the train and woke up but in the morning I was thinking about it.

I had a similar dream two nights ago. She told me on the phone she had a new boyfriend and then he came on the phone to speak to me and I ended up hanging up. Glad it was just a dream.

[jellysandwich]

Starting NC now... was NIC for 3 weeks, but no point anymore.

 

Day 1

[stu1973]

I'm at the same timeline as you Snoopy, 6 weeks exactly tomorrow evening. And guess what? I had a dream about her two nights ago too! weird.

 

Hang in there.

[jellysandwich]

question, are you supposed to tell them you're doing the NC? or just do it and leave them hanging?

 

for the past 3 weeks, ive talked to her ... somewhat amicably. well, i faked positive energy and happiness, which helped her heal a lot (she felt guilty for breaking my heart). yea, bad idea.

 

still, i feel kind of bad just doing it all of a sudden...

[Live-N-Learn]

I asked the exact same question and here is the advise I was given.

 

I can't tell you to respond or not respond. That is your decision. If you send her the email with the wording I suggested, in my opinion you are taking the high road, and you appear mature and classy. Fake it till you make it and start with mature, adult communication - no blaming, no "look what you are doing to me, I can't take this anymore". You are taking responsibility for your own emotions and your own life by calming and rationally removing yourself from the situation that is causing you pain. But you don't have to let HER know this. All she has to know is that you are in control of your life and YOU are making a decision to stop contact, and because you had a relationship with her and you respect her as a fellow human being, you are letting her know in a kind, respectful, human way that you will no longer be in contact. You don't have to stoop to her level. This way you are getting your power back and you are no longer in that dreaded one-down position.

 

If you want to send her that email, the strong and self preserving thing to do is to THANK her for the time you spent together, give her the freedom she wanted she broke up with you by telling her you want time apart by agreeing with the break up, and then TRULY disappearing into full and complete No Contact.

 

I am on day 4 of NC, I reach out to her today and sent her and email out of respect and wanting to take the higher ground. Here is what I said.

 

Hey ex, it’s been a lot of fun hanging out with you this past month or so. I have been doing some thinking and think we both need some time apart from each other. There are some goals in my life that I want to accomplish and did not want you to think I was being rude since I have not reached out to you since Monday. After a lot of thought, I think it was the right thing for us to break up and now I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. Who knows, in the future, maybe we can reconnect at some point. In the meantime, I really do wish you the best of luck and happiness in your life.

 

So it's really your call. Either way is OK...it will have the same effect long term.

[TSandullo]

Day 44 - ROUND 2 - DAY 1 - Annoyed at self...

 

Saturday today, clouded mind.

I am annoyed with myself. Very annoyed. So much progress made in the last 1-2 months and I feel I go and screw it all up with her yesterday...

 

I really can't be bothered to post the sh here today.

I overanalyze too much.

 

Started a new thread to get perspective.

 

 

 

Going to focus on revision and exams now.

 

Have a great weekend everyone.

 

TS

[Live-N-Learn]

Day 5 of NC and doing OK. Letting go a little at a time. she made it easier on me by playing so many mind games and sending so many mixed signals.

[Big Bear]

Day 27

 

I think I am feeling better, mentally and physically. I still thinking her and missing her, but not in a way that I want to rush back to reconcile with her. I want to focus and work on myself and achieve things that I wanted before focus on her again.

 

This book really inspire me here.. definite a read!

link removed

 

it was tough this past week, beside have to deal with relationship. I trade a lot in stock market, everyday I would get up before the market open and listens to all the news and trade stocks if needed. I am a frequent trader, but I am not somebody who put big $ and earn living through it.. It was tough, I was shorting the market past 2 weeks but the market just keep going higher and higher until i just gave up few days ago and buying the equities again.. then just when it happens, the market took a nose dived yesterday during the day on some crazy Goldman Sack news!?! It took my stocks dived with it as well.. If I would of hold on to my Shorts, then I would make some $.. oh well.. bad timing..

 

Hope next week will have some positive news... I hope not will be just one day event but I have bad feeling it might be.. The volcano ash I think might have really bad impact on this world economy in short term.. arrghh!!

[Live-N-Learn]

I miss you today .... I know it is for the best that I am NC. You are very confused girl who really has little idea what you are doing. One day our paths may cross again and we will talk. But for now we need this time apart. I doubt I will ever be back in your life and that is OK. It was fun.. we had some great times and now it's over. I will heal and find another that is more rounded and that I can trust.

 

I guess i just wish you could have shared your feelings with me and not have put me through so much pain with all the mixed emotions for 3 months post break up. Well now it doesn't matter. I went NC on you 5 days ago and stopped the bleeding. Have a nice life.

[fr0z3n]

This is my 4th week NC since the BU, broke it 3x... I want to start a 30 day no contact, I want this to also act as my journal...

 

Day 1...

 

So far Im feeling much better after 4 weeks, bought and assembled a new PC for my cousin yesterday, today I'll be going back to install some fans for his machine.

 

I wanted to start today because this is the time that I think Im feeling better already, unlike for the past weeks which I feel sometimes up, most of the time down...

[Animelover6764]

Day 3

 

Feeling pretty good and just woke up LOL

[TSandullo]

Day 3

 

Feeling pretty good and just woke up LOL

 

Lol, thats great.

Well, I wish you a great day my friend.

 

TS

[Loxxt]

Four months to the day since the breakup. Almost three weeks of NC.

 

I know I said it before but I don't think I truly felt it until now. I was saying it to make myself feel better and not because I believed it... I don't want "it" back. I don't want the same him, the same relationship, the same feeling of uneasy compromise. When I think of him coming back into my life I feel myself being torn through time and being pulled back into what I was four months ago. Not saying he brings back the hurt but that he brings me back to a place where I feel completely unhappy. A place where I felt that if I did everything the right way, that I would feel complete and happy. Ironically enough the only times I felt happy towards the end was when I was on my own or acted selfishly and didn't bother thinking for the both of us.

 

I'm happy where I am. I'm coming into my own again, no obligations but to myself. I'm not saying I don't care for other people but I like that I don't feel responsible for their happiness as I did with my ex. I'm like a sponge when it comes to emotions. When people are happy, I feel happy. My ex didn't seem happy even though I quite literally did everything not only for us but for him and myself. No matter what I did it was never enough.

 

It's so sad. I know we understood each other so well. We got along so seamlessly but it changed. I grew, he didn't. Like a root bound plant he became entangled in himself unable to move and grow to his full potential. He held others directly accountable for his happiness.

 

When I think of him back in my life right now I feel midly repulsed; not at him but at myself. I was an addict and he was a drug. I feel repulsed at how I let myself be used by the drug. I'm recovering and don't want to go back to those toxic thoughts and feelings. Relationships should be fulfilling my needs and pushing me forward not hindering my growth, fueling feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty towards myself. He reminds me of my weakness. My unwillingness to make hard choices to make my life positive. By holding onto him and that relationship I was holding myself back for his sake but it hurt his growth too. I was saying he was great the way he was. It didn't help.

 

I don't know if I can ever disassociate these feelings to him. I know I've said this before too but it holds a new meaning to me now: if we did ever get back together he'd have to be so different. I said this before because I wanted a man and not a child. I say this now because that boy reminds me of that time and those feelings I want to let go. If he's the same, if he says one thing that brings me back then it's over in my mind and heart. This is why I'm believeing reconciliation won't be possible. He will dig up old feelings, he can't change who he is as a person. He can grow, but his personality will remain. It pains me because we did get each other so well but it was lost on us because we didn't know what to do with what we had. I do feel a sadness when I realize that we are where we are because of each other... because of him, because of how he makes me feel and think, I don't even know if I can be friends. He's like the friend who's the bad influence. I need to build up an immunity to the pressure he has upon me to fall back into my old ways. I feel like we're both on a journey to find happiness within ourselves and I'm not sure I'll be able to welcome him back in anytime soon. I don't want to relapse.

[brownage]

Day 7:

 

I'm feeling pretty good, I finish exams this friday so then I can relax for 4 months! Well, have to get a job, but no studying whatsoever in that time. The second last time we spoke when I initiated NC, she still asked if she could see me on my birthday (May 28th). I reluctantly said yes. But the day after I initiated NC she contacted me again so I made it clear that we should not be talking.

 

When my birthday comes around, I'm not going to wait around for her to contact me. If she does, then she does. I don't know if I should go see her on my birthday if she asks me again once it nears. That would probably be a bad move and inhibit my NC success.

[mushmouth]

For all those just starting, please stay committed. I had the love of my life walk out of our relationship about 3 years ago. I was devistated. I couldn't imagine not being with this person as we talked about marriage. Anyway, I went NC and got so much control over my feelings and so much insight into why the relationship was wrong and I've just stuck with NC ever since.

[Live-N-Learn]

I miss her so much and am only on day 7 of NC. Feel like I am dying

[Scattered]

Count me in! After 9-10 weeks of being apart and many attempts at NC I'm going to be completely serious about NC this time and prove to myself that I don't need her. Just for clarification, I am NOT suppose to view her online profile, right?

 

I have mixed feelings today, since my ex-girlfriend ignored me last night after trying to contact me and when I did eventually get back to her she was too busy talking on the phone with her new guy that she ignored me. That was pretty much the last straw for me because I IM'd her just minutes after she messaged me!

 

Other than that I'm doing great! Just finished my work out routine and I'm going to get some life drawings done for my portfolio class tomorrow! I also have a date tomorrow so I'll let you all know how that goes. I'm also looking at trying to date this other girl who lives in the same dorm as me because I'm not sure how I feel about dating my professors daughter...

 

EDIT: Does this apply for dumpers as well? I kinda feel like the dumpee but the fact that I ended the relationship still exists.

[Animelover6764]

Day 4

 

Feeling okay

[paulod]

Had to break NC on Friday..twice!! (been about 5 weeks NC I think up till then..) was a work related matter (we work in the same building) It was actually a good conversation, wasn't awkward at all really, we spoke about the work thing then she asked how I was, whether I'd got my new tattoo done,told me about her new tattoo, spoke for about 10mins maybe, had a laugh and a giggle.

I signed off then but had to ring her back later on in the day. The next call was much more business like from her, but wasn't awkward, just got on with it, I asked her about some results she'd got from the doctors (she had heart problem which I was concerned about.. I do still care)

I thought she'd got a bit snotty with me for asking but she mailed me straight after to say that all was now well, was due to stress but she couldn't talk about it as open plan office. I mailed back to let her know I was glad and relieved that it was now sorted and happy that she's de-stressing and hope she has a good weekend. Got a thank you mail back from her this morning.

 

I felt actually okay after speaking to her on Friday,was glad we had a quick chat and it wasn't awkward. I do still miss her terribly and I still feel like there is something missing without her, had a down day today but don't have the urge to contact her like I used to, somewhere along the lines I ended up losing my independence, my dignity and self respect, hated myself...became needy and clingy...lost my control...need to go find that inner happyness I used to have many moons ago..I'll get there..

[abigheart]

I always avoided this thread I'm not sure why but now I really, really have to make an effort to maintain NC after breaking it twice now. I was doing so well at 2 weeks before this past Wed. I guess I thought NIC/LC would be best for us and even though I broke NC for us to catch up and it went well as I showed no signs of sadness...it hurt like hell. I'm mad at myself for breaking it, but I feel as though NC wouldn't ever have been clearer and the right decision until now.

 

Technically it should be Day 4, but I already cheated and looked at his Facebook so today officially marks Day 1. I was feeling absolutely crappy this morning, but I'm doing okay now. Let the challenge begin!

[hellodoe]

after two weeks exactly (my NC includes no FB/tumble/twitter/etc updates) my ex called and left a voicemail.

she had been calling and e-mailing but i had been ignoring them, the e-mails were nothing important and the calls had no voicemails so i made a rule i wouldn't call back unless she left a voicemail.

 

anyway, after 2 weeks she left a voicemail.

she said she really wanted to know where i'm at what i've been doing ect..

she basically just said "i want to know how you're doing" but rephrased it like 20 times in the message.

i called her back 5-6 hours later when i got off work.

 

she asked me a lot about my life and how i've been doing, i told her bits, we laughed and stayed on the phone for 30 minutes before i said it was getting late and i had work to do (so hard to do lol).

before i got off the phone she said she really loves talking to me, i'm an amazing person, blahblah and she asked me to try and stay in contact with her.

i told her i would do my best to do so, but i have no intention of making any moves myself.

 

i feel really good about it though. not bc i think we'll get back together, just bc this conversation w her reinforced that she's probably not the one for me and i'm way too good for her.

 

i think i'll do NIC for now..

DAY 1.

[Animelover6764]

Good for you and i hope works out great for you in the future

 

*online high five*