THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

I cant remember now, i think it must be 7, no contact from either side. Not much else to report, I haven't had the urge to call, txt or e-mail, I have nothing to really say to her right now, I guess she doesn't have anything to say to me either.

 

No idea how she is getting on with her new love interest, it must be going good though, I dont even know his name, ignorance is bliss right now.

 

I agree with you,ignorance is a bliss ! The less we know the better it is. Give yourself another month and you wont even care anymore ! Nice going by the way !

[Anon333]

day one. I am starting no contact after ge broke up with me on new years. Changed his mind a week later, then he changed his mind, we got back together and it didnt feel right to me....Then he wanted me back for a few days and changed his mind ever since for good.....He is "hanging out" with another girl...He seems over me. He is being rational because things werent working out but also he has cut off his emotions and has the excitement of someone else. The idea of it being over for good lierally makes me sick....The last week has been me begging for him back, but nothing made a difference....He told me it was over and there was nothing left to say..Im totally heart broken but I need to leave him alone...I hope he will change his mind but I cannot count on it....I hope that after a week or two I will feel calmer and more in control of my emotions....I want to be with him more than anything..like a drug..The withdrawal is horrible.....I want him back so bad words cant describe, but I have no control over this anymore...Any contact is just pushing him away....So today I told him goodbye for good..That I loved him...That the only chance we had is if he changed his mind within the time I am healing...Not sure if that was the right thing to say,...

[bitebenot]

Been there done that.You did ok,you gave your best shot.Its normal to feel that way when you lose the other-half,you become incomplete.But it will change that you can take to the bank.Now its about taking care of yourself and stay busy as much as you can.Friends,family and ena to help you.Of course you know to not try to contact him anymore.Give him the space and see what arises in the next few months.Let him enjoy his novelty,the honeymoon wont be forever.Desappear from him,its for your own health.Spend your energy on yourself and try to stay positive.He left and came back,so hes not so sure of his decision.In the next few weeks your vision of your relationship will change because you will see more clearly.

In two months you will enjoy your freedom again.Become the women you were before you met him and start fresh.Move on and dont wait ! If he comes back,fine...if not it wont be the end of the world ! Get ready for the summertime and a new love to lift you up your feet ! Yes life does change and sometimes for its for the best.

[Anon333]

bitebenot.....I truly appreciate you responding to this....right now I feel like I am treading in water grasping for anything and starting to drown....I am letting myself get so worked up...The hardest part is the finality of it all...The idea that I am losing something that meant so much to me no matter the ups and downs we had...and also the hurt that he is willing to let it go...That there was nothing left for him to say or work on...He is taking the easy road I guess...Part of me deep deep inside really understands why he is walking away.....We hurt eachother and there was alot of uncertainty....But love and attachment to him makes it so so hard to let go...I wonder how long the misery will last....

 

I just dread the next month of keeping myself from talking to him.....whether we were broken up or not, since pril of last year when we first moved in as roommates, we were part of eachother's lives.....It may have been just me contacting him at some points, but I felt he still cared then and I was doing loose contact to make things work, which did for a short time.....

 

Despite all the ugly stuff, I never met anyone who I shared the same interests with. I feel like he was patient with me, which I need sometimes. I guess he was more right for me than i was for him? But he insists he felt like I didnt like him alot of the time....Its just all a mess....I need to get through this....

 

I wonder if there is anything to say for the fact that I always stayed in touch with him, and this time I will use every ounce of will power not to for at least a month. I am just terrified over the idea of him finding someone else that fullfills all the things I never did for him...He didnt think I was sexual enough and now I would do anything to just be with him one more time and share that intimacy....It is all too much and I need to learn to be patient with time I guess....Remember whatever the future holds I will be happier sooner or later...I just know I have a long haul ahead of me..

 

I just had vent some more.....thanks again for any advice or uplifting words..Ive been through this before, but each time it is different because there are different parts about the person I just cant let go.....

[Anon333]

so im sorry for sabatoging this page...i just need to get my thoughts out..and if i start to have a few thoughts that make me feel somewhat better I want to record them so I can come back to them as well as other.....okay so a few thoughts I was thinking that have helped....The fact he is already hanging out with another girl is really hard to take in...But then I realize that I should concentrate on myself and that when the time is right for me I can be doing the same. Maybe it will work out for them, if so than she was the right person for him, or maybe he will have similar problems with her like he did with me and rethink his relationship with me...By then I will still be concentrating on myself and being positive and be more rational about the situation...

 

That said, There is some kind of solace in the separateness of us. I cant word this right and I cant describe it well..But there is this feeling I get when I think of myself as each day goes on trying to heal and move on that I will really become a better person out of this..That if he doesnt want me than I will end up okay without him...I have been through this before with other men....I want him and he knows it and it is easy for him to walk away, but when all is said and done, the truth will come out. Either he will regret breaking things off or it was the right thing.

 

Another thing that is difficult is the panic of needing to be with someone right now...My biological clock has started ticking since i turned 30 this year, and I am beyond discouraged at my relationships, but I know who I am more and I may have lost my self esteem right now, but I can feel it coming back tonight....right now...I dont know why..,,,

 

I think accepting that it is over gives the power back to you and your life ahead of you.....Accepting that if they didnt wang to be with you than you deserve better, which can simply mean being single and loving yourself and doing positive things....Even if he is seemingly happy with someone else. Time is relative, and it is not so linear...When I look back everything evens out...meaning who cares if he found someone else first, perhaps it is the type of person he is, or he pushed me out of his head, but if he did I will eventually pop up.....and eventually I will be with someone new......

 

Timing is important...the person may not be right for you today, but tomorrow is a new day...Or someone may be the right person today and tomorrow something changes...What i want is someone is stability...We did not have that..Maybe some day in the future, but I look at that posibility just as hopeful as finding a new person.....

 

I hate dating...hate awkwardness and getting to know someone so I have a lot of discouragement ahead of me I think..But as long as I am happy with myeself and true inside I think I will be okay...Same with everyone else here.....

[jaygirl]

Wow. Anon333, your post really touched me. Actually copied it and saved it.

 

 

Day 8 NC today. Spoke with mutual friend (his friend who became my friend). He said he tried to talk to my ex to find out what was going on. He said my ex kept saying he doesn't know his next step. That he kept saying he needs to clear his head. He probed further asking if he planned to start dating and all that but said my ex didn't give any definite answer. That he kept saying he didn't know. But that generally he sounded okay. I dunno if that's supposed to make me feel better or worse.

Now that he is deeply thinking, would the time away from him make him forget me? Arrrrgh! I hate this overanalysing.

[1guygirl]

anon...big hugs to you laydee...yes it is hard, and you may slip up but this wagon will always stop for you so ya can climb back aboard and carry on your journey. peeps here are great....bites support in particular here is 110%...and thats what we all have to give to ourselves from now on

 

day 2

 

yeah, feel good about this this time round, enough was enough, i took my power back a cpl weeks ago, he musta felt it hence the texts...it put me back tho, and thats what he prob wanted?? i dunno for sure, but not gunna give him that oppurtunity again...when you know youve done all you can, said all you can say, you really come to the point of being sick and tired of it all and its easier to cut them ties and move on

 

MOTBT.....moving on to better things....

[Rearden Metal]

Wow. Anon333, your post really touched me. Actually copied it and saved it.

 

 

Day 8 NC today. Spoke with mutual friend (his friend who became my friend). He said he tried to talk to my ex to find out what was going on. He said my ex kept saying he doesn't know his next step. That he kept saying he needs to clear his head. He probed further asking if he planned to start dating and all that but said my ex didn't give any definite answer. That he kept saying he didn't know. But that generally he sounded okay. I dunno if that's supposed to make me feel better or worse.

Now that he is deeply thinking, would the time away from him make him forget me? Arrrrgh! I hate this overanalysing.

 

This sounds positive to me. He's giving himself the time to work things out without committing to just rashly doing something.

[bitebenot]

ANON333..

This challenge here is for a month...but 30 days wont cut it. Also there is nothing more you can tell him that he doesnt already knows.Whatever you do, dont contact him even 3 months later ! Imagine for a moment that you decide to communicate with him while hes on Mount Everest with his new flame ! What would be his reaction ? Timing could be way off the chart. In this type of a situation,its up to the dumper to amend..the other way is a total zero ! If he gives a sign of life later on then you will know that hes sincere. Assuming that he wants to come back to you, its not that simple ! Oh no it aint ! He will have to win you back the hard way..he just cant decide to say " hi its me " and take him with open arms ! If you let him into your life to quickly he wont stay ! If he chases you for a good month or even more he will stick around ! Love,attraction,passion and a good communication keeps couples together. compatibility is something to seriously analyse. Lots to work on after a disruption serious as this one(break-up + rebound). Cant blame just one person after a break-up. It takes two to tango !

[vertigoxo]

Day 170

 

10 more days and it'll be 6 months of NC. So so happy I've made it this far! YOU CAN DO IT, EVERYONE!

[jaygirl]

Phew. My ex leaves Sunday morning. I have two questions:

 

1. Shld i send him a text wishing him a safe trip?

2. If i dont send him a text and he eventually sends one to tell me he is leaving do i reply?

[1guygirl]

Phew. My ex leaves Sunday morning. I have two questions:

 

1. Shld i send him a text wishing him a safe trip?

2. If i dont send him a text and he eventually sends one to tell me he is leaving do i reply?

 

well if my ex who is leaving the country to work bothers to send me a text, i wont be replying, nor will i be wishing him anything...no malice, just no...he made his choice, i wont be here to soften the blow or stroke his ego...so if i were you id just not do it either

 

toodle pip ole chap....

[Anon333]

bitebenot

day two is not any better...almost feels worse because Ive hardly eaten and my eyes hurt from crying.....Thanks for the advice....So I guess I really need to never contact him again unless he contacts me...Its so hard and I know if he doesnt try in the next two months I will be over it I hope.....

 

My problem right now is I dont feel like my thoughts or last words were the right ones to say to him...I was begging him and lowering my own standards...I was grasping at anything to make it work and cried that I didnt want him to be with someone else.......Now that He has said "it is over", I just wish I could have left things on a better note...Saying I understood why he was leaving because there was so much hurt and issues that we just could not get through.....I wish we had sat down and really worked it out though, but he has trouble communicating....He very rarely has told me exactly what is going on with him.

 

I know I cant contact him, but I wish I could leave things on a good note with a friendly feeling instead of blame and hurt that pushed him away more.....But it is too late for that? Day two is total misery...Last night for a very short time I had acceptance of it not being right and that maybe some day it will or not but I have to move on and be happy with myself...

 

Today is like a whole other story..I called in sick to work. I miss him sooo much and whereas in the past I could go a week without contacting him, knowing we would eventually talk and work things out, this time each day feels like forever...And the thing that is so hard for me is that right now it is so easy for him while I am totally heart broken....

 

I want to know if he is thinking about me or if he is just relieved im out of his life and thinking of the other girl...Also sometimes the mind plays tricks and he could wake up one day and totally miss me...But this would only happen after long agonizing time of me being alone and miserable.....He could be with this other girl and may be like "wow, I was missing out on so much...Im so glad I broke up with her" and that just tears me apart.....

[TearsofFate]

I've been thinking about doing this challenge. I've been doing LC for almost a week now and...so far nothing. I was going to start this challenge yesterday actually and I swear, seconds before I was going to erase him from my life he messaged me and made a hang out date with me....I can almost bet my life that nothing will happen during the hang out....but I ca't help but hope.

Maybe I'll start NC after the hang out

[bitebenot]

Phew. My ex leaves Sunday morning. I have two questions:

 

1. Shld i send him a text wishing him a safe trip?

2. If i dont send him a text and he eventually sends one to tell me he is leaving do i reply?

 

You have desappeared remember ? ? So, its no no no no no NO

[bitebenot]

At day two you're still in a state of panic and it will control all your emotions for the next two weeks ! Everyone at ENA knows that feeling very well,including me ! What is important now its you,NOT HIM ! Dont worry for him,hes doing just fine for now.Right now you need to take control of the negatives that will destroy you if you dont.Dont forget to eat even if you dont feel you need it ! Myself i lost 25 pounds and some was muscles...im working so hard at the gym to regain what i have lost.I speak by experience.Gosh do i know how you feel ! I was such a mess,even had to push myself just to take a shower or shave ! After long walks and the help i got here (ENA) i started to reflect on myself and realised that i was more important than the one who ditched me ! Day by day you will climb the ladder to finally reach the top. Do all you can to not think about this mess,nothing new will arise by analysing the situation a million times.Dont miss work because of this, working will help you keep your mind away from him.Go out as often as you can...stay away a few days with family or friends if you can.Dont be alone for long terms.Make plans for the next few weekends,go out and have fun ! Again,if he calls dont answer..same for emails. come here first before you take a decision. Crying is good for you,no problem..i did for the first week just like a newborn baby.Get you feet on that first rung of the ladder and start climbing ! You will come out a stronger and better women after this misfortune.All will not be lost *** Dont worry,he wont forget you !

[mgirl]

If you do NOT feel you are up to the challange, ...wait until you are.

 

See, i don't feel you should go no contact until you are SURE that it is over and when you are sure there is NO HOPE of a reconciliation. I am almost there. I think i am still in the Denial stage (moving between Denial and Acceptance), where i think i can bargain.

[Anon333]

bitebenot..I want to go out and get my mind off things but it is literally impossible to hold my tears back..i have to go to work tomorrow and I am scared to death I am going to start balling in front of customers.....its just so upsetting....But I have to do it....

 

Again thank you so much for helping me through this any way you can...I just want to get to that end of the tunnel where I dont care if I do or dont see him....Im wondering if the fact that I usually was always texting him in our relationship and even when we had a short break up, I didnt let a week go without at least saying hello, I wonder if me just not contacting him for weeks and months will affect him a little more since he was so used to me moving on....I wonder if he expects me to still contact him....If he does, I have to prove him wrong.....

 

ANyway.....I know the best thing I can do for myself is just keep on trucking and never talk to him again unless he wanted to really be back with me or I had totally no feelings left for him and could handle him with another girl.....I now I am in for a whole other setback if I go out ans see him with another girl....I dont know....I didnt think I would hurt this much to lose him...I remember when things started going bad with us and I felt like a break up might happen....I told myself to remember this feeling...Remember that it doesnt feel right between us....Remember its a struggle for us to work out and be happy....But now that we are broken up I just cant see that anymore...All I see are the positive things we will be loosing.....

 

So will the tables turn eventually? Will he see those positive things more and more and stop looking at all the bad we had? I need to just accept we werent right for eachother even though my heart is saying different? I am going crazy...

[bitebenot]

You will do fine at work,dont worry about that. From the moment you stopped contacting him he was wondering why. But hell, it doesnt matter what he thinks ! You keep forgetting yourself here ! You already know that the relationship wasnt special. When a break-up happens we always think of the good moments and forget the negative side of it... he will do too ! The period apart from you will tend to make him reflect on the good of the relation he had with you. He might miss you,feel nostalgic...but then even that might not bring him back ! No one can tell how he will react. Ask yourself this..if he comes back in a week, would you be ready ? Would you be able to forgive him to dump you for another women ? Or the fact he had sex with her ? Can you seriously overcome those ostacles ? Think about it. Dont put yourself on a life support because hes gone ! Life will go on with or whitout him. By the way, you are not going crazy,its just another bad segment of your life. Its not your first break-up,this one shouldnt be different. Sometimes we have to let them go for them to come back. Being single for a while can be pleasant..enjoy it !

[Anon333]

Thanks again bitbenot....Your posts are the only thing that has soothed me a little....The only thing I'd add is that I told him I was done contacting him and that I give up and that if he ever changes his mind it would be while I am still healing, otherwise I will not ever go back to him...I regret saying htose things..It but a timer on things and will probably make it easier for him to Not come back.....I just scoped out this website that the girl he is seeing has....I torture myself and wish I never did...SHe is all arty fartsy and has art exhibits and writes mysterious poems and has all these friends and adventures, and I am just the girl who goes to work and comes home to my cat now.....No wonder why he didnt want whimpering begging old me back...And she is really cute too....Ugh! I really really wish I never did that...

 

I need to stop thinking about him and thinking about myself...But that is like telling someone not to think of an elephant....He is here and I cant stop thinking about it....What can I do to be more positive..I guess reread your post over and over again...Really Im not sure I will make it at work, but it will be worth the try and may be a struggle but also maybe good for me to get out.......I hope I am not sabatoging this whole post with my posts....I just really need it right now...At least I can say day two is over...Or maybe it is day one because I did text him early, one last time on Thursday? Oh crap, Im already going backwards...

[bitebenot]

Oh crap...that made me laugh..good one ! Dont compare yourself to her ! We are unique so dont put yourself down because of the way she looks ! She might be a miserable b1tch..he doesnt know her yet..let him find out ! Yes, the fact that you gave him a time limit wasnt good..you gave him your blessings actually But he doesnt know how much time you need ! One thing,dont snoop on him or her,never ! Now you have to deal with her too by having her picture in your mind ! Remove him (or her) from your pc.Any pictures or anything else that reminds you of him..put them away. Remove him from FB..just leave him the email and phone number. Think of the past vacations,old bf..anything that will work.At bedtime listen to a radio with a talk show,no music ! Love who you are no matter what.He was with you before so you were his type ! By the way i love cats,had one for twelve years before he died.I can tell you are sensitive and im sure you are a great person,so dont worry about the other one..she might be well behind you in qualities ! Trust me,you will do just fine tomorrow and the following days. Come her daily if you need it,we will help you the best we can.Now go to bed and enjoy your rest and replenish your energy .

[Anon333]

I will try to go to bed, maybe watch movie...Cant read...One of those things where you read a whole page with some other part of our brain while I am thinking of him and try to read it over and over again only for the same thing to happen...I just want to thank you dearly for your kind words. They have been a great help...I will post tomorrow if I can before work...It is a mystery how I will feel when I wake up...Hopefully a little better than today....

[bitebenot]

I will try to go to bed, maybe watch movie...Cant read...One of those things where you read a whole page with some other part of our brain while I am thinking of him and try to read it over and over again only for the same thing to happen...I just want to thank you dearly for your kind words. They have been a great help...I will post tomorrow if I can before work...It is a mystery how I will feel when I wake up...Hopefully a little better than today....

 

I know about the reading,i was in the same position.Use your abilities to your advantage.Watching movies will help.Anything that will give you a break about him will do you good. Your doing better already,keep it up and smile a litle. Use the mirror to see that wonderful person looking at you !

[minou]

It's been 3 weeks since I contacted him. I miss him so badly with all my heart. I read the words other half on someone else's post and that's really how it feels. It's been impossible to move on. God help me.

[bitebenot]

It's been 3 weeks since I contacted him. I miss him so badly with all my heart. I read the words other half on someone else's post and that's really how it feels. It's been impossible to move on. God help me.

 

God helps those who help themselves first ! He also said that nothing will happen to us that is not common to others and will always leave a door open.

Sometimes expectations,dreams and attachments are to be buried deeply.He left you behind twice and for long terms.Forgive him but dont forget.Give your love to someone who will deserve it and be disposed to return it. How many good years do you have left ? Can you truly afford to lose more time ? You have one solution,DIVORCE HIM ! Dont wait anymore,you did your best. When i mentioned the other half that was also for you.Learn to become whole again. Many men are waiting in line to meet you. So get out of your stagnation and tribulation and go forward ! God gave us free will,that applies to your ex hubby also.. i doubt He would intervene. Right now what your future will be depends only on your determination to solve this agonizing condition once and for all !