THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

By my own experience,after a month thats when you start to regain confidence.I started to be human after those 4 weeks,i was a mess also.I had to force myself for everything i had to accomplish.Its very hard to lose the one you love,that only one in the world.And that ex lover doesnt care anymore,you feel totaly rejected...they become someone else and cruel at the same time.NC is great,keeps them away,they cant hurt you any longer,you can only inflict pain to yourself.Thats why its important to stay away from all those sites they use on the net.Why chase someone who excluded you ? After you gave your best shot,the logical thing to do is desappearing completely.After a while the ex will feel the need to contact the ex(most will do).NC gives a chance to turn the situation around to your own advantage and then you can decide what you want to do.Once the ex contacts you,your in control and the best way to handle its by NOT forgetting the pain they imposed on you.Rejecting them is the way to go and the dumper finally becomes the dumpee.If they dont crawl back,you ignore them permanently, if not you will be back here and at square one. End of story.

[bitebenot]

Day 4. wandering to myself if shes missing me. slight urge to find out. staying strong though.

 

Knowing your story,i have no doubts or whatsoever.

[bitebenot]

Sometimes I get a hunger pain for a moment because of not eating... but I like the feeling because it destracts me briefly from the pain and depression that is starting to consume me.

 

THe first two days I was more frantic and here and there... now it seems like I am settling into a deep sadness.

 

Dont give up,you will climb that ladder just like most here will or already did.

[anon12]

Knowing your story,i have no doubts or whatsoever.

 

no doubts she is?

 

difference is this time, ive deleted her from everything, so she has no way of seeing what im upto.

[bitebenot]

no doubts she is?

 

difference is this time, ive deleted her from everything, so she has no way of seeing what im upto.

 

Best way to go,its a wise move !

[Snowgrrl83]

He misses me and I know it. I still want to call him and see if he's ok. Must resist the urge. I need to start therapy soon.... I have my first appointment on Weds.

[syxx87]

Day 21

 

Did alot of evaluating and analyzing today back on the relationship, where it started to fall apart, and everything that has happened since then as far as my actions and hers are concerned. I still would like the opportunity to reconcile but I'm questioning if it will even be worth it. She has changed into something so evil and opposite of who I thought I knew it seems, and I see/hear how she is doing her boss behind his back (not that he doesnt deserve it and then some more) and it makes me question if she did the same stuff to me and makes me wonder what would keep her from doing it to me if she got back with me.

 

I can honestly say I'm not longing for her like I was a month ago but its' been three weeks since we talked and I told her that we cant have any communication as long as she is dating her boss and it stings some. Each day that we go without talking, to me shows what her preference is. She can tell my friends all she wants about stuff about us getting back together and tell me how much she still loves me but I dont believe a word from her now. I honestly want to give us another shot if its' available but its' gonna be so hard to regain that trust for her that I dont know yet if I even want to bother.

[klafeoj]

Day 19. I was thinking today why does she want to friends and why does she keep throwing tantrums. I am starting to believe she is a narcissist. I know its a broad term, but it seems like she doesn't WANT to be my friend but NEEDS to be for some reason. If she came back would it be for her own ego or would there be legitimate emotion involved.

[kvb10]

Thanks for the great advice.

[kvb10]

Dont give up,you will climb that ladder just like most here will or already did.

 

Thanks... tonight I am feeling steady for a couple of hours. Visited a friend and did a lot of talking and listening and feel like I am finally starting to think about accepting it.. that might not sound like much but it is an improvement.

 

I know this moment of feeling -ok- will not last forever though (it's still too soon) and am prepared for the sadness to come back. Going to keep trucking.

 

Day 1 almost over. Yes...

 

Bitebenot, my ex broke up with me after 2.5 years but we didnt end in a fight.. it was more because of wanting to take a different path, be free and experience new things (she is almost finished with college and I was her first relationship and first love).

Anyways.. we started NC yesterday but she says that we should do just a week and that she would write me after a week. I wonder why she wants to touch bases again? I told her that if she needs to contact me after a week she could, but that after that we were going to need to take a longer NC period to make sure that we both heal fully.

What do you think?

[bitebenot]

KVB10

Whatever you do, DONT let her control the situation or you will become her zombie ! She will use you as her safety net,do you want that ? Of course not ! She wants you to be there in case it doesnt go the way she wanted.From now on you're better to ignore her.She writes,she emails,she calls,YOU DO NOT answer her ! If your easy to reach your a dead man ! Now she has to know and learn that you will not be easy to get back,big time ! Erase her from your pc,no snooping around at all.All she has to reach you with is your phone.you dont answer ever,just listen to the messages.If its not about reconciliation you ignore them and erase them.After a few weeks she will try hard to reach you.She will wonder why you dont keep in touch ! You have to let her know she broke your heart,this will do it !Shes curious,she wants to shop around,fine ! But she will find out the hard way, that their is a price tag attached to her decision ! Thats your only hope,blow this and your cooked for good,she will be gone for ever.If something happens and you're confused,come here for support.Im sure she still loves you since she wants to stay in contatc..but for you it will become a living hell,i mean it ! No garantees but it is the best way to go.She will chase you,watch and see.Dont be her doormat,simple as that.

By keeping you on a leash its very selfish from her part.If she didnt have any love for you,you would know.Also shes not cruel or indifferent.Good sign for you,she still attached.Do this well and you should get good results.Good luck 2 u.

[kvb10]

I guess it will be hard because I told her that she could contact me. And then she said, "so i'll hear from you in a week?" and i said yea. We didn't end with a fight so I'll feel somehow bad and like it's missing closure if I don't reply at least shortly to say everything's okay and good luck in her new life.

Guess I'm afraid that if I don't reply, she might think I'm mad at her or something. I'd rather her think that I'm getting better and moving on.

Plus I know her.. I know that she holds her feelings inside a lot more. I think she is the type that would not write anymore if she wrote once and I didn't answer. I dont think she wants to get back together.. I think she just wants to make sure I am okay. Or maybe I am too naive with her. Maybe she needed to hear that we would talk in a week to help her get through the tough part. She also cried and asked me to give her one last hug after she dumped me.

[bitebenot]

I guess it will be hard because I told her that she could contact me. And then she said, "so i'll hear from you in a week?" and i said yea. We didn't end with a fight so I'll feel somehow bad and like it's missing closure if I don't reply at least shortly to say everything's okay and good luck in her new life.

Guess I'm afraid that if I don't reply, she might think I'm mad at her or something. I'd rather her think that I'm getting better and moving on.

Still think its a bad idea?

 

Did you ever think that maybe their is someone else ? How can you tell her your getting better after a week ? She will think that you're mad ? Arent you ? I would ! Who cares what she thinks now ! SHE DUMPED YOU ! That means you are free to do what you want,she gave you a free ticket to do so !

You cant agree with her about NC ! Shes not hurting like you right now !

She wants her freedom,fine give it to her,thats a nice gesture ! You want her to know your not mad,write a short letter that says " i need time alone to heal, good luck to you in you're new endeaviour and i send you all my love.! Nothing else ! The way things are going,she tells you shes going to shop around and for you,well.. just wait for me,I MIGHT come back ! I want to tell you to use reverse psychology ! Dont do what she wants,do the opposite !

Women are more sensitive and emotional than man...use it in your advantage ! Do what she wants and your doomed.If she finds what she wants,your in the dumpster shortly after.You got one shot at this,not two.

[bitebenot]

When a women dumps a man and she still loves him,attached to him and want to stay in touch...its a huge advantage ! Doesnt happen to often.The time apart from each other will tend to make the dumper miss the x.After a few weeks nostalgia kicks in.Love comes back stronger with a mixture of fear of losing the ex.They think about the situation,reevaluate none stop !

If you play your cards well,make her work hard to get you back,she will stick around after this.Take her to fast and shes gone a month after.Humans are like that.."they really want what they thought they had but no longer have it " ! Some will say its a game,but its not.Its like trying to get a new gf.Be your best,looking good and be intelligent.To keep the other one you must try to see if something was missing and solve it or it will happen again.Can ask yourself " did she had fun with me ? Was the sex very good ? Am i boring ? What does she likes that i dont give her ? Whats missing ? Enough time to think while on NC and make yourself better and create a new you for her to see and like.New haircut,new clothes and perfume.Women love that * * * * ,lol ! The gym is a big plus to make yourself attractive and heal better.Amen.

[anon12]

I couldnt agree more, the second you go NC, fix yourself up. Gym, new clothes, chill with friends, keep yourself busy.

 

But, like he said, take her back to quickly, without working for it, and they'll be back , but on my experience, for a few days, not a month.

 

 

Anyway.

 

I guess this is the start of day 5.

Feeling good, chatting to a girl i like that ive met twice, briefly.

 

I just dropped myself right in it though, you can tell i havnt dated for a year or two.

 

 

lol sorry, i admit i turn into a dope when i like someone

 

and now i do sound like a weirdo seeing as ive only seen you twice, briefly aswell

 

* * * * me, ill just shut up, and jump into the hole im digging

 

argh, im geniunly embarrashed about what i just said, sorry

 

and even more so i cant spell #1

 

dont be sillyyy!

 

dont be embarrased.

 

 

Trainwreck!

[bitebenot]

I can see your doing better...thats good ! Fresh air is good when you meet a new women huh ! A new way to communicate,a new smell and personality !

Then you start to see their is another day after the ex.Time to enjoy life again after a short stay in hell !

[Weaksoss]

Day 8 of NC.

I feel grouchy, but it is that time of the month. Mostly indifferent.

 

He seemed really interested in me for a short while, contacted me fairly regularly. We kept things mostly casual, playful, a little flirty, then he just sort of slipped away.. Last I talked to him he seemed dry and distant, he didn't even say goodbye. Birthday came and went, not a word from him. I never officially initiated NC, but I don't know if I'll hear from him again. It looks a little doubtful at the moment.

 

I feel skeptical about reconciliation. It might be possible in the future, but I don't think it is likely, and I'm not going to waste my life waiting for him.

There's even the possibility that he just needs space or he's trying to give me space right now, I couldn't say. I know he's been busy, but I also know he has enough free time where he could get a hold of me. Him not contacting me shows that he doesn't want to. Whatever reasons he has, I'm not going to bother him. I'm just going to focus on me. I'm still bettering myself each day, for when I do find that right person, I don't make the same mistakes. Learning how to get rid of codependent behaviors, how to come to terms with my issues, all that good stuff.

 

The NC is surprisingly calm. Self-esteem is hearty, I'm fully aware of how awesome I am, flaws and all. I find myself just a little bitter that he doesn't seem to think I'm worth it. Oh well. Only other odd thing is I've been hit on lately a lot. I tend to scare them away quickly by subconciously glaring at them.. It's like my brain's knee-jerk reaction is "I know I'm amazing, but in the end you won't give a * * * * , so quit while you are ahead."

[Snowgrrl83]

Its 11:30 PM and I went downstairs to make a soup and eat it. I checked my facebook account while eating my soup and I was away from my cell phone. Good thing because I don't have caller ID and I saw that I missed a call. I also had 3 txt messages. they said:

 

"How are you doing?"

"How did your weekend go? I c u enjoyed the spa."

"I'm sorry again for being a jerk to u"

 

I haven't replied.... yet... maybe I simply won't.

[bitebenot]

Only 8 days of NC and you're doing great ! Also good that you dont keep any hope about the ex showing up one way or the other.I can imagine a women glaring at me,i would simply say " want to talk about it " ? The answer would probably be no.The eyes says a lot about someone,they are the mirror of the soul.Its good to know that soon or later, we will love again.

[kvb10]

Okay... I think that I will focus on making it through the first week of NC... then if she does write to me afterward.. i'll wait and see what it says and face that then. I'll let you know what happens.

[Snowgrrl83]

Well, I still haven't replied. I need to stay strong, and stay NC. NC is really making me feel proud of myself for not giving in. I think he needs to miss me a bit more.

[Snowgrrl83]

I sort of want to tell him that I dont want to talk to him right now because I need to think for a while. Should I text him and tell him this?? Or should I wait to get a call again to tell him this? Or should I not say anything at all?

[bitebenot]

I sort of want to tell him that I dont want to talk to him right now because I need to think for a while. Should I text him and tell him this?? Or should I wait to get a call again to tell him this? Or should I not say anything at all?

 

If hes not crawling hard core you do nothing ! Simple enough...but can you do it ? i dont think so.

You're wrapped around his litle finger and he knows it.

[vertigoxo]

Day 146

 

4 more days and I will complete 5 months of NC... I feel good these days, actually. My brother and I had an amazing talk the other night.... He's right. The past is dead, and we all need to move on in the end.

 

What will be, will be. I'll just have to see what the future will bring me...

[syxx87]

Day 22

 

I dont know what to think right now honestly! I dont feel depressed anymore thats for sure but I'm also not just completely happy either. I guess I'm just feeling indifferent about the whole situation as for now. I woke up this morning with the feeling of not really caring. I'm not to excited about it because I'm sure it is just a phase that will last for a few hours than after that I will be back to wondering what my ex is up to and if/when she will come back for a few hours.

 

The good thing is that I am slowly starting to think more logically and clearly about the whole situation. I can honestly say that if my ex were to come back right now, I wouldnt just take her back with open arms whereas 22 days ago, I would have. I am actually considering if I would even want her back now. I would likely still be willing to get back together if she came back but I can say now that I am atleast questioning if I would even want to. Eight more days to go, so I'm anxious to see where my head will be after those eight days go by.