THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

Lots of blah blah blah from her.If she came back to you,do you seriously think it would last ? Its your first love and surely not your last.You dont deserve that crap,move on and get another and a better women.Let her make another man miserable instead of you.If you take her back,it would take an enormous effort to make it work.Is that what you want ? You didnt expect to be with her " till death do us apart " ! You need others relationships to find the ONE.

Heres my opinion,break NC,email her,tell her you have a new gf and to never contact you anymore.She might crawl(if thats what you still want) or you'll know its totaly over ! Got nothing to lose far as i know.That way you will heal faster and you wont need to be here any longer.Just think about it.

[bitebenot]

I'm still upset he hasen't tried to contact me.

 

Upset because the jack a$$ didnt contact you ? Be real ! Gosh, throw him a bone and move on.Why are you so stubborn ? I repeat,you deserve a lot better ! You have said that men are after you,make a pick and forget about the litle doggy .What is the chances of being happy whit him ? How come you cant tell that you are wasting your time ? So many men waiting in line for a women like you who is a oneman women ! Why ride a Volkswagon when you can have a Rolls Royce ? Be real for at least a week.Im hard on you,but you deserve a call to wake up from this nightmare. Be all that you can be,but not with himk,ok ?

[bitebenot]

Back to Day 1. Ironically enough, I was feeling strong and confident in my ability to not speak to him last night. Then lo and behold, who do I receive a text and an email from this morning?? Yep. It's pretty apparent that he was out on vacation or something for his 3 day weekend. I am not going to respond. I've got other things to focus on.

 

The way you react tells me you will heal faster than most.You have a strong will to overcome problems.You are in control,thats excellent..that way you will take the best decisions. Now dont forget this,its very important..you are the one who will decide,not him ! The fact you dumped him because he was distant is a very very good call ! I expect your time here to be short.

If he doesnt come back,you already know that you will be just fine whitout him.Hes a lucky man and he doesnt know it.I wish i was in his shoes and have my ex chasing me around for reconciliation(for my ego anyways).

[Snowgrrl83]

I'm not stubborn, I'm picky and he's one of the only guys I've ever met that I think I can truly be compatible with - if he can ever get his (and my) head issues sorted out.

 

Otherwise, please find me a nice guy in my area that makes a 6 figure salary, that is within my age bracket, and that has snowboarding and wakeboarding as a major part of his life. Also, he'll probably need to be single. Good luck.

[bitebenot]

I'm not stubborn, I'm picky and he's one of the only guys I've ever met that I think I can truly be compatible with - if he can ever get his (and my) head issues sorted out.

 

Otherwise, please find me a nice guy in my area that makes a 6 figure salary, that is within my age bracket, and that has snowboarding and wakeboarding as a major part of his life. Also, he'll probably need to be single. Good luck.

 

You said in a previous post that he was terrible to you ! What makes you think he will change ? People most of the time dont ! If you think that relationship has a chance to survive long term....did he truly loved you ? To him you will be nothing else but a doormat ! Dont forget,a man who loves a women will not treat her that way ever.

[LostDavid]

Give her time to miss you and think about the problem at hand.

The time apart will help her to forget your bad side and think of the good times she had with you.NC doesnt mean you're not trying to get her back,its a huge effort to win her back and take care of yourself.

Now you realise what you did wrong,work on them while you have time to do so.She has to feel and see the change,words wont do it.She still loves you,thats good news.When she starts to feel better she will call you.

She wont be so upset anymore,communication will be a lot better.

Its imperative that you leave her be and wait for her to reply.

Dont worry,she wont forget you.READ the NC rule and follow it,its very important.

 

You are indeed a very wise one Bitebenot. I am not intended on contacting her anymore now that I e-mailed her letting her know that I'm OK with the conditions of the Divorce. I won't contact her either. Just a huge part of me feels like I'm doing wrong as she is my Wife and I took vows to never leave her side. It is very, very comforting to know there are others out there willing to help us see the light at the end of the tunnel, to help us get back from being lost at the sea.

 

Thank you Bitebenot.

 

Thank you

[bitebenot]

You are indeed a very wise one Bitebenot. I am not intended on contacting her anymore now that I e-mailed her letting her know that I'm OK with the conditions of the Divorce. I won't contact her either. Just a huge part of me feels like I'm doing wrong as she is my Wife and I took vows to never leave her side. It is very, very comforting to know there are others out there willing to help us see the light at the end of the tunnel, to help us get back from being lost at the sea.

 

Thank you Bitebenot.

 

Thank you

 

Most of relationships can be saved,people today will separate or divorce on stupid problems like money,bad communications,arguing fo no good reasons.

If my ex told me i was commiting or its over..she had me right there.But she decided to go the other way.Our relationship was broken over bad communication.She didnt tell me she had enough of it..yes i knew but its good to be told and i needed a push.Now shes gone for ever,nothing i can do anymore.So i understand very well why you want to save your marriage.It does prove you love and care for her.I hope she comes to realise that you are still her love and husband. She still loves you,its the most important part to win her back.

[bitebenot]

I'm not stubborn, I'm picky and he's one of the only guys I've ever met that I think I can truly be compatible with - if he can ever get his (and my) head issues sorted out.

 

Otherwise, please find me a nice guy in my area that makes a 6 figure salary, that is within my age bracket, and that has snowboarding and wakeboarding as a major part of his life. Also, he'll probably need to be single. Good luck.

 

What about a man who is a bit older and mature with a 5 figure income and love to skate only ? Is it always about you or you would be willing to give and take ? You were looking for mr perfect and you found him ! If a man doesnt like snowboarding and wakebording but is a very good man and is willing to marry you,would you reject him ? If the poor bastard only has an income of $25 thousand a year,hes not good enough for you ? What if hes looking for a job,you wont be interested ? You need to grow up a litle and start to smell the roses.

[Snowgrrl83]

bitebenot-- i tried that. snowboarding and wakeboarding are a BIG part of my life. I dated guys that weren't into it and it never worked out. I got bored in the relationship or simply never saw them. As for money, it can be a big factor too in a relationship. Money doesnt bring happiness, but it sure relieves stress in a relationship.

[LostDavid]

She still loves you,its the most important part to win her back.

 

 

Bitebenot,

 

After reading many of your posts, I must say it is very pleasing to hear you say this. I must ask if you get the time and are OK with explaining it, can you tell me how you come to this thought? Thank you again for your time Bitebenot.

[bitebenot]

Bitebenot,

 

After reading many of your posts, I must say it is very pleasing to hear you say this. I must ask if you get the time and are OK with explaining it, can you tell me how you come to this thought? Thank you again for your time Bitebenot.

 

She told you shes hurt when she hears you... feelings ! She cares,you are her husband and she knows that.You cant sweep history and love under a carpet just like dust ! When a women is really mad, she can really bash you tills theres no tomorrow.When you give them time to relax,they tend to let their guard down.Dont forget,women are a lot more emotional,they tend to take decisions based on those.Men will mostly be the logical type and less emotion involved when they react to the same problems.If a women is sensitive and emotional,dont you dare shake their cage because you will know about it.Also women tend to accumulate their frustrations and when it comes out you dont want to be around.To come back to your wife,she wanted to be sure you are taking care of yourself..again feelings.She misses you

even if she doesnt say so.But what worries me a bit,even when they love and care for someone,they tend to stick to their decisions.Doesnt mean your wife will do this,but keep it in mind.You know what she likes,if you talk to her again be prepared to play with that part,not about the relationship.

If she wants reconciliation she will mention it.You listen to her,let her talk.

Im sure you know what im talking about here.Let her win in everything,dont argue ever ! She got to be relaxed and let her guard down full time.Its hard to re-establish trust again.You will have to achieve that.If you do this,theres a good chance she will give you another shot at it.

[bitebenot]

LostDavid...

thats why NC is so good,time will heal wounds.Its better than a band aid.

Your wife re-evaluates the situation everyday.As her frustrations dies,she will tend to soften quite a bit.She will miss you even more,love you even more.

Nostalgia should kick in and when it does,she wont be able to stay away from you any longer.The fact that you are married makes it a stronger bond.

Thats why you must stay away from her and see what happens.Women are also good to talk about their problems with their friends,that part always worries me.Sometimes they want to get back to their ex or husbands

but some lousy friends would tell them otherwise.That part is out of our control.If shes smart enough she will know better.Like is said many times before,if she wants you back, even wild horses wont keep her from reaching you.Of course we dont know how long it will take,but for you my gut instinct tells me about 2 months.Of course thats only my opinion,you know her much better then i.

[bitebenot]

bitebenot-- i tried that. snowboarding and wakeboarding are a BIG part of my life. I dated guys that weren't into it and it never worked out. I got bored in the relationship or simply never saw them. As for money, it can be a big factor too in a relationship. Money doesnt bring happiness, but it sure relieves stress in a relationship.

 

You could practice your favorite sports with friends,your bf doesnt have to be everywhere you go ! Yes the income is very important..but if you and he are working,all should be fine.In my early 20s,i use to work for minimum salary..

but years after i was making more the the average ! I had a new home,new car and a boat ! House paid in 17 years,Never had money problems.

Traveled to the tropics twice a year for 2 weeks at the time.

You need to have faith in your partner.Waiting for the nice and shiny armor might never materialise !

[LostDavid]

This is music to my aching heart.

I do hope she doesn't "stick with her decision" though sigh. And yes I fear that is what will happen also her best friend won't see all the good we had and just tell her about the rotten she knows of and that will sway her (I hope not).

 

Any idea why she would still be going to a "singles website" (we used to use it to talk while I was in the Marines as it has some IM feature on it) ? I can't assume that is good, I do hope she met a "stranger" there and is talking to them about us and they are helping her with the situation.... that's my hope.

[LostDavid]

Day 2

 

I'm praying and hoping she will write me, I have no intentions on writting her back but I hope she shows me she cares in a more ... blunt fashion.

 

I'm wishing also that she doesn't go through with the Divorce and I don't magically have a legal document show up in the mail one day sigh. Part of me will accept it and be happy so I can heal and move on but a huge part of me doesn't want it *sigh* ... here's for day 2 ...

[bitebenot]

This is music to my aching heart.

I do hope she doesn't "stick with her decision" though sigh. And yes I fear that is what will happen also her best friend won't see all the good we had and just tell her about the rotten she knows of and that will sway her (I hope not).

 

Any idea why she would still be going to a "singles website" (we used to use it to talk while I was in the Marines as it has some IM feature on it) ? I can't assume that is good, I do hope she met a "stranger" there and is talking to them about us and they are helping her with the situation.... that's my hope.

 

Many reasons exist,i would think its for communicating with you.I would not lose time on that..it could also to make you jealous..who knows ! You shouldnt access those sites were she goes to chat.Just use the email and block her on the rest.She has to miss you,she wont if she knows what you're doing.Just desappear from her.The only way she has to talk to you has to be by email and you should only answer if she wants reconciliation ! Anything less becomes baby food.You dont want to eat Pablum do you ? lol..Be scarce and forget her for a while,it will do you good even id it doesnt look like it..i know,trust me on that one.

[bitebenot]

Day 2

 

I'm praying and hoping she will write me, I have no intentions on writting her back but I hope she shows me she cares in a more ... blunt fashion.

 

I'm wishing also that she doesn't go through with the Divorce and I don't magically have a legal document show up in the mail one day sigh. Part of me will accept it and be happy so I can heal and move on but a huge part of me doesn't want it *sigh* ... here's for day 2 ...

 

I went trough a divorce once.See it has a break-up like any others who are not married if it happens.Stay positive,dont think about the " if " .

Praying is good..God gives us wisdom to accept what we cant change !

God also says nothing will happen to a christian that is not common to others and that He will always let a door open to get out of a bad situation !

I believe in miracles,but its always in God's will since He knows what is the best for us .Whatever happens, you will survive and surely for the best.

Hold on to that.Spirituality should always be part of a relationship.

[LostDavid]

Many reasons exist,i would think its for communicating with you.I would not lose time on that..it could also to make you jealous..who knows ! You shouldnt access those sites were she goes to chat.Just use the email and block her on the rest.She has to miss you,she wont if she knows what you're doing.Just desappear from her.The only way she has to talk to you has to be by email and you should only answer if she wants reconciliation ! Anything less becomes baby food.You dont want to eat Pablum do you ? lol..Be scarce and forget her for a while,it will do you good even id it doesnt look like it..i know,trust me on that one.

 

 

 

Well, I don't want to think too much about it but her account there is a new one, we don't talk and haven't talked there since she made her new account and I watched her activity on there for the last two months before I came here and she gets on often just hope it's worth it for her.

 

I do plan on poofing from her and no intentions on communication unless it's regarding the Divorce and even then sigh yeah.

 

LOL maybe I do liek pablum! ..>.

But I can't forget about her but I will ignore her and I really hope it does good.

 

Thank you again for your words, they are very helpful.

[celestial262]

L, today I got the book that I wanted to send for your birthday..thats like 2 more months away. I got your email today and I'm a lil suprised that you mentioned we haven't talk for a while Well screw you, you didn;t make any efforts when we're both online , so heck of course we havent talk for a few days. You're a selfish bastard and sometimea I wonder why I still care so much about you..you obviously doesn;t give a * * * * about me anymore.

 

I'm mad at you L. So mad that I want to pick up the phone and scream at you down the line. But no, I didn;t want to give you that satisfaction to know you're in control.That's how mad I am. I hate when you say you're doing me a favour by not contacting me..maybe you're doing it for yourself. I hate you.

[FoundYet]

Day 2

I still haven't gone to look at his webpages but I looked up the supposed new girls...crap. Is that braking the NC?

[LostDavid]

Day 2

I still haven't gone to look at his webpages but I looked up the supposed new girls...crap. Is that braking the NC?

 

 

I wouldn't know as I'm not a pro at this but I would have to say yes if you knownly associate with him in any form (directly/indirectly). But that's my take on it ^^

[Snowgrrl83]

Its officially been a week since we spoke. I still want to pick up the phone, dial his number and yell at him.

[AC.]

Day 20 of no contact here. Nearing two months since our breakup.

I wonder if I'm doing so well that she's afraid to contact me?

[brwneyedgrl333]

Day 21 since last contact and it wasn't direct.

 

Will try and keep this short and not clog things up here. This is the first time I have posted but have been lurking nonstop for about a month now. SO many wise people here going through all that I am and then some...thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and being so very supportive of each other.

 

3 weeks since he left that last voicemail telling me he was home and that I could pick up what I needed to. I didn't respond.

 

32 days since the last argument (Dec 19th, right before Christmas...that was nice) and I really felt he was breaking things off before he "officially" told me 9 days later. 2 + year relationship. Several breakups initiated by me during our relationship with a few days of me going NC before we'd reconcile. This last time he decided that's it. He sent one short email the week after the argument asking when he could drop off my stuff. I knew for sure then it was official. I didn't respond...still in shock and knew it was best not to.

 

I last saw him in person 9 days after the argument (Dec 28th) when I was dropping off a few of his things thinking he wouldn't be home yet but he was. So...I quietly placed them by his outside door and started to leave. Almost made it back to my vehicle when I heard him say something to me.

 

Long story short...he talked me into coming in...I knew better and against my better judgement I went in..can't even remember all that was said in those 2 plus hours..it's such a blur now...he was cold, no emotion other then testy pissyness. Me, on the other hand, trying to be brave and strong, ended up crying, feeling very sad but tried to keep it together and I did for the most part. No begging. No pleading, THAT, I didn't do. I just let him know that things can be worked through if only the issues would be addressed and not just shut down any and all communication each and everytime. "Can't get blood from a turnip".. as my Mom used to say...if it's not there, it's not there.

 

I let him know that I wanted to get it worked out but he wasn't hearing it...he just got colder. He completely clicked off...acted like he couldn't stand me, I guess he said all that he needed to say and then proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to leave. So yeah...that was nice...he talked me into coming in to "talk" and he did it nicely...it seemed encouraging..I took that as a positive...my costly mistake.

He said very matter-of-factly he thought it was good to have at least "talked" although he was very cold. Then, when he kept being distracted glancing at the tv..(Monday night football ya know)he looked at me with not a care in the world and told me he wanted me to leave. I quietly said alright and left. Ouch!

 

It was painful and it felt cruel the way he went about it. It was. I kept it together until I left, wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of completely breaking down as I know he would have gotten off on that, mean as it sounds.

 

There has been NO contact since his call 2 days after that(Dec 30th) letting me know I could get my things and I have stayed no contact as well. It sucks but I refuse to break and go back to square one. If it truly is over..which I believe now that it really is....then that's what needs to be done. He will NEVER break NC, that I know. If he's gone this long, that's it....I won't either...no matter how low I feel...no matter how lonesome I get...I will stay true to me first and foremost.

 

NC is the way to go...I do believe that regardless of how we want things to end up...it's the best thing we can do for ourselves.

Thanks for reading to whomever could get through my rambling post!!

[klafeoj]

2 weeks... her mother called and left me a voice mail saying that my ex called her and was upset that i wouldn't talk to her that after four years i didn't want to be her friend... Her mother told her that of course i wouldnt' want to talk to her that i was in love with her and she broke my heart... so today her mother called again ( again i have been NC with the whole family.. just makes things hard) she said that if i dont call back she'll take it that i don't want to talk to her and that that is ok if that is how i need to heal. So if i don't call back we'll leave it at that. It's nice that at least the mother understands whats going on.