brwneyedgrl333

Apology accepted. And I agree....he is extremely stubborn and won't admit to any part of the deteroration of the relationship. Done banging my head against the wall but...it is still very painfull.I held out hope for a long time. This time, it's different. Quiet, sad acceptance. When we dedicate our lives to a person for over 2 years and that person is gone...there will be a painfull void in one way or another.....got to get thru it to get to the other side. I hope that in a few months I'll feel glad that he did it and stuck to his guns. I need the distance to really get the clarity ...like we all do, right? Right now....it's miserable...that's the way it is.

No bitebenot...you don't know the story therefore you have no business calling me imature or anything else unless you have the facts. Let me enlighten you just a tish here...Oh and by the way....I'm 46 years old and was married for 18 years...10 years since my divorce...that help ya out at all?? There were chances given to this man...too many actually.....I was the fool and chose to overlook many red flags in getting involved with this man. He wasn't a monster but there were many things that were just "off". I felt it...I knew it...I ignored it.....I payed. If someone abuses me(emotionally, verbally) repeatedly and boundries have been placed and that person continues to try and abuse...then I remove that person from my life. That is what I did and that was the right thing to do. He came back both times promising change that didn't happen. I trusted that he would be true to his word but again....that didn't happen. When an ultimatum was finally given by me, he exploded and decided to end the relationship right then. True colors came out. It doesn't hurt any less. Those are the facts in a nutshell. I would do whatever it would take to make a relationship work if I love that person and I hung tight. People can change things if they want to. We can't make them want to especially when all blame is placed elsewhere and they will not look at what part they may play. I didn't break him....I certainly can't fix him. Was my mistake taking him back and letting it be repeated but I did and DO love him......I have my own stuff to look at in why I would tolerate verbal and emotional abusiveness from a significant other and I am working hard now in counseling, reading, journaling and all that I can to build myself up to where I really need to be so that in the future at the first sign of abusiveness I'm out of there. So there ya go. Nothing to do with being immature...I believe just the opposite.

Day 21 since last contact and it wasn't direct. Will try and keep this short and not clog things up here. This is the first time I have posted but have been lurking nonstop for about a month now. SO many wise people here going through all that I am and then some...thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and being so very supportive of each other. 3 weeks since he left that last voicemail telling me he was home and that I could pick up what I needed to. I didn't respond. 32 days since the last argument (Dec 19th, right before Christmas...that was nice) and I really felt he was breaking things off before he "officially" told me 9 days later. 2 + year relationship. Several breakups initiated by me during our relationship with a few days of me going NC before we'd reconcile. This last time he decided that's it. He sent one short email the week after the argument asking when he could drop off my stuff. I knew for sure then it was official. I didn't respond...still in shock and knew it was best not to. I last saw him in person 9 days after the argument (Dec 28th) when I was dropping off a few of his things thinking he wouldn't be home yet but he was. So...I quietly placed them by his outside door and started to leave. Almost made it back to my vehicle when I heard him say something to me. Long story short...he talked me into coming in...I knew better and against my better judgement I went in..can't even remember all that was said in those 2 plus hours..it's such a blur now...he was cold, no emotion other then testy pissyness. Me, on the other hand, trying to be brave and strong, ended up crying, feeling very sad but tried to keep it together and I did for the most part. No begging. No pleading, THAT, I didn't do. I just let him know that things can be worked through if only the issues would be addressed and not just shut down any and all communication each and everytime. "Can't get blood from a turnip".. as my Mom used to say...if it's not there, it's not there. I let him know that I wanted to get it worked out but he wasn't hearing it...he just got colder. He completely clicked off...acted like he couldn't stand me, I guess he said all that he needed to say and then proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to leave. So yeah...that was nice...he talked me into coming in to "talk" and he did it nicely...it seemed encouraging..I took that as a positive...my costly mistake. He said very matter-of-factly he thought it was good to have at least "talked" although he was very cold. Then, when he kept being distracted glancing at the tv..(Monday night football ya know)he looked at me with not a care in the world and told me he wanted me to leave. I quietly said alright and left. Ouch! It was painful and it felt cruel the way he went about it. It was. I kept it together until I left, wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of completely breaking down as I know he would have gotten off on that, mean as it sounds. There has been NO contact since his call 2 days after that(Dec 30th) letting me know I could get my things and I have stayed no contact as well. It sucks but I refuse to break and go back to square one. If it truly is over..which I believe now that it really is....then that's what needs to be done. He will NEVER break NC, that I know. If he's gone this long, that's it....I won't either...no matter how low I feel...no matter how lonesome I get...I will stay true to me first and foremost. NC is the way to go...I do believe that regardless of how we want things to end up...it's the best thing we can do for ourselves. Thanks for reading to whomever could get through my rambling post!!