peanutbutterandjelly Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Day 3... i want to talk to him just to hear his voice. but i know that he isnt going to say what i want him to say so theres no point. I dont want to talk to the person he is now. I want to talk to the person i fell in love with and who loved me back and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Link to comment
fentiger Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Day 3... i want to talk to him just to hear his voice. but i know that he isnt going to say what i want him to say so theres no point. I dont want to talk to the person he is now. I want to talk to the person i fell in love with and who loved me back and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Milkandhoney - we're at exactly the same stage so we can keep eachother in check. Day 3 - I keep thinking how I wish i'd done things differently and I was looking through photos of us on facebook (not a good idea) and thinkin about how much im gonna miss him. I know re he's gonna miss me a lot too. how can he not after almost 4 years. and we didnt even end on bad terms. I wish I could hate him. I'm just gonna make sure i do nc for 30 days at least and then see how I feel. I keep goin from being sure he's gonna come back (STUPID!) to being sure he wont and accepting its over and crying loads. how can i make myself accept it!! Link to comment
bish0p2004 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Day 15 Must resist urge to call or text. I will cut off my leg before I ever call her again. Link to comment
kt_belle Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I just broke no contact on DAY 3! maybe if i delete her number, but just write it down and leave it in the bottom of my drawer or something! What do ya reckon? Then it rules out me contacting her when im not at home, and might make me less tempted when im at home to search through my drawer to find it! I dont totally want to lose it coz im hoping somewhere down the track for another crack, or maybe i should just delete it The problem with holding onto the number is that you are holding on hope to that person. I have deleted my ex's number because its up to him to get me back now. He has my number (mind you he did delete it after we broke up) and if he doesnt they can always get a hold of it. Ultimately if they want to reach you they can. The question is do you really want to sit around waiting for them to do so? Or do you want to move on with your life Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 3 1/2 months after the breakup, I feel mostly good, but still miss him, but last night as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I broke down sobbing. Nothing happened to provoke it, it just came out of nowhere. Still no contact though. No breakup in my past has ever been this hard to get over. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 1 I did good today. Had a text in my cell ready to send on several occasions, but clicked END rather than SEND every time. I can do this. I know I can. She is going to initiate contact with me this time even if I NEVER talk to her again. (hahaha... man, I'm losing it!!)... If I can make it through tomorrow, and especially tomorrow night, I just have to keep myself occupied on vacation and stay OFF the damn Facebook (it kills me). Link to comment
OneBrightStar Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 14 for me. It's getting easier, day by day. Thought he would've contacted me today but hasn't (yet). I'm starting to feel better but I have my bad moments still. Link to comment
amandamarie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 1...again... He called last night, and I ended up taking the call so that we could leave things on a good note for the time being. He is really upset that I can't handle being friends right now, but I need space if he isn't interested in rebuilding things. I hate how he still gives mixed signals, like asking me if I was having sex with other guys, and telling me how he is still closer to me than anyone else, and can talk to me more than he can anyone, but I guess when it all comes down to it - those things don't matter. What matters is, he knows how I feel, and he is still not with me. Period. So I need to continue on with my healing... Link to comment
ApplCW Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Tomorrow Day 1 The ex contacted me 22 days into NC saying all the things I wanted to hear but I'm not ready to even consider taking her back. It is what I wanted initially but now I'm not so sure. Time to continue healing and working on myself. Perhaps one day we may work out...but not this soon. No way. Link to comment
DenverBachelor Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Tomorrow Day 1 The ex contacted me 22 days into NC saying all the things I wanted to hear but I'm not ready to even consider taking her back. It is what I wanted initially but now I'm not so sure. Time to continue healing and working on myself. Perhaps one day we may work out...but not this soon. No way. If she called you, that's not breaking NC in my opinion. You didn't contact her. I don't know -- I don't think you need to reset the clock. Link to comment
kt_belle Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Tomorrow is day 1 of NC and i'm actually excited. I know i am going to miss him like crazy and i still love him but i really want to move on and not hurt anymore. I guess i'm looking at it that if i'm in NC i'll be in the processing of healing. I'm excited because i know that one day soon i'll stop hurting Link to comment
matador1972 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 2. Gosh this is hard today, ive woken with an insane urge to contact her today, to explain myself and subbordinate myself back to how things were to get back in her good books. I have absolutely no reason to, the other day she showed herself to be the person she is, manipulative, horrible, nasty and devious, so why do i feel like this today? Im going to struggle today to get through it without contacting her, theres no doubt about that in my mind, but i must remain strong, im better than this, im better than her. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 2 for me too. Hey Matador -- sounds like we have the same girl...hahaha. And I feel the same way as you. Gonna be tough. Especially the weekend. Man I miss her soooo much -- or at least I miss who she represented herself as when she was with me. Not really sure I even like who she is now. But I know who she can be, and that's who I miss.... sorry, rambling.... Link to comment
matador1972 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 2 for me too. Hey Matador -- sounds like we have the same girl...hahaha. And I feel the same way as you. Gonna be tough. Especially the weekend. Man I miss her soooo much -- or at least I miss who she represented herself as when she was with me. Not really sure I even like who she is now. But I know who she can be, and that's who I miss.... sorry, rambling.... Understood, mine has shortened her name, started dating, asking for less time with the kids, buying new clothes etc etc. she's like a different person, not the woman i was in love with, just a cold hearted selfish woman. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Understood, mine has shortened her name, started dating, asking for less time with the kids, buying new clothes etc etc. she's like a different person, not the woman i was in love with, just a cold hearted selfish woman. Wow... strikingly similar. She used to spend the weekends with her daughter (only gets to see her Fri, Sat, Sun), now she gets a sitter and goes out drinking with her girlfriends and likely hooking up with some guy or guys (wouldn't put that past her). So why can't we move on? Gotta be the "idea" of who she was, right? Even though that person doesn't exist anymore? I don't know... it really hurts. Sad part is I still want her to be happy even though I am miserable. Link to comment
matador1972 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I want her to be happy to, but the woman i knew, not the woman she is now, the devil woman she is now. I know Sunday she is with her new guy, sunday is going to suck like last saturday did, and the friday before, all because i knew she was with him those days. Ive had a really hard time this because ive decided not to have her back whatever, so i know its over now, its like starting again, but its the only way to move on, if she wants to come back in future id be EXTREMELY wary of accepting her and id make her wait a long assed time to show it was what she wanted. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Good for you. If mine said she could be here tomorrow, I'd say Come On!!! I'm sick. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 24 days of NC, 8 days of not seeing what he's up to online I still want to see what's going on on his facebook, blogs, etc. But the fear of seeing something I don't want to see is bigger than the doubt. Sometimes I still feel like breaking NC and just finding a way to see you and kiss you and hug you. But again, the fear that you will reject me is bigger, even though you probably wouldn't reject me. So basically I'm not better yet, the only thing that makes me stick to NC is fear of ruining my chances, fear of being even more hurt. And the knowledge that it wouldn't help me at all, because it's out of my hands now. He is the only one who can truly change his own mind. No one else can do that for him. I remember feeling better than this the last time I went NC. But I also remember loving him a lot less. ... Link to comment
fentiger Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 4 I've had a kind of tough day today blaming myself for pushing him away and to fall out of love with me, which made me want to apologise to him and say that this breakup was the kick in the face I needed to stop being stupid and be myself again. but thats not gonna happen and he's made up his mind I guess. I dont really want to contact him today or anything because I left it in the best way possible for reconciliation 4 days ago. I just miss him and sad that I may never see him again...ever. after 4 years. I love him loads and am really gonna miss him. also, im kinda annoyed at him and feel like i dnt know who he is because i found out he sent a message to all his guy friends to come down to his for his birthday and it involved 'wanna have a good night, get drunk, get laid' - so thats obviously on his mind and I dont want him to but oh well!! Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 4... I dont really feel the need to contact him... but i desperately want him to contact me even though I told him not to call me unless he wanted to get back together. My heart and mind are so conflicting right now. Half the time, I am convinced that he will realize that he's screwing up his life with this decision and will eventually call and want me back, the other half is convinced that it's over and he will never change his mind... then theres the thought that if he DOES come back, will I even take him back? At this point I really think I would, but I dont know how I will feel in a few weeks or a few months, knowing how he's treated me through all this. A few of our mutual friends have been saying that he's eventually gonna realize his mistake and come back... but I dont know if he will be too prideful to do that. I can guess and guess all I want, but it's not gonna matter. Who knows how he will feel in a couple of days or months or years. What he did to me was absolutely CRUEL and I am starting to see that. Deep down I know that in the end I will be better off without him but my heart is not listening to that right now. I am keeping NC until I get over him or he contacts me for a reconciliation. I really have no other choice. I have pretty much said everything that i could have possibly said, and done everything that i could have possibly done in hopes of a reconciliation. I think the feeling that there isn't anything else to say is making this easier... but it's only day 4. Link to comment
OneBrightStar Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 15. Why is this so hard? I wish he would contact me. I hope he's missing me as much as I am still missing him. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 I want to text her so bad. Just a happy little Hello... is that bad? Why would that make me such a horrible person in her eyes - I'd think it would bring a smile to her face... Or just wait... wait till tonight. She usually IM's me Friday nights. Maybe I should ignore that too.... I'm so conflicted... I just mailed her birthday card. Signed it "warmest birthday wishes to you and your daughter on your special days. Love, _____ xoxoxo". (daughter's birthday is the day after hers). I KNOW she will not respond to that. And maybe that's what I need. A final F-You to keep me from thinking about her. Does that break my NC today? Or since she won't get it till next week can I continue counting.... >>?? --- ugh... Link to comment
PennyLane09 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 it's been a week. i think i'm going to delete his number to make it easier. I'll jot it down and put it somewhere just in case (in my office under my computer or something)...i've de-activated facebook, too. i feel like i just want to dissappear for a while. Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Day 2 is tough. Tonight is gonna be tougher. I hate her for doing this to me, but I love her for who she is. Why did she say "thinking of you baby" 2 days ago? Why??? It would have been better had she said "get lost" or something like that. I feel horrible. Worse part is that she is oblivious to my pain (or maybe that's good... I don't even know anymore) Link to comment
lonesomeloser Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 you know? - that birthday card would have soooo much more impact if I can maintain NC until she gets it. That's what I gotta keep in mind.... -- I'm losing it aren't I? Link to comment
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