bronte Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Oops...I messed up. He IMed me and I responded, so I failed NC right then...and then he started flirting with me and I flirted back, which was even worse!!! (Though I did say no and end the chat when he suggested we move to webcam, so perhaps I get some points back?) I did get to tell him how great my new job is and how excited I am about getting my new apartment this weekend and how generally awesome I am, and he agreed that I am awesome, so there is that...but still. Not worth it! Back to Day 1 tomorrow. *head to desk* The reason I'm most upset with myself is that this contact from him is VERY suspiciously timed. I set myself back to "single" on the dating site where we met yesterday, something he would almost certainly have noticed since he's active on the same site. And then the next day he just happens to contact me? I'm an idiot, he just doesn't like the idea of me dating other people and wanted to be sure I was still there for him. Ugh! Link to comment
lostandunhappy Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Don't be so hard on yourself Bronte. Its is hard to ignore when you think your ex might be reaching out to you. I like you had this and I wasnt as strong as you I went back to asking her to come see me so we could chat. Bad idea..... It wont happen again thou I promise you that. I think most people have some weak moments so you're not alone, Keep your chin up girl you'll get there. Don't forget you're awesome and its his loss. x 1 Link to comment
bronte Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Thank you, I really appreciate the words of support! I'm just worried because he's coming back to town in about two weeks (after working out of town for the summer) and the last thing I need is for him to start hanging around wanting to flirt with me IF it's not accompanied by him wanting to work on the things that were wrong in our relationship. I feel like I can hear the "Jaws" theme playing and the shark is coming right towards me!!! Link to comment
dimnickel1980 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 yay for jaws! it's shark week on Discovery Channel! *random* Link to comment
bronte Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 lol, yeah, I noticed that earlier this evening and laughed. Appropriate! Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Thank you, I really appreciate the words of support! I'm just worried because he's coming back to town in about two weeks (after working out of town for the summer) and the last thing I need is for him to start hanging around wanting to flirt with me IF it's not accompanied by him wanting to work on the things that were wrong in our relationship. I feel like I can hear the "Jaws" theme playing and the shark is coming right towards me!!! Just set your boundaries and stick with them no matter what. And remember, Jaws got his in the end. Link to comment
fruitapus09 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 32 (miscounted yesterday as 30 when it should have been 31) Was really considering contacting him in a week or so. Thought of an inside joke i was going to send him, then maybe bring up a weekly outdoor thing that I thought he might go to, but the weather has been bad lately so I haven't been. Well the weather was good today, and there he was. I thought how I would deal with that, but to make matters worse, he was with someone. And I tried to imagine that maybe she was a friend or something, but saw him bend over and give her a peck. Stab stab stab to the heart. I can only be glad that fate allowed good weather after the 30 days, because a few weeks ago I would have been a complete mess. At first just thought it was him, and felt ill and had to look around to see if I could spot him again, then they were in front of me plain as day. Don't think he saw me until much later but by then I was doing my best to smile and look like I was having a good time. Friends said I looked good. I guess this was the kick in the butt I needed, and hopefully it works out like that, but god it hurts tonight, like a kick to the gut! So close to breaking NC. How bad it would have hurt if he didn't answer because he was already seeing someone else, and I would have just thought he still wasn't ready. Link to comment
bronte Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Just set your boundaries and stick with them no matter what. And remember, Jaws got his in the end. lol, thanks! I am feeling a little better about the conversation now, I did get to tell him all the exciting things that are happening in my life and I think I came accross as confident and reasonably happy. It has stirred up a lot of emotion, but maybe it's good that I know to prepare myself for things to potentially be even more difficult than I thought they would be once he's back in town. But still, back to NC tomorrow! Link to comment
melissag87 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 1 I am soooo tempted to log onto my sister's fb and check his profile. I know that he went to hang out with his ex g/f last night and it's making me sick to my stomach! I've barely had anything to eat all day. And the worst part is that I had to see his stupid car tonight at my neighbor's house!!! (they're friends) I really want to ask my sister to change her password on FB because I log on everyday to check his profile. The good thing is that i'll be leaving out of the country for 6 days on Friday and i'm not going to bring my cell phone! Link to comment
needafriend Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 7?? I think! Woke up in a pool of sweat two mornings ago - I had dreamt of him. In the dream I was clinging tightly to him after realising that him and one of my best friends were making eyes at each other accross the room. I was trying to talk to him and he was simply staring at her the whole time. Eventually they said "we have a special something". I threw a major tantrum, desperatley clinging onto him saying "I love you" over and over. Then I watched them walk about together. Not a great start to that day! He commented on one of my FB pics yesterday. What a douche bag. I feel like untagging him in all of my pics, cos I know how much he loves them... I'm trying to ignore the pain. But it's simply unbearable. And on and on I go........ Link to comment
SnowFox Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Break up was about 7 weeks ago, but I sent a final email 3 weeks ago, so I don't know what day I am on. anyway, today I felt really good. I felt happy. I haven't cried about him in over a week. I still think about him almost constantly and wonder if he will contact me, but emotionally I feel very stable. Link to comment
SnowFox Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Well the weather was good today, and there he was. I thought how I would deal with that, but to make matters worse, he was with someone. And I tried to imagine that maybe she was a friend or something, but saw him bend over and give her a peck. Stab stab stab to the heart. Sorry you had to see this. I am sure it hurt. But, at least you have been smart enough to do NC and disciplined enough to stick with it. So you will always have your dignity. And I feel it helps a lot to have dignity after a break up. hang in there! Link to comment
SunniDee Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 20... I will NOT contact him ever again. My promise to stop to my loved ones is more important than satisfying some curiosity I get. Link to comment
fruitapus09 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 33 Didn't sleep much at all last night. Kept having dreams/thoughts of him walking right past me over and over. It was the chance encounter I was hoping to have, except he wasn't alone. Ugh. The thought came into my head that maybe he cheated on this girl with me, but I don't think so. They looked like they were very "new", and barely interacting with each other. He seemed so smiley and cute and happy talking to his friends though, and that was hard to see because he looked so adorable. She seemed either really shy or disinterested in the whole event, hard to tell. I did catch him looking at me for a long time towards the end of the night. Wasn't smiling then. I avoided eye contact by pretending to listen to a conversation happening in front of me. He left shortly afterward. Haven't shredded the paper with his phone number on it yet but should. So hard to believe I ended up in something so one sided, it's never been like this for me before. I usually can tell right away if someone isn't interested, and I can save myself the pain. I really thought it was just bad timing, and not a lack of interest. Wish I could stay home from work, but moping would be bad, plus I just got back from a mini-vacation with my family the other night, and my boss would kill me if I took another day off. Was waiting for work to settle down in a week or two before breaking NC because it is hard to think about someone else when you are so stressed all the time. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 7. A week, really? Doing pretty well, sad, but I know NC is the only way to get better. The emotional roller coaster is leveling out- but not totally perfect at this point. It's nice to have a semblence of control over the emotions again Still think about hom waaaay too much- I hope that gets old sooner rather than later. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 23. I still talk about him more than I should. I'm afraid that I'm going to drive everyone away but then I'll REALLY be alone. I heard through the grapevine that he is hurting, but it doesn't seem that way in his posts on fb (yeah, I know, I've been trying really hard not to peek). I'm trying really hard to focus on myself and I'm about to go on vacation for almost 2 weeks so maybe that will help. But I feel like he is making a horrible mistake... and I keep hoping that he will realize it one day. Link to comment
bronte Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 1...Sheesh, can't believe I actually flirted with him yesterday! My thoughts are definitely more confused than they were. Going back to boycotting AIM, since I can't trust myself to make good decisions regarding it... Link to comment
openbook4 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Day 1 ........................................................................... Had an old text message that I wanted to send her locked in my phone for a few weeks. I went to delete it this morning and sent the 6 page emotionally filled heart felt text about her instead of deleting it. Hit the wrong button. Damn draft option. -_- I'm not sure if this actually counts as resetting the NC, but i still had it in my phone. I want everything that reminds me of her gone to stay true to the NC rule. So i'm starting NC over. I know it's going to work this time. Link to comment
lostandunhappy Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Defo is starting NC over. Doesnt matter if you meant it or not. She recieved it and 99% of me said she read it. Day 1 my friend. Chin up thou... Link to comment
fruitapus09 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Still day 33 What a crazy rollercoaster of emotions I had all day. Had that all over hot oh crap feeling, felt teary-eyed, felt like this new fling he has won't work so this doesn't change anything, blah blah blah. Can't decide if I should now avoid the weekly event I saw him at. It sucks because my friends and I have been waiting weeks to go, due to time commitments and bad weather, it had to be yesterday, and he had to be there too. Was I wrong not to say hi? I think I was initially in shock, and went into avoidance. Plus he was there with a girl, I didn't want to interfere or cause trouble. If I see him again without a date, I might at least smile. My friends think he was wrong for not saying hi. Maybe he didn't want to flaunt that he had a date. I actually am glad he didn't. It will take 30 more days of NC to get over this as it is! Why does this have to be so hard??? It doesn't make any sense. Still haven't shredded the phone number, and haven't deleted his pics from my computer (though I have not looked at them in at least 6 weeks). Want to feel like "it's his loss" but i feel like i made a ton of mistakes that i will never be able to fix. It's frustrating. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I would vote for avoiding the event- it sounds like it hurt you too much to see him. Maybe when you are feeling stronger and bring a cute date? Good luck, you are doing well it sounds, even with this set back. You will continue to heal, promise! Link to comment
melissag87 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Day 2..... I was sooo tempted to log onto my sister's facebook to check his profile. My friend Francis told me that he hung out with my ex last night and that he was talking * * * * about me and my friend told him that he was an idiot and he is going to regret breaking up with me. It makes me feel better that my friend Francis stood up for me, especially since he was my ex's friend first. I miss my ex so much and i feel like crying but i'm to the point where i've just run out of tears. After 2 months of fighting to win him back, i finally feel as if i have no fight left in me. It's a good things i'm leaving on vacation for 6 days tomorrow, hopefully it will keep my mind off of things. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Day 24 In the morning I always feel like dying. He has to miss me, right? 7 years and nothing? He's making the biggest mistake of his life. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Day 8- Doing ok- wish the obsessive thoughts would stop- but not in the least tempted to contact him. Will likely see him in about 1-2 weeks anyway so exercising and eating healthy while I get my head together. Even if he doesn't want me I'm defintely going to look HOT when he sees me next! Link to comment
bronte Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Day 2. I'll be busy moving into the new place this weekend, so hopefully I'll get to Day 5 with no difficulties and no temptation! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now