Getting back together really does happen!

[thebigman]

I think that statement rings true for mostly everybody, right? If it was healthy, no cheating, etc..I have a guy friend and took him at least a year to move on from his first love and date other people. I also have male friends who would want to go back to their ex's because their current relationship didn't work out or they were going through something after a year or two... Same as reversed. Had a friend cheat on her bf and went back to him multiple times...

 

i think if theres been love there once then there is always a possibility of it coming to fruition again. until one of you is dead, you never know what can happen.

[leftme]

People move on quicker if they have something available to them. Another person. Male or Female. I think it's by nature easier for a woman to find a new man.

[thebigman]

People move on quicker if they have something available to them. Another person. Male or Female. I think it's by nature easier for a woman to find a new man.

 

i completely agree

[Monkey ai]

this is not discussion thread, please do post getting back stories! Thanks!

[Sukiyaki]

 

 

About a girl who begged for months, stopped, took some time for herself, and he came back.

[BeenThere2]

Ok to get us back on topic, I'll post one of my experiences. In the end this didn't work out, but it proves that dumpers DO continue to think about the dumpee and sometimes regret leaving.

 

Many years ago, the first girl I ever loved ended things after 3.5 years. I was in complete and utter shock. I never saw it coming. Fortunately I never cried or begged, but DID try other romantic tactics. My thought was (and still IS) to try and keep the communication lines open. Anyway, I managed just one last "talk" (which basically amounted to me talking and her politely listening) and then I went to sending cards/letters every two weeks (yes this was before e-mails and texting!). I never got a reply so after 5 months I gave up, sending her a final goodbye letter. In it I of course reiterated my love for her and kept things very sweet, making sure she knew the door was open. However, I also made it clear I was giving up and moving on. Imagine my shock when a few days later I got a letter in the mail asking if we could meet some night and discuss things.

 

When we got together, we took a long walk and talked. Looking back, what actually happened is she suddenly felt me slipping away so she jerked the line, and I came flying back without a fight (no I'm not a fisherman...it just sounded appropriate). What this meant was that after five weeks of "dating" again (I use quotes because it was 99.99% romance-free!) she dropped the bomb on me that she was unsure how she felt towards me, that I felt more like a friend to her. UGH! Later that week I got another surprise letter, this one sweetly stating that it was over and that she was into some new guy at work (I found out later that this wasn't true, she made up the guy to make me let go).

 

Of course now I've spiraled to a new low. The girl I loved, the one I always thought I'd spend my life with, was gone and interested in someone new. I was even MORE distraught than before because at THIS point I felt like I'd squandered my one chance. It was done.

 

I did my best to stay away from her but ended up doing the usual creepy things: driving by her house or place of work (hey stalking is always attractive). On this one night, my luck was running typical for me: total crap. I was driving down her street and, just as I reached her house, she was crossing the road (her best friend lived accross the street and she was coming home)! Since I was clearly caught, guilty/no contest, I stopped and rolled down the window. She looked at me with a mixture of frustration and pity: "WHAT are you doing? It's over." Saying very little I apologized and drove off with my tail between my legs. Things couldn't get much worse.

 

Since my closest friends were away at school, I passed my time writing. I almost filled a spiral notebook basically recapping the entire relationship and what she meant to me (I think in a Lifetime movie they would call this "Exhibit A"!). Anyway, at the end of the year I showed up where she worked one night, apologized for hanging on so long, gave her the notebook, and said goodbye. She was on the verge of crying when I left. Obviously she felt horrible for the soulless shell of a mess I'd become.

 

Fast forward a couple months. I was doing homework when the phone rang. I answered and they hung up. A minute later same thing. This happened 5 times and I finally got pissed and yelled into the phone. The calling stopped (and yes I eventually learned it had been her).

 

Fast forward another couple months and my one buddy is back from school. He'd just stopped over when the phone rang. I answered. It was her. When she said who it was, it was like someone unplugged my brain. I had no idea what to think and said very little. She asked how I was doing (I think!) and if I was dating anyone (I was) and then, after a few nervous bouts of awkwardness, I thanked her for calling and hung up. Still in shock.

 

Not sure what I was feeling or what I should do, I just continued on as I had been. I'd been seeing this new girl since February (it was now June) so I decided to stay put.

 

In the coming months the ex continued trying. Yes that's right. SHE began chasing ME! She would occassionally send a card, a letter, maybe a picture, all hoping to stir those fond memories. She even began doing some stalking herself (I found out later)! I was SO confused. I was with this new girl who was wonderful, yet here was the love of my life trying to get back with me. I really didn't know what I felt anymore. It was so surreal.

 

Because I'm not an ass, I was of course honest with the new girl about what was going on. Sadly this made her feel more and more unasy (understandable) and eventually she left me (also understandable). A couple months later I called the original ex and we talked about starting over. Unfortunately I was VERY leery and unsure about things. In contrast, she was VERY sure and raring to get back to where we left off. Because I just went along with the plan, and didn't really give ourselves time to TRULY start over again, we ultimately broke up in 7 months.

 

But the thing that might help people here is that she DID come back. More than once. She told me that she realized how much she still loved me. That when she was chasing me she realized how horrible I had felt losing her. She said she never forgot about me and actually thought about me a LOT. In fact there was one story she told me where she and this new guy she was dating (they'd met at school) were sitting outside on her front porch near an open window. Her mom was inside on the phone talking about her. They very clearly heard the conversation which went something like: "No I don't think this is going anywhere. I think (girl) is still in love with (me)." I guess just prior to this, the poor guy had even suggested he stay in town for summer break (he lived accross the state) so they could have more time together but my ex said NO!

 

Anyway, even though things ultimately didn't work out, there was a really huge opportunity where they could have. If only I'd have known how to handle the reconciliation better we probably would have made it. But things went the way they went. Hope this helps a few of you (sorry for the loooong post!).

[thebigman]

over what length of time did all this happen?

[Ang33]

Recent story with my friend, both of us are going through tough heartbreaks. His gf of 6 or 7 years wanted to take a break because she was worried and scared of commitment as soon as they got more serious about marriage which they always planned. They are the point if their lives where they are ready for that.

 

Well they went on a break for the past 3 or 4 months with 1 month of NC. They acted as if they were together but she still wasn't ready to be back with him officially. Completely unfair in my opinion. They went on vacation for his bday and she still couldn't make a decision. He decided it was enough and gave her back his bday present and broke it off. She wen so quick from being chased to becoming the chaser. After 2 weeks I really hit her hard and they met this past weekend and now they're working on reconciliation. Hopefully a weddin is soon to come!

[teddy123]

I know this couple who were an item for 6 years, and out of the blue he claims he has no interest in her, and wants to breakup. They did, and she was devastated. I'm not sure what the details were, but 1 year later, he contacts her and one day, he goes to her work place with a diamond ring asking her to marry him. But by then, it was too late, she was over him.

[BeenThere2]

over what length of time did all this happen?

 

The whole process, from the original breakup until the final breakup, took two years and 8 months:

 

1. Breakup occurred in January

2. Got back together in June

3. Stayed together for 5 weeks and broke up in July

4. Said my final goodbyes with the notebook at the end of December

5. The night of hangup calls may have been in February or March

6. Thinking about it again, the night she called when my friend was over may have been April or May

7. The SECOND girl broke up with me in November

8. I called my ex and got back with her perhaps in late January or early February

9. We broke up for the last time that August

 

Oh yeah, and this past April she sent a Friend request on FB. Of course it's been MANY YEARS now and she's married with kids.

[thebigman]

just to add another get back together story, my next door neighbour got back together with the girl who dumped him after 2 1/2 years apart. they seem to be happier than ever.

[ehfar]

I just had this conversation with my friend because of my current situation, and she was trying to give me hope. She said her parents dated for a couple of years, broke up and dated other people for another few years, then went back to each other and have been married for 30 years with 3 kids.

 

I think reconciling with a past love has great potential to make a relationship stronger than it was before. Sometimes people just need time to reflect on why the relationship was bad, what they really want, and realize what they lost and want back. People also change over time, it's inevitable. So depending on the way things were broken off, I totally think reconciling is a super possible thing and maybe even better for a relationship in many situations.

[dumPI]

While telling an older friend about my story with my ex he told me: my wife also used to break up with me when we were dating but we ended up together. He then told me: "I acted as if she still was my girlfriend but didn't know it yet" (is this the nonchalance/no expectations attitude explained in other threads?).

The wife said: "yes, and he was so persistent that I had to accept"

 

I wonder how many couples get back together using this approach.

[eastonweston]

In an ironic twist, I have a success story of breaking up and then being married, which comes from my current ex's parents.

 

It's a short story really, but NC was definitely involved.

 

Her mom and dad broke up twice when they were dating in a 5 year span. They didn't talk for about 9 months the first time. Then they got back together (I don't know the details). Then they broke up again (I don't know the details) and didn't speak for another 8 months to a year. Then they started back as just friends hanging out with a crowd of people, mutual friends. Then they got back together and then finally were married. Been married for 30 years now.

 

So this is an example of: NC --> LC.

 

E.

[Evillink88]

Before my ex called off the wedding, we had broken up several times. There was one time where we were long distance and we broke up for 3 months. We maintained contact as friends and she wanted to get back together with me. A year and a half later I proposed to her. We were engaged for a year and just recently, she emotionally cheated on me. She said that there was something missing from the relationship which is hearing her out, respecting her opinions, taking her for granted, my family not being receptive of her, and disrespecting her during arguments by cursing at her. Even though we had a rocky relationship and she cheated on me because it just "happened" I still truly love her. If we are meant to be, we will be together again. Getting back together does happen.

[beatlesfan123]

This thread has give me hope as well as a harsh reality check.

 

It seems to me that if my ex wants to reconcile, it's more likely to be with her LTR ex rather than me.

We had a better relationship, experienced true love, were faithful to eachother but had basic compatibility issues.

She was "stuck" with her ex, he was a drug addict, cheated on her constantly... but he was her first love and they were on/off for eight years.

 

In the time we were together she maintained LC with him and it freaked me out - I made her stop talking to him. During this time he was having therapy, going over to her parents house trying to convince them to get her to talk to him. She said she didn't block him out completely because she didn't care anymore - she said blocking would imply she still cared (which in turn is what she's done to me)

 

The factors that go against me are: she's moved to her home country (he's from her home town, she was staying in England to be with me) and they have a much longer history with eachother and probably know eachother better than her and I did. He's been working on himself for a long time, I've only had 2 weeks. her friends and family will probably be pushing for this to happen.

 

The factors in my favour: we had a much healthier relationship (though still had problems we as individual need to address) we experienced true love whereas she felt she was trapped with her ex and had no better alternative, it was the best sex of our lives, our relationship moved quickly despite her not wanting a relationship at all to begin with because of her trust issues (goes to show she felt safe going on this little adventure with me at a time when her head said "no")

 

Either way... if she goes back to her ex, who's to say she wont come back to me in a year? If she comes back to me, maybe she'll realize working with her other ex is what she wants? Or she just wont want a relationship at all after these intense experiences and I wont hear from her for years?

 

All that's clear is I have no control of the situation. All I can do is NC when all I want to do is make her decision for her, but this is the best opportunity to work on myself so I guess I have to leave things to fate.

[strawberrybonb]

I have a couple of stories to share.

 

My roommate and his girlfriend were together for about a year but broke up because she felt smothered. He begged for a couple of weeks before finally giving up and going NC. A month later, he started going out and trying to meet new girls. Pretty soon, he met a nice girl, got her phone number, and arranged to go on a date with her. Well, a couple of days before he was supposed to go on the date, his ex called him up to meet. They met up, she told him she wanted to get back together, and the rest is history. They've been back together for about a year, and they're extremely happy.

 

 

This next story is about a coworker of mine. He and his wife dated for a couple of years before breaking up (don't know the reason). After they broke up, he moved halfway around the world. He was planning to stay there for 1 year. After about 6 months, he came back briefly to visit family. He ran into his then-ex while he was back, and they decided to rekindle their relationship. 4 months later, he moved back so that they could be together. Less than a year after that, they got married. They've been married for 2 years.

[Elle1015]

Hello All,

 

I found this site somehow and found this thread trying to find some hope for my beyond hopeless situation. I have decided that I should try very hard to put away hope but I don't think that those in different situations should TOTALLY give up hope, they should just not WAIT around as they may find something better! I do have some stories:

 

1. My friend (31) was dumped by her bf for being demanding and a bit crazy (trust issues, normal girl crazy stuff so to speak) and she spent a month working on herself with therapy. She would send him a txt now and then that he would not reply to. One time on the 4th of July he did. Anyway, she was able to work out her issues and he agreed to meet up with her and now they are married.

 

2. In college I was dumped by "the love of my life" (at the time, my current broken heart almost looks up a bit thinking of the how I felt then and how I felt now) who I dated for almost 3 years dumped me out of no where. No fighting really, sex life normal, no waves. It was my Jr year. Anyway he was a good guy and just not feeling the relationship anymore and sort of broke contact with me. YEARS later (like 3 or 4) he calls me out of the blue and wants to catch up and I was game. He is still in my life as a friend now, but he did want to get back together. I just didn't want to as I had out grown him. To anyone in college right now going through heatbreak DO NOT LOSE HOPE OF LOVE You will outgrow whoever you are missing now more than likely and more often not. You are still young and learning and it hurts now (thinking back I was SOOO hurt) but you WILL be ok.

 

2. This guy I was WAY info my Sr. year of college (I'm 31 now, le sigh) would go on dates with me all the time but when I said I wanted more he bolted. He would almost every year pop up on my email saying hi or whatever and we would email just a bit. Last year after a bad breakup I got an email from him and I ended up in a rebound relationship with him for almost a year. So again, people pop up. Although he was a total jerk and I would have been better not rebounding and working on myself.

 

3. One guy I dated after college totally got mad at me for something small. He refused to talk with me and just shut me out of his life. 4 or 5 years later I get an email where he says he is sorry. I didn't email him back because in his email he said that he wasn't writing to have me reply. (we all know he was)

 

 

4. My big high school boyfriend will pop in from time to time in my life. Thankfully he is not married so its not so sad to talk with him. If anyone is in high school on this site, trust me these people come back again and again and you will meet WAY better people in college

 

5. My sorority sister dated this guy and they ended having sex and she gave him an STD (he is a DR) and he didnt call her for a long time. They are married now!

 

6. A guy I dated for a year out of the blue decided he would move to another country to work. I tried to be friends with him but I just couldn't the feelings wouldn't allow me to. Anyway he popped up about a year and half later wanting to see me. I was over him by that time and decided being single would be better.

 

There have been times in my life I didn't get a 2nd chance and really that was ok. I know the last guy was the "one" and I messed up really bad. He will not be coming back or talking to me again. But there is hope for those who didn't mess up the way I did.

 

I will say that any ex that has ever popped up again in my life (more exs than not have) were at times that I had almost forgot about them. If you are in a bad place right now try your hardest to see that there can be hope, but the biggest thing you can do for yourself is to try new things, better yourself (totally start working out if you haven't been, you might not get your ex back but they will die when they see you looking and feeling good!), and dating other people. IF your ex does come back you will have more to say than "Oh yeah, I've been sitting around waiting for you..." Because fact is, anyone who dumped you is DONE with you. It might not be a forever DONE but for now it is. So lick your wounds but then take the world! Do it for yourself!

 

Hope and these threads are uplifting. However remember if you are holding on to any pain try to remember that the pain of the relationship you are holding onto is just pale compared to getting yourself together and bettering yourself. I am beyond depressed (cried all day) that my true love won't even return an email from me, but I know that I need to let go of the pain and move forward. Who knows what my future will bring...

 

PS Thank you all for your stories.

[nirvana85]

I am 3 months out from the break up of a 5 year relationship and I've been reading this thread a lot. Thought I would add in some stories for everyone.

 

- This couple met in college and were together for a few years, she got accepted into grad school on the other side of the country and he decided not to tag along and wanted to live his own life, they separated amicably and were apart for almost a year I think. He thought about her the whole time and decided he would move to be with her if she would take him back,now they are happily married.

 

- Another couple dated for 4 months, things got intense fast and he started treating her badly and he broke up with her out of nowhere. She was devastated, they didnt speak for a few weeks, then started hooking up again, got back together and still together 4 years later and he is the best boyfriend in the world.

 

- Not a getting back together story but I had the chance with my ex ex. We dated for 3 years with a few little break-ups then the final one he dumped me. I was devastated and begged and begged, never went NC. We kept seeing each other and hooking up, I wanted to get back together and he always refused. I casually dated some other guys and he still didn't want to get back together. I continued begging for months until I met my recent ex who I fell for. As soon as I got together with him my ex ex came asking for me back, I didn't want him at all by that point. All up it was about 7 months since the break up, never went NC and I begged a lot. We are friends now, but I think he would get back with me if I wanted even 5 years later.

 

- One more couple were together for a year, they were early 20's, he decided he wanted to live overseas for a year and travel and she said fine, go but don't speak to me again, you have deserted me so I'm going to move on. 1 year later she went to the country he was living in on vacation, they caught up and decided when he got back they would be together. This was 7 years ago and they are still going strong.

[confusedlu123]

my boyfriend cheated on me about a year ago then we got back together until about 4 month's ago when he split up with me and said we were not right for each other and that he never wants to get back with me, he is happy being friends and we are on low contact at the moment still, I am going now contact as from now. although he has a tendency to call me when drunk... but reading these posts are very comforting as I don't see it as potentially getting back with my ex but as moving forward and moving on, and the big "anything can happen in the future" I see a lot of stories on here of exes coming back.. but.I don't want to hang on to that thread of hope. but reading some of these stories are really lovely, and I like to come on here most days, as this thread is really helping me move on.

[Mariana345]

This not only give me hope but also encourage me to keep moving forward, because yes, I did neglected MYSELF and the person I always wanted to become, so I have to work on that instead regreting and mourning for a lost relationship. I should pursue myself not anyone else... Cope and Hope, I'll keep your words close to my heart, they really help me in those down moments

[Cope and Hope]

This not only give me hope but also encourage me to keep moving forward, because yes, I did neglected MYSELF and the person I always wanted to become, so I have to work on that instead regreting and mourning for a lost relationship. I should pursue myself not anyone else... Cope and Hope, I'll keep your words close to my heart, they really help me in those down moments

 

Good to see you're doing well Mariana. I'm glad you find my post just as helpful now as it was two months ago. Good luck!

[Mariana345]

Good to see you're doing well Mariana. I'm glad you find my post just as helpful now as it was two months ago. Good luck!

 

O____o did I posted it twice???

 

*go to check

 

OMG I thought I said the same thing without noticing XD

I think it'll be helpful until the end of times. People tend to lose themselves while in a relationship... and then it become resentment...

[anonymous1984]

Great stories giving me a hope, which makes it easier to cope with my situation.

 

I met my now ex-girlfriend in March 2006, big love, a lot of passion...

 

She broke up with me in May 2011, after I failed to commit (not living together, not ready for marriage) and she got feelings for another man.

 

Did a lot of begging at first, then a couple of weeks of NC, and then dated with her as from september 2011 without being a couple.

 

We reconciled in January 2012 and moved in together, at first things were great again, allthough she still sees the other guy as they work together.

 

However during the last two months, some frustrations developed (both a job which requires long hours and weekend work, the weekend completely filled with the household,...and I became to clingy/needy).

 

I also pushed very hard towards a marriage and this time she became afraid of the commitment.

 

She has doubts on our compatibility and broke up with me again two weeks ago. Further apparantely, the other guy is in the picture again.

 

I still believe we'll end up together, so I hope the other guy will mess up again very soon.

 

Any stories on couples who had multiple break ups before finally getting married?

[Doc Blaze]

Well I just asked my gf if she wanted to try things again last night and she said yes...we broke up 6 months ago..went through NC Fwb then NC...she came back to me..and was the one to reach out to me..things have been good for a month so she has been asking lately about trying again..i was a little nervous but i decided last night that i would give it a try...

 

ps: she was the one that broke up with me...

 

if you have any questions..you can ask me here or through PM..i will be willing to answer anything if you want ....( for everyone)