Getting back together really does happen!

[kuteknish]

Absolutely agree. This really is the only way you're going to be with someone who you were with previously. It isn't something you can just say you're doing either, and no one can tell you how to do it, if it is going to happen (the mindset) then it kind of just happens on its own.

 

Seth.. how's things going with your ex?

[michelle21689]

Yeah I'm curious too

[markyspark]

Bumping this

[CRCfem]

good job markyspark

getting back together its possible cos people heal after the relationship, forget the past toxicity and therefore they either

1. possibly have rose tinted glasses

2. have no rose tinted glasses, recognise thier past shortcominngs and their ex's, and are willing to work around them

 

I personally though wouldnt take an ex back because they declared their intention to re-start romantic endeavours. I would at best accept to be on pleasant polite terms with someone i knew beter before. But that can turn into some big messy business.

Couples experience huge setbacks together and if they manage to stick together , they will become stronger and they are indeed compatible parts of an unit. If they break up, that shows that one part was definitely not good enough for the other part.

[faithful14]

I found some stories from a while back here on ENA from past users...really liked the stories so Im putting them on this thread : )

 

#1: Buddy of mine dumped his girlfriend of 2+ years summer before starting medical school. Typical GIGS. She was heartbroken and moved to another city 3 hours away. After starting med school he began dating another girl. After 4 months with this new girl he realized how much he missed the ex. Called her a few weeks later. She visited a few weeks after that. They got married 2 years later and now have 2 young kids.

 

#2: This girl I know was moving to Columbus, OH from NYC to start her medical residency. She had met her boyfriend during the 3rd-year of medical school and they had dated for a little over a year when she dumped him, about a month before moving away. Claimed she had doubts about the relationship, espicially with her moving away. Four months later and working her butt of as a medical intern she realized what a huge mistake she had made. Called him up to reconcile. He basically told her to on the phone. A friend of hers told her to "not take no for an answer" and encouraged her to show up at his doorstep. She did exactly that. The relationship was rekindled over the next few months. They will be getting married in 2 months.

 

Both these scenarios were typical GIGS. I think a key point in both of these relationships was that they were both very good relationships, with no real major points of contention. Simply one person had to go through that phase where they question the relationship.

 

 

 

#3) buddy of mine is getting married this summer. About a year into their relationship his g/f dumped him. Stated the old "I don't know what I want." She truly meant it. She wasn't dating anyone else, just had to clear her head. My friend was crushed. Two months later she calls out of the blue and apologizes, 'fesses up to her mistake, and asks for a second chance. Since then they have broken up two more times and have got back together. Their wedding is in 6 weeks.

 

#4) A guy I became friend with in med school got dumped by his girlfriend the summer before med school. They had dated for over 2 years in undergrad. He was head-over-heels in love with her, wanted to marry her, etc...my buddy was a real "catch" if you will. Good-looking, athletic guy who was a really good person. He was crushed after the break-up. He had no problem meeting girls; in fact, he was basically with a new girl every couple of weeks for the first 2 years of med school. But I could tell he was never quite over the ex. He didn't get into any type of meaningful relationships with any of these new girls. Then a couple of months into our third-year of medical school, completely out of the blue, the ex-girlfriend calls him up and tells him what a huge mistake she had made. They've been married almost 5 years now.

 

#5) A friend of mine had a good 1 yr+ relationship. towards the end, her bf didnt know what he wanted (GIGS), wasnt sure if he wanted to move, where his life was going and they broke up. They stayed close for a while, first he chased her then she chased him. He then started getting distant and ten started dating a girl and she asked him not to contact her anymore. She knew his email password and would check it regularly, seeing how proud he was of having this new girl, sending pics of her to his friends etc. 2 months later, she gets a call from him saying how he made a big mistake and that every time he was with this other girl he thought of her. They are now back together.

[SethSLC]

Seth.. how's things going with your ex?

 

Thats a good question. She said last week that we're casually dating. It was a strange feeling that I got when I heard her say that, almost like that feeling you get when you have second thoughts after a decision or "buyers remorse".

 

Overall I would say that we're doing good but as to whether or not we'll last that is another story. I knew from the beginning that in order for a true reconciliation to take place a lot of things had to go right with many bridges crossed, and many demons exercised. I don't know that I can forgive her for what took place however so in the end this may not work because I choose something different.

 

Like has been said many times on here before, if you really honestly change yourself and your mindset you will often get a second chance, but when that chance comes you find it might not be what you really want after all.

 

So for now I enjoy dating her, and things are going well, but in the future who knows. The thing is... I changed and so I'm okay with the possibility of not being with her

[kuteknish]

So for now I enjoy dating her, and things are going well, but in the future who knows. The thing is... I changed and so I'm okay with the possibility of not being with her

 

this is great here... it's great to be at a point where you are happy either way.. if you are back with an ex or not... kudos to you. enjoy the ride.

[paradiselost]

Heard this over the weekend - couple together for 2 years - broke up - spent a few months apart and now back together

 

Heard this through work - couple together, broke up, he started dating a new girl - got her pregnant and had a kid - eventually broke up and went back to the original ex!

[Romi]

Seth, I'm happy for you because I can see that you learned from what happened and are now analyzing what is best for YOU. Well done!

 

[michelle21689]

faithful 14 I'm from Columbus, OH lol

[faithful14]

I heard a great story tonight at my best friends house. It's about her older sister and her boyfriend- I will call them Cassie and mark.

 

Cassie and Mark were going out for 2 or three years in college but broke up because Mark wasn't sure of what he wanted. Mark had a reputation for being a party guy and for getting the attention of the ladies. He didn't cheat or anything, but I don't think he was ready to be in serious relationship at that time. They lived in the dorms so they saw each other often. Cassie was really heartbroken over the breakup but she threw herself into her school work and spending time with her friends. Not sure what Mark was doing in his spare time. About 6 or 7 months passed and Cassie was doing much better. She was going out with friends and basically taking the time to meet new people. One night, Mark saw her go on a date with another guy and he lost it. Something snapped in him and all these feelings for Cassie came back. He decided he wanted to be with her. It took some time to get back together as Cassie was really hurt over their breakup and after talking things out; she told him that he would have to be serious and start being a boyfriend to her; that she was not going to put up with his crap and he agreed that he would step up and be serious. Four years later they are doing well and as I finish writing this story, Cassie walks into the living to show off her engagement ring to everyone!

[whatatodo]

is it possible to get back together when as the dumpee you told the dumper to 'f-off out of my life' and then that you've deleted their numbers and not to get in touch unless it's work related (we work together, until I find a new job) he seemed really angry and I've heard nothing since I said all this last week.... finally respecting my wishes or angry or both?

 

He'd been giving me mixed signals over a week....

[milkyway17]

Hi everyone

 

So me and my boyfriend are back together now. (For the third time.) Granted, we were only broken up for about a month or so. I tried LC but I didn't do too well at NC or anything. Then we decided to hang out, as friends, but then sparks flew and well we decided to try working things out. It's been a little over a month now that we've been back together. Fingers crossed for having it last! Hope I'm not jinxing it...heh.

[faithful14]

yay for all the success stories we have been hearing lately!

 

hopefully there are more to come : )

[whatatodo]

I hope I'll be adding to this success stories at some point..........

Congratulations to everyone else so far!!

Cross fingers for me!!

[resilient7]

most stories start off with the the usual 2 years together span,not one involves a short duration...meaning months or less than a year...guess mine won't be coming back

[markyspark]

I guess that being together for some period of time does help I guess in the getting back together

 

Again, congrats to everyone so far..still hoping I can post my story on here at some point

[DigitalSpy]

most stories start off with the the usual 2 years together span,not one involves a short duration...meaning months or less than a year...guess mine won't be coming back

 

The trouble with a short term relationship is that you never get a chance to wholly connect with your partner on an emotional level, at least not in the same way you do when you've been with them a few years. Aside from this there isn't that many memories for you ex to look back on, and I think fond memories of a relationship are one of the biggest factors in reconciling with an ex.

 

But this doesn't mean that short term relationships will never get back together. My closest friend dated a girl for a few weeks....they broke up and started dating other people. After 6 months out of the blue they bumped into each other, had a quick chat and exchanged numbers. Hes been with her for 2 years since. So sometimes the short terms break up, reconcile and become long term

[LapointeP]

I know I need my distance from my ex for now. I am not ready to be with him. I just don't know. I know there could be a chance in the future. He broke up with me because he said he felt he controlled my life. I know that our relationship was not perfect but we were together for 2 and a half years. I had a promise ring and it felt right. I will say what was wrong...he is used to being in control of things in his life and we had our differences but we never really worked on things. He was afraid to tell me when he was upset because he felt that it would upset me. This was our relationship the last few months. He said he broke up with me because he felt I deserved better. He felt he did way too much for me and I didn't do enough for myself and because we had not dealt with our feelings our love changed. I still love him so much but I know I need space from him. I was texting him and I knew I was not ready. He said he misses me and wants to see me but he made his decision. I know I have to respect that. It's just hard. I KNOW we are not getting back together right now and even if I wanted to I could not right now. I guess the future will tell. If we are meant to be it will happen. Right now I need to focus on me and my life. I can only text him and see him when and if I feel ready!

[faithful14]

found another NC success story

 

 

A friend of mine went out with her boyfriend for a year all of a sudden he said "I need a break" and she respected that, but a couple weeks later she went to his house and he came out and said "I need to be alone... I met someone else" she was crushed but she did not talk to him because she would be "damned" if she contacted him. Well a month later they got back together but then a week later he went right back to the other girl, and she said "**** this" and ignored him. Anyways he always contacted her (mind you he went weeks with out calling her probably even a month or two) but she never contacted him. Well 5 months later he started asking her to be with him again and she said "no sorry" and she STILL did not contact him, only he contacted her and that was the only time she would talk to him. 10 months after breaking up she sent him a text, and he called her and said "I tried replacing you, but no girl is YOU!" so she said "you can come down for a few hours but no promises" and 6 years and 2 kids later they are still really happy.

[Live-N-Learn]

Well this is the getting back portion of the forum but people must know that very few get back together. I am not saying this to be a downer just stating the facts. I would hate to see people hold onto false hope and stay stuck hurting when they should be healing and moving on.

[whatatodo]

I should have posted this link in here instead.... so posting it here too....

 

link removed

 

With regards to Live and Learns comment... it's not about false hope... EVERY situation is different, but if stories helps people relax and adopt a 'what will be will be' attitude there is no harm...

[michelle21689]

I used to come to this thread every day and read it over and over for hours. I was really obsessed with the thought of me and my ex getting back together. I don't think a bit of hope hindered the healing process. I think it's natural to go through that phase of wanting them again. It's been about 2 months and I've accepted the break up, I think that if we got together it wouldn't be the same, I see the flaws in my past relationship, and I'm seeing someone new. I try not to think about the future and it's hard but I'm just letting myself know that in the future if he does want to give it another shot I'd be willing to try again with a fresh clean slate. I'm not expecting us to get another shot but just saying it'd be nice and the door isn't completely closed and locked on him.

[kennyc90]

Anybody can get back together. For some, it takes a lot more time than others. It's really all about patience. I mean I'm not trying to say to not date other people and cry all day over the dumper because that wouldn't be healthy. The dumpee usually ends up not wanting to get back with the ex after such a long period of time because they just move on and usually find someone else. The dumper starts missing the dumpee. You really can't wait forever. All I'm really trying to get at is getting back together successfully requires a lot of time apart and I'm not talking about a few weeks apart. It takes at least months or even years for the reconciliation to actually really mean something. If they want space, then give them space, like lots of space. If you're in LC, then just always be friendly and support them BUT NOT PUSHY. NC and LC have advantages and disadvantages. Lots of people use NC so that they focus on their own lives and you can't contact your ex and do something stupid to make matters worse. But everyone HAS TO MOVE ON from the past relationship. Time really does help the hate feelings go away. Go out there and date people. It's just healthy and helps you stop thinking about your ex.

 

Then time flies (you date a few people and you feel great) and usually (if both are NC) the dumper will contact the dumpee. The dumpee is either dating someone, has totally moved on, or open to talk again. If the dumper never contacts you, then the dumpee can contact them. You have to be ready though. That's why people here encourage dumpees, that want to initiate contact, usually wait for months or even a year because by this time the dumpee has moved on and will usually be ready for anything the dumper could say to them.

 

Just stay strong guys. Oh and if you've cheated or abused your ex, then nothing I said above applies to you. The reason why I say this is because from my experience, I have yet to see a reconciliation between the one's who have cheated and abused their ex's. If you have always been supportive of them and loved them for who they were, you have a good chance in the future to get back together. It's going to require a lot of time and patience, but make sure you're not hesitant to date other people! This helps you feel more attractive and helps you feel better as an overall person! I miss my ex and literally have thought about her since the day she broke up with me, but what helps me is understanding the importance of having this time apart so we can both improve as better people.

[xiRoCb294]

I also believe that reconciliation is always possible. It really does just take time, patience, and a willingness on one end to work things out again. I think that you have to be able to let go of your previous relationship with your ex in order to be able to be in the right mindset to start a new one with your ex. Instead of trying to jump back into things, you should try approaching your ex like a "friend"... somebody that you're just getting to know all over again And over time, if things work out hopefully, feelings will start to develop again!