Getting back together really does happen!

[DN]

They are probably all divorced by now.

Well, my wife and I haven't divorced yet after 35 years. Doesn't necessarily mean you are wrong, of course, but we shall see.

[MakeItCount]

Well, my wife and I haven't divorced yet after 35 years. Doesn't necessarily mean you are wrong, of course, but we shall see.

 

That's awesome! My parents are at 27 years now

[michelle21689]

My parents are at 36 years lol

[markyspark]

Thought there would have been some Valentines Day reconciliations ? be one or two ?

[markyspark]

Totally agree MIC..learnt a lot on this forum since I joined

[faithful14]

I love hearing these stories and if it helps me to get through the semester, then so be it : )

[paradiselost]

Havent seen a story here in a while so here is a sort of get back together one...

 

One of my best friends had a passionate, tumultous relationship with a guy for 4 years - he even moved countries to be with her. It was toxic and not healthy - he was a narcissist and did not treat her well but she tells me they had a very deep connection and hence the turmoil.

 

They split after 4 years - very nasty, she was absolutely devasated and mostly the injured party. She had a hard time dealing with it, went to counselling, the works.

 

Well guess what after a 1.5 a half he contacts her to get back together with her!!!!!

 

They meet up for a week and in her words she said she pretended to want the same back to see if he had changed and it could work. However she noticed that nothing had changed at all, he was still the same narcissist self who had made no progress.

 

So she decides to move on - that same week she meets her present guy and tells him dont stay in touch I have met someone else and am in love.

 

This was 9 months ago and till recently he still contacts her telling her how he misses and still loves her - 3 years after the originally split.

 

Moral of the story - when they had a good thing they always come back, however it just goes to show that unless there is healing and self improvement in that gap period no reconciliation can ever happen.

[marsbars]

We were together for 2.5 years and then in November, he broke up with me saying that he was not sure he was in love with me anymore. I was blindsighted. We were in low contact for November and December - mostly me initiating - trying to understand what happened. We started talking weekly on the phone in January and both really looked forward to these calls. We were getting to know each other again. On one of these calls, he told me that he had to see me and we made plans to have dinner at my place the following week. I was sooo nervous that I almost cancelled. Glad that I didn't because we had an amazing evening. He told me that he had found that spark again. Two weeks later and we are slowly reconciling; telling friends; and moving forward as individuals and as a couple. I'm nervous as hell but happy at the same time. The time apart did us good ... we have both grown ... and we are communicating at a deeper level and not taking eachother or our time together for granted.

[faithful14]

Congrats mars! Keep us updated on everything.

[GulfCoast]

Well, I am in the middle of attempting to have a successful reconciliation so I'll just post this. We were together for about two years. We were great together, did lots of things together, hell, i even took her virginity. We were in love. We eventually both became unhappy with our life situations. I moved to FL for 6 mos with work but came back to salvage the relationship but after 6 more months, it ended like this. About a year ago, my exgirlfriend and I broke if off. She gave me the "I love you but and not in love with you anymore" e-mail and told me "she felt different" and gave me some reasons why but what I truly think happened was that she was just unhappy with her current situation. Jobs, pay, living at home and 30, etc. Not a terrible breakup, but hard to take.

 

After one attempt of meeting up with her last April and going out to eat with her and seeing how miserable she was, I felt I had to do something. I was still in love with her and was constantly checking her facebook and stuff. I was going crazy. A week later, I went NC. Very strict. I avoided everywhere. I only ran into her three times since I started NC and everytime, she would focus on me. Watch me all night. Even my friends saw it. She tried to talk to me everytime. First time I ignored her b/c she was drunk and trying to make me jealous i think. Second time, I was out with another girl and she walked up on me and I ignored her. Felt awkward. Third time, we talked and she was very happy about it. Holding my hand and telling me it was great I was doing well. She told me "don't ignore me" and when I explained why I did she said I "was playing by my rules." Annoyed. That was the last time I saw her, last September. I still wanted her back, but I didn't know what to do. Still with NC on SuperDave's advice.

 

Earlier this week, I found out her job is transferring her 4 hours away and I about lost it. I refriended her on FB, which she accepted in like 10 minutes, and called her the next day. It was the first time I called her since April and she answered, while she was at work. We talked for 10 minutes and told her the truth about how I felt. She said she felt bad that it was such a hard breakup. We are going to try and keep in touch and we are going to go somewhere to eat before she moves.

 

I figure, if I still feel this way about her, I have to give it a shot. Try to keep in touch with her and see what happens. Judging from from this weeks events, there might be some feelings there still from her end. I have to try. Wish me luck.

[andama08]

I don't know much background but a girl in my dorm recently got back together with her ex who had dumped her. They were apart for 4 or 5 months and during that time he saw another girl, broke up with that girl and got back with her only to dump her and go back to his original ex. He is a little immature

[Nearbot]

I'm bored, so I'll make a post.

 

In my freshman year of high school, I had my first real boyfriend. We were together for 8 months and spent almost everyday together. Then like literally the last day of school, he dumped me D: He was a senior so he wanted to freely date in college, I guess. I was sooo devastated. I cried almost everyday, sent him pathetic e-mails that he would respond coldly to, the works. Well four years later, I see him on campus! We don't say anything to each other, but I start receiving little texts from him. I respond, but by this time I am completely over him. I can't even remember what I saw in him in the first place. Eventually I get a text that went something like "What would you say if I told you I never lost feelings for you? That I've continued loving you after all this time?" Psh. I knew that was BS. He just saw that I wasn't 15 anymore. He asked me if I would hang out with him, and I responded with "I don't think sooo." Never heard from him again But I was nuts over this guy back in the day. I mean I probably would have had his baby D:

 

Another one~ I was kind of seeing this guy then suddenly he started to ignore me. I confronted him about it, and he was really rude, responding with "What do you want?" He told me I wasn't what he was looking for unless I was willing to change. Sooo, I went NC. A few months later, texts me to hang out and apologizes for being like that, blahblah. REJECTED!

 

Another guy I started seeing. He was pretty great. He seemed to really like me. Then I find out he's seeing someone else as well I confront him, and he doesn't try to fight for me or anything, so it ends. Months later, he texts me out of the blue and asks me to a show. I go and we have a good time. On the way back, he goes, "I know it doesn't matter anymore, but I was going to stop talking to her. . ." I really liked this one and considered trying again, but I asked a friend online for advice. He told me, "Honestly, you're a great girl, and anyone who cheats on you doesn't deserve you." So I didn't give him a second chance. But years later, he's tried on several occasions to hook up again and I deny him. We're still friends though

 

One guy I had known and liked since I was ten tried to get with me. He was texting ALL the time and trying to get me to hang out. Finally we kissed and started something. It was great. Then suddenly it all stops. I had no idea why. I was so heartbroken and pathetic, continuing to text him. Eventually I meet someone else and get over it. A year later, we run into each other on campus. He says he has a new phone and asks for my number and starts texting me to hang out again. Unfortunately or fortunately, I don't know, I was really into someone else so I denied several of his attempts to hang out until he eventually stopped. I'm not certain that he wanted me back or anything, but I'm glad we're back on friendly terms.

 

Last one! The guy I originally came here for. I loved this kid. I was obsessed with him. It was awful. We broke up, but continued talking. When school started again and I lived closer to him, we began an fwb. He had me wrapped around his finger and was constantly bailing and being a jerk. Finally one day I called him and broke down crying telling him to leave me alone, and he was super cold and mean D: I was crying for weeks after, but I never heard from him. Four months later, he calls out of the blue! He meekly asked me out for lunch and contact began regularly again. I still really liked him, but for some reason, I felt more like friends. I don't know if he wanted me back, but eventually I started telling him about my problems (including boy problems), so nothing happened. We're still friends, and I'm glad we're on good terms and I don't feel like crying everytime I see him.

 

And I guess I have similar stories more or less with most guys I've been with. They all came back after I was over them. It took NC for all of them and running into me after a long time for some of them. It seems like guys only like me when I don't like them It's like when I start showing my feelings, they want to run or something.

[faithful14]

This a story I was reading online and I decided to share it. Anybody watch The Bachelor? Remember Jason's season where he picked Melissa Rycroft? This was two years ago...

 

okay, well for those of you who don't know, I will break it down. Melissa was dating a guy named Tye for 2 years on an off. After breaking things off with her in what seemed to be their final breakup, she applied to go on The Bachelor. She got picked for the show and went off to compete for the Bachelor against 20 + women. She ended up winning and received a proposal from Jason. Two months later, Jason dumps on her national television saying that he had made a mistake and was still in love with the other girl he had sent home. So Jason goes back and gets the other girl (and ends up marrying her).

 

Melissa, heartbroken, leaves and is disgusted with Jason. Meanwhile, her ex who had deeply regretted letting her go, jumped on the opportunity to win her back when he realized she was single again. (They were probably apart for anywhere 6mo-1 yr) I guess their timing was finally right as he made the serious commitment of proposing to her and they are happy as ever. And, headlines showed they just had their first child!

[BackToYou]

Thank you for sharing that story, faithful14. It reminds me that anything can happen. You just never know.

[Daisy11]

Okay so I guess I have my own reconcilation story, or at least I can say the option of reconciliation has been offered. Long story short, my Ex and I were engaged after only 7 months of dating and after 9 months of the engagement, he broke it off. We have gone through the past 9 months with a lot of up and down, push/pull scenarios and he constantly asked for me back but then would push me away again after only a few short days. At one point (about 3 months ago) he started dating someone else and that was the point where I decided that there was no hope between us and I went total NC and moved on with my life focusing on ME and only ME. And you know what, it felt great! I started seeing a therapist and she has changed my life helping me work on my own issues and insecurities. Well, the Ex finally broke things off with his rebound about 6 weeks into their "relationship" because he felt he needed/wanted me back. I was very reluctant at the time and we didn't really make it very far, maybe only went on a couple of dates before we decided to go NC again because I felt enough time had not passed since his break-up with the rebound.

 

Some more push/pull games occurred during January and again, I went NC and tried to maintain my distance because I have finally found happiness by myself and on my own. Now, most recently, he has come back again and this has been a consistant 3 or 4 weeks of him trying to contact me every day (that's a long stretch for him), sending me texts telling me how much he cares about me and he has tried to work on his communication. I have seen some changes in him and I do think he truly wants it to work and I think it would be great if things could work between us, however I am having trouble getting over his actions in the past as well as I have doubts that he has truly had enough time to work on himself and make a real change. (it has only been 3 or 4 weeks!) I'm nervous but the cards are in my hand and it's up to me to decide if I truly want him back or not. I constantly struggle between if it's already too late and I've moved on, or if we can really make this work for good and get over these horrible past 9 months. ............ I'm just not sure right now.

 

My point is, a lot of people have posted that their Ex did eventually come back and that it was just too late. My Ex told me lots of times to "F off" and to "get out of his life for good and not call him ever again" and now he has had a change of heart, realizing he was just running away from his true feelings. Whether we end up dating again or not, going NC worked for me to have time to work on myself and find out who I truly am and I am very happy at this point in my life and know I will stay this way whether he is around or not.

 

Good luck everyone!

[MakeItCount]

Daisy, thanks for sharing and best of luck with the situation. Sounds you're being smart about this. Don't wreck all of this progress until you're SURE he's changed.

[faithful14]

Daisy congrats on the progress!! I wrote my comments on your last thread if you want to read it.

 

Keep us updated every now and then on what's going on.

[Daisy11]

Thanks MakeItCount and faithful! I will keep you all updated. I really want to just "take the plunge" and try to reconcilation for good but I also want to make the smart decision so we'll see but I'll keep posting. If I hear of a different reconcilation story in the meantime, I'll be sure to add it to this thread!

[MakeItCount]

Yeah, don't be taking a plunge. Real changes need to happen as faithful commented in your other thread. If he gets comfortable with you before being a different person then he'll just revert back.

[faithful14]

That's great! No matter what happens, just keep working on you. YOu seem to have made a ton of progress and it would be a shame to throw that away. Your ex knows that you are a much happier and better person without him and that's why he can't stay away lol. You are in control now so if he wants to be a part of your life, he will make himself a part of it.

[michelle21689]

I'm beginning to not want my ex anymore.

[faithful14]

Bumping this.

 

Anyone else have any other stories to share?

[faithful14]

ahhh I found one about a woman's marriage that almost failed...Here's her success story.

 

 

My husband of then 17 years had an affair with a woman he was involved in scouting with, they had intentions of moving me out of the house and her moving in with her two boys. She and my husband planned to fight for custody of my 5 boys.

 

I was supposed to just leave willingly and leave behind my children, my house and 17 years of marriage.

 

Wasn't going to happen.

 

Well after talking to the other woman on the phone I found out that my husband believed I had stopped loving him and that " I " wanted a divorce.

 

We lost our 21 day old daughter some years before and he mistakingly believed that because he was watching her at the time that I blamed him for her death. He had been under that misconception for many years.

 

He was unhappy with himself and because he never communicated his guilt and feelings to me I was never able to set him straight.

 

After the affair came out and after we were separated for a month he filed for divorce.

I was notified that the person was coming to serve me with my papers, the first person I called was my husband. I asked him to please be with me when I was being served as no matter what I still considered him my best friend.

 

He showed up and I was served, with him as my support.

 

A couple of days after my being served he got himself a duplex and he was having problems getting the things he needed for it, he asked the scout woman for help with decorating it and furnishing it. She said she would be glad to help but she never came through.

 

I did not know that he had asked her for help and he was very surprised when I showed up at the duplex with a new set of dishes, pans and dish towels.

He asked me at that time if I could help him get a microwave and some other things, so we went on a shopping trip.

He asked me after we left the store why I had helped him, and I told him that I couldn't bear to think of him in that duplex without having him being comfortable.

 

Well to make a long story somewhat shorter , that answer led to him cancelling the divorce. He remained in the duplex for six months and we took that time to rediscover each other.

 

We have been going to marriage counseling for a year and a half at the cost of 8000 a year but we have been back together for that year and a half and things seem to be greatly improved!

We are talking and communicating and have a much better marriage then we have in years.

 

I know this was long winded .. Sorry

 

 

Another posters story: Success story here. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have broken up twice...first i did, then 6 months later he did. I think we both went through the same thing- uncertainty, fear, interest in other people. But after time apart, and resolving our respective "issues", we have come to love and respect each other more than ever.

 

 

 

Another: my boyfriend and I started dating in May of last year. Within the first four months we broke up three times. The third time we broke up for a month.

 

I did do NC for a week, mostly because he asked me to so he could "get over" me. Yeah, well, guess ya don't get over a beautiful woman who treats you like gold, because we got back together a few weeks after that week of NC.

 

I basically focused on myself, did my own thing, and didn't call him, a method I still use to this day. I let him chase me, not the other way around. I've noticed that when I do chase him, he seems less interested.

 

I'll always remember that night when, after spending a day together and with some mutual friends, he called me shortly after I got home at midnight and basically let out that he missed me and still wanted me. We've been together for more than 16 months now.

[thewendy]

getting back together with your ex is easy... it's keeping them around for good that's hard.

 

i think the only way to make it work is to not get them back, but instead start a NEW relationship with them AFTER you've moved on from the previously bad relationship. and the only way to that is going through the ups and downs of strict NC, finding yourself again, and moving on.

 

easier said than done, yes i know. i still have so much trouble and struggles with it. but that is the only way.

[SethSLC]

getting back together with your ex is easy... it's keeping them around for good that's hard.

 

i think the only way to make it work is to not get them back, but instead start a NEW relationship with them AFTER you've moved on from the previously bad relationship. and the only way to that is going through the ups and downs of strict NC, finding yourself again, and moving on.

 

easier said than done, yes i know. i still have so much trouble and struggles with it. but that is the only way.

 

Absolutely agree. This really is the only way you're going to be with someone who you were with previously. It isn't something you can just say you're doing either, and no one can tell you how to do it, if it is going to happen (the mindset) then it kind of just happens on its own.