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Strange Text


bar35

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So, unless I am hallucinating I received a text message from a girl who I went out with like 4 weeks ago. Within that 4 week span I had text messaged her here and there with no response then out of the blue she texts me and tells me that her work has slowed down and would I like to go out to dinner with her. So I write back to her and tell her that would be great, lets talk and set up a time. I don't hear back from her, so I call her and nothing. The whole thing really hasn't made much sense from the get go.

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I guess that it does sound like a game. I'm not really sure what the game is supposed to be. I mean in a game there is a winner and a loser. So what is won in such a thing? Attention? A sense of power? It doesn't make any sense at all.

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She's probably just trying to get attention from you because she isn't getting it elsewhere. Even if she was sooo busy, I'm sure she could have taken a minute out of her day to text you back - common courtesy. Now, the fact that she's free to hang out or whatever, she's trying to get you out again? She just wants to make sure "she's still got it". Not worth it, just let it go.

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Ahhh the work excuse, that happens to be one of my favorite. When you contact a girl multiple times and dont get a response that means that you should just her her go. That means even if she hits you up randomly and says that now she has free time. It says more to me that when a girl is busy that she makes time rather than just uses the excuse that she is busy. This girl is marginally interested in you but not interested in you enough to make your a priority.

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I used to take such actions like what happened to you very personally as well, but I have decided that this is an overly sensitive stance to take. Listen, over the last few weeks I have amassed about 8-9 phone numbers from girls. 2 of them I can count on her calling me back every time and will even initiate with me. All the others it's hit or miss. But like for example last night, I sent a text to every single one of them. I got responses from 4 of them, the 2 I can count on and 2 of the other girls. Now 50%, that ain't too bad in my book. All the rest, I could care less! I'm going to call everyone of them tonight and see who I can get a hold of this time around.

 

Because I know the world these girls live in. Some of them are in the process of trynig to get over some ex, fine I'll stick with it till they're done. Some don't know me well enough or aren't interested in me enough just yet, fine I'll make them comfortable with me and win them over. Some are just forgetful, fine that's forgivable. Some have a policy of not calling guys back ie. "The Rules", fine I'll persist to the point where she won't play by those rules anymore. Some are just using me for the ego boost, fine I don't care! I won't take it personally because if a girl does that to me, it just proves that she doesn't know me well enough to understand that I don't deserve to be treated that way. Now I could ignore her to make a point, but then I won't get her for sure and I'm not here to win a ****ing match, I'm just here to get the girl interested in me. That's all.

 

So the best position to adopt at this stage of attraction (not relationships, they have different rules) is to just not care and call when you want. Be stronger and not so sensitive.

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you should of said.. dinner would of been great 4 weeks ago... c-ya..

 

i wouldnt even waste my time with a girl like that....

 

Well said.

 

She probably met somebody else in that 4 weeks span, he's probably playing games with her, so in a moment of feeling really down she must've texted you to make herself feel better. She's a waste of time.

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Yeah, I figure that the following various situations are all possible. 1. She has an ex boyfriend who she is going back and forth with 2.She is just trying to make herself feel better 3.She is reluctant to getting involved with anyone right now and that is why she is just doing the back and forth thing 4. She met a person who maybe was not as interested in her and so she thought that she would use me as a fall back.

Whatever the case is there is no balance to the situation, which is not unusual when it comes to relationships, and the chase but there is usually more reciprocity than has been going on here.

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I have a text rule, don't start with the texting at all until after two dates, unless the first date was very very hot. And once the texting has started, reserve it only for flirting, call on the phone to ask her out or to talk about anything that needs talking about, but until they prove themselves worthy, nothing needs talking about generally.

 

Since you hadn't heard from her in weeks, my response to her text would have been "call me," and nothing more. That way it doesn't leave you wondering. If she doesn't call, it was a fishing thing, if she does, there may be something to work with.

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Hah I normally text within the first 24 hours. I will call a day or 2 after that. I agree with keeping texts fun. I have had some pretty out there conversations going.

 

Bar, like we talked about. You could play her game or bail. She's not doing much to leave you a trail to follow so it's probably better you leave it be. Unless you want to test some of my fun texts=p

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Her whole set of behaviors has been really inconsiderate. There really is not reason for me to involve myself with someone like that, plus right now she must think that I am some sort of doormat.

 

The problem with dealing with women like this is that you don't want to come accross as resentful, nor do you want to appear weak. That leaves few options.

 

A friend of mine sent a rather angry email to a girl who gave him the run around, and she got back to him. That isn't really my style, though. Blech.

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^^^^exactly. i'd blow her off. set up a date and time for her to meet you. don't go. haha. then when she texts asking where you are tell her you got caught up at work.

LOL! Good one....some ppl need a taste of their own medicine.

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A friend of mine sent a rather angry email to a girl who gave him the run around, and she got back to him. That isn't really my style, though. Blech.

 

This has worked for me in the past, in very measured doses. Something along the lines of "I'm not used to being treated like this, have you just gone off your meds or something?"

 

The couple of times this has worked, they usually get back and say "I am such a * * * * , guilty as charged." and then they either shape up or they don't. Nothing lost either way.

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No need to be mean. If anything just call them on their behavior. "are you playing hard to get? That's adorable! Did you read this in Cosmo?!"

That will normally be as far as I go. I never get mean. Why? Because she really doesn't care. If she did you would of never had to send her something nasty.

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I agree that it is not necessary to get mean. If anything a simple question will do, like "Did you text me on Friday and ask me out to dinner?" But really the more that I process this the more that I realize that there is no need to deal with her at all.

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Bar35, don't bother doing anything. You were kind enough to give her a second chance and then she just threw it back in your face by rudely not replying. This girl sounds selfish and like she has little empathy for others - so as I often say - you dodged a bullet!

 

If she bothers to get back to you now, I would probably advocate just ignoring any further contact from her.

 

I have been out with a guy, then it's been kinda quiet from both of us, and then thought about texting him again to see if he'd like to catch up again - (in my case I didn't as it had been 4 weeks since last went out, and he had not contacted me during that time either, so I questioned his interest). If I had gone through with it, then I would have only done so if I really wanted to meet up with that person, I would not get someone's hopes up and waste their time. Also in my case, the reason for the delay was that I started school in another town and was really VERY busy.

 

Ammy

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Hi Ammy,

 

Thanks for the response. It is totally possible that she has been exceptionally busy (she does own her own business in NYC) prior to contacting me but the second vanishing act did exactly like you said, "got my hopes up." That was pretty inconsiderate of her.

 

People are really weird sometimes.

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Bar, I say this a lot and I hope you know I mean well. You can't be so outcome dependant with women. Women should not determine how you feel. I think all guys fall into this place at one time. You really need to just start saying "no problem" to yourself.

 

Get back out there man. You have a certain message that should get you in the door if you choose to use it.=p

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I hear ya, I go through periods when I look at the whole thing as a statistics game, but sometimes I get excited about a certain prospect and can't help but feel let down. Ultimately its all good.

 

I think that Ammy made a good point, that this woman does not have that great of a sense of empathy, I sort of got that feeling from her when we went out, making it hard to relate.

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She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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