hers Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Where are you seeing that we said you screwed up? B/c I didn't see that! You wanted more dating experience; we're telling you what you couldve done differently for next time. It's how you learn. Enjoy your nice memory of her & try for a local girl next time! Link to comment
EQD Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 How often did you initiate the kissing?? Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Where are you seeing that we said you screwed up? B/c I didn't see that! You wanted more dating experience; we're telling you what you couldve done differently for next time. It's how you learn. Enjoy your nice memory of her & try for a local girl next time! I just feel that I screwed it up.. I am not saying that you guys said it... Yea.. I will just take this as an experience.. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 How often did you initiate the kissing?? All the kisses were initiated by me.. A total of 4 times. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 yeah. you probably overdid that. but never fear, thats an easy mistake to make and its even easier to fix Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 yeah. you probably overdid that. but never fear, thats an easy mistake to make and its even easier to fix haha.. yea... i did plan on kissing her one time after the date (if I found her attractive).. but i ended up kissing her a lot more... most likely because sub-consciously i thought i had no idea when i can see her again.. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 It sounds as if it was a great date. There are no rules about how often/ when you should kiss a girl the first time, it all depends on the two individuals. She must have liked you kissing her, otherwise she would have expressed somehow that she doesn't want you to continue to do it. So in this respect you didn't fail at all. The only problem I see in your situation: although you knew that you are both ldr you decided to see her in person. Nothing wrong with that, but if you think you are not ready/ willing for an ldr, you should not have gotten up your hopes too much. Be honest, what where you expecting before the date: that it would turn out fantastic and that she would tell you you are so wonderful that she wants to do the ldr thing? - A bit much for a first date! Many people have started relationships while being LDR, so there is nothing wrong with that, but if you believe it's not for you, or it's not for the other person, then you have to be strong and not allow yourself to do something that will make it even harder to accept that a relationship with this person might not work out. So take this experience as a nice memory and for the next time don't allow yourself to become more attached than necessary if you know the person is not suitable for you. You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Thanks penelope. I went into the date with zero expectations. The idea was to see how the first date goes and take things from there if we click. I had a good time during the date and she also said multiple times that she had a nice time. At one point she said I can come to her place. So based on all of this I wanted to see her for a second time and she politely declined. That is all. As I said she is free to change her mind. Nobody owes anything. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 There could be a lot of reasons she didn't want to see you again. No chemistry, too much chemistry, distance, your breath, you were pushy, you weren't pushy enough... The real reason is irrelevant, since she made her decision. Beyond that, you knew going into it that you only wanted to see her once and that this held no real potential, so IMO, there is no need for analysis... Glad you had a good time, though! Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 There could be a lot of reasons she didn't want to see you again. No chemistry, too much chemistry, distance, your breath, you were pushy, you weren't pushy enough... The real reason is irrelevant, since she made her decision. Beyond that, you knew going into it that you only wanted to see her once and that this held no real potential, so IMO, there is no need for analysis... Glad you had a good time, though! Thanx Ariel.. Yea I went into it with the thought of "its just a first date". Link to comment
ragdoll18 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 From my opinion and experience it sounds like she's not interested in pursuing anything more with you. To her she is probably thinking that she was on vacation and just enjoying herself, hence why she allowed you to kiss her. She could have mentioned you visiting her in Florida just be to nice, or maybe she was just caught up in the moment. Ok lesson learned -> Don't tell a girl that she is beautiful on the first date. I don't mind being called beautiful or pretty once, but you said it to her twice. Did you mention anything nice to her about her personality? If a guy is constantly making comments about my apprearance and not personality, it shows that's all he's focusing on. Even if you do make comments on her personality, it still comes off as if you are eager to please her, and commenting on how good she looks will make her happy. She will know if you think she's attractive by the way you look at her and your body language, no need to be said. I also agreee that intiating 4 kisses on the first date is too much. Some women are so scared of rejecting men, that they will even allow them to kiss them when they don't want to (not saying this is how she felt). I would intiate the first kiss then leave the second one up to her. As for conacting her again, I would give it a try, what do you have to lose. You can call her in a casual way. Just say that you are calling to see how her ski trip was, and to make sure that she got back safely. Just tell her you had a great time and take it from there. If she's displaying interest over the phone then you can mention about going to see her in Florida again. If she's not expressing interest then move on. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 While on the way to the restaurant I said "you look more pretty in person".. then of course I said "you are beautiful" just before the kiss... after a while she said "you are so nice".. and i said "you are nice too".. a bit later for some comment of hers that i found funny i said "haa.. you are so sweet".. Ok so it looks like I over did the kissing thing... I don't know.. I was caught up in the moment... in the last kiss she even gave tongue.. i don't know... I am not going to contact her again after she blew me off like that... i asked her to text/call me before departing to FL and she said she will but she never did... man... this dating thing IS complicated and difficult. i am surprised how people get bf/gf so easily... may be they got lot of talent... Link to comment
hers Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Grym, it's only difficult right now b/c you don't hav ea lot of experience with it. It gets easier when you have done it more times. But you have to realize a relationship wtih this girl is far-fetched b/c she's so far away. It has nothing to do with talent...stop telling yourself there's some textbook way to get a girlfriend. It doesn't work like that. What do you expect from her, really? She lives thousands of miles away. She didn't blow you off. She just didn't write back. Leave it alone and have a nice memory. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Grym, it's only difficult right now b/c you don't hav ea lot of experience with it. It gets easier when you have done it more times. But you have to realize a relationship wtih this girl is far-fetched b/c she's so far away. It has nothing to do with talent...stop telling yourself there's some textbook way to get a girlfriend. It doesn't work like that. What do you expect from her, really? She lives thousands of miles away. She didn't blow you off. She just didn't write back. Leave it alone and have a nice memory. Thanks for your supportive words Hers... I know that the possibility of something coming out of this is remote but I was a tad disappointed with myself for overdoing things during the date. One of my friends is in a relationship with a guy that lives in Europe... I just wonder how for some people it clicks... that is all... Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 As usual, my advice flies in the face of the majority lol! Listen dude, this girl was here visiting her family and she went on a date with you. Fantastic. And as for being so affectionate on the first date, if I had received the same feedback you were getting, I would react in some of the same ways. I have slept with a girl on the first date, and no she was not a prostitute, I was the second guy she had ever been with and we immediately got into a long term relationship. So my recommendation is to drop all of the assumptions and trying to read in between the lines and pursue it a bit further. The worst that will happen to you is that she either doesn't return your call or tells you that she's not interested. At least if you try a bit more, you'll never have to wonder "what if she really was interested and was just a little scatter brained" or "just forgot" or "she was one of those girls who don't pursue guys that she's not seriously dating yet." I had situations happen to me where people on here would say there is no chance that girl is interested in you, only to find that a few weeks later she is in my bed asking me what my plans are for the next night. And I'm no one special here for being able to do that, I just learned to be fair, persistent, and to stick up for myself at the right times. Ever sign up for that boot camp by the way? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 People are just different that is all. Gry, you should try not to overthink this date, what happened who did what, who didn't say etc. There could be a million reasons why she didn't contact you again, but most likely it is the distance. What is the point in seeing you again, having another nice date only to have to say good bye and knowing that she will not see you for a very long time. Don't forget she came to CA because of skiing with some friends, you were "just" an added bonus. Just book it as a wonderful experience, but don't overanalyze it. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 added bonus?!?!?! hmm.. yea... may be i was just that... no more use in analyzing this... i will just move on to some one else... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 no more use in analyzing this... i will just move on to some one else... that's the spirit Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 thx man... no i haven't signed up for the bootcamp yet.. this date thing was going to happen anyways and i was focused on that... don't know man... she was totally fine with me kissing her and said "oh you are so nice".. when i held her from behind and kissed on her cheeks she said "haa.. so nice.. it feels so warm". when i asked her if it was getting late she said "no.. we can be here as long as you want".. based on all this i assumed that she did enjoy what she was getting... but i am surprised now to hear from so many people here that i overwhelmed her.... given this i am not sure if i have to call her.... won't she think i am so clingy or desperate? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 don't know man... she was totally fine with me kissing her and said "oh you are so nice".. when i held her from behind and kissed on her cheeks she said "haa.. so nice.. it feels so warm". when i asked her if it was getting late she said "no.. we can be here as long as you want".. based on all this i assumed that she did enjoy what she was getting... but i am surprised now to hear from so many people here that i overwhelmed her.... First of all, these are very solid indicators of interest. Based on these I say she was interested. But as far as the responses you've received, consider the source. Girls view dating much different than guys. They respond differently, they come from a completely different perspective. So you can't take their advice practically. given this i am not sure if i have to call her.... won't she think i am so clingy or desperate? You don't have to call her, you don't have to do anything. But if you want her, you should call her. If you don't call her, she probably won't call you, this is just the way girls are at this stage. And do it today. Don't wait too long or they forget about you and/or think you're not interested. As for being needy/clingy, how you sound on the phone when you're talking to her determines that. Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 First of all, these are very solid indicators of interest. Based on these I say she was interested. But as far as the responses you've received, consider the source. Girls view dating much different than guys. They respond differently, they come from a completely different perspective. So you can't take their advice practically. You don't have to call her, you don't have to do anything. But if you want her, you should call her. If you don't call her, she probably won't call you, this is just the way girls are at this stage. And do it today. Don't wait too long or they forget about you and/or think you're not interested. As for eing needy/clingy, how you sound on the phone when you're talking to her determines that. Thank you heloladies. Ok lemme give it one last shot. I will call her tonite and ask how the ski trip went and if she got back home safely. I will leave it that. What she wants to do after that is up to her. Sounds good? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I think you should go ahead and call her one more time like you said. Can't hurt. I think that yes, you were a bit over bearing on that date and don't tell a woman 'you are so beautiful' that early on. What it does is make them perhaps think 1) you are a pushover and desperate for a girl and/or 2) make them feel they can wrap you around their finger and not take you seriously. If it hadn't been for that and all the kissing i think you did just fine. Just look at this as practice if it doesn't go any further. Now you know to lighten up a little on the PDA and the comment about she is so beautiful. That should be reserved for once you really start dating a person and it is a bit more steady and serious. I had a guy do that to me once on a first date and i honestly thought it made him appear desparate and it turned me off even tho i was genuinely flattered by his statement and said so. Even if he hadn't said that the date wasn't really going well for me as i wasn't attracted but his statement didn't do anything to help that situation either. As for over analyzing, since you were not sure if some of the things you did were apropos i see no harm in trying to go over the evening and get tips from others on how you might do things differently another time. Just don't second guess everything - what is done is done - you just know what not to do next time around. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Thank you heloladies. Ok lemme give it one last shot. I will call her tonite and ask how the ski trip went and if she got back home safely. I will leave it that. What she wants to do after that is up to her. Sounds good? How about we do this, just call her and talk to her and see how it goes. Don't be afraid to talk to her for a bit as well. But a far as putting the ball in her court, you are a male and that's not what we do. Eventually you will get to the point where you can and will want to do that, but not yet. This is still the "courting phase." Link to comment
grymoire Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 How about we do this, just call her and talk to her and see how it goes. Don't be afraid to talk to her for a bit as well. But a far as putting the ball in her court, you are a male and that's not what we do. Eventually you will get to the point where you can and will want to do that, but not yet. This is still the "courting phase." sorry i didn't understand... i will call her up tonite... and then what? i will have to see if she makes the next move right? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Gry, what are you really hoping to accomplish? - you want to see if there is a chance for an ldr - you want to see if you will become/ remain friends - you are anxious to know how much she likes you regardless of what will or will not happen down the road Link to comment
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