BREAKING ALL THE RULES

[GeeCee]

Spatz, I have to disagree here - you are right in the fact that you are working in a very difficult time-frame. thereforeeee, if you have not heard from here, at some point I think that you are going to have to make contact. This will not the grovelling, snivelling kind of contact. But the take-charge kind of contact that all women (especially dynamic, in-control women love.

 

How you make that manouevre, only you can decide.

 

If you get shakey, do not do anything flakey. Get yourself on this site, there are a lot of people willing to give advice.

 

Now then, let's talk about me!!! Today, having made the call yesterday, called the ex - remember he had asked me to get something for him. Have collected, and let him know. He was delighted. Unfortunately, just as we were arranging a meet, the other line went - kids!!!! Don't you love them! He said he would call me back 'later'. Now, really, there will be nothing from me. I have something that he wants!! Although, at the moment that is not me - in the emotional sense. Am still working on that - and will think of something to give him by the time he gets here (NO MAJORD - BRING YOUR HEART RATE BACK TO A RESTING PACE - DEFINITELY NOT MY BODY!!!!!).

 

So glad Majord is back! Yes, yes, yes Majord of course you and Beec are right. Still don't quite know how I am going to work this one. But am definitely working on my new game-plan, and feeling good about it. After a few more contacts, and a lot more initiated by the love of my life, I shall be inviting him round to a meal cooked by my own fair hand. Now, although I can cook, I don't often cook for him, as we usually eat out. This will give him a chance to witness, at first hand, my domestic goddess skills. Hmmmmm....! Guys I am enjoying playing the game. As for shocking him, well Majord I don't know how I will shock him, because he, like me, is pretty unshockable. So, my best bet is to show him more of my caring, sharing, nurturing side. I shall show him less sexual, and much more sensual. The problem I have is that, in my experience, sensual usually leads to sexual. Aargh ... a vicious circle!!!

 

Have a good weekend guys. No doubt, we shall be back with more angst and more delights!

 

G xx

 

P.S. I, for one, am so glad that we are all giving Darling Beec a break - he deserves it!

[spatzcolumbo]

No more developments really. Went to the pub, my local, the one she works in, half expecting her to be there, even though i know in theory she is not back until this weekend!! She of course was not there, so i was able to relax a bit more. Spoke to one of the other barmaids who i'm friends with, who asked me how things were going...whether i'd kept in contact. She was sympathetic, but without giving me any idea of when my ex was back at work...not that i asked her at all!!

 

Anyway, another day over, and i still feel like messaging, but i am gonna be fine. I thought i'd post here just to try and get it all out of my system before i go to bed. That way i get another day done, and it will be tomorrow, and i can worry about that when i get to it.

 

Hopefully i'll hear something soon!!!

[Beec]

Thanks to all for their compliments. I enjoy giving advice, or I would not do it, but I am no Messiah. If you were an ice hockey fan you would know that there are only two of those. One biblical, the other skates his home games in Madison Square Garden.

 

Spatz, I am with G. If you reach point when you haev had no word, call her. Make the contact, just to let her know your plans.

[GeeCee]

Hmmmmmmm ... Beec's back!!! And I am horny and high!!! Have hidden my phone to avoid the pitfalls of two weeks ago. But can't deny it - horny thoughts of 'The Expert' crossed my mind tonight!!!!!

 

I think that's enough said and I shall now exit stage door right (as Majord would say, so eloquently!!!).

 

Spatz - I can spell eloquently after all I have had tonight!!!! I impress myself every now and then!!

 

Night all.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Errrr ... Good Morning!!!!

 

G xx

[majord23]

....because he, like me, is pretty unshockable. So, my best bet is to show him more of my caring, sharing, nurturing side. I shall show him less sexual, and much more sensual. The problem I have is that, in my experience, sensual usually leads to sexual. Aargh ... a vicious circle!!!

 

 

Good morning to you!

 

....the above quote holds your answer GeeCee.

 

It's simple really: It usually turns sexual. What would surprise him?....if it didn't.

[spatzcolumbo]

Well guys, here i am, still waitin for that elusive text.

 

i KNOW that in theory i will hear something, but guys, how long do i wait (based on that time limit i am working on) before i initiate something??

 

Any thoughts?

[GeeCee]

Well Spatz, I am going to take an authoritative line now.

 

You need to call within the next hour.

 

Part of the problem with making contact this late, is that she might have already made plans.

 

Do it!!! You are going to feel no better if you did not make contact and did see her. The worse that can happen is that she will not take the call. If she does not leave a message. Hi - it's Spatz. Call me. Don't say anything else.

 

She will call you back. But I think that you have to take a lead now.

 

Playing the game can be fun. Good fun. But at the end of the day, you have got to make sure you are playing the right game. Who asks who out will be irrelevant if nothing happens. If you go back tomorrow and there has been no contact because your game has become based around the importance of her making that move, you will be crushed.

 

Think carefully about this. You are in an emotionally secure place. You have to accept, as we all do, that by making a move, you face rejection, but hey who said life was easy.

 

This is just my opinion.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Majord - good to hear your dulcet tones again.

 

I am sorry - could not live up to your mini-challenge of 11 days, but think that 8 days was the right point to break the cycle. It was also a good psychological move inasmuch as it was just before the weekend, and I did not ask him to do anything (neither did he, come to think of it, but let's dwell on the positive!!!).

 

Am working hard on the sensual -v- sexual. Last night was a big test. We had some contact around 11.00 when I sent a text to tell him that his order has arrived and he replied asking me what I was doing, and there was a situation where in the past I might have taken it a little further, and he might have played too. But, I was demureness personified!!!! Until I got home!!!! And in the privacy of my own home the thoughts raced through my mind! But did not act on them. You should be proud. Very proud.

 

I am going to, at some stage in the next week, invite him over for dinner. If it follows the usual pattern, there will be friendly chit-chat, drinking wine (not too much by me) and in our normal cycle of life this would lead to sex. But this is the only real trump card I can play with him. But I have to practise not laughing because he will think that I am joking. So have to practise that. It also, does seem a little laughable to not be intimate with someone when you both know you want to - seems a bit too 'gameish'. But I understand the reasons for it. And understand that I must follow this through. In the longer run it is something that could make a very big difference to his expectation and perception of me. If nothing else, it will puzzle him. And puzzling your soon-to-be lover is a good move, no?

 

After the excesses of last night, I am now going to the gym

 

Check in later guys!!

 

G xx

[spatzcolumbo]

I've given it some more consideration, and have reached a number of conclusions.

 

1) i WILL be disappointed if she does not call / message by tomorrow.

2) i should still wait for a little while to see if she does - i set myself the target of Sunday, and i will stick to it.

3) Tomorrow might not be the right time anyway.

 

Now looking that that in a bit more detail - yes i'll be disappointed if i hear nothing - i was hoping to, but we'll see. I've set myself Sunday as a target. I want to stick to it because i am going away to meet some old friends tonight, and so contacting her now would serve no purpose other than to change my mood over the coming hours - which may not be a good thing - what if no reply - i would feel crap about tonight!!

 

Thirdly, tomorrow might not be the right time to meet up anyway. It is a football match, i don't know when i will be home from going away today, and it wouldn't be the quietest time when we would get to talk about how uni is, etc. In short, not the best time to start 'working' on someone. I don't think.

 

My other disappointment in a way is that it is THIS weekend that i have to meet old friends...i'd love to be about tonight as am fairly sure she will be working. But nevermind, she was interested in where i am going, so that will do.

 

I'll see if there are any developments by this time tomorrow, and maybe if i am back i will call her then to see about the football. But like i say, it may not be the best situation for the initial meeting.

 

As always, everyones opinions are more than welcome.

 

Cheers

Spatz

[GeeCee]

Sounds like a plan Spatz - and a good one too!!

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Hi guys!!!

 

When you are working on a game-plan for the ex, weekends can just be dull. Hope that you are OK Spatz, I have everything crossed for you. By now, I guess you have had some news. I hope that it was good. Keep us posted. And whatever has happened - good, bad or indifferent - you will be OK.

 

I have diligently been working on my plan. As I said last week, initiated contact and it was all good. But, hey, he's a nice guy. Ever think I could be reading a whole lot more into his conversations than he is intending to convey? Maybe he just is not someone who says, hey take a hike. I am not interested!!

 

Any way, banishing negative thoughts - I plan to invite him over for supper, some time this week. But then that sounds a bit serious and grown-up. So was thinking invite him over - he would expect the usual course, dinner in a restaurant, followed by drinks in a bar, and then home. Thought maybe I would take him bowling - ritual humiliation when I beat him down to the ground, then drinks in a bar and then home (me to mine and him to his!).

 

Any thoughts.

 

G xx

 

P.S. You know I have this spiral - up for a week and down for two days. Am going to try not to be a crashing bore and do the down for two days thing this time!!

[Beec]

G,

 

I like the bowling idea. Similar to one of my favorite second date manuvers. Bowling would be fine if I had done it once in the last few years. If I were planning on using it, I would get in some time in the lanes. If you look good doing it, you will be more attractive.

 

This is why my move is ice skating. While I rarely do it, having played hockey for many years, I can still get around on a pair of skates. Of course, it is a little different for women. Women are attracted to guys when they do something well. This is a big reason male athletes get lots of attention. Men don't look for women who necessarily do things well, so female athletes get much less attention. Case in point, the really attractive female athletes, get lots more than the ones who win. Look at women's tennis. Anna Kournikova has never won and still gets lots and lots of attention. Made more money than any other woman on tour recently.

 

Still, I think just having fun and laughing will make you more attractive.

 

Good idea.

[GeeCee]

Thanks honey. As usual, you make perfect sense.

 

Will let you know of any updates.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Spatz - what the hell is going on.

 

Did you meet? Did you speak?

 

We need to know.

 

Waiting with bated breath!

 

G xx

[spatzcolumbo]

Well guys, i feel kinda crap. I heard nothing at all from her over the weekend. I kinda hoped i would, and people on here said i probably would, but nothing at all

 

I had a good weekend seeing old mates, but just let down that nothing more from the ex. I didn't get back til late in the afternoon yesterday so decided not to bother calling her about the football, as she had said she wasn't sure if she would watch it anyway.

 

So now i'm kinda stuck on what to do. There is the chance she will pop up today and mail me, as they have broadband at home. On the other hand i could send her a message, ask her how her weekend was and whether she managed to watch the football at all??

 

I'm going mad again...DOH

[majord23]

spatz,

No need to be down bro. I was worried that you'd feel like this because you had pinned alot of your hopes on hearing from her over the weekend....and because she didn't contact you, it feels like a bigger deal than what it actually is.

 

In reality spatz, she has just arrived home, and has probably been extremely busy catching up with family etc. Her weekend has probably flown by and she more than likely hasn't had time to scratch herself (not that I'm suggesting that she scratches herself alot ).

 

I would suggest waiting a little while (maybe until this afternoon or tomorrow) to see if she contacts you...and then send her the text you mentioned...asking how her weekend was)

 

The reason I suggest waiting is because she may very well email/text today and that could give you the boost that you need at the moment spatz.

 

Again, nothing to be devastated by bro......don't be over anxious, your plan is still the same mate.

[spatzcolumbo]

I think you're right. It is just a natural feeling i have had for the last few days to be honest...the sudden step up of contact from her a few weeks ago, and the fact that this contact seemed generally positive (what with the "means a lot to me" and "il thank you properly" stuff).

 

Anyway, i am planning on waiting around til lunchtime at least, in the hope that i will hear something.

 

I'll see if beec has any thoughts too. Hopefully i can stop myself going too mad. i guess i am just facing up to the probability that there is only a slim chance. Otherwise i more than likely would have had more positive contact!!

 

Cheers guys,

 

Spatz

 

ps - Geecee, how are you by the way??

[GeeCee]

Hi Spatz - really sorry honey - can imagine how bad you must be feeling. We have all been there. Majord, wonderful words of encouragement.

 

I am sorry to sound harsh - this is addressed to myself as much as anyone else on this site. We have a tendency to see/hear much more than I think is sometimes offered in texts/emails/calls. This is the point I was trying to make last week about myself - my ex saying 'great to see you' does not means he wants to see me again. 'Great to see you means' just that and could still be an end to a relationship.

 

All this second-guessing is hopeless and draining and in persuit of what? Someone who is not sure whether they want us or not. I have to admit, at the moment, part of the reason I am still knocking about game-planning is, I think, because I am naturally competitive and 'how dare he dump me'. We had something good, and he should realise that. But there are times that I am losing sight of this.

 

I feel really really bad for you Spatz. But no matter how busy someone is (my ex included) there was a time when they would have made that call or text and clearly the motivation is no longer there.

 

What we have to decide is whether we are willing to put ourselves through the heartache of figthing that. For me, the jury is still out. I feel like Spatz, one minute, ready with the gloves, the next searching for the white towel. Only time will tell.

 

Sorry rather rambling message.

 

G xx

 

P.S. This site, and the people on it, tho, a ^%£$ing godsend!!!

[spatzcolumbo]

I think i'm gonna text her now. Its driving me slightly up the wall just because now i know she is back in my town, i wanna at least feel like things are moving forwards. i want to feel like i am at least on the road to finding out whats happening in her life, and whether i am still any part of it, or whether she thinks about me / us / things at all.

 

I just want to know. I know that everyone has said about the importance of being patient, but i've waited through Sunday, when everyone felt she was likely to call or message. Well i've been thinking, what if she was waiting for me to ask her to the football? Even if it was just as mates??

 

I dunno, i know i'm kinda confused by it all again now.

[MC]

Many times I feel like calling my ex because I feel that it's really been a while since she hasn't called. Some how I don't succumb and a few hours later she calls. Afterwards I feel so happy knowing that my patience paid off.

[Beec]

Spatz,

 

I like the idea of a short text or call. She could be wondering why you did not contact her, as much as you wonder about why she did not. Do it, just be casual.

[spatzcolumbo]

Beec,

 

Glad you posted that!! i sent her a message - casual but nice:

 

"hey did ya watch the footy? I would have called you to watch it, but didn't get back til mid way through the first half!! How is it being back home?"

 

Now i wait see if i get a reply!!!

[GeeCee]

Perfect ... now we sit and wait.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

February - thanks!

 

I always need to brainstorm some new ideas/strategies. I am a danger to myself - remember!!!!

 

G xx