pinkpuella Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'm sure this subject is nothing new, but any advice would be much appreciated as this is my first experience with a real break up. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me last Thursday. We'd been fighting and had some rough patches along the way but all in all, we were the best of friends and did absolutely everything together. The break up really caught me off guard. I never thought he wanted to end things so definitively. He said he needed time to find himself (which to me sounds like an excuse) and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. We went from calling each other at least 10 times a day, to him ignoring my calls. It was such a shock to my system to be without him suddenly that I completely broke down. I've never cried so much in my life as I have these past few days. It's an all-consuming feeling of loneliness. I made the mistake of begging and pleading to get back with him, and he just wasn't having it. After reading some advice, I'm now attempting the no-contact route. But to not much success. I think about him every second of the day and when I think that there's a possibility he will never hold me again, I completely break down into tears. Everything around me reminds me of him. I tried seeing a movie today to get my mind off of it but instead cried throughout the fairly light hearted film. It's gotten to the point where I can't leave my house without sunglasses because I cry so much in public. And I hate letting people see me cry. My boyfriend was one of the few people who has seen in cry, in fact. I guess, in sum, I miss him beyond belief. I would literally give up anything to be with him again. But my greatest fear is he'll never want me back again. I know the odds of getting back with him are slim but I figure my best chances are by avoiding contact with him. Yet doing so seems near impossible. I want so so badly to text him, or im him, and I obsessively check his facebook. I feel I literally can't stop. He was everything to me. And I feel so empty without him. He says he wants to remain friends and he texts me every once in awhile to check up on me but when he does, I only burst into tears because I think of how common those texts used to be. I would really like to not feel this much pain anymore but I don't know how to move on. I've never been broken up with before. I love him more than I think I'll be capable of loving anyone else. I don't want to lose him. What are my best chances of ensuring this? How do I break contact when all I can do is think of him? Thanks in advance for any advice you guys can offer. I appreciate it a lot. Link to comment
DN Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Sorry you are going through this. What were the fights about? Link to comment
pinkpuella Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well we go to schools on opposite coasts so that's always been a factor. We mainly fight to let out our frustration that we are rarely together. I recently went to France for two months and in that time, I think he learned to cope without me. He formed a circle of friends that had nothing to do with me. He seemed more distant when I came back. So we fought about how he's changed. He started wanting to spend less time with me and hang out with his new friends. He's also still in contact with his psychotic ex girlfriend whom he broke up with 2 years ago but is still calling him, wanting to get back together. That was also a point of contention. But it was usually silly stuff that we would get over in a day or so. Towards the end, it was mostly me picking fights cause I could feel him slipping away. Now, I'm kicking myself for doing that. But I guess it was happening regardless. Link to comment
getupkid82 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 hey there i'm very sorry to hear you're going through such hell. i know what it's like, i'm there too. my ex and i broke up in october and she's been with someone since december i believe. it sucks. like you i've been crying non stop and even checking my ex's bebo (profile thing like myspace, facebook etc) but when i do i just see stuff i don't want to. try not to look at his facebook. i've just started no contact and am already finding it difficult but in the long run it'll be the best thing. hang in there and remember post on here it really does help. good luck Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You just HAVE TO go No Contact.... There isnt any other way. Contacting him will just push him away. You have to give him a chance to miss you. I would also stop answering his texts. Link to comment
pinkpuella Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 but how exactly do i do no contact? all i want to do is contact him. Link to comment
getupkid82 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 but how exactly do i do no contact? all i want to do is contact him. my ex text me earlier in the week asking me to go to dinner with her this coming week. i was over the moon. when i saw alot of comments on her bebo page from 'new guy' i just couldn't handle it. i text her saying i couldn't make it. she asked why not. i told her she had moved on and found someone else. i said i was happy for her (lying of course haha) but i still had very very strong feelings for her and i couldn't be around her cos of them. i'm now going to drop off the face of the earth so to speak in regards to her. that was friday night. she hasn't replied and i'm not going to contact her at all. i think it's one of those things you just have to start but, if you don't think you're ready, there are plenty of people here to help you and give you advice. i'm not sure it's something you rush into. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 The best thing to do is to find other things to occupy your time. This should help you to deal with the struggle to want to contact him. Spend time with the people who love you and friends. Maybe take up a hobby. Something perhaps you have always wanted to do but never got round to. You are not alone in this. I'm sending some strength your way. ((HUGS)) too! Tina x Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Wow... I have to say I am so proud of you for doing so well with NC, especially considering this is your first break-up. Even though you feel like dirt right now, you should know that you are doing VERY WELL! I am so impressed with you! NC is very hard. Most people fight it until it's far too late and their ex has lost all respect for them, and then there is truly no hope for reconciliation. Part of it is just accepting that you miss them sooo much... You love this person so much who suddenly thinks you mean nothing, or at least a lot less than you did just a week/month ago. You have to go through the motions of not being able to focus on watching TV, reading a book. That is definitely the worst stage to be in but believe me, it will pass. It might not be for even a couple weeks, but it WILL pass! Your sleep might feel disrupted, you feel like you're gonna puke you're so upset, etc etc. It's an awful feeling, but once you get through it NC will be a lot easier. Stop responding to his texts though... show him what life is like without you. That just being friends isn't good enough (at least not right now when you're in so much pain) and if he doesn't want you as his girlfriend, he doesn't get to decide what terms he does have you on. Right now, NO friendship. You are doing the best thing you can do to get him back. And if it ends up that he doesn't come back... by then, you will have gone through the worst part, and it will be much easier to accept. By then you might not even want him back. Stay strong and come here and post when you feel like you might break NC. Be gentle with yourself and cry as much as you need to. You'll be okay!! Link to comment
pinkpuella Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 Thanks so much everyone for your encouraging words. It means a lot. I'm trying to stay strong but it's hard when you feel so weak and lifeless. I keep thinking that I must be out of tears by now, but they keep coming in floods. I think the world of him. I keep trying to think of the negatives of him but can't seem to remember any. ps. does anyone know how to block websites in firefox for macs? i've been trying to figure out how to block his facebook profile. but no success so far. Link to comment
Ideal Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Your situation is very similar to mine. My boyfriend broke up with me because he claimed he needed time to think and stuff, and I sunk so low. I cried and cried and cried. And you know what, it really helped to cry. Eventually the tears do run out, and they do also come back sometimes, but it's never as bad as it is at first. I'd suggest to maybe let yourself cry this out for a bit. Also, I made a major mistake with my ex...I didn't go NC right away, and that only made me look pathetic to him, and it made me take even longer to move on. You just have to stop contact with him, it really does make a difference. Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I agree..No contact is the solution right now. I KNOW its hard, ive been there and still going through it right now but stay strong you can do it! By contacting him and bugging him it will push him away farther...is that what you want to do? Do you want to be known as the OTHER psychotic girlfriend???? He has made it clear that he want to be out of the relationship AKA hang with his buddies so there is nothing you can do at this point. Stay NC and let him miss you. If he TRULY misses you he will come around and if he doesnt than he is a cold hearted a-hole. Serious. Be strong and keep yourself occupy with anything, learn something new, read, workout.... I know the memories are haunting and the crying never seems to end but thats normal. I go through that EVERY SINGLE DAY. When you start to think about him or where you guys went or whatever quickly refocus on something else, dont dwell on it...it just hurts you. And DO NOT listen to the songs that remind you of him! What has helped me is to explore new music, new artist that have nothing to do with him! So no memories or feelings attached! I know its hard and feels like there is no end but there will be. Things happen for a reason. If you two were really meant to be then there will be a way. i hope you feel better, come on here and post away...read what other people are going through and take the advice. hugs to you! Smile, things will be better in time Link to comment
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