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would it be dangerous to go and visit a guy I met online?


samantha20
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I met a girl through faceparty, and she 'introduced me' to a guy that she met on faceparty and I added him to my msn. I've been talking to him for months now, and it isn't flirty in the slightest, we just chat and I feel like we are good friends even though we haven't met. I've been confiding in him a lot about my confusion about my sexuality and he's a really good listener.

Anyway, he said that if I want he could take me out in his city because there is a big gay scene round there and he could take me to some guy bars and I could crash at his. There isn't a big gay scene where I live at all and I would really like the opportunity to explore my sexuality and check out some gay bars and stuff. I just don't know if it would be too risky to go and stay with a guy I've never met? I mean I feel like I know him really well, I've seen his profile on facebook and he seems normal enough. He's who he says he is anyway. I would get a friend to come along so that it's safer but I dont really have any friends round here anymore to be honest.

I'm on leave from working at sea and would really like to have some good nights out whilst I'm back. Do you think it would be safe or would it be stupid of me? I would really appreciate your opinions!!

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What is faceparty? Is that like facebook?

 

kind of but facebook you add people you know, whereas faceparty it's more to try and meet people. So you can look at random people's profiles and if you like the look of them and think you've got stuff in common or whatever you can add them and send eachother messages.

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I would take his offering to let you crash at his place over night as a red flag. He's a stranger that you've only talked to on the internet, he could have a fake profile, and not be who he says he is. I would say that if he had good intentions, he would just arrange to meet for coffee in a public place, and never think of mentioning that you spend the night with him.

 

I may be wrong here, but why put yourself in a potential unsafe situation?

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I wouldn't stay at his place. Treat him like any other stranger.

 

I'd meet first in a public place (like a mall) or bring a friend with you to this visit and I wouldn't stay the night.

 

I agree, definitely not.

 

People always talk about the dangers of meeting a psycho online... which I always found funny, because really, you could meet a psycho anywhere.

 

But anyway, Don't stay at his house.

 

One of my friends met her husband online. The first time they ever met face to face they met in public and she took a friend of hers who's a martial arts blackbelt with her, just in case, lol.

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You can be safe about meeting a guy from online. I've done it before. Wherever you guys decide to go, meet up with him there (a public place) and make sure you have your own transportation. If I were you, I wouldn't stay the night at his place, especially if it's your first time meeting him.

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I would take his offering to let you crash at his place over night as a red flag. He's a stranger that you've only talked to on the internet, he could have a fake profile, and not be who he says he is. I would say that if he had good intentions, he would just arrange to meet for coffee in a public place, and never think of mentioning that you spend the night with him.

 

I may be wrong here, but why put yourself in a potential unsafe situation?

 

I agree with this too.

 

Who invites a stranger into their home?

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Please do not stay in a private place with him. I agree, treat him as if he is a complete stranger, especially since he knows you want to "explore your sexuality" and intends to expose you to places where you can meet someone to hook up with. Stay in a motel or hotel and do not tell him which one it is until you've met him in person a few times at least (and don't let him into your room during this trip).

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I agree with all the others. If you bring a friend I think it would be ok to meet with him, just treat him like any other stranger & don't let him have an opportunity to put a roofie in your drink or something. And stay in a hotel.

 

I'd just like to add that you said you thought he was normal. Now think about this.. how many women have been raped? It's high, about 1 out of 6 women. Now, for every woman that has been raped there is a rapist (granted, one guy can rape a lot of women) but still, you have to think that's a lot of men out there that are capable of rape. It often happens because the woman mistakenly trusts the guy because he seems normal. You can't tell what someone's intentions are by how good-looking they are or how many friends they have. So even though he seems ok, you really have no way of knowing. So don't take any false sense of security because he looks normal.

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I would go have fun, stay sobber, and drive home.

 

he lives a couple of hours away and I can't drive. I told him my concerns about staying with him and he said that he could come and visit me first and go for a drink in a public place so I can get to know him. But anyone can act nice right? He also said that if I do go and stay with him he could get a couple of his female friends to stay over as well so it's not just me and him. Does that sound ok, or would it still be a bad idea??

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I agree with Batya, it just seems odd and like a perfect opportunity for him considering you'd be going down there with a view to exploring your sexuality.

 

Another vote for don't go alone, if you feel like you have to go, and it'd have to be alone, tell some people ALL the details possible. Don't stay with him, get a hotel somewhere. Could someone not drive you there and pick you up later that night?

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I agree with Batya, it just seems odd and like a perfect opportunity for him considering you'd be going down there with a view to exploring your sexuality.

 

Another vote for don't go alone, if you feel like you have to go, and it'd have to be alone, tell some people ALL the details possible. Don't stay with him, get a hotel somewhere. Could someone not drive you there and pick you up later that night?

 

no it would be at least a 4 hour all round trip and I wouldn't ask anyone to do that. Do you think it would be ok if his female friends stayed over? I'm definitely thinking against going now. I don't know what to do really. I think that he is a bit too eager to see me. He seems too interested in me I think. He's online ALL the time. Whenever I log onto msn he is always signed on, which I think is a bit odd. Plus he always talks to me straight away as soon as I sign on. Such eagerness to talk to someone you don't know is a bit odd right? And he always asks if he can call me so we can chat on the phone.. why would he want to do that? He seems really interested in me and my life and always wants to listen to my problems and give me advice.. I tell him stuff and he remembers it. Like I told him I was going to visit the town I went to uni but was nervous because it held bad memories of my ex, and when I was there he was sending me texts like 'hope it is ok there and the memories aren't too bad. Are you ok?' etc. And as nice as that is, isn't that a bit much for someone who doesn't even know me? I don't know, maybe he is just a really nice guy who wants to help me with my problems and be my friend. Maybe he doesn't have many friends and is lonely. I can't seem to figure this guy out... what do you think?

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I think if he's this interested in you he should incur the travel to meet you in your town (or the next town over).

 

He has already suggested coming to meet me in my town or a nearby city. But it isn't really about meeting him...The point of me going there is because there is a big gay culture where he lives and lots of gay bars and I am just coming out as bisexual and wanted to check out the scene. If it was just about meeting him I wouldn't bother.

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He has already suggested coming to meet me in my town or a nearby city. But it isn't really about meeting him...The point of me going there is because there is a big gay culture where he lives and lots of gay bars and I am just coming out as bisexual and wanted to check out the scene. If it was just about meeting him I wouldn't bother.

 

Then if you wouldn't meet him without another reason, don't bother.

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I think better safe than sorry though. I think like ready2heal says, maybe meet him once in your home town,to get to know him/see what he's like, and then another time go down for the bars and stuff. I think if you don't really want him as a friend the whole idea in general is'nt good.

 

Surely the bars can wait till another time just to be safe?

 

Honestly, the girls staying over with you, do you honestly want that?.. it seems a bit odd to me. He probably would'nt follow through anyway. I mean we could be wrong you know, this guy could just be a nice guy, but think about it if you were him, you would'nt invite someone to spend the night at yours who you've never met before right?

It seems like he may have a thing for you also.

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He has already suggested coming to meet me in my town or a nearby city. But it isn't really about meeting him...The point of me going there is because there is a big gay culture where he lives and lots of gay bars and I am just coming out as bisexual and wanted to check out the scene. If it was just about meeting him I wouldn't bother.

 

Go check out the scene and check into a B&B or Travel Lodge for the night.

 

Job done!

 

Staying at a strangers house.....not sensible!

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  • 4 weeks later...

this guy is still pressuring me to meet him. He said that we can't be real friends unless we meet and how can we be friends if I don't trust him. He also said that it'll be safe because I can give people his address before I go. He is saying things like 'you would meet up with a guy you met in a bar, how is that any different?' IHe said that the media has created fear and hysteria about meeting people online. I'm confused about what to do..

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this guy is still pressuring me to meet him. He said that we can't be real friends unless we meet and how can we be friends if I don't trust him. He also said that it'll be safe because I can give people his address before I go. He is saying things like 'you would meet up with a guy you met in a bar, how is that any different?' IHe said that the media has created fear and hysteria about meeting people online. I'm confused about what to do..

 

Huge red flag. He doesn't respect your views on your own safety and he is beign ridiculously presumptuous with a near stranger. Ignore his references to the "media" -- those are irrelevant when compared to your own common sense.

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