PJPaul Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 To touch on Flash83 comments, What you have to understand is that for the dumper everything is all hunky dory because your getting what you what. Your freedom. You wanted the break up so of course your going to think what your doing is right. But do you ever talk to you ex anymore. Do even think about the impact your ex had from what you did? No matter how much you say you where sad, you got what you wanted. You never mentioned the feelings of the women you loved, not once. She well remember what you did to her for the rest of her no matter how much she says she's ok. Trust me she is not. And still trying to figure out what she did wrong for you to leave her. I'm not trying to attack you at all but when you do things like this there two people involved not just you. Your actions in and relationship affected her as well and as far as i feel what you did was a little immature. (Not calling you as a person immature, just that action) "I dont wanna be tied down" "I wanna go out and have fun with out strings attached" Honestly if thats what you wanted then you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship in the 1st place. For the dumped its hell. We'll sit thru life trying to figure out what we did wrong and we if we ever get into another relationship we'll sit and worry if the next gay/gal will up and leave for us no reason again. Do understand why for the dumped we have such and anger and pain when we talk about it. We where ready for the commitment. We put our 110% Into our SO and now we have nothing to show for it but sorrow and bitterness. Thats way centrino's post is the tone that it is. That why my post is the tone it is. I realize your might be angry thats fine. I wasn't trying to insult you one bit. Just trying to give you both sides of the coin Link to comment
gee Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Dude this is off topic but your pic cracks me up. hahahaha hahahaha gee hahahaha Link to comment
PJPaul Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Dude this is off topic but your pic cracks me up. hahahaha hahahaha gee hahahaha LOL im glad considering the fact of what happened I am a lot better now and that pics shows it Link to comment
gee Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 LOL im glad considering the fact of what happened I am a lot better now and that pics shows it Yeah, man I recall your situation. I read your last thread and I know you feel good bro. Good for you! gee Link to comment
flash83 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 As I have said before, it isn't the fact of being tied down. Im pretty sure we've been through this before in the previous thread.. I suddenly became unhappy in the relationship even though I am attracted to the girl I am with. I never entered the relationship thinking that it would end, its sad to me cause this was supposed to be that girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We looked at houses together, talked about marriage and kids, and I spent almost everyday of our 3 year relationship together. I cried more than a few times because I was so sad about what I had lost- but I cannot ignore the fact that I wasn't happy. I stuck with it for almost half a year hoping that it would improve but it didn't, and I knew it wouldn't be fair to either one of us if I stayed in a relationship when I was unhappy and needed to work on myself. Surprisingly my ex is very supportive of me. We are still friends and talk on a daily basis and still hangout. I actually showed her Mayday's thread and it gave credibility that nothing was wrong with her or the relationship, that it was my problem and only mine. Link to comment
PJPaul Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Well that being said. You have one up....actually a thousand points up on my ex. Its good that you explained everything to her and didn't leave her in the dark. As for me. My ex just up and decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. Found a new guy and ran off with him never to be heard from again. Sorry, Assumed you did something similar. I should have asked 1st. Well at least some people are civilized in there break ups. Link to comment
flash83 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Well that being said. You have one up....actually a thousand points up on my ex. Its good that you explained everything to her and didn't leave her in the dark. As for me. My ex just up and decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. Found a new guy and ran off with him never to be heard from again. Sorry, Assumed you did something similar. I should have asked 1st. Well at least some people are civilized in there break ups. im sorry to hear about your ex, too bad she wasn't as sensitive.. its ok i know this forum can bring out many emotions for all of us. Link to comment
looloolola Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I really want to believe my ex left because of GIG and not that he fell out of love. My mind wants me to believe it is GIG, but I just dont know. Link to comment
flash83 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 I really want to believe my ex left because of GIG and not that he fell out of love. My mind wants me to believe it is GIG, but I just dont know. GIGS or not, you should move on.. you are really young and still have a lot to explore. Link to comment
jennamay Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Really great advice, thanks! I have a friend who thinks she may be in a rebound relationship with a guy who just got out of a long term relationship. She wrote about it in the "Bedroom" at link removed. She and her boyfriend could definitely use your advice. Link to comment
leixling Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I second that it * * * * ing hurts and makes you feel worthless and * * * * for a longggg time and I doubt I'll ever forget it for the rest of my life. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Well certainly I was a victim of G.I.G.S nearly two & half YEARS ago... Now its full circle and we are living together seeing if we can re-connect. Alot of time has passed that certainly helps. Hello to any of the "oldies" still on here by the way! Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I don't think anyone has a monopoly on the definition of "Gigs"...it's subject to interpretation and I think both posts make good points. I would say my ex had Gigs even though he didn't leave me for a person. He left me for a new lifestyle. I don't think it has to be a person at all. And I do think some insecurity is involved or a person wouldn't feel the need to leave...they'd work on what they already had. That being said, in abusive situations where there is no hope for recovery, the person is probably just sick of the situation and really DOES think the grass is greener, not out of immaturity. Then again, it seems like almost all break-ups are Gigs...if they weren't, why would a person leave? They obviously think the grass is greener without the partner... Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 would say my ex had Gigs even though he didn't leave me for a person. He left me for a new lifestyle. I don't think it has to be a person at all. Excellent observation. My girlfriend left in part because she wanted a new domestic climate. She and her sister both wanted to live in the trendy, urban part of town, and the sister (who never liked me, by the way) needed a place to live. Lemme see here, our relationship was in a rut, the city beckoned, and the sister was rooting against me -- "the perfect storm." So, yeah, the "greener grass" can be a new lifestyle, or, if there actually is "someone else," it doesn't have to be a new lover at all. Link to comment
longdist Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If there was someone that the dumper has been talking to for sometime, a "just a friend" type of guy or girl. They start fantasizing a relationship with this person. They start hanging out with this person more to see if there are any potential to have a relationship with this person, while still in a relationship with the dumpee. They usually do this consciously, but tells the dumpee that he/she is "just a friend." Happened with my ex. She claimed to have no interest in the guy until after the break, but within less than 2 months they were dating. I don't know if they are still dating. I don't ask and to be honest I don't want to know. If they are, things are over. If they aren't things are still over. If she wanted me back, she would ask. I'll tell you what, as the OP said, the person really does start to change after the break. I met up with my ex maybe 4 months after our break and she seemed like a very different person... someone that I was not as interested in. It took me awhile before I accepted it. It makes it easier to get over things and I can keep reminding myself that this person isn't the person I invision in my head. I also have been getting angry over this because I had the G.I.G.S. during our relationship, but I tried to stick it out and make it work. She didn't give us that chance, which makes me know where she stands (granted my G.I.G.S. started a spiral of self-destruction). Link to comment
dimnickel1980 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 i was very confused until some ppl on this forum started helping me and giving me advice. i think a person is very weak if they are happy and in love.. then they wonder about what else is out there. why does it matter if you have those two things... or maybe you don't and the other person hid it from you.. Link to comment
atelis Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 grass is greener syndrome is another way of saying fear, but people don't like using the word fear because it suggests weakness, when in fact that's what it is Link to comment
sunnyv Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 grass is greener= insecurity and immaturity the grass is always greener till it has to get mowed, then when it is mowed it becomes yellow; all grass has to be mowed. it just looks greener from far away but up close it is the exact same grass grown from the exact same seed; with similar problems, needs tending too; if it is not tended it burns out fast. Link to comment
Helis4life Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 OP's definition of GIGS really sounds exactly like my splt. Ex grew close to someone else emotionally and made the call to persue it. Was it a rash decision? 4 weeks before she starting spending time(6 weeks before we split) with this guy she was telling her best friend she hoped iwould ask her to marry her soon. 2 days before splitting she expressed excitement about us building a house together to another friend. And then BAM, found someone else, someone new. I think it was a spure of the moment think because she felt attraction to this other guy, which made her question her love for me. This version of GIGS is spot on to me Link to comment
orthanc Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I just want to bump this thread because I found out that this is the same exact thing that happened to me and its helping me out a lot on why she left. My ex, started being "friends" with her office mate, and even if I started to get suspicious, she would just say, he is a friend whom she confides with. Everytime we have an argument, I found out either she's is calling him or he is calling her. Later on, the fighting became frequent because of this, and now, I'm starting to realize that perhaps the reason why she doesn't have patience with me anymore was that she is really trying subconsciously to end our relationship so he can be with this guy. To cut the story short, she left me and after a week, she is with this new guy. She started smoking again (quitter for 7 years) and going to nightclubs with this new guy. The woman I thought I knew and love isn't there anymore...and I guess the GIGS that centrino is explaining in a dumpees POV, is spot on. Thanks again for sharing this vital info. Knowing is winning half of the battle. Now I can start to fully recover. Link to comment
Chris Knows Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I know this is an old thread. But wow. G.I.G.S. Is spot on. Link to comment
CamDoggie Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I was reading this and just started laughing...its like he is the one dating my ex LOL Link to comment
JEastern Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah, old thread or not...this sounds spot on to my situation. Question is: Does the G.I.G.S. only apply to younger people? My ex is 31, and started going on dates right after we broke up. She was talking with him prior to breaking up with me. Link to comment
hanuman34 Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 It seems like thats so. My ex is also 31 and she seems to be pretty immature. I jumped into this relationship way too quick with her and got my heart broken. Lesson learned- All the good things that they say when they are high on the honeymoon phase for you are not permanent. We dumpees have a tough lesson to learn too about how to control ourselves and how to open up to the right person. The person in GIGS however, have a rough road ahead of them. I used to have GIGS in one of my relationships. After I couldnt get back my ex, I realized what was happening and started making the corrections. Im still trying to date with this new realization and its a whole other thing now. I feel like Im now experiencing some of the rejection and being used that I once dished out. Its a hell of a learning process for all of us being dumped, but at least those that are experiencing this are probably closer to finding real and meaningful relationships than our dumpers. Link to comment
dinami Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 WOW - GIGS fits my situation almost to a tee. The only thing off a little is the age. My soon to be X is older by about ten years but has done this every three years her whole adult life. I am memorizing your inportant points to remember. I adored her. But now its the image I have of her in my mind that causes the longing feeling - not what she is now. Excellent stuff! thanks. Link to comment
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